tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post171629319241483454..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Why should adoptees' original birth certificates be unsealed? A first mother's perspectiveLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61046125227205400012014-01-21T17:06:23.478-05:002014-01-21T17:06:23.478-05:00I am a recently-found Texas first mother (after 40...I am a recently-found Texas first mother (after 40 years). My daughter told me she has always had a copy of the OBC, but it has a NUMBER instead of my name on it. (My identity was reduced to a number!!). It is a miracle that she found me, as it was a closed private adoption. I believe this is called a redaction, but I never signed any such document. Looks like some pretty nasty legal maneuver. I have two questions: 1). Has any other first mother's name been removed / reduced to a number on the OBC, and 2) Can I, as a first mother, get a copy of the OBC, which I have never seen?Susannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19100932078422826582014-01-15T06:15:23.233-05:002014-01-15T06:15:23.233-05:00I have never commented on this blog before, but ha...I have never commented on this blog before, but have been reading the posts for quite some time. I am following this upcoming hearing very closely, as an adult adoptee from what was probably the height of the Baby Scoop Era, in NY. My adoption was and is as closed as it could possibly be. I have no information whatsoever about my heritage or medical history. I don't even have an AMENDED BC, only a copy of the final Adoption Finalization Decree, which is a completely useless document for any legal purposes. <br /><br />I think what Lorraine plans to say at the hearing is spot-on. I was a little concerned with the mention of the birthmothers-in-the-closet at first, but it IS what the opposition is basing it's argument on. After all these years, I hope they can tell Lorraine and Mr. Gottfried why they are still testifying! There is no logical answer to this, other than to unseal the records.<br /><br />Thank you so much for all the hard work you are doing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15225201493287277352014-01-14T20:40:31.582-05:002014-01-14T20:40:31.582-05:00A few points: This hearing is not being held in Al...A few points: This hearing is not being held in Albany, but in NY, and will be before the Health Committee, where we have several supporters--including the chair, Assemblyman Gottfried, so I am speaking to interested parties who almost certainly are going to vote for the bill--including Gottfried. He is our friend. So I am not speaking to an unfriendly, or even mixed, audience. They need material to use themselves. Thus we are being asked to submit ten copies. I am practicing to make sure that I do not go over ten minutes or have to leave out stuff that I really want to say. <br /><br />2) I think length depends on how well you speak and how much you can command attention. I have added some material about long-lasting grief and am cutting other material, some of which is in this version. (I'll post the final draft later.) And I have seen legislators use some of the material that I and other members of Unsealed Initiative have written. I have actually gotten letters from legislators (in other states) thanking me for letters I have written--and they weren't short. So as for length...it all depends. I have read all of my testimony from 1976 and I found that it was too short. The lawyer from Louise Wyse, Shad Polier, spoke at greater length and went after me like a rabid dog and I did not have the opportunity to rebut. But I am taking everything I hear here seriously. I do have to talk about those damn "mothers in the closet" because that is what they are hanging their entire opposition on. <br /><br />Kitta: Holy shit, unwed mothers were among "these mentally ill?" By 1973, if you counted everyone who was having unmarried sex Mentally Ill, you would have included 70 percent at least of the population, and certainly a higher percentage of people in their twenties and thirties. Just making a raw estimate here, but an informed one.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34083701070622724672014-01-14T20:09:49.624-05:002014-01-14T20:09:49.624-05:00Hi Lo!
I really like the theme of "what are ...Hi Lo!<br /><br />I really like the theme of "what are we still doing here". I think it illustrates your points well.<br /><br />A few suggestions from a lobbyists POV:<br /><br />1) 10 minutes is WAY too long. You risk losing your audience or in a crowded agenda can get cutoff entirely. I would try to get it down to no more than five minutes. With a couple of well planted questions you can hit some points in Q&A.<br /><br />2) Use the bill number and title of the bill in your opening.<br /><br />3) Conclude with a strong "ask"..."In conclusion, I urge each of you to vote YES on Assembly Bill _______ and ask for your help in getting this important piece of legislation to the Governor's desk this year."<br /><br />4) I don't know how far you are from Albany, but I would recommend that your group try to meet with as many committee members as possible prior to the hearing. Draft bulleted talking points and leave them with each legislator so they can think about questions to ask. If you divide up the meetings and try to match constituents to their legislator, it shouldn't be too much of a burden. <br /><br />5) Ask your prime sponsor to make moving the bill through the process a high priority. Check in often and get to know your sponsor's gatekeeper. A legislative assistant can be invaluable to keeping you in the loop.<br /><br />Let us know when the hearing is so we can send good vibes your way!!!Paigenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75286544136167092152014-01-14T17:05:56.154-05:002014-01-14T17:05:56.154-05:00Lo, your opening section is dynamite, "what a...Lo, your opening section is dynamite, "what am I still doing here 37 years later?" indeed! That should both catch their attention and let the new legislators know how long this has been going on and how tenacious we are.<br /><br />It has been my experience with legislators that shorter is always better, both in spoken and written communications with them. They mostly do not read the long letters or submitted papers or emails, and I have seen them nod off, walk out, and whisper in a rude and impatient way to each other during verbose testimony.<br /><br />I think you should cut your personal story to the minimum, and stress the concept that adoptees should have a right to their own birth certificate regardless of what natural mothers want or do not. You are a mother who supports adoptee human and civil rights, as do many others, but that is not the main reason to support the legislation. Plus when it comes to us open mothers, "frankly Scarlett, they don't give a damn."!<br />They always pull out that one pitiful hiding anonymom, no matter what we say or how well we say it.<br /><br />Legislators have the attention span of hyperactive fleas, so going into depth and eloquence is lost on them. I know as a writer how hard it is not to go on and on and tell the whole story, but have learned that cutting to the bare bones and simple concepts is the only way that they listen at all.<br /><br />Good luck to you and Unsealed Initiative in this seemingly endless battle in one of the toughest states.<br /><br /><br />maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15372448332594178162014-01-14T14:49:36.467-05:002014-01-14T14:49:36.467-05:00Lo,
you were not the only "unwed mom" t...Lo,<br /><br />you were not the only "unwed mom" to be thought mentally ill.<br /><br />It was the thinking of the time that women who had "premarital sex" were mentally ill. I remember hearing those comments, and here is a quote from a book that I own, that might interest you.<br /><br />"Practictioners of mental healing today, therefore, are concerned not only with the grossly disturbed patient, but with delinquent children, unwed mothers, alcohlic, persistent marriers-and-divorcers, job-hoppers, and numerous others. some laymen might still regard such persons as "weaklings" but professionals see these mentally ill persons as suffering from a broad range of psychological disorders, unable to end their troubles simply by an act of will or the decision to "do right."<br />Chapter 21, Emotional and Mental illness,Felix, Hunt,p.707 Better Homes and Gardens Family Medical Guide,edited by Donald G Cooley, 1964,1973.kittanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79883914173526018782014-01-14T11:25:03.029-05:002014-01-14T11:25:03.029-05:00Cherie: Yes, fixed that. But my final testimony is...Cherie: Yes, fixed that. But my final testimony is still a project in motion and I am continuing to change it and see how much I can say in ten minutes. I will submit longer testimony in writing, as we are asked to submit 10 copies. <br /><br />Whew! Do they think we have a xerox at home??? I don't. <br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76652276333385063972014-01-14T06:02:45.617-05:002014-01-14T06:02:45.617-05:00'...now history or ancestry from birth and bef...'...now history or ancestry from birth and before adoption...'<br /><br />Did you mean 'No history...etc' ?<br />Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59967488314354238012014-01-13T16:16:40.171-05:002014-01-13T16:16:40.171-05:00My biggest issue is that the original birth certif...My biggest issue is that the original birth certificate is MY certificate of birth. <br /><br />It's my government-issued statement of life.<br /><br />My mother's name is on it, but it isn't her document. <br /><br />It is ludicrous for legislators to weigh the right to access our OBCs against the right of our mothers (and fathers) to privacy. It's not my parents' document to seal or redact. It is solely my document.<br /><br />I have my OBC, and I found my mother. She is in the closet, and I respect her choice. I allow her to remain in the closet.<br /><br />I obtained my OBC. And, my mother was able to maintain her secret among her family and circle of friends.<br />HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81105937217359958292014-01-13T15:04:12.148-05:002014-01-13T15:04:12.148-05:00Still tweaking...Still tweaking...Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-20815823865774926742014-01-13T12:41:06.216-05:002014-01-13T12:41:06.216-05:00All right, today I am going to look this proposed ...All right, today I am going to look this proposed testimony carefully and see if I should emphasize the mothers who want reunion more. Maybe I did get too caught up journalistic detail. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-32211475551330689402014-01-13T10:26:49.258-05:002014-01-13T10:26:49.258-05:00I am not suggesting that you pretend they don’t ex...I am not suggesting that you pretend they don’t exist. Nor am I suggesting that you lie. Far from it. I am suggesting that you focus. Perhaps my early morning comment needed some editing of its own. Take it for what it's worth. Good luck.OneWhoHasBeenTherenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89145394371522983722014-01-13T08:07:42.295-05:002014-01-13T08:07:42.295-05:00Pretending these women do no exist will turn the l...Pretending these women do no exist will turn the legislators completely off. At least one of them has a sister in the closet, which he revealed to our lobbyists. Head-in-the-sand advocacy never works and is a lie. We hear from the children of those mothers here at FMF and in messages we get. But they cannot be the reason the birth certificates are still sealed.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-60754724575240194762014-01-13T07:43:14.589-05:002014-01-13T07:43:14.589-05:00The reason is;
I have a right to know who I am, ho...The reason is;<br />I have a right to know who I am, how I came to be, just like everyone else. If I choose to have my birth parents in my life, that is my decision.<br /><br />I am who I am, because of my birth parents, and my adoptive family.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15287429887742392982014-01-13T06:37:25.825-05:002014-01-13T06:37:25.825-05:00Lorraine,
I think that if you affirm that even o...Lorraine, <br /><br />I think that if you affirm that even one in-the-closet-and-is-never-coming-out first mom exists, then this measure is doomed. Certainly, a few do exist. They don't need our help to stay hidden. The adoption industry's goons will advocate strongly on their behalf, just to keep their own skeletons safely in the closet. We both know this.<br /><br />If you support open records, your job is to advocate for the hundreds of thousands of first moms who welcome ccontact.You are the 99%, and the legislature needs to see that.<br /><br />I say this not to be critical, but to help. I understand your background in journalism, but you are there to advocate, not to report.OneWhoHasBeenTherenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-46863576354972163152014-01-12T16:49:53.072-05:002014-01-12T16:49:53.072-05:00"What am I still doing here," indeed?! I..."What am I still doing here," indeed?! It is inconceivable (pun intended!) that original birth certificates are still being hidden from those who need them most, in this age-- the "information era." Let's just cut the bull; closed adoption records shield no one other than those that did adoptions in a manner that gives them something to hide. <br /><br />It is egregious that our government continues to participate in this charade, but even worse, that we (as the adoption community) continue to permit this to go on. Far too many adoptees, birthparents and, yes, adoptive families have been harmed by this archaic practice. <br /><br />Heartfelt thanks to those (like Lorraine, et al) who continue to battle the system to inspire change, but they cannot do it on their own, it's going to take all of us (agencies, attorneys and adoption professionals included) to reform this mess! It's time for change, and we need it NOW! Aging adoptees and their parents who have waited an entire lifetime to know their own truths cannot afford to wait, and we cannot afford to inflict the damages of the existing system upon yet another generation of victims of adoption secrecy!Anonymoushttp://www.abrazo.orgnoreply@blogger.com