tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post1731719038214228153..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: My (relinquished) daughter talks about adoptionLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75223362241930337722011-08-27T12:22:39.934-04:002011-08-27T12:22:39.934-04:00This is so similar to what my son described. In h...This is so similar to what my son described. In his case he would look westward across the Atlantic and wonder about the person who had him with her for nine months and then nothing. I think we are all looking out into the universe wondering about the other, wondering how this separation came to happen.Unsigned Masterpiecehttp://unsignedmasterpiece.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-84465515968066628952011-08-27T10:57:57.700-04:002011-08-27T10:57:57.700-04:00Be safe, Lorraine. I was thinking about you with t...Be safe, Lorraine. I was thinking about you with the hurricane headed your way.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69241804493566182702011-08-27T10:45:21.996-04:002011-08-27T10:45:21.996-04:00Hey, thanks everyone. After Irene leaves I will po...Hey, thanks everyone. After Irene leaves I will post more of my (birth mother) conversation with my relinquished daughter Jane. I live on the eastern end of Long Island and Irene is headed our way.<br /><br />We've battened down the hatches, taken in the potted plants, put away the deck chairs, taken down the wind chimes (they are not for 70-80 MPH winds), bought batteries for the flashlights. The air is like pea soup right now, and it's beginning to sprinkle. <br /><br />It is likely we will be without electricity for a while but there are already repair crews in place. After a hurricane called Gloria in the mid-Eighties, we were without electricity for five days. We played a lot of Scrabble with a kerosene lamp.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68207777490375090292011-08-27T10:42:39.777-04:002011-08-27T10:42:39.777-04:00Lorraine, I really appreciate you sharing this. I ...Lorraine, I really appreciate you sharing this. I am going through some issues with my reunited daughter who has some serious problems. For me, it all was capped when she said I should be called "Mom" but listed her deceased adoptive parents, her natural siblings and adoptive extended family on her page but I was not on the list. One time, about 6 or so years back, she told me that I was not her mother but that she was my daughter. I think that might still be how she sees it. I guess once bought, forever owned. I can't begin to understand how she feels because our experiences are different, opposite sides of the same coin. I want to understand but I feel her resentment mixed in with the love and attempts on her part to create an unhealthy relationship that she can control. So I guess I am becoming one of those rejecting barfmuggles in her eyes and the eyes of her peers. I just can't take any more of the drama, emotional drain and lies. Maybe one day, she will have grown past all the guilt, resentment, obligation, self-absorption and will understand. I can only hope.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30404803107279291132011-08-27T02:02:59.132-04:002011-08-27T02:02:59.132-04:00Thank you for this post, Lorraine. I'm so glad...Thank you for this post, Lorraine. I'm so glad you had this time with Jane. I loved hearing her responses to you. I wish I had been able to have such a heart-to-heart with my son. We sorta did, but I think not as honest as yours with Jane. Indeed, adoption is a lonely road and reunion doesn't provide all the answers or a solution. Love to you...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54474391728678827302011-08-26T09:56:26.263-04:002011-08-26T09:56:26.263-04:00Someday I will post about the joy I had when shopp...Someday I will post about the joy I had when shopping with my daughter Jane.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37427400701742066962011-08-26T09:52:25.120-04:002011-08-26T09:52:25.120-04:00To Raven and others who have commented similarly (...To Raven and others who have commented similarly (as I now shall), I suspect our infatuation with moon and stars is that of all the things that may be going on in our childs lives, we share the same sky. I, too, often looked to the stars and talked to my daughter. While her view of them may have been different based on where she was in the world, they were the same stars. We had something in common, a cosmic connection.suzhttp://writingmywrongs.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52786790311103224022011-08-26T07:36:48.072-04:002011-08-26T07:36:48.072-04:00I am reunited with my mother after 48 years. She ...I am reunited with my mother after 48 years. She was the one I was longing for my whole life. We look so much alike and our gestures are the same. I too would look at the moon, and hope she was looking at the same time. It was our connection, in my mind. There's a scene from An American Tale where Fievel the mouse looks at the moon and sings, Somewhere out There. My mom had a sad and terrible childhood, then she met Dad who pressured her to give me up. We are part black, though I am blonde and blue-eyed. I never knew until I met Mom. She told the agency I was Italian! I love her so, but yes, reunion is filled with unexpected emotions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54285092458925266092011-08-26T01:14:42.411-04:002011-08-26T01:14:42.411-04:00Lorraine:
I love the picture of you and Jane. Sh...Lorraine:<br /><br />I love the picture of you and Jane. She always looks so comfortable with you!<br /><br />What is it with the moon? I spent the first 18 years of my son's life going outside at night and looking u[ at the moon, while sending prayers up for my son and wondering what he was doing at that moment. It helped me feel connected to him...the same moon that was shining down on me was shining down on him at the same moment. It gave me a sense of peace...Ravennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14041959871851981022011-08-25T22:51:53.824-04:002011-08-25T22:51:53.824-04:00I have this amazing friend, who is a natural mom. ...I have this amazing friend, who is a natural mom. She's been kind enough to allow me to ask her questions, even when they are hard ones, in an attempt to know mine. <br /><br />One of the very first questions I ever presented to her:<br /><br />I always thought of my birthday as our day, and was convinced that that was the one day that she was thinking about me, and missing me. So I asked her, Linda (same name as my Mom too), did you think about him on his birthday? Her simple beautiful answer: Tam, I thought about him every single day. Every one. <br /><br />What a gift. For any Mom who is wondering if we think about you... only every single day. Like Jane, in different scenario's, different faces and different places... but every single day. <br /><br />Lorraine, I am so touched by this post. <br /><br />Always,<br /><br />TamaraTamaranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85864281044994122142011-08-25T22:51:37.364-04:002011-08-25T22:51:37.364-04:00Lorraine,
I notice how you reference to you and yo...Lorraine,<br />I notice how you reference to you and your daughters shoes and clothes. <br />Funny, when my daughter and I recently spent a few days together we both packed the same two pair of shoes and have the same purse.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80975975575392365422011-08-25T22:48:37.690-04:002011-08-25T22:48:37.690-04:00Lorraine,
Thanks for your beautiful post.
The wo...Lorraine, <br /><br />Thanks for your beautiful post.<br />The word that comes to mind for me is "longing". We Mothers and our chldren both seem, in our quiet times, to have such longing for things to have been different.<br /><br /> I know my daughter wrote me once saying that while she knew her mother who raised her loved her it wasn't with the longing she feels from me. She said its makes her feel sad for not having been able to be a direct recipient of such<br />emotion for all those years we were apart. (36)<br /><br />Amidst your not so good memories you and Jane have some wonderful heartfelt ones too. I can't even imagine how much you must miss her.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40052332194883803202011-08-25T20:51:36.103-04:002011-08-25T20:51:36.103-04:00Robin: Oh, she did take after her father. I could...Robin: Oh, she did take after her father. I could see him in her more than me.And although she never met her sisters, the ones I have found on line...looks a lot like her.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5929314409140578572011-08-25T20:07:31.951-04:002011-08-25T20:07:31.951-04:00Alaska mother of six story:
What angers me about ...Alaska mother of six story:<br /><br />What angers me about this (aside from the obvious abuse) is the fact that APs are so revered in American culture. This makes me think of the John Wyatt case. So many people saying baby Emma should stay where she is, these are the only parents she's ever known, are assuming that her APs are wonderful people who are giving her a happy life. It seems that anyone in this country with the money and inclination to adopt must be a candidate for sainthood. As this story proves, hardly.<br /><br />Great picture of you and Jane. I see the resemblance but I bet she takes after her father a lot, too.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58258422692636970372011-08-25T16:57:49.962-04:002011-08-25T16:57:49.962-04:00Thank you Lorraine for sharing this with all whom ...Thank you Lorraine for sharing this with all whom read at your blog. And I am terribly sorry that some others would look to discount/denigrate the love you had/have for your daughter. <br /><br />I have had many heart-to-heart talks with my daughter over these many years. Some of them mediocre, some of them shared with us both crying, some with laughter, some in the heat of anger. She too in the past had gone silent, withdrew...maybe I did too at times. Both of us for own reasons. Still through it all we have managed to hang in there with each other..one way or another. This reunion stuff is no walk in the park...even reunion can leave it's scars. But I do believe, deep in my heart....love given and love received, can make all the difference in the world. I believe it did in my reunion. <br /><br />Again, Thank You Lorraine and your daughter Jane too...Chris/Gypsywinternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4910088033444286572011-08-25T15:55:49.307-04:002011-08-25T15:55:49.307-04:00I, too, have wondered if my daughter thought about...I, too, have wondered if my daughter thought about those things about me...<br />Ahh! The full moon... lots of memories looking at the same moon as she - so long ago...<br /><br />Thank you, Lorraine - waiting for more!Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31738770163493627192011-08-25T15:06:31.326-04:002011-08-25T15:06:31.326-04:00Lorraine, Thank you for posting your daughter'...Lorraine, Thank you for posting your daughter's comments. They had a deep and immediate effect on me as there have been many times in the past 30 plus years that I have looked up at the moon and thought of my children only to wonder if they were doing the same.<br /><br />Adoption is a lonely road.Jane Karrnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43894753564386262122011-08-25T11:10:44.061-04:002011-08-25T11:10:44.061-04:00Sad... I often wonder if my daughter will ever mat...Sad... I often wonder if my daughter will ever mature enough to talk to me like that. Or if she really did believe I was the Hispanic/Native American, drug addicted, prostitute that I was described as. I am glad you talked...Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.com