tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post446449904403586379..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Telling my family about my first child--and then going publicLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54168247785088242472015-04-16T09:26:06.875-04:002015-04-16T09:26:06.875-04:00Anonymous, there is a suggested template for a let...Anonymous, there is a suggested template for a letter on the side --Writing the First Letter. <a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/p/letter-to-birth-mother-or-sibling.html" rel="nofollow">Letter to Birth Mother or Sibling</a><br /><br />You may find that helpful. Or you might phone, as I did when I located my daughter. It is possible that your feelings about her political and religious views may be accurate--I believe we often get "messages" like that, I did--but that does not mean that she may not be waiting for you. We can't promise that she will be receptive, but you will never ever know until you reach out to her. Good luck! <br /><br />You could let us know how it goes, but if you do, please choose a name for yourself--any name, and post as that, just choose the option where it says Name/URL. You don't need a URL. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68185967919829303612015-04-16T01:45:10.114-04:002015-04-16T01:45:10.114-04:00Thank you for offering such wonderful insight. I a...Thank you for offering such wonderful insight. I am a 30 year old adoptee who just got her original birth certificate for the first time due to the release of this information via Ohio law. It is interesting to read your reflections on the religious aspects of this interaction. It hits close to home, because for me, one of the reasons I did not seek my birth mother previously was out of a fear that she would be exceptionally conservative and/or religious. It feels silly writing it out, but it's true.<br />Just two days ago I received her information, and I think I have located her after a rigorous internet search. I am sitting with this information at the moment, unsure how to proceed. I appreciate very much what you have shared here. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5635011937961800472014-03-19T10:46:59.406-04:002014-03-19T10:46:59.406-04:00I am sorry that it was so hard on the younger girl...I am sorry that it was so hard on the younger girls. I hope everyone settled into it and you are feeling at least some peace and free from the secrets. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82901798496037016312014-03-19T10:43:48.760-04:002014-03-19T10:43:48.760-04:00Your story shows the reality of the adoption fogYour story shows the reality of the adoption fogAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65785322268022874302009-08-12T02:53:03.241-04:002009-08-12T02:53:03.241-04:00I read your story and have to admit, your view is ...I read your story and have to admit, your view is extremely disappointing. I am an adopted child, raised in a Mormon family, and I think although each individual may perceive their biological parents in a different way, it might not be just a religion thing for not wanting to continue contact. It might be hard for her to see you doing things she does not believe in, especially activities your biological child may view as immoral (EX:Drinking wine may be socially acceptable but a sin to a devout Mormon).<br />I can tell you from experience, I have known who and where my biological mother lives but have never contacted her. Quite frankly, I love my parents and am afraid of the disappointment, it's not a fear based on religion, but disappointment. As a child I wondered why I was abandoned. As an adult, I can echo the sentiment, adoption was the best thing my birth mother could have ever done, I love my mother so much I don't think anyone, including my birth mother, would have ever been half the mother I had. I may contact my birth mother out of curiosity, but not out of a need for a mother. And I have a life and a family I adore, although I share a unique biological bond to my birth mother, my family is who raised me, and who I identify with. You made a choice you must live with, I think the only thing you can do is accept what she is willing to give to you, love her if she needs it, and let her go, like you did so many years before.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29377188356925980572009-07-21T15:04:02.165-04:002009-07-21T15:04:02.165-04:00THIS MESSAGE IS FOR ELLISA:
Of course we can help...THIS MESSAGE IS FOR ELLISA:<br /><br />Of course we can help. Please write me directly at divab202@yahoo.com so we can speak to you privately.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05958887097090820238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35861552630847581192009-07-20T23:02:12.177-04:002009-07-20T23:02:12.177-04:00Issy, After I spent a moment smiling at your confe...Issy, After I spent a moment smiling at your confession that you've been lurking about-and learning from--first mother forum, I spent the next several seconds smiling and shouting Go Issy! I'm so, so glad--and so thankful--that you get it. Hopefully more and more contemporary adoptive mothers share/will share your point of view. As you've read here on fmf, the decades of black holes--with neither the birth mother or adoptee having any knowledge about the other--is so difficult, and so unnecssary. Please continue to wear your rose colored glasses, and thank you for not being discouraged by others as you try to include your daughter's birth mother in her life.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05958887097090820238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59685439830381588922009-07-20T22:44:51.750-04:002009-07-20T22:44:51.750-04:00"Far from being a soul-mate, she did not even..."Far from being a soul-mate, she did not even feel like a friend."<br /><br />In your shoes, I wonder if I'd have questioned why she had to go to *that* family with *those* views. . .and if they made her who she was. And I understand the last question you asked too. But I agree that it was best to search and take what came of it. <br /><br />I wish you all the best opening up a relationship with your granddaughters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56751086981394231462009-07-20T20:25:22.081-04:002009-07-20T20:25:22.081-04:00Thanks everyone for their comments. Changing the ...Thanks everyone for their comments. Changing the title was an excellent suggestion, Gail, and I've done it.<br /><br />Issy your sensitivity to your daughter's birthmother is heart warming. By all means try and contact your daughter's birthmother. I truly believe that once an adoption takes place, the best course for all is to integrate the families. As you say, no child can have too much love.<br /><br />Mary Anne, perhaps you could pass on to Dr Severson that it would be a great service if he would have his pamphlet re-printed. I bought three at the 1998 AAC convention and I haven't seen it anywhere since. Alternatively, he could post it online and let people download it for a fee.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81772747183408559392009-07-20T18:43:14.044-04:002009-07-20T18:43:14.044-04:00I would recommend changing the title of your post ...I would recommend changing the title of your post to "Telling my family about my first child--and then going public." All of your children are your birth children, and Megan was your first child.<br /><br />GailAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44368682460516780372009-07-20T17:19:01.168-04:002009-07-20T17:19:01.168-04:00"Their response was much like the lament of a..."Their response was much like the lament of an adoptive mother who learns her adopted child is having a relationship with her birthmother: “How can she care for this woman who gave her away? I was the one who changed her diapers, stayed up with her when she was sick, paid for her braces, and so on.”<br /><br />I'm an adoptive mother who has lurked on your blog for quite a while. Mostly to learn, mostly to understand. My husband and i adopted E. two years ago...and i find myself almost daily thinking about her birth mother and how she is doing and now, my heart hurts for her.<br /><br />When we started our adoption (which was an international adoption), i have to tell you we were about as naive as they come. Wasn't adoption all about the child? Wasn't it in the best interest of the child? Wasn't it because a woman couldn't support a child? What? Adoption can be shady? Adoption can be the result of a mother placing her child for adoption when she doesn't want to? <br /><br />Aftr much conversation with my husband (who disagrees with me very strongly--i won't even go into my close friend's reactions, sigh), i'm in the process of searching for my daughter's birth mother. My husband feels that it should be a choice that is made by E. and only E.-not by me or anyone else. I disagree. How can adding a person (especially her birth mother) to her life be a bad thing? My husband and friends accuse me of having rosy colored glasses on but i disagree. There is more than enough love to go around...i love E. with all of my heart. I love her laugh, her giggles, her smile, how she cuddles with me-yet i know that there is another woman out there who is also her mother and who also should share in her life.<br /><br />My greatest fear is that she will not want to be a part of E's life. E. is only a little over two years old now....<br /><br />"How can she care for this woman who gave her away?"<br /><br />The answer is so easy: it's because she's her mother...how could she not care?~Isabelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12437976653688457847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6164297243544583542009-07-20T11:16:29.485-04:002009-07-20T11:16:29.485-04:00You might be able to get copies of the Sibling Reu...You might be able to get copies of the Sibling Reunions pamphlet by writing to Dr.Randolph Severson, 5025 N. Central Expy. Suite 3026<br />Dallas, TX, 75205 Email me personally for his email address.<br /><br />Neither my surrendered son nor the ones I raised have expressed any interest in meeting each other. I feel that is up to them, not me. <br /><br />I have also reached the point where I feel that the where our relationship goes is in my son's hands. It has been for a while an email only relationship, but he has sporadically kept it up. I would like more but if this is all he can deal with it is ok with me. I consider myself blessed to hear from him at all, and hope he considers me a friend. I would like all my kids to meet some day, but only if it is something they all really want to do which at this point it is not.<br /><br />Soul mates? No, but neither am I and the sons I raised. What I hope for with all of them is mutual respect and some caring, and the amount of contact all of them want, not something I push on any of my kids.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28087285928336465952009-07-20T10:51:29.796-04:002009-07-20T10:51:29.796-04:00What a complicated thing adoption is, for parents ...What a complicated thing adoption is, for parents and their progeny. Thank you for talking it. <br /><br />I remain a secret in my natural mother's home, now getting on five years. I still love to see her though neither of us is getting any younger. She is 79. Her greatgrandson is three. Time flies. I still wonder what I need to say to her.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09447692927417459657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9881688385926709072009-07-20T05:05:37.929-04:002009-07-20T05:05:37.929-04:00"If she were to question the institution of a..."If she were to question the institution of adoption, she would have to question whether she should have been adopted; thus questioning God, an act of heresy, and, more personally, questioning who she would have been if she had not been adopted"<br /><br />That is very, very painful to do.Mei-Linghttp://littlewing04.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33207144451634343692009-07-20T01:04:49.275-04:002009-07-20T01:04:49.275-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12635877618193159522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33691142072713070942009-07-20T00:20:59.953-04:002009-07-20T00:20:59.953-04:00I feel for your cooling relationship. Many adopte...I feel for your cooling relationship. Many adoptees that I know go through this. Many mothers as well. I, in a relationship (?) with my borderline personality daughter am on the other end of the spectrum. I truly do not want anything more to do with her. She is old enough to deal with her problems and won't even recognize them.<br /><br />I think the hardest part of reunion is the part that makes us face things, changes that are made within and the fact that others often do not understand.<br /><br />I wish you well in this. Growing up Mormon, I can tell you, this is not going to be easy. Blessed Be!Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.com