tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3674577761985510813..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: At Christmas first mothers and adoptees get the blues Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29443469450768242222017-01-13T11:53:55.319-05:002017-01-13T11:53:55.319-05:00I reconnected with my daughter in 2002. She was b...I reconnected with my daughter in 2002. She was born in 1964 just 2 wks before Christmas. We had a wonderful bonding reunion and several good years with her and my 2 grandchildren. My husband and our children welcomed her and good times were shared. Her adoptive mother had passed away, now her adoptive dad and brother have passed away. Except for cousins, she has no other adoptive family. <br />Unfortunately, I've had to use tough love, as I felt she was using me to help her get out of financial messes due to poor decisions on her part. I never went a day without praying for her and wondering where and how she was. I was thrilled to find out her adoptive family had been loving and she had a very happy life. Her biological dad whom I had not seen since becoming pregnant,passed away 8 years later. I am retired and not wealthy. I would love a better relationship with my daughter, but my prayer is that she will be able to work though her problems and to enjoy her children and, hopefully, grandchildren someday. I am 75 and won't be here for her always. I have a lot of guilt because I resent some of the problems she has caused. I need a good support group.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34346605484109810502016-12-25T16:51:30.442-05:002016-12-25T16:51:30.442-05:00Thanks Cherry, and thanks to all our readers. We l...Thanks Cherry, and thanks to all our readers. We learn so much from you!Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53793938301862562812016-12-25T16:42:12.972-05:002016-12-25T16:42:12.972-05:00You've been so helpful too Kaisa - I really ap...You've been so helpful too Kaisa - I really appreciate your thoughts.<br /><br />And I love Lorraine and Jane for doing this, the effort, the heart of it.Cherryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07876862640326469175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53759158580057207952016-12-25T16:34:25.682-05:002016-12-25T16:34:25.682-05:00Thank you Lorraine...today I sang Christmas carols...Thank you Lorraine...today I sang Christmas carols to the dogs. SHould have stayed off Facebook because that was too depressing, all the people celebrating with their families. Sometimes not knowing things is better.Danninoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75885717138634062272016-12-24T17:47:03.350-05:002016-12-24T17:47:03.350-05:00Thanks, Kaisa, I am so pleased to do this website ...Thanks, Kaisa, I am so pleased to do this website with Lorraine. Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40125565948339545522016-12-24T15:36:05.983-05:002016-12-24T15:36:05.983-05:00Blessings at this difficult time of year, may the ...Blessings at this difficult time of year, may the new year bring us renewal of the light that is the best of our spirit.<br />GEMsMommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15308085223731392908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88187675080858288982016-12-24T12:12:43.854-05:002016-12-24T12:12:43.854-05:00Definitely felt the blues and the roller coaster b...Definitely felt the blues and the roller coaster before the holiday. a little numbing now that the days have arrived, but overall everything is good. ugh why do us crazy humans put ourselves through such things? <br /><br />A Christmas wish to everybody i've met here, you all have been so helpful to me and i've come to know some of your stories and so - Merry Christmas to you. I hope you have a happy time and a safe holiday. Merry Christmas Lorraine and Jane, and thanks for running this website where i've met you and so many others. Have a good holiday week !Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16571106249207987994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5590608919585914022016-12-22T18:21:26.308-05:002016-12-22T18:21:26.308-05:00A searcher who could find seeming anybody in any s...A searcher who could find seeming anybody in any state was operating. I never knew who he or she was and paid $1200 to an intermediary in cash. I later learned that he or she had already had her name and that of her adopting parents from the clues I wrote into Birthmark, my first memoir published in 1979. At the time I felt I had to wait but decided to go ahead with my husband's-to-be and a friend's support. I'm thinking the Searcher was either a judge, an FBI guy or a social worker who could get people everywhere to look up the information. After I found my daughter, he did the same for a friend who relinquished her daughter in Pennsylvania. My daughter was living in Wisconsin; she had been adopted in Rochester, NY. I got her phone number as well as her parents' names and address, and information about the makeup of her family--that she had brothers and at least one of them was adopted. All true. Oh yes, I also had the name of the parish they belonged to. There were lots of ways searches were done illegally. I wrote about some of them in Hole in my Heart. <br /><br />$1,200.00 in 1981 had the same buying power as $3,288.88 in 2016. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14444815284071697952016-12-22T17:45:59.210-05:002016-12-22T17:45:59.210-05:00I am still amazed that you were able to find your ...I am still amazed that you were able to find your daughter as early as 1981. With no internet it must have been so much more difficult than it is today.Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81878135504155758932016-12-22T08:36:39.854-05:002016-12-22T08:36:39.854-05:00Danni--I'm sorry. At least, as you say, the do...Danni--I'm sorry. At least, as you say, the dogs will be some company. I've been through holidays when my daughter wasn't speaking to me for, as you say, something that you could not help. Hugs from here. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68753854774095265732016-12-22T03:25:24.623-05:002016-12-22T03:25:24.623-05:00"Surround yourself as much as possible with p..."Surround yourself as much as possible with people who do love you."<br />If it were possible I would try to do so. There really is no one. And last month my daughter closed the reunion due to a personal reason that had to do with something I could not help. I will be spending the holiday alone, except for 3 dogs (I am housesitting for my ex who is travelling for the holidays). The dogs are good company, fortunately. Merry Christmas/Happy Hannukah/Happy Holidays to those who have family and those who do not.<br />Danninoreply@blogger.com