tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4965308591823684622..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: If a drug-addict first mother turns her life around, PLEASE pass on it on to the adopteeLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25846540623313540112010-02-01T18:33:01.474-05:002010-02-01T18:33:01.474-05:00We are adoptive parents. Our 20 year old daughter ...We are adoptive parents. Our 20 year old daughter is about to meet her mother for the first time this week. We have always been very open with her and we give her our absolute support in this. We think that knowing her natural mother and family can be a really positive experience in her life and bring a whole new dimension to her sense of self.We don't see it as a threat to us at all. She is a wonderful person and it's the most natural thing in the world to want to know all about herself. We are hoping it will be a good experience. We know that most things in life carry risk, this may not work out for her but she will be a more authentic person for trying.Maryhttp://ireland.ienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12903308578763109772009-06-16T17:19:56.219-04:002009-06-16T17:19:56.219-04:00It is worth asking people who have been in the ado...It is worth asking people who have been in the adoption community online for a long time what they think of Dunn. There are plenty who recall his profits from adoption search thru his old International Locator firm which charged high fees with no guarantees regardless of info or state, and many recall his high priced "Locator Kit". Plenty also recall a "conference call" set up to address these issues and others... which he set up so that no one could speak but himself. He's been around a long time, at least 10 years, and has still not developed enough savvy to handle issues like speaking directly to an adopted adult and not her mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86840277487191693182009-05-26T11:18:53.291-04:002009-05-26T11:18:53.291-04:00Just a note about what the adopted woman in this e...Just a note about what the adopted woman in this episode of The Locator said very clearly: That she grew up only knowing that her mother was a drug addict and a prostitute. She was very emphatic about this, and tremendously relieved and happy to know the whole truth about her mother. <br /><br />Will blog later today about the other episode that got to me.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83356484434243314712009-05-26T09:41:52.309-04:002009-05-26T09:41:52.309-04:00Seems to me people that adopt are ok they are just...Seems to me people that adopt are ok they are just like everyone else. <br /><br />They do some of the same things, that others do divorce, excessive drinking, drugs, illegal businesses but they always have the special hat on of the adopter. The one who is a saint with a past but the adoption seems to override their flaws. I believe if we are called out on why we got pregnant and had to give our babies over to "saints" these saints need to be called out too!<br /><br />my son's adopter was a wonderful woman until I found him and then she told him "that I didn't want him" and this is love for him?<br /><br />it is just outright selfish, jealous, and controlling, there were other things she said like he stabbed her in the heart...oh, please, I found him! So much for the good adopter and bad mommy thing it doesn't apply in adoption.<br />I have seen it first hand as many of my online moms are in reunions with their adults and the adopters do their best to make sure their stake is in the fire. Just like my son's did, you know what I am just so sick of the media bias on mothers and how they "handle" the reunions, asking permission, of anyone, most of all the person that got to raise a child even though they couldn't have a child of their own is absurd. <br /><br />Adoption=ownershipAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70982481579197546332009-05-26T00:15:28.395-04:002009-05-26T00:15:28.395-04:00I've got to agree that there is a huge cultural bi...I've got to agree that there is a huge cultural bias that automatically demonizes birth mothers and makes adoptive parents into automatic saints. I don't know where I absorbed this from, but I certainly accepted this bias far, far too long. I assume statistically there are cases at every extreme, but I've come to see quite plainly that across the board both Natural mothers and Adoptive mothers come from the same types of backgrounds socially, intellectually, economically, etc. Just sometimes the snapshot in time for the Natural mom is not so swell at the time she happens to become pregnant. My adoptive Mom was always kind regarding what she told me which boiled down to: sometimes young women don't have the resources to raise a child. I can't regret my childhood anymore than I can regret myself, however both my adoptive parents were serious alcoholics by the time I was 8. <br /> With my natural mother, ---after I found her, but before I made contact, I actually had some sort of fantasy that she might be needing my help, (again the cultural bias)...Well, boy was I wrong. She remains one of the most together, successful individuals I have ever met, quality by anyone's judgment...just that of course in her teens, she was forced to give me up. No one, except a distant Aunt ever offered to help, and when long-term boyfriend flaked, she was too alone to do anything else. Society just seems to be in love with this Madonna/Whore judgment. I would have loved her had she been the latter, but point is why in 27 years of my life had it NOT EVEN OCCURRED TO ME ONCE that she might be the former?<br />Anyway alot of Amoms are great, and I would like to think that most wouldn't tell their child crap about the Bmom, or let their child go on national T.V. under such potentially negative circumstances. I do however see how moms of all stripes still get a say even when the kid is 20, or 90.jerseytocalinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56881785152437534782009-05-25T20:26:57.484-04:002009-05-25T20:26:57.484-04:00Yee gads, Lorraine, what a mess. Every time someon...Yee gads, Lorraine, what a mess. Every time someone says "we have to be watchful of the a-parents' feelings," hey someone else around here wants to scream--ME! I agree: a huge piece of the story was omitted for the adoptee. But is it possible this was skipped over to make a more dramatic story? Is it really true that the adoptee knows nothing of this? Well she does now!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-39920576685488155662009-05-25T19:04:36.874-04:002009-05-25T19:04:36.874-04:00This is why I am not partial to shows that reunite...This is why I am not partial to shows that reunite people via reality TV. I understand some think the publicity is good but then we get situations like this...<br /><br />I would also like to see more adopters called on the carpet for inappropriate (and sometimes abusive) behavior. The adoptive mother had NO BUSINESS being part of this reunion if the adoptee was in her twenties. It's between the girl and her mother's friend, period. Why does ownership via adoption give people the impression that the adopters get to determine everything, even after the adoptees become adults? Why are adopters the gatekeepers of the adoptee's information when they are so clearly biased and do not provide the full and complete facts that adoptees like this girl need to know?<br /><br />I firmly believe if people like Troy Dunn are going to put themselves in the search-and-reunion business, they had better do their homework about what that actually means. They have an obligation to point out things like this adoptive mother keeping information from an adult adoptee. Otherwise it's merely sensationalism, grabbing advertising dollars at others' expense.Triona Guidryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00969598333210972017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51630850718821640242009-05-25T18:39:15.960-04:002009-05-25T18:39:15.960-04:00Yes enquiring minds would like to know those answe...Yes enquiring minds would like to know those answers as well. I wish that he would take a step further. There have been a couple of cases where it was obvious that some folks did some dubious things to procure a child. He did nothing to really confront the issue.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com