tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post1177321402046426159..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: An LDS birth mother talks about her church, search and reunion, and the LDS position on such mattersLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22140823481476059272011-12-27T10:34:11.460-05:002011-12-27T10:34:11.460-05:00It will take a mountain to make the Mormons move, ...It will take a mountain to make the Mormons move, but you can do your part but asking someone about your records and the name of your original mother once a year, Julie. <br /><br />Good luck. <br /><br />You will at least let one person in the hierarchy know that their system does not work for you. And that what you want and need is perfectly normal, not outside the norm.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51128203013397308712011-12-27T01:58:07.082-05:002011-12-27T01:58:07.082-05:00I was put up for adoption in 1971 by a a young LDS...I was put up for adoption in 1971 by a a young LDS girl 18/19. This was in Northern California. When I turned 18 I wrote to the chruch to unseal my records. They said that although I unsealed my side, they would not notify my birth mother. It's frustrating. I have since registered online with the little information I have (no response). I will not continue to pursue it since it appears my birth mother does not want of be found. However, after reading some of the tactics the LDS church may have used during the process, I'm not surprised. I've started developing some medical issues (thyroid disease etc.) and I wonder what else may be on the horizen. I hope the church reconsiders its decision and allows adults to make their own choice.Juliehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03996394439574110894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6277377371614497952011-03-14T00:44:53.611-04:002011-03-14T00:44:53.611-04:00This is the confidential comment I sent to Melynda...This is the confidential comment I sent to Melynda, which Lorraine felt more people would like to read.<br /><br />---<br />Yes, my clients are lucky to have me as a caseworker because I would fight to the death for any one of them.<br /><br />I never tell my expectant mothers they are "those" kinds of girls. I don't look at what they did as a "mistake." I counsel them on their options and do my best to support THEIR choice. Whether that is single parenting, adoption, or marriage. I've worked with numerous mothers who are single parenting. My agency offers single parenting classes, support groups, and information on resources in the community to ensure the best success possible for their choice. <br /><br />The ones who choose adoption, well, I make damn sure they know their rights. They know they have to wait 24 hours (in my state) to place for adoption and no one better pressure them to do it before. They know they have all the time in the world after that to place. They know they can change their mind at any time. And I go over the relinquishment documents with them way ahead of time. I do this to ensure that they understand everything in those papers. They know that in my state correspondence agreements are not legally enforceable. They also know that if the APs renege, I will do everything I can to make them change their mind. I also give the expectant mothers I work with a copy of the relinquishment and encourage them to consult with anyone of their choosing: attorney, parent, ecclesiastical leader, etc. I encourage them to set the date, time, and location of their relinquishment. These are their choices, not mine, to make.<br /><br />I had a mother change her mind the day of placement. Did I tell her she was a dirty whore and she didn't deserve her baby? Nope. I told the AP's caseworker to break the news gently to them. Then I helped her pack up her things from the hospital. Then I drove to my office, gathered up every single baby supply we had in the office, and drove it to her apartment. I continued to check on her and encouraged her to go to school even though it seemed impossible to her at the time. That was over 4 years ago, and just the other day her and her son came and visited me and she thanked me for supporting her during that time.<br /><br />And I'm not some rogue caseworker. In my office this is standard practice. I can't speak to what they do in Hawaii, Oregon, Ohio, or even Timbuktu. And I've worked with plenty of other "old-school" caseworkers that I would like to smack upside the head. Luckily they're all retiring and us newbies are taking over. <br /><br />I'm not trying to discount you or your friends' experiences. I'm just offering a different perspective. I just think there are plenty of other highly unethical agencies that deserve a lot more bashing than LDSFS. I can email you my list.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64649720022711322192011-03-12T15:36:21.258-05:002011-03-12T15:36:21.258-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9285078314667500542011-03-12T13:07:06.521-05:002011-03-12T13:07:06.521-05:00Thanks, Marissa for your comments. And I absolute...Thanks, Marissa for your comments. And I absolutely agree; changing practices from the inside is best.<br /><br />One of my frustrations are adoptive parents who believe that openness is a necessary duty to the birth parents in order the get the baby. The main beneficiary of open adoptions is the child. Apparently these adoptive parents are unaware of how difficult it is for children to grow up wondering who gave them life, who do they look like, and so on. <br /><br />My daughter, raised in the LDS Church and discouraged from searching by her adoptive parents, searched anyway, driven by the need to know.<br /><br />It's sad that adoptive parents don't realize that trying to keep their child in the dark will come back to haunt them.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27672347794951633092011-03-12T11:49:27.630-05:002011-03-12T11:49:27.630-05:00Lorraine wrote:" and that one day we can be a...Lorraine wrote:" and that one day we can be a part of their lives in friendship and true union"<br /><br />I think what frightens APs is that if their child finds his/her first parents that they will not have a friendship but will be FAMILY. I know when I found my first mother that the relationship was clearly family and not friends and this was threatening to my a-mom especially. I'm not sure my relationship with my natural mom could have been anything else but family. Although it is hardly as if I ran off never to be heard from again. I wish APs had more security in their relationship with their a-children. There is a parent/child bond there and if it is a good relationship, a reunion with the first family will not destroy it.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59599815149425743512011-03-12T09:41:21.962-05:002011-03-12T09:41:21.962-05:00""I don't know what the church or LD...""I don't know what the church or LDSFS has fought for in the past that has you so enraged. I wasn't a part of it.<br />I'm trying to correct the wrongs of the past.""<br /><br />One cannot 'correct the wrongs' of which they say, they have no knowledge of. One has to educate themselves on the 'wrongs' in order to 'correct'. Just sayin'.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31582792237888588062011-03-12T09:29:22.615-05:002011-03-12T09:29:22.615-05:00Yes Lorraine, you can post it. And thank you for ...Yes Lorraine, you can post it. And thank you for giving me a voice on your blog.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-84291870396276438652011-03-12T09:07:20.471-05:002011-03-12T09:07:20.471-05:00Marissa -
I cannot tell you how refreshing it is ...Marissa -<br /><br />I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to hear a case worker from LDSFS say the things you have said. Maybe there is hope after all.<br /><br />My friend's child went through non-LDSFS sources about the time the child turned 18. They have been reunited now for about a year and are working on rebuilding their relationship. <br /><br />In regards to LDS adoptive parents not following through with their promises to the mother of their child: There is a very simple yet elegant solution, and one in which they are held accountable to a higher law than any court in the land. That is the temple recommend interview. <br /><br />One of the questions we are all asked is "Is there anything in your conduct relating to members of your family that is not in harmony with the teachings of the Church?" Another question we are asked is, "Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowmen?" Any adoptive parents who has made promises of post-adoption contact and are NOT keeping those promises (whether legally bound to a court of the land or not), cannot answer those questions in the affirmative. Well, they <i>can</i>, but they should not. The way I see it, this issue of promising post-adoption contact and then backing out on it is a matter of temple worthiness because it is completely and totally tied up with those two questions: Am I honest with others and do I treat my family the way Christ would treat them? <br /><br />My thinking is if adoptive parents who close an adoption can go into a temple recommend interview with their Bishop or Stake President and lie about these two questions, then they are in a heck of a lot more trouble than anything you or I could dream up. I know it is cold comfort for those first mothers who have their adoptions slammed shut, but it isn't as if these people are pulling the wool over God's eyes. <br /><br />Thanks again for not getting scared off by tough, but truthful, talk. <br /><br />M.Melyndahttp://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51297289076863828792011-03-12T07:46:00.845-05:002011-03-12T07:46:00.845-05:00Marissa: After I did as you requested, I read your...Marissa: After I did as you requested, I read your comment. Many many first mothers writing here and following this thread would so like to read what you asked me to forward to Melynda in confidence. I can post it, if you allow me to.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5827374225797542912011-03-12T07:38:51.658-05:002011-03-12T07:38:51.658-05:00Marissa:
Thanks again for continuing this importa...Marissa:<br /><br />Thanks again for continuing this important dialogue; I will try to forward your confidential communication to Melynda.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85311350341818782352011-03-12T00:50:24.636-05:002011-03-12T00:50:24.636-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16922992262690156842011-03-12T00:00:15.206-05:002011-03-12T00:00:15.206-05:00Man alive, I should really hire an editor. My brai...Man alive, I should really hire an editor. My brain gets ahead of my fingers and I am constantly leaving out those pesky little words like, "by" and "a". Marissa, I am sorry about the poor grammar in that last post. I should probably go to bed....<br /><br />M.Melyndahttp://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82736836400745406602011-03-11T23:48:27.223-05:002011-03-11T23:48:27.223-05:00Marissa,
You may consider this more bashing of th...Marissa,<br /><br />You may consider this more bashing of the Church although it is not intended as such. <br /><br />You wrote: "The agency [LDSFS] has to maintain ... policies that were set in place when they were established, or else they risk breaking confidentiality that was promised to adoptive couples and birthparents at that time."<br /><br />Let's look at this another way. Neither LDSFS nor any other agency had any legal authority to promise confidentiality. All they could legitimately say to adoptive parents and birthparents is that records are closed at this time. LDSFS could not bind future legislative bodies. <br /><br />LDSFS could stand up now and say "we were wrong to make these promises. We know that keeping adult adoptees from having their original birth certificates is harmful to them." <br /><br />When Measure 58 passed in Oregon in 1998 allowing adult adoptees to have their OBCs, all the adoption agencies but LDSFS swallowed hard and accepted the change in the law. <br /><br />Not so with LDSFS. It filed a lawsuit on behalf of six anonymous birthmothers, challenging the law as unconstiutional. This delayed implementation of the law as well as reinforcing to Church members that women who gave birth out of wedlock should have something to hide. Interestingly, several of the birthmother plaintiffs had surrendered within the past few years and had signed statements saying they understood the records might not continue to be sealed. So to say they were just keeping promises is to birthmothers is simply incorrect. The Oregon courts ruled against LDSFS. <br /><br />LDSFS continues to fight open records throughout the country. Eventually these records will be openned but meanwhile many adoptees will die without knowing their origins. <br /><br />LDS Church members, particularly birthparents and adoptive parents, should stand up for what is right and let LDSFS know its policy is wrong.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63570882875943022032011-03-11T23:31:13.631-05:002011-03-11T23:31:13.631-05:00Marissa -
Perhaps I was not clear enough: The red...Marissa -<br /><br />Perhaps I was not clear enough: The redacted communication between my friend and her nearly adult child happened 14 months ago. The adoption occurred in 1992. The redacted communication between my friends and the natural mother of their child the adopted in 2004 happened last month. <br /><br />I am certainly not trying to use you as a "punching bag" nor do I think you speak for all of LDSFS. I am sorry you feel that way. I am certainly NOT discounting your experiences at the particular location at which you are employed - I do not see why you are discounting mine, my friends, and the countless number of other women who were not fortunate enough to be <i>your</i> client. Perhaps if there were more LDSFS employees such as you, we wouldn't find ourselves in the ethical and moral quandary we do today. <br /><br />The trouble with my young friend who had her adoption closed this week is that she has *no* legal recourse in the state in which she surrendered, even if she did have a written post-adoption contact agreement signed a judge prior to the delivery of the child (like some states require). I am not sure how I can explain it any more clearly: In her state, post-adoption contact agreements are not legal and the law remains silent on their enforceability. Unfortunately, she did not know this prior to signing paperwork – she trusted her LDSFS counselor and the adoptive couple implicitly. After all, they were all good temple recommend holding, active members in the church and she was just “one of those kinds of girls” who “got herself selfishly pregnant.” She had no independent legal counsel offered to her and needless to say, she could not afford her own. Had she known the adoptive couple could at <i>any</i> time change their minds for <i>any reason</i> about post-adoption contact, she would have chosen to parent instead. <br /><br />Certainly someone as well versed in adoption ethics and practices as you are knows this but perhaps you practice in one of the handful of states in which open adoption agreements are legally binding in some form. I hope you are not trying to be intentionally disingenuous. I pray you are giving full disclosure to the single expectant parents you work with in regards to the non-enforceability of post-adoption contact agreements in nearly every state of the union. I hope you caution and warn them it is truly <i>caveat emptor</i> for the single expectant parent when it comes to the adoptive couple following through with their agreement. If you are not sure what your state laws are, www.childwelfare.gov has 45 page pdf listing every single state statute in the U.S. about this very issue. [http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/laws_policies/statutes/cooperative.cfm#_ftn2]<br /><br />I know that TODAY, in 2011, adoptions <i>are</i> handled differently at LDSFS than in years past. I have not disputed that. What I <i>am</i> disputing is your assertion that the exchange of redacted letters NEVER occurs any more. It does. Perhaps <i>you</i> do not engage in such activities nor the office or region you work for does not do this. However, this does not mean it is not happening for those who placed in years past. <br /><br />I am glad to hear that you support adoptee's access to open records. Perhaps more hearts will be softened and come to understand what you do about the importance of adoptee's having access to their original birth records. Even more importantly, perhaps people in positions of authority and power such as yourself will start to actively advocate for and in their behalf. <br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />M.Melyndahttp://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-23772522175080698612011-03-11T21:13:50.838-05:002011-03-11T21:13:50.838-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-13339464007809835202011-03-11T20:51:14.657-05:002011-03-11T20:51:14.657-05:00Marissa: The administrators? You do mean us. We ar...Marissa: The administrators? You do mean us. We are trying, but people are angry and yes, I am sorry, they are taking it out on you because you had the courage to comment here. <br /><br />I was pleased when I read your first comment because I thought we could get a calm discussion. On the internet, without having to sign one's name, people immediately get snarky and nasty. Jane and I both stand by our words and reveal our identities. <br /><br />We personally mean no disrespect to LDS. Or, in fact, you. We did find a bone of contention, however, with what you said about LDS today. And we do understand you do not speak for the Church or NCFA or any official body. <br /><br />But if we were not interested in the reality, or truth, would we have posted your comments, or those of Letters to Mrs. Feverfew? If we had not published their comments that took you on, we would have been lambasted every which way at other blogs. <br /><br />And nor have we banned anyone from our blog. I can't even read the LDS birthmother blog. The anonymous "administrator" has banned my email address from his visage so as not to sully his mind. <br /><br />I am truly sorry you will not be back because we can all learn from one another. I think the "black balled" comment, made in good faith from you, was a lightening rod for people who are deeply deeply hurt by unkept promises. But it is enlightening and heartening to know that social workers such as you exist within the LIS world, and change may blowing in the wind. <br /><br />signed, <br />An administrator...lorraine duskyLorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-23877139026372885432011-03-11T20:33:12.529-05:002011-03-11T20:33:12.529-05:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.MARISSAnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43110666940122984992011-03-11T19:41:32.765-05:002011-03-11T19:41:32.765-05:00Melynda/Lettersto...
Thank you for your brave sta...Melynda/Lettersto...<br /><br />Thank you for your brave stand on this, and your comments. Our hope is that others who are true believing Mormons will come forth and help those in the hierarchy understand the hurt that they continue to inflict upon adoptees and birth mothers. <br /><br />One person alone can have a voice, but it takes a thousand women to make a mighty roar.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62403795599489317362011-03-11T18:31:20.984-05:002011-03-11T18:31:20.984-05:00Marissa wrote:
"Jane, everything you said abo...Marissa wrote:<br />"Jane, everything you said about LDSFS no longer happens. You admit yourself that was 10 years ago. How about focusing on what agencies are currently doing instead of what they did decades ago?<br /><br />Because the practices that happened years ago are still affecting many people today. And 10 years actually wasn't that long ago. There are still millions of people who were surrendered during the closed era who have no hope of finding out who there first parents are or any information about their biological heritage. <br /><br />Just because things in adoption may be improving at a snail's pace doesn't mean it is okay to forget about all of those who have been and are still being harmed by earlier practices.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6979585195154638942011-03-11T16:45:19.617-05:002011-03-11T16:45:19.617-05:00"Letters: how is it LDSFS or any other agenci...<b>"Letters: how is it LDSFS or any other agencies fault that open adoptions aren't legally enforceable? As a caseworker I wish they were. I cannot stand when an adoptive couple goes back on their correspondence agreements and I wish I could legally make them. Currently LDSFD blackballs couples who do that."</b><br /><br />I do not think LDSFS or any other agencies are at "fault" for unenforceable open adoption agreements. However, they frequently stand idle and mute on the issue. Their silence on the matter in bodies of legislation throughout the land is a tacit agreement of NOT supporting legally enforceable open adoption agreements. If LDSFS, FSA, and NCFA are committed to doing what is right FOR THE CHILD, then they should be <i>the most active and vociferous</i> supporter of enforceable open adoption agreements. As licensed social workers with LDSFS, one would assume the counselors would have training and understanding of the importance of protecting the child's right to have access to their family of origin. This includes ensuring open adoptions remain exactly that: <i>open.</i> <br /><br />Blackballed? What exactly does that mean? Is this a location specific policy or is it church wide? Where is it written? Is it even written? Are adoptive parents told this? In writing? Are birth mothers told this? In writing? How is it enforceable? Does LDSFS go by the honor system? Who does the enforcing? The investigating? The follow up? I ask these questions because I just witnessed this week an adoption that was slammed shut by the adoptive mother less than 6 days after the adoption papers had "FINAL" stamped on them by the judge there in UT (or rather, the court clerk). The reason: The adoptive mother didn't think the birth mother had the "right" attitude about adoption and told her until she changed her behavior she is not allowed to have any contact with her child. Who do I contact about this?<br /><br />You say you hate it when open adoptions are closed so what are you doing to ensure that it doesn't happen? Have you contact state legislators? Helped draft a bill? Do you keep track of your clients to ensure they keep their word with the birth mothers of their children? What do you do when they close the adoption? Who do you contact? Their Bishop? Do you put a note in their file?<br /><br />Marissa, I know it is hard to admit that all is not well in Zion, especially with difficult and sensitive topics like adoption. However, it does no one any good to stick our fingers in our ears and say "la la la la all is well in Zion, yeah Zion prospereth" when things are not right. And things are most definitely <i>not right.</i> Until and unless we turn over every stinking rock and bring all of this out into the light of day so it can be cleansed and healed by the fresh air of Truth and the light of the Son, the human toll of infant adoption is going to continue to mount.<br /><br />We are better than this, Marissa. As a people, we are so much better than this. Why are we so afraid to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about infant adoption? <i>I believe our theology can withstand the scrutiny.</i> Do you?<br /><br />Sincerely,<br /><br />M. (AKA "Letters to Ms. Feverfew")Melyndahttp://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58052345814708670282011-03-11T16:44:24.325-05:002011-03-11T16:44:24.325-05:00Marissa -
You said "Jane, everything you sai...Marissa -<br /><br />You said <b>"Jane, everything you said about LDSFS no longer happens. You admit yourself that was 10 years ago. How about focusing on what agencies are currently doing instead of what they did decades ago?</b><br /><br />This is blatantly false, Marissa. This type of activity has occurred within the last 14 months. I have first hand knowledge of a woman who placed a child through LDSFS in California in 1992 who had all of her letters TO and FROM her child redacted by the LDSFS agency. All identifying information like names, places, etc., were blacked out. Her child went through other sources and was able to locate her and they are now happily reunited. When the now-adult child asked LDSFS for his/her file, they were told it had been destroyed or not kept by LDSFS.<br /><br />I also have first-hand knowledge of another couple who adopted through LDSFS six 1/2 years ago in Ohio. They are communicating with the birth mother ONLY through redacted letters and a few photos every years in March <i>at their request</i>. To note: This adoption occurred in 2004. Not ten years ago. The most recent redacted letter was sent last month. Not ten years ago. <br /><br />While this might not be happening at your agency or with your clients, IT IS STILL HAPPENING. Please, DO NOT call those of us who are living these experiences in the HERE AND NOW liars. In doing so, you only perpetuate the culture of marginalization and disenfranchisement of adoptees and first mothers that has prevailed for so long in the LDS adoption scene. <br /><br /><b>"I guess all you women care about is trashing the LDS church and LDSFS instead of portraying an accurate picture of what goes on."</b><br /><br />I do not see what this conclusion is based upon. I have found Jane and Lorraine to be very fair in their treatment of my responses to their honest questions. Like me, their issues are NOT with the theology of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, per se, but with the cultural practices which surround adoption and adoptee rights within the LDS culture. I think even you can agree there is a vast difference between <i>culture</i> and <i>theology</i> (there shouldn't be, but there is).<br /><br />[con't below]Melyndahttp://letterstomsfeverfew.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47859271551736249582011-03-11T16:38:49.430-05:002011-03-11T16:38:49.430-05:00Marissa -
You said "Jane, everything you sai...Marissa -<br /><br />You said <b>"Jane, everything you said about LDSFS no longer happens. You admit yourself that was 10 years ago. How about focusing on what agencies are currently doing instead of what they did decades ago?</b><br /><br />This is blatantly false, Marissa. This type of activity has occurred within the last 14 months. I have first hand knowledge of a woman who placed a child through LDSFS in California in 1992 who had all of her letters TO and FROM her child redacted by the LDSFS agency. All identifying information like names, places, etc., were blacked out. Her child went through other sources and was able to locate her and they are now happily reunited. When the now-adult child asked LDSFS for his/her file, they were told it had been destroyed or not kept by LDSFS.<br /><br />I also have first-hand knowledge of another couple who adopted through LDSFS six 1/2 years ago in Ohio. They are communicating with the birth mother ONLY through redacted letters and a few photos every years in March <i>at their request</i>. To note: This adoption occurred in 2004. Not ten years ago. The most recent redacted letter was sent last month. Not ten years ago. <br /><br />While this might not be happening at your agency or with your clients, IT IS STILL HAPPENING. Please, DO NOT call those of us who are living these experiences in the HERE AND NOW liars. In doing so, you only perpetuate the culture of marginalization and disenfranchisement of adoptees and first mothers that has prevailed for so long in the LDS adoption scene. <br /><br /><b>"I guess all you women care about is trashing the LDS church and LDSFS instead of portraying an accurate picture of what goes on."</b><br /><br />I do not see what this conclusion is based upon. I have found Jane and Lorraine to be very fair in their treatment of my responses to their honest questions. Like me, their issues are NOT with the theology of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, per se, but with the cultural practices which surround adoption and adoptee rights within the LDS culture. I think even you can agree there is a vast difference between <i>culture</i> and <i>theology</i> (there shouldn't be, but there is).<br /><br />(con’t below)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72904442049170086332011-03-11T15:05:30.331-05:002011-03-11T15:05:30.331-05:00Good lord Marissa, we are not interested in trashi...Good lord Marissa, we are not interested in trashing LDS; we have made that as clear as possible. But many have had less than positive experiences with LDS and their determination to keep records sealed, so yeah, I do not have a positive feeling towards them, nor do I towards Catholic Charities which oppose open records, or for that matter the ACLU where it opposes adoptee access to their original identities, as in NJ. I ABHOR THE NJ ACLU. (and I used to be a card-carrying member of the national org.)<br /><br />Letters to Mrs. Feverfew says she gave up her child in Nineties and that is not so long ago. LDS has a support/advocacy group that is opposed to legislation that is slightly more birth mother friendly than what is in place. If everything had changed at LDS, why would they oppose the bill in Orgeon? As they have through one of their support/advocacy organizations, the name of which I have blanked out of my mind. (Anyone care to post link again?) <br /><br />And if you have followed this blog you know that we hear many reports of open adoptions that close....slammed shut at the whim of the adoptive parents, who sometimes never appear to have truly agreed to keep the adoption open. <br /><br />And a blackball by the agency after they do not live up to even the slim agreement? Blackball so they can not do it again? Is that what you mean?<br /><br />Now are you going to say we are trashing LDS? Well, here is what happened to me at a Mormon-run list for birth mothers after two days when I begged to differ with the blissful birthmothers wringing their hands there:<br /><br /><b>"You have been suspended from Adoption Voices</b><br /><br />"Sorry, Lorraine Dusky, you can not access Adoption Voices as you have been suspended. If you think you've been suspended in error, you can contact the administrator."<br /><br />He does not answer.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16594070278581002682011-03-11T15:03:13.895-05:002011-03-11T15:03:13.895-05:00"Currently LDSFD blackballs couples who do th..."Currently LDSFD blackballs couples who do that. "<br /><br />Oooh really? They "blackball" them?<br />How does that help the child who is now being denied access to their first parents? Why would the adoptive parents even care? They've already got the child?<br />How does this help the first mother who has now lost access to their child?<br /><br />You think blackballing is all that is needed?<br /><br />That is the start of the issue here.Bellenoreply@blogger.com