tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3241350482014433954..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: 'Fessing up and running straight into a fresh adoption...Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92122924598201552912012-03-02T11:07:34.723-05:002012-03-02T11:07:34.723-05:00Jane,
I am sorry that you have also had to experi...Jane,<br /><br />I am sorry that you have also had to experience this. <br />What I don't understand is they all seemed so overjoyed when my daughter found me after 36 years. Yet 6 years later they are even more overjoyed that my niece has taken another girls child through adoption. I guess their feelings at the time of my daughters return weren't as genunine as I thought.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61491744276444189602012-03-01T14:20:00.915-05:002012-03-01T14:20:00.915-05:00I hear you, Janet,
People like your niece have the...I hear you, Janet,<br />People like your niece have their heads so full of adoption agency propaganda they tune out the truth.<br /><br />My niece pushed her daughter into giving up her baby for adoption parroting all the usual nonsense about forgetting and going on with her life. This was in 2003!Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-18236632611365805172012-03-01T10:46:45.999-05:002012-03-01T10:46:45.999-05:00One month since my niece adopted a newborn baby gi...One month since my niece adopted a newborn baby girl. I am still unable to get it out of my thoughts.<br /> I received an announcement a couple of weeks back after I declined to join in the celebration. It has photos and a very disgusting "adoption" poem. The worst one is a photo of the babys little foot with their wedding rings around a couple of her toes. <br />I was trying to tell myself that they had made themselves aware of all of the adoption issues including the feelings of the mohter. Trying to give them the benefit that they may have done their homework. That photo and disgusting poem do nothing but put her in her place. Unwed and just an incubator for someone more deserving. <br />I do not see myself having any contact with people in my family for some time to come. <br />It just reinforces the fact that this adoption crap never goes away and just when you think you might have a handle on it, it rears its ugly head once more.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12886401266519897312012-02-28T17:19:53.341-05:002012-02-28T17:19:53.341-05:00Ms. Marginalia, I was just reading your blog and w...Ms. Marginalia, I was just reading your blog and wondered who is the adoptee blogger who wrote a post in support of Kimberly Leighton?<br /><br />And then I read your thoughtful comment and had tears in my eyes by the time I got to the bottom, thinking about having to deal with an adoption in your extended family, even given that your afamily is pretty great. I know it certainly has been hard for fellow blogger Jane when that occurred, and I just thank my lucky stars that no one in my family or my husband's (I have two adult step-children, both of whom had a child) adopted. The cousin's kids who did are far away back in Michigan and I did not and do not have to be confronted with the parents, or children because I would be so attuned to differences. I can't help it, I find myself watching the adoptees who are teens (and adopted by acquaintances) with my first mother eyes. I have to know them pretty well before I can get that out of my head. Of course I am not talking about step-parent adoption, one of whom is on my Christmas list. <br /><br />Of course, adoption is all around me, as I have written many times, but at least it's not family, and I can be cooler about it than I would if it were happening up close and personal. <br />----------------------<br />and I hate this new Blogger format for comments! Preview sucks!Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41822219436874787192012-02-28T13:46:04.982-05:002012-02-28T13:46:04.982-05:00maybe, you wrote: "They stated a need to have...maybe, you wrote: "They stated a need to have photos and a way to memorialize and grieve the baby they bonded with in-utero and lost upon birth. The old thinking was to encourage them to go home and forget about it or try to have another later on. The new thinking is to find a way to process their grief in a healthy manner.<br /><br />Sound familiar? Except with adoption the new thinking is to actually celebrate the loss of the child. No grieving allowed, unless it is followed by singing the praises of adoption and patting one-self on the back for doing the right thing. Can this be healthy long-term? Or is it a short-term reaction that may explode in grief and anger years later?"<br /><br />You make excellent points. As did the person who brought up the Santorums' grieving process. <br /><br />I work in L&D, and when we have patients with a fetal demise, there is a long set of protocols we follow that allow our patients and their families the time to grieve with their child, as they see fit. We do photos and footprints of the baby, as with any newborn. Families can hold the baby, and we will retrieve the baby from the morgue, if desired. It is *not* a process that is over once the birth is over. We don't say, "Look forward, get on your way, have another replacement baby." <br /><br />Adoption is the only time in which loss is celebrated, *forever*, in a socially-sanctioned way. Even more so with open adoptions. Make the best of an unpleasant situation, and adoptees bite your tongues. <br /><br />Adoption is NOT a win/win/win, and it hurts to have people insist on it being such. I can only speak of my own situation, and it's hard, being in reunion now, and seeing pictures in which I could have been with my grandfather. It sucks. I try not to go there. I only hurt my mother and myself. <br /><br />I am an adult, I can shoulder the burden of loss now, and my family and I are all moving forward in a healthy way. That's all I can do: forge ahead with what I have today. But it doesn't make the losses any easier to take.<br /><br />When I think about the story Lorraine shared in this post, I think about the baby, and yes, it will be good that the baby won't have the blank space of not knowing where he or she came from. And yet there will always be, ALWAYS be the what ifs when the baby is old enough to understand. <br /><br />There is an open adoption coming to pass in my extended afamily. On the one hand, my afamily is pretty great. It's a wonderful family to belong to, and yet it's triggering as hell to watch everything unfolding, no matter how much I love the people in question. I resign myself to knowing I cannot control anything but my own life, and that I can offer myself to this child as a support person in the future. Her parents-to-be have asked as much of me. Sigh.ms. marginaliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03854609171313401651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24423741481237631082012-02-28T13:02:11.982-05:002012-02-28T13:02:11.982-05:00Kristi:
We are doing a post about the advertisin...Kristi:<br /><br />We are doing a post about the advertising for babies. It does have the feel of a modern-day slave trade. I suppose Craig's List is next, if it hasn't been done there already.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36216879504119435672012-02-28T13:00:45.803-05:002012-02-28T13:00:45.803-05:00maybe:
"There was an article in the local ne...maybe:<br /><br />"There was an article in the local newspaper about those who have stillborns or infants who died shortly after birth...."<br /><br />Santorum and his wife apparently took their child who lived two hours or less home and kept slept with it overnight. Like, yuk. Yes, everyone can grieve and grieve in public except adoptees for losing their real families (yes I know, not very PC) and real mothers for losing their babies. It's a crime.Shaylenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-91615983249280501972012-02-28T11:42:32.483-05:002012-02-28T11:42:32.483-05:00Re: Shaylene, "adoption is everywhere".....Re: Shaylene, "adoption is everywhere"...I can't go anywhere without it reaching out and clobbering me ("Facebook helped one couple's dream of having a baby come true!" and they are posting again to find a sibling - talk about a free market!) <br /><br />As an adoptee, it just disgusts me - I feel like a victim of slave-traders, standing on the block, hoping for a kind master, knowing there is no escape. When will it end?Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06366141565010190668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66851495566249708762012-02-28T10:53:01.605-05:002012-02-28T10:53:01.605-05:00There was an article in the local newspaper about ...There was an article in the local newspaper about those who have stillborns or infants who died shortly after birth. They stated a need to have photos and a way to memorialize and grieve the baby <b>they bonded with in-utero and lost upon birth</b>. The old thinking was to encourage them to go home and forget about it or try to have another later on. The new thinking is to find a way to process their grief in a healthy manner.<br /><br />Sound familiar? Except with adoption the new thinking is to actually celebrate the loss of the child. No grieving allowed, unless it is followed by singing the praises of adoption and patting one-self on the back for doing the right thing. Can this be healthy long-term? Or is it a short-term reaction that may explode in grief and anger years later?<br /><br />Good luck with your surgery.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52176278106200918212012-02-28T10:08:57.482-05:002012-02-28T10:08:57.482-05:00Lordie, adoption is everywhere, isn't it? I me...Lordie, adoption is everywhere, isn't it? I mean, I feel like I can't spend an entire day without running smack dab into it somewhere. I couldn't even watch the Oscars without thinking when this one or that one came on the screen--Angelina, Sandra Bullock--that she is an adoptive mother. It's even come up now a couple of times on The Biggest Loser. One of the trainers is adopted and one of the contestants had a meltdown the other week about feeling that something was missing in her life because she was adopted. I mean, I'm sick to death of it, but it was a good thing for everybody watching to hear and see what she had to say.Shaylenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72154182783665384972012-02-27T19:59:23.637-05:002012-02-27T19:59:23.637-05:00Yeah, unfortuneately these same words have been he...Yeah, unfortuneately these same words have been heard<br />before spoken by the adopter to the mother.<br /><br />This adoption"will be different" said the spider to the fly.<br /><br />While the future grandmother admits she could not look at the mother and silently knits a blanket. Tells me a lot<br />about her she knows the truth and silently watches until the prey is snatched.<br /><br />I am so disillusioned by what women will do to other women so they can have a baby. <br /><br />Women are mire compassionate I don't think so their drive to have a baby any baby they can call their own males them ruthless.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3884422318278275262012-02-27T16:33:21.186-05:002012-02-27T16:33:21.186-05:00Thanks adopted ones...I embedded the amusing video...Thanks adopted ones...I embedded the amusing video in the blog.<br />:)Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16091082526663063562012-02-27T14:51:03.988-05:002012-02-27T14:51:03.988-05:00http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedd...http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vbLsy9eKBlItheadoptedonesnoreply@blogger.com