tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4737897429544961701..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Argument to give up your baby is the same old one heard beforeLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger65125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38152550376626741582013-10-01T19:25:44.646-04:002013-10-01T19:25:44.646-04:00Anoymous 510
I apologize for my lapse in respond...Anoymous 510 <br /><br />I apologize for my lapse in responding. <br /><br />You asked what is advancing the equation. It means working a mathmatical equation to resolution. This blog is dedicated to women who have relinquished their parental rights. They want someone to hear their perspective. They hope for a reunion or to improve a reunion. They question the motivations of adoptive parents and those who have delayed childrearing. What better way to address these questions then actively encouraging the participation of adoptive parents, adoptees and I<br />those experiencing infertility. Imagine a discussion with the active involvement of adoptees and adopters on their experiences with reunions. That is information your readers could use. Unfotunately the tone of this blog doesn't encourage such an interaction.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73275934304210336972013-09-22T11:47:33.827-04:002013-09-22T11:47:33.827-04:00"If they have damaged DNA then couples should..."If they have damaged DNA then couples should not have babies."<br /><br />According to the Science Daily article "a little damage is normal (under 15 per cent per sperm), as is seen in the sperm of fertile men." <br />So should these "normal" couples not have babies either?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55789080549498175332013-09-21T10:01:17.759-04:002013-09-21T10:01:17.759-04:00That thought occurred to me too, Sarah, but it loo...That thought occurred to me too, Sarah, but it looks as if it's not just the very wealthy who will benefit. It seems that this research, led by Professor Sheena Lewis of Queen's University, Dublin, has led to better treatment that will save many couples not just time and heartache, but also money. The SpermComet assay test presently costs a little less than $1000 (600 pounds UK). A single cycle of in vitro fertilization in the US costs approximately $10,000 to $15,000, so anything that increases the odds of success is a big advance.<br /><br />Another interesting breakthrough that promises to eventually lead to help for many can be read about here:<br />http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-23223752 <br />Belgian fertility doctors claim that the cost of in vitro fertilization can be cut dramatically from thousands of dollars to well under $300 (UK 170 pounds). Twelve children have already been born through the technique, which replaces expensive medical equipment with inexpensive ingredients.<br /><br />With regard to the SpermComet, Professor Lewis, in partnership with Queen's venture spinout arm, QUBIS, has now set up a company called Lewis Fertility Testing which is already marketing the test.<br />For more information visit www.lewisfertilitytesting.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-74906593675515439322013-09-20T22:05:05.008-04:002013-09-20T22:05:05.008-04:00That separating of the damaged DNA from the bits t...That separating of the damaged DNA from the bits that are good sounds like procreation for the very wealthy. Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40030277969663456112013-09-20T20:39:25.693-04:002013-09-20T20:39:25.693-04:00"If they have damaged DNA then couples should..."If they have damaged DNA then couples should not have babies."<br /><br />That seems very harsh and judgmental.<br />There may be other reasons, but I don't see that as a particular reason why such couples should not have babies - so long as the sperm with undamaged DNA can be selectively separated from the sperm with the damaged DNA, as described in this research. <br />Maybe it's not "natural" selection, but then many of the health related benefits we enjoy today are not "natural" either.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4866842786601458542013-09-20T08:12:56.709-04:002013-09-20T08:12:56.709-04:00http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/12111...http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/11/121114113235.htm<br /><br />Link to Science Daily article on sperm DNA damageAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38177361160839510862013-09-18T22:02:53.329-04:002013-09-18T22:02:53.329-04:00If they have damaged DNA then couples should not h...If they have damaged DNA then couples should not have babies. There is such a thing as natural selection. thanks for the info, Anon, do you have a link? <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52497577567511012002013-09-18T20:16:08.759-04:002013-09-18T20:16:08.759-04:00According to new research at the School of Medicin...According to new research at the School of Medicine, Dentistry and Biomedical Sciences at Queens University Belfast, around 80% of couples who are diagnosed with idiopathic or unexplained infertility have a known cause called high sperm DNA damage.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66910060590671402232013-09-17T19:38:27.424-04:002013-09-17T19:38:27.424-04:00I am getting the feeling that infertility is being...I am getting the feeling that infertility is being attacked here, or better yet being perceived that its being attacked.<br /><br />I don't see it that way at all. Infertility(whatever its causes) is a very sad thing. I would have been devastated if I were infertile. I can't not imagine the pain of waiting every month for that strip to change to the right color, the pain of fertility treatments, the realization that you may never be pregnant, experience pregnancy, or raise your own child. That must be horrible.<br /><br />What I will fight tho" is the argument that because someone can not bear their own that they are entitled to someone else's child that THEY feel is inferior to them. The spout how bio does not matter and biois no big deal...thats AFTER they have come to terms of not having their OWN BIO. They will raise this child ( IMO) deep in their hearts mourning the loss of bio. They may love their adopted child, they will love them with all their hearts , but the loss of not having your "own"will always be there.<br /><br />And who pays for that? The adopted child because you see, deep in THEIR hearts they know that..they KNOw they were 2nd best and if it was done TRULY if it were needed it MIGHT make it easier. But to think a child could have stayed with their OWN family and was not because a young mother was brainwashed into being a hero, or another mother had a better life too lead without being saddled with a brat, or the adoptive parents fought a better fight to "win" ownership".... well, the sadness i feel for those children for me is much more then infertily, unexpected pregnancy, or "lost dreams" I don't thinkanyonefully understands how deeply this effects a child. Even if it were needed it is not respected because the feelings<br />of the mothers and families come before the person who is the prize. So it is buried deeper and deeper and no one can figure out why this child is acting out, or revel in the fact that they are so compliant. <br /><br />lWhy are people asking to discuss the issues , and what is there to discuss in terms of inferitly and adoption....should not even be on the same page because the attitude of "well if you can't have your OWN just adopt!" is wrong. If you can't have your own(and that is a horrible tragedy) i feel you need to come to terms with being childless and leave other peoples babies alone...unless they are TRULY in need of a family and often those poor children are NOT the ones people are lining up to adopt.Dpennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11196403025853722672013-09-17T10:48:05.332-04:002013-09-17T10:48:05.332-04:00Oops, instead of writing, "Unfortunately, the...Oops, instead of writing, "Unfortunately, the supply of infants available for adoption is extremely limited." I probably should have written fortunately. I definitely was not implying that I want more infants given up for adoption...just want to be clear.<br />Leenburkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006552239468993511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47956548196511299062013-09-17T06:49:35.389-04:002013-09-17T06:49:35.389-04:00Anon 11:10 pm,
Yes, parenthood is an awesome res...Anon 11:10 pm, <br /><br />Yes, parenthood is an awesome responsibility, no doubt. Unfortunately, biology does not wait for the perfect set of circumstances. <br /><br />In our society, we are inundated with images of older celebrities seemingly easily becoming pregnant well into their 40's, sometimes 50's. It is easy to assume that if these women can get pregnant so late in their fertile years, that the average, non-celebrity can wait as well. Unfortunately, most celebrities don't get into the details and cost of what they had to go through to become pregnant. This deluge of misinformation about fertility leads many average women to wait to start their families and when that doesn't happen naturally, adoption becomes an option. Unfortunately, the supply of infants available for adoption is extremely limited.<br /><br />There is such a limited supply of newborns that are given up for adoption each year and the demand is so high that corruption and unethical behavior in adoption is prevalent. That is unacceptable. <br /><br />This blog discusses the issues that many other adoption blogs tend to avoid or gloss over. A quick google search for blogs about adoption would garner a flood of adoption blogs presenting the hearts and flowers view of adoption that most people are comfortable with, barely touching on the inherent corruption and damage that most adoptions inflict. <br /><br />This blog, and blogs like it, are few and far between and provide a much needed and far more accurate depiction of adoption issues today. I find the articles written here to be much more truthful and real than most other adoption sites. I am grateful that there is a place I can come to read about adoption from people who have experienced the loss and heartbreak of adoption without having to feel bad for those who would seek to adopt. <br /><br />Anon, you wrote, "Genetic parents as victims, adoptees as emotionally damaged,and adopters as insensitive clueless parents makes for dramatic reading but it doesn't advance the question." I ask you, what exactly IS the question?Leenburkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006552239468993511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34397518290065394752013-09-16T23:59:49.506-04:002013-09-16T23:59:49.506-04:00Anon says that our posts make for dramatic reading...Anon says that our posts make for dramatic reading but do not advance the question (whatever that means} and FMF should have writers with different perspectives on adoption (perspective more to anon's liking). <br /><br />The purpose of FMF is to be a place where first/birth/natural/real mothers share news and opinions. And vent. We believe we have fulfilled this purpose. <br /><br />Although we appreciate our readers, we intend to remain true to our purpose. Those who want something different are welcome to go elsewhere or start their own blog.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57323780879401402862013-09-16T23:10:28.019-04:002013-09-16T23:10:28.019-04:00Anon 5:10
Maybe it is not "an exaggerated sen...Anon 5:10<br />Maybe it is not "an exaggerated sense" but thoughtful planning for an awesome responsibility .. parenthood.<br /><br />Your reference to "superior financial resources to take" another woman's child is a dime store characterization of a much more complex isue.<br /><br />Genetic parents as victims, adoptees as emotionally damaged,and adopters as insensitive clueless parents makes for dramatic reading but it doesn't advance the question. <br /><br />I suggest you consider asking for writers with different perspectives on adoption, adoptee reunions and adopters. This may provide some interesting insight rather than the two dimensionsl depiction this forum often relies on.<br /><br /><br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4475905857659123362013-09-16T22:30:56.000-04:002013-09-16T22:30:56.000-04:00It's great to wait until you're a mature, ...It's great to wait until you're a mature, loving person in a stable relationship to have children -- but that doesn't require you to wait until you're close to menopause. <br /><br />My point is that some women have an exaggerated sense of what it takes to be a mature, responsible adult, financially and emotionally able to raise a child. As a consequence, they wait until it's too late. Then they use their superior resources to justify taking another woman's child. <br /><br />I say women but in some cases it's men. Some are reluctant to have a child until they feel fully settled in their careers or have completed the great American novel or gotten their fourth Ph.D. or whatever, requiring their wives to wait until it's too late.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6948428563061942052013-09-16T21:38:22.678-04:002013-09-16T21:38:22.678-04:00Iwas the original anon who posted on this story. ...Iwas the original anon who posted on this story. Jane your post was a reflection of the very bias I was concerned about. I have many friends who postponed parenthood for the very reasons I posted. I can assure you none of us had au pairs or expensive preschools. However we all have scrubbed more than our fair share of toliets<br /><br />The readers of this forum deserve a well rounded perspective about women and men who may find themselves experiencing infertility. Waiting until you are mature, responsible adult, are in a stable and loving relationship and have the financial ability to raise a child is a good thing.<br /><br />I wish the writers of this forum could move beyond dime novel chacterizations of themselves and others to engage in a meaningful and useful discussion of the issues.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-48345616791034356912013-09-16T21:15:20.315-04:002013-09-16T21:15:20.315-04:00How about a cutoff in age after which infertility ...How about a cutoff in age after which infertility is no longer covered? How about 35? After that, you're on your own. I can certainly see it covered up until then for whatever reason. <br /><br /> I can hear the caterwauling!Viktorianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85388790549663773962013-09-16T21:07:52.439-04:002013-09-16T21:07:52.439-04:00Oh please! now we're jealous of the adopter in...Oh please! now we're jealous of the adopter infertiles? Haha!!!!! Give me a flipping break. As Lorraine pointed out, you don't see many first moms trolling infertile blogs, now do we? I think adopters I know all too well about jealousy. That's why they do everything they can to sabotage a relationship a mother has with her own child. That's why they lie, con and manipulate someone out of her own child. Jealous and possessive to the core... that's the adoptor for ya. PhoenixRisinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07655924058370540037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36720749824702605052013-09-16T20:54:16.978-04:002013-09-16T20:54:16.978-04:00I am actually on board with insurance covering fer...I am actually on board with insurance covering fertility treatments - perhaps then there will be fewer adoptions. h2o_girlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83231658310256799872013-09-16T17:00:35.661-04:002013-09-16T17:00:35.661-04:00Why am I reading the blog? I am interested in rep...Why am I reading the blog? I am interested in reproductive right movements. And I've got a writing deadline I am avoiding. (know thyself.)<br /><br />"The thought of my health insurance company recognizing self inflicted infertility as a disease...I'm sorry I can't get on board with that."<br /><br />The blame game regarding infertility is tedious. <br /><br />Does this woman have a disease? Do you think she shouldn't be covered by health insurance? <br /><br />"My ex partner gave me chlamidya when i was just 22 years old. This resulted in an eptopic pregnancy as the left tube was full of puss. Doctors could not suggest why I was so poorly and in extreme pain and I eventually ended up having a laparoscopy to investigate, this is when they found the infection. They treated me and also told me I had PID, my womb was retrovert and the tubes had fallen behind my womb, also I know that my womb is substantially lower that it used to be with perhaps only 2 and a half inches of the vaginal entry befor I can feel my cervix. Ever since I have been in terrible pain, whilst running, during intercourse and it was getting worse. That is when I went back for a 2nd laparoscopy and they discovered severe adhesions that caused my womb to stick to my liver, they cut it off and removed adhesions and then did a tubular inslaflation ‘dye test’ when i opened my eyes from the op the doctor coldly told me I would never have children again and that a small trickle passed through the right tube and that if this did result in pregnancy it would cause another eptopic. I’m 26 now and still in pain when I have intercourse, some positions are worse than others but that feels like the position of my womb being tilted, i have various sharp pains and before periods can feel agonising pain in my tubes and ovaries. Does any one know what I can do, I so want children again, it has made me feel so depressed and the pain has ruined my sex life, my new partner and i are planning on getting married and i’m sick of pretending I’m too tired for intercourse that lasts over twenty mins its really affecting me and i don’t know how long i can keep up he pretence"<br /><br />http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/07/diagnosis-infertility-caused-by-scar/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31124884568795789552013-09-16T13:37:54.990-04:002013-09-16T13:37:54.990-04:00You don't have to publish this but I felt the ...You don't have to publish this but I felt the need to emphasize that I as a person do not use the s-word and neither do my family members. That is actually a word we do not allow in our house. As a feminist, I just don't believe that word applies to anyone male or female.<br />Thank you for defending the fact that I never used that word in my original comment.HA!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49799971765372320522013-09-16T13:33:40.362-04:002013-09-16T13:33:40.362-04:00Well, I have to say, you will need a much thicker ...Well, I have to say, you will need a much thicker skin if you are planning to raise an adopted child.<br /><br />If you must know, I had an active though careful sex life before marriage and was checked regularly for STD's because I knew the risk if one went undiagnosed and I like many of you knew from an early age that I desperately wanted to have children, why? Simple. Because I am an adoptee and I wanted a blood relative. I wanted genetic mirroring. I wanted what had been denied me from the time I was three days old.<br />Is your skin thick enough to deal with that truth?<br />Lots of people contract STD's, nice normal everyday people, unfortunately STD'S often go undetected, they run their course and burn through reproductive organs women often end up with serious issues. And yes, by the time the person is seeking fertility treatments the STD has run it's course and is undetectable but the tubes and sometimes other parts are shot hence the title "unexplained".<br />The thing that frustrates me are women who knowingly wait too long to have children and then want said infertility to be classified as a disease or as I said before, the ones who didn't get their STD's checked in a timely fashion and now are dealing with infertility. I just don't see how that is anyone's problem but the infertile person's and why their "pain" entitles them to someone else's child.HA!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54231103176976947532013-09-16T13:13:46.798-04:002013-09-16T13:13:46.798-04:00Wow, this turned into a wild discussion. I am not ...Wow, this turned into a wild discussion. I am not into stereotyping whether it be first mothers, adoptive parents or anyone else. As far as the reference to babyboomers, I am a proud babyboomer, but I will admit that as a whole our generation did rebel a lot and do some very good things but we sure did mess up the economy. I'm sorry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53105164146632152112013-09-16T13:01:21.940-04:002013-09-16T13:01:21.940-04:00Well, I have to say, you will need a much thicker ...Well, I have to say, you will need a much thicker skin if you are planning to raise an adopted child.<br /><br />Thank you to the person who pointed out that I called no one a slut. Funny, that so many jumped to that. <br />If you must know, I had an active though careful sex life before marriage and was checked regularly for STD's because I knew the risk if one went undiagnosed and I like many of you knew from an early age that I desperately wanted to have children, why? Simple. Because I am an adoptee and I wanted a blood relative. I wanted genetic mirroring. I wanted what had been denied me from the time I was three days old.<br />Is your skin thick enough to deal with that truth?<br />Lots of people contract STD's who are not sluts, the ones who let them run their course and burn through their reproductive organs are the ones often with serious issues. I never said that made anyone a slut. And yes, by the time they are seeking fertility treatments the STD has run it's course and is undetectable but the tubes and sometimes other parts are shot hence the title "unexplained".<br />The thing that frustrates me are women who knowingly wait too long to have children and then want said infertility to be classified as a disease or as I said before, the ones who didn't get their STD's checked in a timely fashion and now are dealing with infertility. I just don't see how that is anyone's problem but the infertile person's and why their "pain" entitles them to someone else's child.<br />HA!noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19256475059770854952013-09-16T12:46:07.710-04:002013-09-16T12:46:07.710-04:00We will not be publishing anymore comments that sa...We will not be publishing anymore comments that say this blog, or our readers, are calling infertile women sluts. Do you and you are wasting your time, no matter who you are. We who gave up our children often felt like the world saw us as sluts; we are now not going to have a blog where commenters infer that we are calling women having trouble conceiving by that same aspersion. <br /><br />Boy, if there is a "label that does not deserve to be here on this blog, that surely is it. I just removed a comment that otherwise had interesting points. You Anonymous may repost if you like but include the slut reference--as to we are calling you--and it will not be posted. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57836845709658509462013-09-16T12:20:28.188-04:002013-09-16T12:20:28.188-04:00"....That means, at the most, 0.2% of those w..."....That means, at the most, 0.2% of those with infertility adopt."<br /><br />At what age do we count someone "infertile?" At 40? For most women, that is normal. Yes, some women do conceive at 45 even, but that is unusual. Are 7.4 % of the population infertile at say, 25, which would be closes to a peak year of fertility? Your stat needs more detail to be taken seriously. My educated estimate is that women (and we are all different) long past their high peak years for fertility are considered "infertile." My daughter's adoptive parents thought they were infertile until they adopted two children; then they had two "of their own." <br /><br /> Yes, STDs and the hormones (DES for instance), did make a percentage of the population infertile. That is a known fact. Just as "Low T" is now treatable with testosterone, does that make the normal decline in men's testosterone a disease, as "infertility?" <br /><br />Because there are obviously not enough babies to supply the demand of the population who are unable to have children at the time they want to have children, we see and feel the pressure on teens/women to give up their babies...which was the subject of this post. Readers who do not have children, and readers who do have adopted children are apparently very annoyed with what they read here and so leave anonymous comments. <br /><br />But if they don't think that the desire of people who wish to start having a family at an age past prime fertility--for whatever reason--is why we see so much pressure today for babies, then they do not understand the basics of supply and demand.<br /><br />Now about that billboard....<br /><br />Incidentally, I thought more about the number of children of older fathers who are on the Asperger's spectrum who are among my acquaintances: I thought it was two; no, it is three. All three children I know born to fathers in their 40s/50s struggle with Asperger's one way or another.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.com