tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4448712398896735241..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: The Latest Craze: Giving Away BabyLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51404844525850426222010-02-24T22:06:15.776-05:002010-02-24T22:06:15.776-05:00As someone that actually "surrendered" a...As someone that actually "surrendered" a little girl 8 years ago I find this blog's view on the article and some of the comments that followed cruel. <br /><br />Its not fashionable its a bittersweet experience that never ever leaves you. No one is a hero, I felt a range of emotions but never felt proud, I also dont regret my choice, I did what was best for my child.<br /><br />I think some of you point a lot of fingers while offering no solutions or even acknowledge that whatever choice one makes when they find themselves in an unplanned pregnancy isnt ever made on a whim.<br /><br />You seem to fail to acknowledge that when found in this situation there isnt ever a "right" choice to pick and no matter what you do a blog like this one will look at what you do as selfish. I can assure you nothing about adoption is selfish.I think the rate at which women choose abortion is far more of a "craze" to worry about. If you judge so harshly ones ability to acknowledge they dont have the essential things needed to raise a child let alone the maturity level. Then please tell me how you judge someone that chooses to abort their child? I personal felt it was far better for my child to be raised by a mother and father with the stability and maturity needed to raise her to a well rounded adult not to mention said mother and father are unable to produce children and it has left a void so large in their life that they have to avoid regular places in fear of seeing a baby ... Should I have found more comfort in aborting her? What a selfish thought that is " if I cant raise you, then its better for you to never be born" or should I have raised her and hoped she would survive long enough in my care for me to get my act together, being raised mostly by other people anyway like daycare workers because the hours needed to feed us and provide even the basics meant I would have to work two jobs leaving me so exhausted that when I did see her I didnt have the patience to handle even her basis care and spent every hour of every day overwhelmed, leading to a child that was neglected and emotional stunted ... would that of satisfied you? There is no ideal situation that in itself is what an unplanned pregnancy is a less that ideal situation and as for me and most birthmother i know adoption was the most positive choice to make for everyone involved.Ashley Bnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2416801311917887222010-02-14T12:16:48.330-05:002010-02-14T12:16:48.330-05:00oh yeah i for got about 16 and pregnant there was...oh yeah i for got about 16 and pregnant there was so many things on so many levels wrong with that, but i do feel like they were put on a pedastool for their decisionMama Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04459176957674069370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38489625965034511932010-02-14T12:08:37.797-05:002010-02-14T12:08:37.797-05:00im very mixed on this topic, i think there are jpr...im very mixed on this topic, i think there are jprobably more birthmoms today that come to a better peace, because they do hav econtact anc knowledge and choices, but I know many that do reget it and they have full open adoptions. I do think agencies are smart in how they market and where as years ago, there was shame and much pressure, I think today it is marketed as 'your choice" and look what all you can "give" your baby by placing with this wonderful couple and also I do think it is seen as acceptable in alot of our society now, not all ofcourse, but I will say and this is coming from the perspective of an adoptive mom, I think there are very very few cases where adoption is the best choice. but very interestion food for thought.Mama Bearhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04459176957674069370noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79727621092258689072010-02-13T14:32:44.546-05:002010-02-13T14:32:44.546-05:00Here is a quote I found...need I say more?
At tim...Here is a quote I found...need I say more?<br /><br />At times of high stress the brain can get emotionally overloaded. At these times the brain will activate automatic defenses, which we will call denial patterns. Each denial pattern is turned on by a specific trigger that threatens something that we value. As a severe problem causes intense stress, the brain turns on intense fear and/or anger. This activates a psychological program that starts mobilizing automatic defensive thoughts and the urge to use resistant behaviors.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27394991524068658402010-02-13T12:08:18.125-05:002010-02-13T12:08:18.125-05:00Fully agreeing with Maura and what she said here. ...Fully agreeing with Maura and what she said here. Just because I wanted to raise my child, regret my surrender, always wanted children, and had a few more, does not mean this is true of every mother who gives birth. Some women just do not want to be parents. They should not be scorned if that is the reason they surrendered, and yes, they do exist and they are not monsters. Get out the tar and feathers and pitchforks; I do not believe in the absolute sanctity of biological motherhood!:-)<br /><br />Maura wrote:<br />A disclosure of sorts: I don't think adoption is innately bad. It can be a solution. There are girls and women who, for whatever reason, can't or don't want to raise a child (And I think that "don't want to" is a reason that's often ignored because it sounds so cold and unfeeling. And, of course, unnatural, because all females want to be mothers. /sarcasm/). All the support systems in the world aren't going to erase the huge problems that accompany an inability or unwillingness to raise a child."maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89307715319656512972010-02-13T11:42:00.909-05:002010-02-13T11:42:00.909-05:00Amanda said... I agree that relinquishing will be...Amanda said... <i>I agree that relinquishing will become "fashionable" or threatens to do so. It has already happened in my opinion. Catelynn and Tyler, the couple featured on MTV's "16 and Pregnant" and then "Teen Mom" relinquished to Bethany Christian Services while on the show. They are lauded on message boards nationally and internationally for their "selflessness," their "bravery," and their "courageousness."</i> <br /><br />But that's not new, Amanda. I've been hearing how brave and selfless and courageous I am for over 30 years. It's always followed with "I couldn't do it".<br /><br />But I do get your point. We're talking about teenagers here, and they can be mighty impressionable. An MTV reality show isn't going to talk about the real pain that can come from relinquishing. When a teenage girl on a television show decides to relinquish, it can look easy and painless, and it gives that decision a lot of credibility. Couple that with parents very valid concerns about their daughter becoming a mother too soon, and the situation can become ripe for relinquishment.<br /><br />On the other hand, teenagers can be extraordinarily intractable, and they're highly capable of romanticizing motherhood, no matter what anyone tells them. So, in the long run, I'm still not convinced that surrendering a child is going to be The Next Big Thing.<br /><br />A disclosure of sorts: I don't think adoption is innately bad. It can be a solution. There are girls and women who, for whatever reason, can't or don't want to raise a child (And I think that "don't want to" is a reason that's often ignored because it sounds so cold and unfeeling. And, of course, unnatural, because all females want to be mothers. /sarcasm/). All the support systems in the world aren't going to erase the huge problems that accompany an inability or unwillingness to raise a child.Maurahttp://occasionalblond.vox.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56023907658265305632010-02-12T20:30:37.935-05:002010-02-12T20:30:37.935-05:00I agree that relinquishing will become "fashi...I agree that relinquishing will become "fashionable" or threatens to do so. It has already happened in my opinion. Catelynn and Tyler, the couple featured on MTV's "16 and Pregnant" and then "Teen Mom" relinquished to Bethany Christian Services while on the show. They are lauded on message boards nationally and internationally for their "selflessness," their "bravery," and their "courageousness." Their daughter's adoptive mother told People Magazine that she's happy to be "a spokeswoman for adoption." Catelynn has said many-a-time that girls contact her and even come up to her in the street crying and hugging her, telling her what a hero she is. Catelynn said that's she's often told by people "you're so brave, I could never give my daughter up for adoption." To which Catelynn responds that they CAN do it. She didn't think that she could do it but she found it within herself to do it.<br /><br />The result? Well, many of us in the ARM have discovered at least one teenage mom on the message boards of MTV, seeking attention, trying to be on the show and promoting her blog which features her dancing back and forth between parenting and adoption (I lost track of where she was in the whole decision process, she may have changed her mind about changing her mind about relinquishing...again, at this point).<br /><br />MTV is just giddy over the ratings they're getting...at the expense of giving an unrealistic picture of adoption for today's youth.The Declassified Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16726376584015902627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-20084174443654724712010-02-12T12:44:05.792-05:002010-02-12T12:44:05.792-05:00Jane, that was Jim Fassel...big news in my adoptio...Jane, that was Jim Fassel...big news in my adoption circles when that broke, so close to home here in NJ.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05958887097090820238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86102908406227334292010-02-11T15:47:49.788-05:002010-02-11T15:47:49.788-05:00Another celeb set of birthparents -- the former co...Another celeb set of birthparents -- the former coach of the NY Giants football team and his wife. Does anyone remember his name? He and his girl friend gave up their son. They later married and had several more children. Several years ago, there were some news articles about the son finding his parents.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22750983230501531292010-02-11T10:21:37.563-05:002010-02-11T10:21:37.563-05:00Let's keep this list going...Every birth paren...Let's keep this list going...Every birth parent who comes out of the closet helps up push open the door to open records further. <br /> <br />xo to you all.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9468844307239548832010-02-11T07:38:49.616-05:002010-02-11T07:38:49.616-05:00And who could forget Strom Thurmond?And who could forget Strom Thurmond?Hello Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15653146239572987957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75692184764087037182010-02-10T23:33:00.116-05:002010-02-10T23:33:00.116-05:00Listing (short)Notable Birth Parents" is and ...Listing (short)Notable Birth Parents" is and interesting topic. We're all beat over the head with notable adopting parents. And I've seen several lists of notable adoptees. This is the most extensive list I've seen of notable birth parents,apart from bloggers, of course...Being Mehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18191598836451286017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58879052134034963042010-02-10T20:17:10.157-05:002010-02-10T20:17:10.157-05:00Other birthparents:
Paula Fox, author
Faith Irela...Other birthparents:<br /><br />Paula Fox, author<br />Faith Ireland, retired State of Washington Supreme Court Justice<br />Sally Amis, daughter of novelist Kingsley Amis<br />Rex Harrison, actorJane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51005134219788583232010-02-10T18:06:32.666-05:002010-02-10T18:06:32.666-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31403847109592930982010-02-10T18:01:05.932-05:002010-02-10T18:01:05.932-05:00I wrote an entry about the Pregnancy pact movie on...I wrote an entry about the Pregnancy pact movie on Lifetime before it came out (The Pregnancy pact is Lax on Facts) and I have gotten alott of hits due to it-and apparently, the entire town of Glouster in MA where I live is furious at Lifetime tv Network for the making of this film-the real life girls said there was NO pact, but in the film they say there was-Glouster residents feel that Hollywood is exploiting their young residents. Eh, what else is new....The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15709348531899223002010-02-10T17:12:00.673-05:002010-02-10T17:12:00.673-05:00A brief P.S to my previous post.
IMO Anne Petrie...A brief P.S to my previous post. <br />IMO Anne Petrie's book (published 1998) deserves to be read alongside Ann Fessler's "The Girl's Who Went Away", especially as it was written and compiled by one of those those 'girls'. <br />Beautifully written and painstakingly researched, it includes, along with her own story, those of other young women who lived through the same experience.Hello Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15653146239572987957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67448806049269279112010-02-10T16:24:09.021-05:002010-02-10T16:24:09.021-05:00Anne Petrie wrote a moving book about her own expe...Anne Petrie wrote a moving book about her own experience, "Gone to an Aunt's: Remembering Canada's Homes for Unwed Mothers." <br />Definitely recommended.Hello Kittyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15653146239572987957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80919194774212979792010-02-10T16:01:34.276-05:002010-02-10T16:01:34.276-05:00Love Mercedes. Love her. And Andy Kaufman was a ge...Love Mercedes. Love her. And Andy Kaufman was a genius. <br /><br />Actually, the Einstein baby was born to them a year before marriage. They did marry and have more kids. Then he divorced and remarried.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-46672320045911274642010-02-10T14:55:04.567-05:002010-02-10T14:55:04.567-05:00Interesting, Jess. Don't know who the last two...Interesting, Jess. Don't know who the last two are at all, did not know about Andy Kaufman. The Einstein story is heartbreaking. Mileva who was intellectually on par with Albert never really recovered from losing her child and never worked again. Here is a book of their love letters;<br />http://www.amazon.com/Albert-Einstein-Mileva-Maric-Letters/dp/0691087601<br /><br />Another one I know of is punk rocker Patti Smith.<br /><br />None of these celebrities bragged about being a birthparent or promoted adoption in any way. Mostly they were "outed" by the press when found. Nothing like the AP celebrities showing off their newly purchased kids in designer outfits.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61662360050685322912010-02-10T14:54:19.486-05:002010-02-10T14:54:19.486-05:00And David Crosby--he is the sperm daddy of Tammy L...And David Crosby--he is the sperm daddy of Tammy Lynn Michaels twins (?) she had as Melissa Ethridge's partner. I state it that way because are they still a couple? Don't know. <br /><br />Our friend Rosie has split from her partner and of course they have many kids, and continue to oppose open records in the person of her snarky brother, Danny O'Donnell, in the New York legislature.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14667107533665763842010-02-10T14:48:58.763-05:002010-02-10T14:48:58.763-05:00Add Mercedes Ruhl to the birthmother list.Add Mercedes Ruhl to the birthmother list.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3752918466402458822010-02-10T14:48:28.494-05:002010-02-10T14:48:28.494-05:00I have to do some checking but I recall reading th...I have to do some checking but I recall reading that Einstein had an earlier romance that led to a child relinquished.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40557839022540290282010-02-10T13:38:02.996-05:002010-02-10T13:38:02.996-05:00Maryanne, I came across this curious list on an ad...Maryanne, I came across this curious list on an adoption site. It seems to bear out your point and the list has gotta be about one-tenth the size of the a-parent list. Note: I did not know Albert Einstein and his wife to be relinquished. <br /><br />Notable Birth Parents:<br />Roseanne Barr, Actress<br />Marilyn Churley, Ontario MPP<br />David Crosby, Singer<br />Albert Einstein, Physicist<br />Andy Kaufman, Comedian<br />Joni Mitchell, Singer<br />Kate Mulgrew, Actress<br />Anne Petrie, Broadcaster<br />Shari Ulrich, SingerAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-87974902639732153512010-02-10T13:05:55.907-05:002010-02-10T13:05:55.907-05:00Maura, it's the non-thinking approach, isn'...Maura, it's the non-thinking approach, isn't it. Sort of the way London Tipton says, "Yay, me!" and then pats herself excessively only it's "Yay, adoption!"Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49142774067798464442010-02-10T10:54:50.164-05:002010-02-10T10:54:50.164-05:00Oh my Jessica. I checked out that facebook page. S...Oh my Jessica. I checked out that facebook page. Someone needs to proof read her post:<br /><br /> <i>I love Adoption as it bought me my 2 sons!</i><br /><br />I am going to assume that's a typo.<br /><br />I thing the whole thing is funny, in a disturbing way. Not everyone will, so think before you click over there. There's lots of cheerleading about a subject that's very painful.Maurahttp://occasionalblond.vox.com/noreply@blogger.com