tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4420517450137594686..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Silver Linings come to this first motherLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43990198933116477322015-12-28T22:09:50.164-05:002015-12-28T22:09:50.164-05:00Thank you, Raven. It was quite a trip in many ways...Thank you, Raven. It was quite a trip in many ways. Her very thoughtful Christmas gifts for me and Tony arrived today. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86474933555528339252015-12-28T20:55:29.672-05:002015-12-28T20:55:29.672-05:00Lorraine, I saw the photo of your granddaughter...Lorraine, I saw the photo of your granddaughter's graduation ceremony the other night on Facebook. I have to say that it made my heart sing. Love you, my friend.Ravennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70353584944295079332015-12-24T11:41:21.928-05:002015-12-24T11:41:21.928-05:00Your description conveyed your pride and happiness...Your description conveyed your pride and happiness so much that I could almost picture being there! Congratulations to your granddaughter! So happy for you Lorraine!A Second Momnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59643051766703448722015-12-24T04:31:05.607-05:002015-12-24T04:31:05.607-05:00Understanding what effect adoption had on you is j...Understanding what effect adoption had on you is just so difficult for an adoptee. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life, which I would attribute to a classic case of 'anxious attachment' as a child and also a highly sensitive personality that was not a very good temperamental fit with my aparents. As was usual in 1970, I was in foster care for the first three months, and was unable to hold eye contact and almost never cried (presumably because I had given up on anyone responding) by the time my aparents got me. Because you know, blank slate, infants feel nothing, etc...I don't know how they justified such a practice, but anyway...Though I often felt filled with paralyzing and global fear (unconnected to anything in particular) as a child, I never thought of my birthparents or longed for them or even thought of adoption or being adopted at all. It was not until I was in reunion and read all the adoption stuff that I saw my pattern was quite common. Its not something an adoptee would think of on their own because its really not part of your conscious thinking, it has no literal content about being adopted in it. ...While first in reunion I had no issues at all with 'anger' and felt nothing about being adopted, but as time goes on, I find it hard to contain my anger and hurt. Though I try. Adoptedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289131969832835777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3533721747760836762015-12-23T19:51:09.065-05:002015-12-23T19:51:09.065-05:00I can only imagine how it felt to watch your grand...I can only imagine how it felt to watch your granddaughter graduate earlier this month. Yours has certainly been a circuitous route to "Proud Grandmother."<br /><br />I like the commencement speaker's advice.<br /><br />Noting Yvonne's transition. Godspeed to her.<br />Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72497767017694797232015-12-23T16:20:10.755-05:002015-12-23T16:20:10.755-05:00Congratulations to your Granddaughter, Lorraine!!
...Congratulations to your Granddaughter, Lorraine!!<br />And from the previous page thread - yes, my daughter said "It was God's plan that she was adopted"... :(<br /><br />Merry Christmas everyone!! :)Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34101870178947793642015-12-23T12:30:59.130-05:002015-12-23T12:30:59.130-05:00Thank you, Lorraine and DallasJenn (I remember you...Thank you, Lorraine and DallasJenn (I remember you, a wonderful MSW intern!)for your kind words about CSSW's open adoption program. We are very proud of the work we do here. "Birthmark" & "Hole in My Heart" are important books for anyone working in adoption or pregnancy counseling, and meeting Lorraine has been a true pleasure. Ellyhttp://csswashtenaw.org/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27763070687381215192015-12-22T16:18:51.311-05:002015-12-22T16:18:51.311-05:00Robin:
I was just the grandmother. No one doubte...Robin: <br /><br />I was just the grandmother. No one doubted anything--why would they? The APs do not look like her at all. And no one knew the story...of this or that except her friends. When I met her art history professor (her minor) in August, Britt simply introduced me as her grandmother. Between us, there is no need for a filter. That dissipated after I "opened" my adoption by finding my daughter at 15, and her parents welcomed me into their lives. <br /><br />I would have to say that no one seeing Britt and I shopping or sitting at Starbucks--talking about adoption, talking about the app for learning French on her phone, about where the job she hopes to get next semester, about going to Wisconsin for Christmas...about her mother's suicide (which we did in August) would be likely to have any doubt how we were related. Same was true when I was with my daughter, though I saw a strong resemblance to her father. <br /><br />As a point of interest, Howard Schultz, the CEO and founder of Starbucks, graduated from Northern Michigan U. So there is a Starbucks in the school library. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6384365684245254702015-12-22T15:48:54.524-05:002015-12-22T15:48:54.524-05:00I completed my MSW internship at Washtenaw County ...I completed my MSW internship at Washtenaw County Catholic Charities a decade ago and remain so appreciative of all I gained from my time in that office. It's wonderful to hear that the post adoption group is still going strong; I appreciated Elly's work facilitating the group and am so glad to know that she manages the adoption program. If adoption has to exist, this agency is going about it in the most ethical way possible. DallasJennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00558849572108887699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19070552769306254662015-12-22T12:24:49.917-05:002015-12-22T12:24:49.917-05:00Thank heavens you found your daughter. It breaks m...Thank heavens you found your daughter. It breaks my heart to think that you might have never even known that you had grandchildren or known anything about their lives. We all deserve to know this about our closest blood kin. Who did come up with this insane system of fully closed adoption?<br /><br />Btw, did anyone there know right away that you were related? Perhaps by saying something to you like, "You must be Britt's grandmother?"<br /><br />Thanks for sharing this lovely and heartwarming story.Robinhttp://www.allinthefamilyadoption.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22742842556270869652015-12-22T12:14:38.407-05:002015-12-22T12:14:38.407-05:00Congratulations to your granddaughter on her gradu...Congratulations to your granddaughter on her graduation. So happy that you both have a strong connection. Janice Nicolnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35416321863001850362015-12-22T11:41:32.564-05:002015-12-22T11:41:32.564-05:00What a beautiful story! Congratulations to you, an...What a beautiful story! Congratulations to you, and also you deserve to brag about your granddaughter, what an accomplishment. Happy for you that you were able to share that time with her on that special milestone of her life. <br />Sorry to read about your friend/adoption nemesis, Yvonne, passing. I am currently in the middle of reading your book, 'hole in my heart' and it is very good. Not sure if reading it here at the holidays is such a great idea, but actually it is really helping. It seems that 'adoption' is starting to make some positive changes...the Washtenaw County agency's open adoption stance. Hope this continues as more First mothers and Adoptees speak out. These are silver linings for sure. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01908086395357601866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82713551137288614702015-12-22T10:09:09.923-05:002015-12-22T10:09:09.923-05:00This is a wonderful postlude to your heroic yet he...This is a wonderful postlude to your heroic yet heartbreaking story. I lost my oldest son to adoption. We are in reunion and he loves me very much. But he is still 'grateful' for the adoption, perhaps because those are all the messages that he has gotten about how to respond. It's very obvious that he has trouble coming to grips with his OWN feelings and not always performing for others. He has had severe addiction problems over the years and even spent a considerable amount of time homeless. The research tells us that adoptees are 4 times more likely to suffer from addiction. He has been sober for the past two years and working diligently, but is still grateful. It breaks my heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70595702965876232272015-12-22T09:54:08.189-05:002015-12-22T09:54:08.189-05:00Congratulations to your granddaughter! You must b...Congratulations to your granddaughter! You must be very proud! How wonderful that you know her and have such a great relationship. I love your blog!KathyMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16610850564836386878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64015378735153486012015-12-22T09:39:34.092-05:002015-12-22T09:39:34.092-05:00Your granddaughter is a treasure. So happy for yo...Your granddaughter is a treasure. So happy for you that you have this bond with her.Pamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08653853519675824740noreply@blogger.com