"I've always held a special place in my heart not only for my birth parents, but [for] every single birth mom and dad out there and had never, not even for a moment, doubted their love for me. There are very few people in this world that have enough strength,My first thought was that the Gladney PR department wrote the comment. The language sounds like a script they might write, but I'm assuming someone would have proofed it for errors. Even with the minor mistakes, I'm not fully convinced that is not the case.
character and pure love in their heart to look beyond themselves and love their child enough to give them a chance at a better life. I am here only because they loved me enough and went the more difficult route. It's my hope and prayer that you as well as every other person on this and every sight [sic] find who they are looking for, but don't be afraid because she knows your love and breathes it every day of her life. You are an unsung hero and should have nothing but pride for being a rare gem in a world full of stones. I love you and couldn't be more proud."
The comment by Anonymous was left in response to Justine, a natural mother who wrote this at a 2009 post about Gladney:
Justine rosser dawsonApril 2, 2015 at 3:55 AMI gave birth at edna gladney in April the 19th 1979 I had to change my name ,my daughter's crib Name was Tacha lynn,15 hrs ago edna gladney contacted me on Jan.1 2000 and said my daughter wanted medical information so I gave them what I knew,I was so excited I thought finally I can find her but all they'd tell me is she's happy has 3 kids went to college and is divorced I asked them to tell her I've been looking for her and I love her I always have they said they'd pass on my message,I never heard anything its been 15 years shell be 36 in less then 2 weeks I'm so afraid I will never get to tell her I love and that I've always loved her before I die (if you where born 4/19/1979 weighed 7lbs 12 oz at 8 44 pm on a thursday I'm looking for you)However, giving Lacy the benefit of the doubt that she thought her words would comfort Justine, her comment deserves a thoughtful response, if for no other reason than such statements are likely to irreparably damage any chance of a positive reunion with her natural parents.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF--AND YOUR NATURAL MOTHER
If my daughter, Rebecca, had said these things to me that Lacy left in response to Justine in our first conversation, I would have shouted: "You don't have a clue about me. Yet you're thanking me, assuming that I'm inferior to your adoptive parents, that you believe your life was better because I gave you up, that my only value was giving birth to you and letting you go, then why the f... are you bothering me? If your purpose in finding me is to spew this nonsense, then leave me alone."
Lacy, all this language about adoption being heroic and loving shows how clever marketing can overcome our most basic natural instincts, to nurture the children we bring into the world. The industry twists acts motivated by fear and helplessness into loving and falsely heroic acts. The industry tells mothers they are making a plan for their baby, leading them to believe they are in control. The truth is that mothers do not give up babies because they love them, just as they don't keep them because they hate them. Mothers give up babies in spite of loving them.
ALWAYS AN ACT OF DESPERATION
Giving up a baby is always an act of desperation, of ignorance, of selfishness, of cowardice, of not having a real choice. I've never met a natural mother who considered herself heroic or wanted to be thought of heroic. Many mothers in my generation gave up babies because that's the way it was for white single women. Today, mothers give them up because they are seduced by adoption-industry propaganda or religious authorities or because circumstances give them no alternative.
Just sign the papers and you're done, freed from the expense and bother of a child to do what you want to do, and your child is in better hands. That's the best way, the easiest way, Or so I and many mothers believed. I was not prepared for the sorrow, living two lives, a real one with my family and an imaginary one, looking back on the road not taken, trying to change the past, my child, not lost but a member of my real family. A gem of a mother fights for her child, protects her child from the adversities of life, nurtures her child to become a loving responsible human being. She doesn't surrender her child.
Lacy, when you find your mother, tell her why you really wanted to find her, to learn about her, your father, why you were given up, medical history, whatever. Thanking her should have no place in the conversation.
Put aside your fantasies and read about some real first mothers. Lorraine's memoirs, Birthmark and Hole in My Heart (to be published this month) would be good places to start--jane
Gladney Center for Adoption
The Worst Adoption Agency in the World
Giving up your baby for adoption is a 'courageous decision.' NOT!
"Thanking" your birthmother for letting you be adopted
Telling your Birthmother She Made the Right Decision is Wrong
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