' [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Reflections on Veronica Brown and being raised in a family different from your own

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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Reflections on Veronica Brown and being raised in a family different from your own

Veronica Brown
Veronica Brown yesterday
It was not on television, it was dignified, it was as private as possible, but it happened last night: Dusten Brown gave his daughter Veronica to the adoptive parents who treated her no more than a piece of property they had paid for. Now she was signed, sealed and delivered into the hands of Matt and Melanie Copabianco, and from reports, whisked immediately out of the county. It is likely they will be back home today in South Carolina, a thousand miles away from her father--her real father--in Oklahoma. 

From new reports we learned that Dusten Brown said goodbye to Veronica at Jack Brown House, the tribal headquarters where they have been living in Tahlequah. As Brown and his wife, Robin, watched from a window, a Cherokee County sheriff's deputy and a Cherokee Nation marshal led Veronica to the nearby marshal's building, where the handover occurred about 7:30 p.m.

Brown gave up custody after the Oklahoma Supreme Court lifted a ruling keeping Veronica in the state while he tried to win permanent custody. Both families remain under a gag order, but friends and allies representing each family confirmed the exchange of the child. Brown has no visitation rights.

Shortly after the exchange, Amanda Clinton, a spokeswoman for the Cherokee Nation, said that the handoff was highly emotional. Dusten cried after she was finally gone. Brown's father—Veronica's grandfather—went into "medical distress" and was taken to a hospital to determine whether he had had a heart attack, Clinton said.

HOW WILL SHE WAKE UP TOMORROW?
So that's the bare bones news. I was sick most of yesterday and when I read the news last night, I felt the watery and swollen eyes I spent the day with--courtesy of allergies--reflected the tears I feel inside of me today. Some might say that I--who gave up a daughter for adoption myself--have no right to feel sadness over this transfer of a child: I allowed it to happen to my daughter. But that has been the huge mistake of my life that has never left me, the sense of loss that has been all encompassing, and remains a huge part of who I still am today. I hear of this loss to Dusten, and Veronica, and I sink back to the terrible, empty feelings I had when I bowed to the will of a society and my sense of parental disapproval and crippling shame because I would be an unmarried mother, a mother out of wedlock, raising a bastard. Single mother as a phrase did not exist then. We were "unmarried," and worthy only of whispers.

Pictures have been released of Veronica playing and smiling with her adoptive parents. We don't know
exactly how she will wake up this morning and look around her and find herself with these people. We don't know how she will react to being, once again, with people who share none of her blood or traits or characteristics. Often the differences don't arise so tellingly until later, when a heavy footfall in a family of light feet causes one to be "corrected" on a near daily basis. As my daughter was.
Lorraine

Some adopted people seem to sail through this dislocation from their original families with seemingly little or no distress, to hear them tell it. Many say they were happy not to be raised with their true families, once they find the families they are related to by blood, who may be poorer, less settled, less educated  than the those who raised them. Others freely talk about how unlike they are from their adoptive families, how they have nothing in common with them, and now how, as adults, they live far away and rarely see them. I know many people like that.

In my own case, I'm not going to say that my daughter did not love her adoptive parents; or that they did not raise her well and handle her medical problems and give her material comfort beyond what I would have been able to; they did. But I was aware of how their estrangement led to her constantly trying to win their approval, but never to truly gain it. My daughter Jane had epilepsy and emotional problems that, yes, I feel I would have handled better, and she would not have had to labor under the feeling of not being "good enough" to naturally have her mother's love. Jane always felt she had to earn their love, over and over. When she finally got to a technical college--after being labeled as "learning disabled" in high school--and was getting all As, she was more than thrilled, she was ecstatic. But then when I visited that summer, her adoptive mother would turn to me and say she was irritated with the way Jane bragged about doing well in school, because she herself was raising children herself when she went back to school and got an advanced degree. It didn't even seem to register that our shared daughter had labored under so many handicaps, and that for her to be actually getting As in college--any college--was nothing short of a miracle.
Jane and Lorraine, 1983

In her adoptive family, Jane was also in a situation where she was sexually abused by a family friend, and then her parents did not believe her when she finally had the courage to tell them what had been going on, and why she disliked this older man so much. He was living with a member of the family, and was not asked to leave; and not until his partner died several years later did her adoptive mother say that she believed Jane. Even the fact that Jane was heavily sedated during the period she said the abuse occurred did not signal an alarm that she was even more susceptible to a predator than she might have been otherwise at twelve, thirteen. Her adoptive parents had trouble believing her, because in truth, Jane did lie, she lied all the time about nearly everything. So you had to dig deep to make sure she was telling the truth on this. What her adoptive parents did not connect was that being adopted and being sexually abused both lead to story telling because the person feels that her whole life is a lie, and so what difference does an additional one make? I was in no position to be their teacher about adoption issues. I was never aware that they did any reading about the psychology of raising an adopted child, and when I sent her adoptive mother a copy of The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child, I never heard a response other than she received it--when I asked. If she read it, she never shared that with me.

'IF JANE DIVORCES, I'LL TAKE THE HUSBAND'
Today as Veronica Brown is already probably on her way to South Carolina, I am thinking about all these unpleasant things. I am thinking about the time Jane's mother looked at me and said that if Jane, divorced, she would "take X," the husband, instead of Jane. I was just dumbfounded, speechless: What kind of parent says that? Now it's possible that early Alzheimer's was underway, as the mother now suffers from that, but the point is, she said it years ago while seemingly in full possession of her wits. And she said it to me on two different occasions. "I'll take the spouse of my daughter" in case of divorce...does a real parent, a biological parent, ever even think like that, think like that so that when the Alzheimer's lets angry truth out, that is what comes? Some of these things I have never revealed before in print, but today, they are just bubbling up, as examples of how adoption hurt my daughter. I am still and quiet today, after an exhausting day yesterday dealing with two doctors and two different ailments, and perhaps that has freed my mind. I am angry this case turned out this way. I no longer feel the need to hide some of the worst examples of what Jane's adoptive mother said to me, to her.

These things happened to my daughter, but I am not going to accuse the Capobiancos of anything like the above. Perhaps they will not have a troubled daughter such as my daughter was; but my daughter's seizures did not begin until she was five, past the age of Veronica. Up to then, she was a normal, bright little girl, her parents have told me. Time will tell how Veronica will fare. My husband is adamant that Veronica will grow up resenting the Capobiancos.

I hate it when the Capobiancos use the language of the girl being with her "parents" who will take her "home," implying that is where she has belonged all along. It's not her home; it's the place they bought for her and themselves, so they could have a child after years of trying to have one themselves. We do not know how old they were--how past Melanie's fertile years--when they started trying to conceive to have one of their own. Their blog has never revealed that truth. No matter what, Veronica is a replacement child for one they could not conceive on their own. And she will grow up knowing that, no words will be needed to tell her.

MONEY CAN BUY YOU A CHILD
A couple of weeks ago, I posted how I was beginning to feel hopeful that justice would prevail, despite the unprincipled and immoral decision of the Supreme Court that gutted the Indian Child Welfare Act in ruling on this case in June. But realistically, after the Supreme Court's remarkable decision, this outcome was probably inevitable. Perhaps it is why the other day I nominated Chief Justice John Roberts for Pound Pup's Demon in Adoption award (see sidebar). Although he did not write the decision--Samuel Alito did--Roberts's own highly questionable adoption of blond Irish children (a boy and a girl) from South America leaves him morally groundless on any issue connected to adoption. I sense his hand all over this decision, Adoptive Couple vs Baby Girl.

Today is a sad day for all of us who believe that whenever possible children ought to be raised by their parents--their true parents, not ones who bought a paid off mother in order to get their child, as the facts of the case lead us to believe happened here. After Christy Maldonado gave them Veronica, she was suddenly able to pay off her debts and trade in her heap for a new SUV. We are indeed living in a time when money can buy you a daughter. The Capobiancos just did.--lorraine
________________________
FROM FMF
Baby Veronica: How Dusten Brown could prevail in battle over his daughter
Baby Veronica: Brown released on bail for second time
Why passions run hot in the Veronica Brown story

The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child 
This book can only help an adoptive parent understand their child, and an adoptee understand themselves which will only enhance their lives. Though controversial, it continues to inform and reassure that adoptee feelings are normal for the situation. I found it immensely helpful in understanding the stresses of being adopted that were placed on my daughter. Highly recommended. 
Order by clicking on title or book jacket photo.

36 comments :

  1. I am an adoptee (in reunion) and an adoptive mother (wide open adoption). I couldn't even sleep last night thinking about that sweet innocent girl crying for her daddy. The Capobianco's are selfish on a level that defies all understanding and they make those of us that adopted by ethical and moral means and with the blessing of BOTH biological parents, look horrible. This country is in DESPERATE need of adoption reform. Veronica's case may very well in fact incite some of that much needed reform but it doesn't stop the tears and sadness that I feel over it being at her expense. The fact that she is of Indian blood meant squat to me. She is a human being and very much wanted by her biological father and that should trump all else. If only adoptive parents knew the damage they were causing by separating families that want to be together. It's a sad day for human rights.

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  2. I was so upset to read this news. How can a decent human being take a child away from a biological parent who wants her and was taking good care of her? Hopefully Dusten Brown gets some visitation-but South Carolina is far from Oklahoma. If the Capobianco's refuse him any visitation, I will lose whatever shreds of respect I have left for them. Wait until Veronica grows up and finds out what they did to him.

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  3. It has been reported that he has no visitation rights. The original South Carolina.

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  4. I had a bodily reaction when I read the news last night...chest pains, tightness in my throat and chest. I lost my first parents to adoption, a mother who desperately wanted to keep me and a father who didnot know about me.

    I don't know the Copabiancos, but my adoptive parents seem much like them...lots and lots of money, power, privilege and degrees, but not a lot of sense and empathy...entitled...selfish. If King Solomon had been there I can almost hear them say, "just cut her in two."

    I am only guessing, because that is all that I can do. Veronica will somehow be resilient enough to make herself look really good being raised by her "parents" who are no more than kind strangers. But she will long for her dad and her family but won't be able to talk about it even when asked. She will say "oh, I'm just fine." She has to survive what's been decided for her. And those on the outside will say, "oh, look how great she is doing, and she should have stayed where she belongs all along."

    But underneath she will be lonely and disconnected and her struggles will be mighty...beyond mighty, and she will be a master at hiding them. There is the flip side as well of acting out and living off the rails, but I don't think that is going to happen...not sure why I believe what I believe.

    I hope I am wrong about all of this, for her sake. I hope to God, for her sake I am really wrong.

    Lee H.

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  5. If the Capobianco's think Veronica is going to fit seamlessly into their household, they have another think coming.

    She knows she has a loving father out there. The minute she has conflicts with the Cs (even just the typical teen stuff) and is old enough to stick out her thumb or have a boyfriend with a jalopy, she'll likely be off to Oklahoma, her true home.

    The C's can send the cops after her but when she is 18, she'll be gone for good.

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  6. I read that he will get 10 hours a month....supervised in SC. No comment.

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  7. Julie, will you give us the source? NBC had no visitation rights.

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  8. I wish the Crapos and their supporters would STFU. I have no more time or patience for their bullsh*t. Anyone who supports them is supporting a legalized kidnapping.

    In my opinion, both Matt and Melanie are narcissists. They do not understand anything except their own POV. I fear for Ronnie's safety, not only for her guaranteed to be destroyed mental health, but for her physical safety as well. A girl child is more vulnerable. The Crapos may vey well turn Ronnie into some kind of media toy whether she wants to be or not. They say they will let Ronnie see the Browns in 6 months. Ha! The Browns will never see her again. Unless she is able to reunite when she is 18. But that may not be possible. My own father died unexpectedly before I turned 18.

    And where is the outrage against Christy Maldanado? I don't want to hear how she may have been coerced, brainwashed or deceived by the big, bad adoption industry. For what this may do to Ronnie, I don't care about Christy.

    No one has the right to go to such lengths to get a child from a bio-parent. If they do, it's because the child is not available.

    Dusten Brown is my hero. Ronnie will always be proud to call him her daddy. And he will always BE her ONE and ONLY father. My life was irrevocably damaged because I was not blessed enough to have a father like Dusten Brown.

    I am actually surprised by the tenor of this post. You sound like you are pussy footing around what will most likely happen to this precious 4 year old!!, ripped from her rightful family and rightful life. She will most likely be destroyed. And all the counseling in the world won't be able to fix it.

    And Godspeed to Mr. Tommy Brown. I hope these sorry excuses for human beings didn't kill him.

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  9. Gannett: Brown now has no visitation rights, but his attorney is hopes that Dusten will remain a part of Veronica's life. For the Capobiancos, it's a bitter sweet ending to a four-year ordeal.

    and

    The reunion came after mediation talks dissolved earlier in the day.

    Washington Post: A judge said the opponents had tried hard to reach an agreement. Several of the proposed pacts called for Brown to have time with Veronica during summers and sporadically throughout every year.

    How Monday’s handover affects any involvement he might have in the girl’s life was not clear.

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  10. The truly horrifying thing about this is that the Crapos had NO CASE. They broke the law in two states to even be able to get Ronnie in their home. They had no defense except things Dusten may have done 4 years ago, most of which were disputed by the court. When that failed they resorted to name calling like sperm donor and deadbeat. As if a sperm donor would go to jail to keep his daughter.

    Yet despite lying and cheating, and in my opinion having nothing more than gossip and innuendo, they were able to steal Ronnie from her perfectly fit and loving family.

    Also, it has been reported that the Crapos have no extended family. So Ronnie, who is used to large family gatherings, will not have relatives anymore.

    To me, the cruelty of this case is beyond anything I could ever imagine. Oh, and I hope no one ever expects to see Baby Desirai in Oklahoma again. Her middle-aged PAPs (who are grandparent age) may use this case as an incentive to just keep stalling and stalling until they get to keep her, too.

    One other thought has occurred to me. Is there anything preventing Dusten and Robin Brown from moving to SC? If I was them I would try to make that a reality. Then they could keep an eye on Ronnie.

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  11. Please call the Oklahoma Attorney General and tell him you are outraged over this legalized kidnapping and the exploitation of Native American children. They will just take your name and number and message. The phone is ringing off the hook. Let's keep the pressure on.

    OKC 405-521-3921
    Tulsa 918-581-2885

    An OK Representative is going to be speaking tonight, I believe at 7pm, to address the situation.

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  12. Given how intractable the Crapos have been, how they must get exactly what they want and the way they want it, just think what kind of parents they'll be. They don't come across as being flexible or willing to accommodate to Ronnie's differences. IMO, they will probably treat Ronnie more like a soldier than a civilian.

    And speaking of the military, I cannot fathom how Dusten could still be willing to fight for our country when our country f**king stole his child.

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  13. My crystal ball tells me the kidnapping Capobiancos will concoct some elaborate story to explain why they took Veronica away from her real family. Daddy is dead, in prison, AWOL, etc. How else will they possibly explain to her why she was moved? Her entire life will be one massive lie to make these people happy. I think that's why they have fought so hard against visitation or shared custody. The one way to control the lie is to keep everyone away.

    I find it ironic (in a sick way) that the meaning of the Italian name Capobianco means "white hair." Reminds me of how Native Americans referred to the English as "grey hairs." Shades of European exploitation of American Indians continues...

    Can also be interpreted as old folks stealing a baby from a young man.

    New era, same 'ol story.

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  14. When I read the news this morning, my heart sank. As an adoptive parent, I have no clue what the heck the C's are thinking!! Veronica has a family, one that loves her and wants her...why in the world are the C's still fighting for this? The whole thing baffles me. My heart is breaking for Dusten and his whole family (Veronica included)!

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  15. Robin, perhaps after yesterday's medical meltdown I am too tired to rage against the Capobiancos. They won. They have the girl. I have raged against them before.

    I don't know how Veronica will fare. Look at the adoptees who get so pissed off and tell us about how happy they are they were adopted. Maybe she will be one of them. The system sucks, money talks and Veronica goes back to people who had the money to put her mother in a new SUV.

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  16. Thank you, rainthoughts, for sharing in our sadness today.

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  17. I gather that most of the adoptees who are so happy about their adoptions, were adopted as infants or were in bad situations and there adoptive homes truly did provide a better life. They are not children who were living very happily with their natural family until an unrelated couple spent a whole lot of money to steal them away. There is a big difference. Also Ronnie is 4 years old. She will have memories of her happy life with her father.

    I think you are talking apples and oranges. As an adoptee, I am more attuned to the differences.

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  18. I cannot imagine what that little girl must feel about the world and her sense of safety within it.

    I think those people who say she is now where she belongs are utterly deranged and without morality.

    The dominant adoption narrative, which constantly tries to dismiss or eradicate the deeply resonant connections between natural kin, have prepared the ground for this indescribably cruel act.

    It has completely sickened me.

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  19. Heartbroken is all I can say about this. No one wins? That was said by many but with a CNN interview directly after the transfer- it appears the news media with its biased, one-sided reporting won. It appears as though the C's won. It really feels like the adoption industry won...CNN showed that the C's fought for custody, arguing federal law does not define an unwed biological father as a parent. First our firstmoms were told that they were unworthy and if they LOVED US they would give us away. Now, fathers are being told that if they are unwed- they have no right to parent. When is this country going to look at adoption through the adoptees eyes? Create humane national laws that require clear and concise rules- no pre-birth matching, one federal paternity registry that is easy to find and list intent- humane laws as to when surrender forms can be signed (at least a week after birth) and how long a period of time a natural parent has to change their mind. Independent counsel for each parent- separate from agency/adoptive parent legal representation. Genetic testing for putative fathers to ensure that the right dad is signing away a child. And no finalized adoption unless both parties sign in front of a judge or authorized court official. Legally enforceable open adoption agreements.

    I just hope this case's notoriety somehow opens enough discussion that adoption becomes an issue for reform....

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  20. The story has gotten even worse. Dusten Brown can't go to South Carolina. There is a warrant out for his arrest and the Crapos can have him thrown in jail. So it's not enough that they stole his child, they can also have him imprisoned. And all because he loves his own child with all his heart. This is one f**ked up world we're living in.

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  21. I too am sickened by the outcome of this horrendous situation.

    I share in your bafflement and grief over the removal of this child from a parent willing and able to care for his child.

    I also have no empathy for Christy Maldonado - I believe she shares in a portion of the blame.

    I am an adoptive Mother and feel utter shame that the Capobiancos call themselves adoptive parents. Shame on them!

    May sweet Veronica one day find peace and wishing her strength and comfort during what must be a terrifying time.

    Leslie

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  22. Like others here, this case has sickened me as well. When Veronica realizes that the adoptive parents used the legal system to essentially kidnap her, there will be emotional fallout for her. I imagine a book will shortly follow this horrible chain of events. When Veronica is 16 she can become an emancipated minor and return to her rightful home. Let's hope she has access to the information she needs.

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  23. I am overcome with grief and also, sadly, a sense of utter defeat. Veronica is 4 years old. She will survive. She will experience moments of joy even. That does not make me feel any less outrage that we as a society would deprive her of a chance to be raised in the family that is best equipped to nurture her whole being, her natural family.

    Maybe Veronica will be one of those adoptees that says she is perfectly fine not being connected to her biological family. But how does that give us a right to take it away? I can assure you that if we randomly assign children to families, we will have one messed up society, not a happy collection of adoptees. Adoption could never have been set up to satisfy an adult's need for a child - never. Yet this is what it has become.

    Last night I dreamed that I was at the Capobianco house. They were having a celebration. I went into one of the rooms and saw Veronica. She was smart, playful, engaging. She ran into my arms, gave me a big hug, looked into my eyes and asked, "Will you be my mother? Please?" I went into the kitchen where Melanie was cooking and told her what Veronica had said. I added, "I think she is looking for someone in her image to parent her - maybe my brown skin makes her connect with me better?" And Melanie said, "She is perfectly fine," looked away and started talking to others at the party. I thought about walking out the door with Veronica so I could hand her back to her father, but I couldn't find the door. So I was stuck there, watching all the "Save Veronica" crowd rejoice.

    And now I am so very tired, in every sense of the word. Hugs to you, Lorraine, for memorializing this travesty and connecting it to your own sorrow.

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  24. My one question, which no C supporter could ever answer was - if you KNEW it was a risk, why not approach the father openly and with respect and accept his NO if he said no, then move on? By admitting they knew he would not agree and thus they kept things "low-key," they are admitting to stealing his rights from him. Just look at how divided the courts are in all of their decisions. And as for the visitation mediation? Sources have stated that a couple of times the Cs held out a bargain and just as Mr. Brown was ready to accept it, they reneged on it. Now it's being leaked from their camp that their strategy was to stall by making offers and then backing out. It would seem like they did not enter into the negotiations with any sense of good faith. And now they want to crush him - they stated he could have limited visits but 10 hours a month from so far away? How much do you want to bet they're always busy or unavailable when he wants to visit? And now they are suing him for a portion of their legal fees. As angry as Matt C was and has shown himself to be, I fear for Veronica if she cries for her "Daddy" because it won't be HIM. He was one angry man and very possessive of another man's child. I've seen adoption turn out really well - when it's done correctly and the child is not stolen from the arms of a loving natural parent. And the real loss here is being felt by a little girl.

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  25. Like everyone else, I am just sick about this. I don't know how the C's can live with themselves.

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  26. Dear Lorraine,

    Once again, you and your commenters write and reflect far more eloquently than I can for myself, what I am feeling about Veronica's dreadful situation. For that I thank you very much.

    Sincerely,
    Bridget

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  27. I also wonder whether, if Veronica doesn't 'attach' to the strangers who have bought her, she will be diagnosed with a disorder.

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  28. Could the solution to baby-stealing be lawsuits by the adoptees themsevles? I would love to see Veronica sue everyone involved when she reaches adulthood.

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  29. This morning I awoke with a terrible start. This case has terrible ramifications for ALL fathers fighting for the right to raise their own children. Images on adoption agency workers and attorney's dancing and clapping in glee at the outcome fill my mind if I let myself go *there.* The people in Utah who have defrauded so many fathers must be patting each other on the back and say, "See - you can't win, you sperm donor you. Go up against US and we will crush you."

    I am so very sad today.

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  30. This sad ending for Dusten Brown and his daughter has made me physically ill today. I was so hoping the Indian Child Welfare Act would save Veronica. It is another disgrace for wealthier (white) Americans that again the Indian nation(s) have been taken advantage of again. I do so hope this little girl will not be abused in her adoptive home. My first son's second adoptive home resulted in his physical abuse also. So much so that he ran away at age 16. Thankfully his adoptive mother divorced the second father so that he could return home. Yes, I almost needed to be committed the other night when thoughts about how cruel adoption can be towards the children and their natural mothers would not stop filling my head and my heart.

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  31. Robin said "And where is the outrage against Christy Maldanado? I don't want to hear how she may have been coerced, brainwashed or deceived by the big, bad adoption industry. For what this may do to Ronnie, I don't care about Christy."

    To you and others who despise Christy Maldonado, let's not forget that she's Veronica's biological mom and as equally as related genetically to Veronica as Dustin is. For someone who complains that her father wasn't there for her when he was needed (unlike Dusten, who rallied for Veronica as soon as he was able) you sure do lay it on thick.
    Do you have *any idea* what Christie Moltonado's situation actually was, what was in her mind or what influences she was under when she made her fateful decision?
    This is not making excuses for Christie Moltonado, because I know she did wrong, but your attitude does seem a little inconsistent.

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  32. @Anon 7:54 wrote:"Do you have *any idea* what Christie Moltonado's situation actually was, what was in her mind or what influences she was under when she made her fateful decision? "

    No, and I don't care. A person doesn't need a PhD to know that it is unethical to take money, in excess of what is allowable under the law for reasonable expenses, in return for giving them a child, a human being. Also, Ms. Maldonado did state under oath that she made conscious decisions to hide the fact that she was intending to give her and Dusten's child up for adoption, because she knew that Dusten would never agree to it.

    I am sure Ronnie will have a lot to work through knowing that her own mother didn't want her. But Christy has done too many unethical things, which caused direct harm to Ronnie,for me to have any sympathy for her.

    It's interesting that you are implying that people need to be mindful of anything they say about Christy because she is Ronnie's biological mother, while Dusten has been fair game to trash up one side and down the other, when he was the one who stepped up to the plate.

    Also, when a lawyer is doing work for a client, he or she sends the client copies of any paperwork that he has prepared for the case. Either the Cs or Christy or likely both would have received copies of the forms showing that Dusten's name was mispelled and his birthday incorrect, as well as Ronnie being listed only as Hispanic. Neither Christy nor the Cs took care to see that these errors were corrected immediately. And they did that intentionally, which they admitted to.

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  33. @ Robin

    What people *feel* about Christie Maldonada's actions and behavior is their business, but I happen to think that what they *say* about her now (and how they say it) could hurt Veronica even more in the long run. Same with the way Camp Capo is out to smear Dusten Brown's reputation.
    In my opinion "Ronnie" (You know her personally?) is going to have more than enough to sort out for herself without all this virulence being spewed against her respective natural parents from both sides. Whether people like it or not, both Christie Maldonado and Dusten are a part of Veronica and she doesn't need to have either of them painted in an ugly light. Not by anyone. Speaking for myself, nobody except ME gets to diss my parents - unless I give them a green light to do so - and even then they had better watch what they say. Veronica isn't in a position to have any kind of power over what people say about her closest biological relations.

    I refer to reserve most of my outrage for the organizations that were involved from the get-go in surreptitiously directing this travesty of justice, especially the Nightlight Christian Adoption Agency, closely followed by the Christian Alliance for Indian Child Welfare and the Coalition for the Protection of Indian Children and Families.

    "It's interesting that you are implying that people need to be mindful of anything they say about Christy because she is Ronnie's biological mother, while Dusten has been fair game to trash up one side and down the other, when he was the one who stepped up to the plate."
    It's not interesting at all, unless it's interesting that you are implying that I'm a Capo supporter when I'm very much the opposite. My actual words were that Dusten "rallied for Veronica as soon as he was able", which to my mind is as good as saying he "stepped up to the plate".

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  34. @Anon 10:21am
    "In my opinion "Ronnie" (You know her personally?)"

    Ronnie is her name. That is the name the Browns call her and many people are referred to publicly by their nicknames. So your snide comment was uncalled for.

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  35. I don't suppose this matters; I'm playing catch up with many of your posts as I've been away from blogs for a time.

    BUT, my husband's mother walked out on both him and my Father-In-Law when he was in Second Grade. My husband came home to find his Mom's closet empty and no one ever explained her absence until much later.

    Eventually they reunited and today we all share a cautious relationship.

    Here is what caught my eye and what I thought you need to know: MANY times over the years she has joked that if there was ever a divorce, she would want ME to stay in her life over her own son.

    YES, a biological parent saying very much the same thing that your daughter's adoptive muttered. It has been said more than once and though she laughs, no one truly doubts that her feelings are authentic.

    Isn't that sad? And btw, I heard others make such statements in jest, so please know it can and does happen EVEN with biological parents. Comments made it poor taste cross all lines.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I think that what the Capo's have done proves they have no idea what being a parent is.

    By insisting on having their desires met, at the expense of the inner peace and deep mental and emotional health of Veronica, they declare to all that they understand nothing about parental love.ewsnRe18

    ReplyDelete

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