All this is a good thing. If I have been some small part of changing how adoption is done today, I will feel gratified. I must admit I feel a tad weird discovering that some people don't even find adoption painful to some degree, and laugh at us, or chide us who feel differently. I don't mean all the commenters who left comments at the last blog, because everyone is entitled to their own experience and feeling.
It appears I'm an old war horse who found giving up my daughter incredibly traumatic and felt I had to do something about what has always felt like a great wrong for other, future generations. A great many of us who make the most noise about adoption relinquished in 1966, which is an unusual year in Chinese astrology, the year of the Fire Horse (January 21, 1966 to February 8, 1967) which only comes every six decades. (The next one is 2026.) In Chinese, or Asian astrology, it's a strange and possibly difficult year to be born for most. In fact, Asian births took a noticeable dip that year because in countries where such astrology is paid attention to, a great many people did not want to have children. Popular belief asserts that the Fire Horse will make trouble in the home he was born in just as he does in the one he himself has built. What we do know is that the Fire Horse will have a career that is more varied, more exceptional, more interesting than that of the ordinary Horse. The Fire Horse carries within himself the seeds of fame ... or of notoriety!
I haven't found out much about the effect such a birth that year had on the woman like myself (and Jane, Joyce Bahr, Karen Vedder) who had our children in the year of the Fire Horse, and others I have met in adoption reform, but it did seem to have a major effect on us. For me and Jane, it may be accentuated for we ourselves are Horses, in the Chinese astrological zoo. A woman who did Chinese astrology was once doing my chart, and asked this question, not knowing much about me or my daughter, if anything: Did you lose much in 1966?
Hmmm. My daughter. My love. My job. My home. My self-respect.
I'm not intending to convert anyone to believe in Chinese astrology. This is an acutely personal sensibility. I find it, if not comforting, explanatory. In the future I will remind myself that for others, the loss of their child was not so devastating or life altering as the loss was to me. I will remind myself that the losses that were compounded in my life in 1966 may have added to the overall emotional trauma of that time for me. Of course I have came back from the depths of my despair of that year so long ago, but I was changed into a different person by the events of that year, and none were so great as the trauma of losing a daughter. I ask for your forbearance and understanding.--lorraine
PREVIOUS BLOG AT FMF
To the mother and child, adoption is always painful
The Curse Of The Fire Horse: Japan’s Ultimate Form Of Contraception
The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes remains the definitive, classic work on this fascinating subject, artfully combining the Eastern lunar calendar with Western solar-based astrology. Written by renowned astrologers Theodora Lau and Laura Lau, co-authors of Wedding Feng Shui, this seventh edition of The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes has been fully revised and updated, offering readers a fascinating and unique melding of Eastern and Western philosophies.
Searching for Sugar Man This movie has nothing to do with adoption. It just happens to be a story I found intriguing about a memorable song writer with music I enjoy listening to. It was the Oscar for Best Documentary of 2012. Contrary to how it must appear to some, I do have a life outside of adoption.
"Searching for Sugar Man tells the incredible true story of Rodriguez, the greatest `70s rock icon who never was. After being discovered in a Detroit bar Rodriguez's sound struck 2 renowned producers and they signed a recording deal. But when the album bombed the singer disappeared into obscurity. A bootleg recording found its way into apartheid South Africa and over the next two decades he became a phenomenon. The film follows the story of two South African fans who set out to find out what really happened to their hero."--Amazon