tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4781525192087724426..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Do Adopted People feel an emotional connection to their birth mothers? One woman says NO.Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger122125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82404467020058619742023-12-17T21:39:43.669-05:002023-12-17T21:39:43.669-05:00What made you want to reach out? I recently connec...What made you want to reach out? I recently connected with my biological mom but I’m scared that she will leave me again. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43716467370574598352022-12-17T21:57:10.418-05:002022-12-17T21:57:10.418-05:00I felt like saying that to my birth mom over the y...I felt like saying that to my birth mom over the years, didn't want to hurt her feelings though...but the emotions are what they are..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53901782923270815702018-08-11T15:15:05.067-04:002018-08-11T15:15:05.067-04:00I feel for everyone in this entire mess of adoptio...I feel for everyone in this entire mess of adoption. I am also a birthmother, who connected with her birth daughter back in 2006, and was told she wanted nothing to do with me, now I tried again this year in 2018. And this is the nasty comment I get from her this time: I apologize for the language, however this is one nasty bitter 37 year old girl. "Things will never change and I don't know you and never want to know you or care for you! You are not my mother and never have been so you need to get that out of your head. I never had any idea who you were or what you looked like or did or anything and had no desire to find you or meet you. I live a fantastic life because of myself and my mother and father who are my only parents. You continue to harass me I will take other actions to avoid everything to ever happening to me. Get on with your life FUCK OFF AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!"Peggybhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10182424060154037870noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76912844252745108962018-06-27T19:45:21.272-04:002018-06-27T19:45:21.272-04:00I most definitely feel an emotional connection to ...I most definitely feel an emotional connection to my birth mother! It’s hard to describe. My genealogist recently found her for me and I am building a relationship with her. I agree that no matter where she’s come from I love her because she gave birth to me! I haven’t talked to my birth dad yet but i do want to. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19450300193581891402017-07-24T14:48:22.102-04:002017-07-24T14:48:22.102-04:00Hank, You expressed what I am sure a number of ado...Hank, You expressed what I am sure a number of adoptees feel. It was such an intriguing issue, I answered you in a new blog: <a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2017/07/are-adoptees-emotionally-connected-or.html" rel="nofollow">Are adoptees emotionally connected or detached to their biological/birth parents?</a><br /><br />FYI--I hope any others who answer will do so at the new blog because that is where more readers will engage. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82461985460590627842017-07-24T00:37:48.636-04:002017-07-24T00:37:48.636-04:00Hank, Many mothers are thrilled when their lost ch...Hank, Many mothers are thrilled when their lost child reaches out to them. They're happy that their child had a good life. It's the thanking that they don't like.<br /><br />Since your adoptive parents seem comfortable as your parents and you are close to them, you can explain the reasons for your search in a way that doesn't hurt them. It might help if you shared some of the many excellent memoirs by adoptees who searched. Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36926426129956078082017-07-23T19:25:46.690-04:002017-07-23T19:25:46.690-04:00In 2015 I decided to join AncestryDNA.com so that ...In 2015 I decided to join AncestryDNA.com so that I could find out my ethnicity, which was always a question in the back of my mind. I did, then I made some DNA connections. Long story short, I am almost certain who my birth mother is. There is a slight possibility for it to be someone else within the same family, but more than likely, it is who I think it is (still dotting i's and crossing t's to remove all doubt.) I know who my BF's family is, but have not been able to narrow it down to an individual yet. It became a huge, exciting puzzle for me - to solve a mystery. I have no emotional attachment to my BM or BF. I continued my search because my wife and her friend thought that my BM might want to know that everything turned out OK. I agreed and solving the puzzle continued. It's time consuming. I've told my wife and others that I really don't know if I want to open pandora's box by connecting with anyone. I have the name, address, phone number, and birthdate of the woman I'm almost certain is my BM. I can reach out at anytime, yet I don't. My wife asks me why don't I just contact her, if it's not her - she'll tell me. If it is her - she'll tell me. Hopefully. The reason, I have no emotional attachment. I had a great mother, who passed away in 2012. I have a great father. That's my family. I feel as if I'm cheating on my family by contacting either my BM or BF. I never would want them to feel as though they weren't enough, and again, they are the only parents I've ever known. <br /><br />The adoption agency told my parents to tell me I was adopted as soon as I was old enough to understand, they did. To them, they know they adopted me (I liken it to adopting a pet. lol) To me, I don't know any different and the idea that there's someone else out there that is my BM and BF, makes logical sense to me, but doesn't completely register emotionally. No need. <br /><br />I thought I might have wanted to reach out to my BM to at least let her know that everything turned out alright (was still debating that), but after reading one of the early comments (above) from a mother, saying that every time her daughter said thank you for putting her up for adoption, it made her feel like the daughter was saying that life would have sucked if she hadn't put her up for adoption and it hurt her more, I'm really not sure about this. The main thing for me, I never want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want my parents to feel like they weren't enough, and I'm searching for a replacement for them; and I don't want to pour salt on a wound for my BM or surprise my BF, who in all likelihood - may not even know I exist.<br /><br />I've been making connections on AncestryDNA.com; FamilyTreeDNA.com; GEDMatch.com; 23andMe.com; and MyHeritage.com Nothing closer than a 2nd cousin or a 1st cousin once removed. Feeling that maybe it's time to just lay down my sword and move on without stirring people's lives up or, again, opening Pandora's Box.<br /><br />This is just my story. I think that being adopted is different for everyone, and it's hard to speak for all adoptees.Hank Moodynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17466314679798259772017-07-23T19:25:16.318-04:002017-07-23T19:25:16.318-04:00Okay, I stumbled upon this site when searching for...Okay, I stumbled upon this site when searching for "Do adopted people feel emotionally detached from their birth parents." I read a lot of the first posts to this thread, but there's a lot here. I wonder if it's different for male adoptees? Here is my story... <br /><br />I was adopted as a baby. In 2009 I got non-identifying information from the NY Health Dept/Adoption Agency that gave me the information provided to them at the time of my birth or when I was handed over to be adopted (probably the same thing). According to the information, my BM was 18 and my BF was 26, married and had one child. Yeah, at first I thought "What a horrible guy!" but then I realized that I wouldn't exist if this didn't happen. (Still don't feel good about it, but it doesn't bother me because I love the life I have. So they kind of negate each other and I don't think about it much.) I grew up in a blue collar family with adopted parents that have made many, many sacrifices for me over the years. My Dad has an incredible work ethic that has rubbed off on me, although, if I can become half the man he is - I'll be okay! As with all families (adopted or not) there have been bumps in the road, but that's just life. At 48 years old, I am extremely grateful for all my parents have given me. (In my definition - parents are the people who raise you.) I am an only child. I call my Dad every night to make sure he's okay and to chat. The part that seems to be different for me is that, I don't know any different. These are the only parents I've ever known. We've had our ups and downs, but they are the best parents ever. (I know that not everyone who is adopted is so lucky. I'm fortunate.) I usually never brought it up to anyone that I was adopted, because there seemed to be some sort of judgement there that I couldn't wrap my head around. Again, these are the only parents I've ever known, so I wasn't very curious as to who my BM and BF were. That didn't sit right with others. "How could you not be curious?", I'd hear from friends. I just wasn't. In 2009, one of my friends who was into genealogy talked me into getting the non-identifying information so that I might possibly get some health information. I did and there was no information of that nature in there. (btw - I recently chatted with my doctor about health information through DNA testing and he asked "If you find out that something incurable runs in your birth family, how will it help you?" He continued to say that "It is only going to diminish your quality of life, because you'll always be worried when it is going to effect and there isn't anything anyone can do about it." Made a lot of sense! He also said, that just because we have the technology doesn't mean that we know how to properly use it." So I decided that medical information really isn't that important, and I'll deal with things as they come up.<br />Hank Moodynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22340661367651138692017-01-08T19:08:15.591-05:002017-01-08T19:08:15.591-05:00I am filled with emotional longing to touch, hug, ...I am filled with emotional longing to touch, hug, listen-talk and to know my mother on a deep level of truth. After meeting her, I know that I am a genetic copy(body,tempers,impatience,frustrations).Adoption has destroyed us both in many different ways,my & mother's suffering 48 years later serious impact the way we relate to others,in close relationships,social & acquaintances.Relationships post adoption take time,empathy,trust&patience for the long run.Forced adoption survivors need to be kind to eachother and realize the other's ongoing pain that is not fixed immediately in reunion, it takes "TIME"....LOTS OF TIME,small things bring happiness to the hurt. Adoptee Ragehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04801652683820118278noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88963458260806473532016-10-04T05:24:26.763-04:002016-10-04T05:24:26.763-04:00Im an adoptee since birth. I believe I suffered fr...Im an adoptee since birth. I believe I suffered from reactive attachment disorder and could never pls my parents. My father being an adoptee himself. Myself agree with a previous post of wishing to never be born. I've had a feeling all my life of never belonging anywhere....feeling of disconnectionBlack sheephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15167674077645064647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76889218347097020492016-10-04T05:20:59.534-04:002016-10-04T05:20:59.534-04:00I totally agree with primal wound concept. I'm...I totally agree with primal wound concept. I'm an adoptee who grew up being the black sheep of the family and am sure I had rad ...I've just recently discovered all the information on the internet relating to adoptee disorders. I just blamed myself for everything in the past as did my family.I just wish I had this information soonerBlack sheephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15167674077645064647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16762917726536193312015-09-22T18:54:26.996-04:002015-09-22T18:54:26.996-04:00Adopted--You may find the blog post I wrote today-...Adopted--You may find the blog post I wrote today--partly stimulated by your comment and the argument about primal wound that always breaks out whenever I mention it--at the post I wrote today:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2015/09/primal-wound-why-is-concept-so.html" rel="nofollow">'Primal Wound'--Why is the concept so upsetting to some?</a>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33491423631542683622015-09-19T23:24:24.197-04:002015-09-19T23:24:24.197-04:00I do not subscribe to the 'everyone is unique&...I do not subscribe to the 'everyone is unique' there are no universal or natural aspects to reunion relationships. I can say that when first meeting both mother and father, I felt no connection but more than a little 'stranger danger'. When my b father said he was my father I literally felt like an imposter wanted to kidnap me. Because I am a mature middle aged woman who after all found them I acknowledged and observed my feeling but did not act on it. The second time I met him we spent five hours sitting quietly at a park watching my child play, and when he left I felt a wave of being abandoned. As I knew him more it was not like getting to know a stranger. It's like a common vibe, an ability to read facial movements, an ability to sense their emotions, like a subtle psychic link. Ditto birth mother. I tell people living without DNA relatives is like living without a sense of smell. You can do it, you can compensate for it, it's a subtle constant lack of orientation.<br />Does it make for lost time? Does it cross divides of class? Of adoption trauma and ideology? No, you have to make real adult effort. I think nature does all it can to set up parents and children for a bond, but it's a potential not a complete thing.<br />AND do not underestimate the fear adoptees of being abandoned by their aparents. Not consciously. Adoptedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17289131969832835777noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68709668402342669972015-08-03T06:17:55.527-04:002015-08-03T06:17:55.527-04:00thank you Lorraine - I look forward to reading tha...thank you Lorraine - I look forward to reading thatBernadettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45389201519994183522015-08-01T17:32:21.939-04:002015-08-01T17:32:21.939-04:00That's a hot link above.That's a hot link above. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24760175691518656732015-08-01T17:31:36.467-04:002015-08-01T17:31:36.467-04:00Again, good luck. Just search for Hole in my Heart...Again, good luck. Just search for Hole in my Heart at Amazon (my name will pop up) ...<br />or click on the sidebar on the right where there is a permanent link. Or maybe you can't see that: <br /><br /><a href="ref=as_sl_pc_tf_til" rel="nofollow">Hole In My Heart: memoir and report from the fault lines of adoption</a><br /><br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3575408830779154992015-08-01T16:16:15.680-04:002015-08-01T16:16:15.680-04:00thank you Lorraine for your reply - I can feel tha...thank you Lorraine for your reply - I can feel that it makes a lot of sense to be honest and not say anything hurtful...I wonder does the pain and tiredness that comes up after we meet ever stop...I suppose it's a difficult relationship to cultivate and will take work..I would love to read your memoir if you can send me a link, I would appreciate that...let's see how it goes and thanks again...I hope you and your daughter are getting on well? Bernadettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-71907219181517572312015-08-01T10:39:19.638-04:002015-08-01T10:39:19.638-04:00Oh Bernadette, I understand completely everything ...Oh Bernadette, I understand completely everything you say because the contact between with the child/mother after the separation (which traumatized both of you more than your can possibly realize) is always fraught and weighted with issues of abandonment, guilt and for her, the inexplicable feelings that occurred at the time you were born and she gave you up. However buried they might have been, seeing and being with the child in the flesh makes them all feel new again. <br /><br />I loved my daughter coming to visit, and I was exhausted when she left. I write about this extensively in Hole in my Heart, a memoir I published a month ago. I realize this sounds self-serving , but you might find some comfort in reading about how we navigated--and sometimes hit the rocky shoals of disconnect. But always reconnected. <br /><br />Hang in there. Do what you can for your mother--some of us mothers were so traumatized that our lives never get back on track--but don't let yourself get dragged down too much. Be open with her about your feelings, and tell her specifically what hurt your feelings. My daughter did something on our first long visit to my home that always stayed with me and always was a good reminder of deep hurt and trauma inside her. I do write about that incident too. <br /><br />The fact that you were not adopted by a lawyer--as your mother was told--hurts her because she imagined this much better life that she could not give you. Hearing that it was working class is a stab and a disappointment--and she was lied to--so don't hold that against her. She is just being honest Tell her that hearing her say that made you feel bad, and tell her why. <br /><br />I have heard of other stories of such pregnancies--yes, there had to be sperm, but it is possible that some wily sperm was er, close enough to get in and swim up and Voila! you were born. I have heard about this in a context that had nothing to do with adoption, so just accept it as face value and put away any feelings that she is making this up. Stuff happens! and you were the result.<br /><br />Summing up: Be honest and open, don't say anything purposefully hurtful. Maybe you will be able to have a better relationship now--for both of your sakes. I look forward to hearing how it works out. I'm crossing my fingers--for both of you. <br /><br />Lastly, I am always glad to hear from you--and this may seem silly--and maybe Bernadette is not your real name--but Bernadette is the name I chose as my Confirmation name after much reading and thought.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44088406268045767102015-08-01T07:35:36.264-04:002015-08-01T07:35:36.264-04:00.I was just reading your comments and I too have m....I was just reading your comments and I too have met my birth Mother several times over the past 20 years. The person I met was very needy and felt like a victim because of how her life had gone...but it was amazing to find out all about who I was and the circumstances of my birth.<br /><br />I listened to her story and she stayed at my house and I did feel an emotional connection - albeit a very sad and sorrowful one - since she said her life was so hard. For a few years after that - when she was in the Country - I would pick her up from the airport and she would spend some time with me. I would then drive her to her friends or family and , if needed, back to the airport. I would always feel exhausted after she left.<br /><br />She made some comments that I found hurtful (probably not intentional) like "I thought I you would be thinner" and "They said you were adopted by a lawyer" - when in fact I was adopted by a taxi driver and a housewife in a working class area. Probably the most damaging statement was that she did not have "full sex"with my Father and did not know how she even became pregnant - she claimed it was some kind of "contact pregancy". <br />I eventually tried to tell her that she had said things to me that hurt - a year or two later when she came to stay - but she said she could not listen to this and asked me to drive her to her brother - she just wanted to get away.<br />After that, it was just a phone call a couple of times a year and the very occasional meeting - she never stayed at my home again and I pretty much put it behind me. Now she has moved back to the city where I live and contacted me and asked to meet. I met her twice and she is clearly pushing for a relationship. I feel like I cannot trust her and I do not feel I can ever be emotionally close to her...I suppose because of what happened before. I do not want to hurt her feelings but I need people I can totally trust in my life...and each time I see her I feel it brings up hurt and pain and I feel very tired....<br />Bernadettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6400179406398429512014-12-03T13:26:33.128-05:002014-12-03T13:26:33.128-05:00As an adoptee I searched for, met and have/had rel...As an adoptee I searched for, met and have/had relationships with all my birthfamily on both sides. Initially I searched for and met my birthmother. I refer to her as my Mother (several years into reunion she died). I refer to my adoptive Mother as my Mom. She has also since died.) This language helped my afamily and biofamily and my own children (bio and adopted) understand who people were conversationally and I felt good about it. I still do. When I personally spoke/speak with (still speak to in the case of my bioFather who is living), I refer to bioparents by first name. It is what happened naturally when we met and keeping all this straight for those involved was not easy. <br /><br />At mid-life I wanted to know where I came from and who I came from and felt that I should know that part of who I am. I felt that I was entitled to know this and I wanted my Mother to know all had been well for me. Up until that time in my life, I would describe myself as curious but busy with a happy adoptive upbringing and happy married life. At midlife, time and desire came together. <br /><br />When I met my Mother I did thank her for making a good choice for me. She explained circumstances and we developed a unique relationship. She was my Mother and eventually she met and befriended my Mom who was open to such a relationship. My Mom had always provided information she had regarding my birthfamily to me. When I decided to search my Mom was supportive, somewhat apprehensive, but glad that we all found happiness in reunion. Fortunately for me, Mom was very happy for me and for the wonderful relationships I have developed. <br /><br />To answer the question posed, l felt an emotional connection to my Mother that led me to her and I continued to feel that connection from the day I met her. It took me more time to develop an emotional connection to my Father and it is not as strong a connection to this day. I almost never wondered about him throughout my life. I was shocked to learn about him when I met my Mother. Didn't really think much about him. There is a distance factor there with my Father that has prevented the years of frequent visits my Mother and I enjoyed. He lives far from me. My Father is more of a close acquaintance but my Mother became a strong supporter and friend to me. My Mother was essentially "Local" along with all other of her family members. I look very much like her. When I met some half-siblings for the first time after meeting her, I told one of them to just look for your Mom you will recognize me. My Mother felt our connection also and she was delighted to meet me and eventually my family and whole adoptive family. I was equally delighted to meet my half-siblings, biofather (she contacted him for me), other half-siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins you name the relative. <br /><br />I was raised in somewhat better social, educational and financial circumstances than my half-siblings on either side although all were raised in strong, functional families. However our experiences were very, very similar and our circle of life in terms of beliefs and values were all very closely aligned. I met someone who was like me in appearance and in general lifestyle. I do now feel emotionally connected to everyone in my family and I am very grateful for this outcome. <br />Barbaranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21360280034932752922013-07-09T09:03:22.171-04:002013-07-09T09:03:22.171-04:00Leah, It seems you have done what you can and have...Leah, It seems you have done what you can and have been thoughtful of her feelings. You obviously feel pressured to be "more" than you feel; I suggest just trying to enjoy the time you spend together without being anxious. Maybe in time she will relax--the initial feelings of reunion of as intense for first mothers, and bring up all the emotions of the past. It seems the more she wants, the more you feel the need to push back. I hope that you do not walk away totally. If things don't quiet down, perhaps a serious talk is in order where you express yourself. Don't over emphasize but tell her that her neediness is making you back away--in the kindest way possible.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1719447808319486422013-07-08T23:33:40.508-04:002013-07-08T23:33:40.508-04:00Hi Lorraine,
Thanks for your thoughts and for you...Hi Lorraine,<br /><br />Thanks for your thoughts and for your reply. I have met her several times but I feel more of it is more of an acquaintance relationship of someone I honestly don't really know but that she wants an instant bond, for us to profess a major connection, to step quickly toward a traditional mother/daughter manner of relating regularly and to near pretend that we are much closer as a "mommy" and daughter than we really are or might ever be. I don't feel the instant connection but I know some do, I think both are OK.Leahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24529878481794608852013-07-08T12:55:36.064-04:002013-07-08T12:55:36.064-04:00Leah:
I wondered after reading your comment if y...Leah: <br /><br />I wondered after reading your comment if you had actually met your mother. Just as we suggest that first mothers meet their children at least once, it would be an act of kindness on your part to meet her at least once. If you make that choice, try to not be hurtful, but be truthful about your feelings so she understands how you feel.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40781690677840994592013-07-08T08:38:29.629-04:002013-07-08T08:38:29.629-04:00I know this is an older thread, but here is my com...I know this is an older thread, but here is my comment. I found this thread after wondering why my birth mother is a big over the top in reaching out to me and expressing deep need to see me (especially after many years of having access to me as a child but choosing not to do so).<br /><br />I agree with the commenters who say "hey, everyone is different". Some people have a deep need to see their Fmom, some are like me and do not. Many factors will affect each. I think those who do not feel that deep need and "connection" are like me and not on the boards often. I found this one after having her contact me so much and I wanted to know "what is going on?". Aside from that I may not have "felt anything" and may not have posted. <br /><br />After the process is over, that child may grow up and want/miss/feel/need their "first family" or they may not. It is not a slam to anyone, if is just part of what may or may not happen. People are different and are allowed to feel different things (or not feel them)Leahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-46941092543417441052013-01-26T15:36:54.448-05:002013-01-26T15:36:54.448-05:00It is too late to post to this? I was searching t...It is too late to post to this? I was searching the internet looking for "adoptee/birthmother connection" (I also hate the term birthmother) because I'm a year and a half into my reunion and in my case I ended up with the opposite of what my first family hoped for. They now say the only reason I wanted to find them is because things didn't go so well with my adoptive family. I was actually adopted into a family that had a LOWER social status than my first family. What I'm trying to convince them of, and what seems so difficult for them to come to terms with, is that I wanted my first mother... because she is my mother. It's that simple. To me she always has been even though I was adopted as a newborn. And not in some sort of fantasy way of that she was perfect and would come and rescue me. Not that I wanted her back simply so that she could provide medical and background information. But because my whole life she's simply been my Mom to me. Yes, absolutely I have always had a very deep emotional tie to her. The first time we met face-to-face, I instantly "knew" her. The sound of her voice calms me in a way I can't describe. When she hugs me or puts her hand on me, it feels natural and right. I don't live in some sort of world of rainbows and ponies. Oh yes, our reunion has had some HUGE fights and back and forth. There is the initial adoption of course, but also I tried to contact her years ago and she rejected me. I waited almost 20 years and then she contacted me back. There was a lot of anger and resentment on my part about that initially. She has struggled with problems in my life because she feels she's to blame for everything that ever went wrong. But at the end of it all, we are still together and still very strong. Underneath the turmoil, we love each other dearly and have both decided that the other is worth the effort. We have gone over the past but we have decided that what matters most is from here forward and how we treat each other now. I feel so badly for both sides where reunions haven't happened, or they have but with bad results. I feel truly blessed to have MY MOM in my life. She has been gracious to let me back in and accept me and I know that. In return I am deciding to forgive all the past and overlook my own hurts so that I can get to know for the wonderful person that she is. For the record, I love my amom too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com