tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post5387889116303323727..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Birth Mother? First Mother? Both names are belittlingLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger163125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61533380979799853992014-12-04T11:22:44.239-05:002014-12-04T11:22:44.239-05:00Well, a site run by Catholics that adhered to rule...Well, a site run by Catholics that adhered to rule that were very Catholic...I would call a Catholic-run site. Let me be clear: Adoption.com is for adoptive parents, to make them feel good about adopting someone else's baby, and for women who have been led to believe that giving up their child was a good thing, an act supervised by God. <br /><br />It is part of the adoption machinery in this country to promote women giving up their babies so that people who want them have a steady supply. The site does not tolerate voices outside of that message. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-18006424054490961452014-12-03T22:02:21.421-05:002014-12-03T22:02:21.421-05:00It is not a "Mormon-run site." It has n...It is not a "Mormon-run site." It has no affiliation with the "Mormon" church as you call it. It may be run by an individual who happens to be a member of that church, but it that does not make it a "Mormon site." There is a big difference. Just like the Marriot Hotels are not "Mormon Hotels." They are just run by a person who belongs to that church.<br /><br />You do seem to have resentment toward that site, and by your continued reference to Mormons and mentioning Mormons when you mention that site, your resentment seems to be toward that religion as well. It does not add to your discussion. In fact it detracts and distracts and comes off as you being negatively judgemental. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72601035527138342972011-08-30T21:49:55.118-04:002011-08-30T21:49:55.118-04:00for those still commenting here, you might want to...for those still commenting here, you might want to read:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2009/11/gift-of-adoption-really-2.html" rel="nofollow">Gift of Adoption. Really? </a><br />and<br /><br /><a href="http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2009/07/banned-by-adoptionvoicescom.html" rel="nofollow">Banned by Adoptionvoices.com! </a>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10036663537743993012011-08-30T10:36:26.956-04:002011-08-30T10:36:26.956-04:00""You might do so if you found yourself ...""You might do so if you found yourself in a situation where a woman you and your children have never met started claiming she was your kid's "real" mother, and that you were their captor.""<br /><br />Nooo... as the 'real''natural' mother of ALL my children..and if a strange woman I had never met, nor had my children, said to me she was the 'real' mother and called me a 'captor'...I definitely would have called the police or the local nut house!<br />Now if you are speaking of your adopted children's natural mother...she may have been unknown to you...but once upon a time your adopted children, had an upclose and personal relationship with their natural mother. Your adopted children and their natural mother do have a connection whether you like it or not.<br />And no, not even with a 'captor' crazy woman bothering me (me,a woman who gave birth and raised those children I gave birth to, other than one)...would I feel the need to list out my mother duties, on a public blog and then sign.."Anon". That's the difference between you and me. But if it makes you feel better/more worthy..have at it.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64496932184938274142011-08-29T09:41:17.282-04:002011-08-29T09:41:17.282-04:00"But I have never felt the need to publicly l..."But I have never felt the need to publicly list out that which just comes along, on a daily basis, when raising/caring for children"<br /><br />You might do so if you found yourself in a situation where a woman you and your children have never met started claiming she was your kid's "real" mother, and that you were their captor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15179583389545949452011-08-28T12:08:39.677-04:002011-08-28T12:08:39.677-04:00Kudos to Chris and Robin,
Exactly the thoughts th...Kudos to Chris and Robin,<br /><br />Exactly the thoughts that crossed my mind!!!!Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80306421954019214552011-08-28T05:26:37.030-04:002011-08-28T05:26:37.030-04:00r.o.i.a. from a country that went from "keep ...r.o.i.a. from a country that went from "keep your bastard, slut"to "keep your baby, sweetheart" by its version of the B.S.E.<br />Mind the I of illegal...Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34026865035858995182011-08-27T23:59:00.452-04:002011-08-27T23:59:00.452-04:00@anonymous 6:19 am:
You have truly spoken like an...@anonymous 6:19 am: <br />You have truly spoken like an adoptive mother. YOU don't get to decide on what any surrendering mother, will or will not be called, what she will or will not talk about. Your comment sounded much like a lecture a mother would give to her minor children. I hope you do realize that you are speaking to an audience...that is comprised of very grown women (mothers and adoptees alike here), and have no need to be chastized by YOU! I'm betting...that I'm old enough to be your mother!! <br />You are not the first adoptive mother that I have heard, busting in and lecturing to mothers who have surrendered a child for the act of adoption..I'm sure you won't be the last. You may be the adoptive mother of your children...but YOU are nobody's mother here...surely not mine! So quit talking as if you were. Respect?? You haven't a clue about respect, based on this lecture of yours.<br /><br />To add...no newborn surrendered will end up in the 'system'. That is the most sought after commodity in the adoption market. So much so, newborns are in short supply these days and the demand high.<br />Nor was my newborn ever a 'gift' to anyone, at anytime...not even to her adoptive parents. I didn't 'gift' my newborn! I didn't surrender out of love, I surrendered out of desperation, at the age of 18. Surrendering my newborn for the act of adoption, was probably the most unloving thing, as a mother, I did for my newborn baby.<br /> <br />And why is it so many of you adoptive mothers always have to list out all the things you have done for your adopted children:<br />""kiss the boo boos, change the diapers, help with sickness and everything else it takes to raise a child."" Blah, blah, blah! And so did I with my 3 subsequent children and some of my grandchildren as well. But I have never felt the need to publicly list out that which just comes along, on a daily basis, when raising/caring for children. Just seems that some adoptive mothers have this extraordinary need, to constantly remind one and all, with their lists of what they do and have done for their adoptive children. I think that says a lot about the difference between women who adopt and women who birth and raise their own children. Just comes with the territory, no need to list out, evidently what you perceive, as your special adoptive mother accomplishments. You didn't do anything special...you wanted a kid, you adopted, you signed on the dotted line...it was your duty, your obligation, your responsibility to kiss the boo-boos, change the diapers, etc., etc.,...without looking for special commendations and honorariums. You should just be thankful...that you have these precious children in your life, without seeking awards/attention for giving that which most mothers, just do without giving a second thought to...caring for her children.<br /> <br />How does it feel to be lectured, by another woman, another mother?!?Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31943680463352939852011-08-27T12:23:50.742-04:002011-08-27T12:23:50.742-04:00Who or what are you, Theodore? Most people here ha...Who or what are you, Theodore? Most people here have no problem identifying as a natural parent, adoptive parent, adoptee, or relative of one of them. Nobody wants your real identity just a category to better understand where you are coming from.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75676523921832383022011-08-27T11:59:18.263-04:002011-08-27T11:59:18.263-04:00Thanks Robin, I just wondered about why those ado...Thanks Robin, I just wondered about why those adoptives, never seem say to real mothers: "You can come and live with us, if you want."<br /><br />or<br /><br />"Surrender was a mistake? Glad to hear it, I'm happy to hear that the baby will go home."Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78637283855663942322011-08-27T10:49:42.885-04:002011-08-27T10:49:42.885-04:00@Anon 6:19
While we are talking about names here ...@Anon 6:19<br /><br />While we are talking about names here one thing I do not like to be called is a gift. I am a human being not a sweater that one gets for Christmas. And you seem to forget that I could have been "gifted" to any of a number of different couples. It was pretty much a crapshoot where I ended up. My natural mother did not go through pregnancy and childbirth to give someone else a "gift". She did it because she wanted to be a mom but society forbade her. I'm sure many of the other ladies here would agree that they did not have their children in the hope of "gifting" them to others.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61227265300829609612011-08-27T06:19:44.548-04:002011-08-27T06:19:44.548-04:00As a mom I really must say that bashing on women/m...As a mom I really must say that bashing on women/men who are faced with the hardest decision of their life to give a part of their soul, their natural child to new and extreemly lucky parents is in extreemly bad taste. Just as I feel that bashing on women/men who make the decision to dedicate their life to a child and raise them as their own is also in extreemly poor taste. I dont care who came first or 2nd or 3rd in a childs life. Is that really what is important here? A label? People should be ashamed using the term "fake adoption" or "death parent" or "cant birth parent" How horrible to speak of the people who kiss the boo boos, change the diapers, help with sickness and everything else it takes to raise a child. Adoptive or not they are being parents for a child who may otherwise be stuck in the system with no one to love them. That does deserve a high level of respect. Period. Give respect to get respect thats what I believe. And also how dare anyone slap some pathetic label on someone who gave up the most precious gift that could ever be recieved by anyone!!! My daughter has 2 moms & I wont ever let her feel at any moment that she was tossed away by some worthless person. Her mother has 100% of my respect & love and I could never in a million years repay her for OUR beautiful little daughter. No way could I ever give her a label or tell this beautiful blessing of a girl that she cant also call her mother or that because she isnt here that she doesnt play a HUGE role in our lives. Its called RESPECT. A child should never feel given up by some biological science project who doesnt really count to some money throwing parents who bought them like a new car at the ford dealership... they should feel like the biggest present ever given or recieved. If my kiddos mother ever called me the adoptive mother or downgraded my love with a label just for the fact that im not the one who gave birth...I would feel just as hurt...its cruel and ignorrant and no one should say things like that, especially if they expect respect and to not be called "biological mother" in return. As far as political correctness goes the term should simply be.."mom, mother, momma or mommy" My daughters first moments was with her mother. Her secound moments are with her Mommy (which at her age she now calls me mom cause shes not a child, or so she tells me) lol I love her just as much as any mother could. Sure I didnt give birth to her but I dont treat her any different then if I had and no adoptive parents should be down played just bevause they didnt either. Birth is tough...raising a child is too. Sorry about going on but some people on here, I feel, really need to hear it. Labels are rediculous. We could be on this subject for years... Call urselves whatever you want... Doesnt matter what others think or say.. at the end of the day deep down we all know just how important we are and just how important of a role we play in our kids lives. Right?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69453125725938389582011-08-27T03:30:32.494-04:002011-08-27T03:30:32.494-04:00I was referring to the fake mom, thinking of those...I was referring to the fake mom, thinking of those movies demonstrating how important a "mom" base is for young primates...<br /><br />Haven't you seen them, a cloth covered wire basket model, sittng in for mom to a baby monkey, clinging to it, looking for some protection, some affection, but only able to give them some warmth and a place to cling too. That, a cloth covered vaguely mom shaped wire basket, is what I referred to as "cuddly doll". <br />Look, I accept adoption as natural, but I do the same with war. Neither of them are good, but they are often justified.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17422487888148044992011-08-26T19:51:59.376-04:002011-08-26T19:51:59.376-04:00Anon, Aug 25, 3:41 PM here.
My link suggests that...Anon, Aug 25, 3:41 PM here.<br /><br />My link suggests that the effects of separation on the child can be mitigated if not entirely ameliorated.<br /><br />Of course adoptive parents are surrogate parents. <br />However, I have to wonder what your personal experience has been that it causes you say that that even the best adoptive parents amount to not much more than "cuddly dolls".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66351221818424235752011-08-26T14:18:58.147-04:002011-08-26T14:18:58.147-04:00For your information:
1) As it is untraditional fo...For your information:<br />1) As it is untraditional for me to believe in virginity, I never did anything to get rid of it.<br />2)Female low fertility, seems to be running strong in my family, only one of my family members has given birth before marriage. I'm sorry to say that the others of her generation, who did marry needed fertility treatment.<br />3) I happen to be male.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85616552801558856452011-08-26T13:11:16.732-04:002011-08-26T13:11:16.732-04:00Theodore:
Apparently you are a first/birth mothe...Theodore:<br /><br />Apparently you are a first/birth mother who is so "lost" in "keeping the child regardless" that your vision has been clouded. Please, I rather have been adopted ( which I am grateful for because my bmom was too young to take care of me) than be "put on a shelf until she got it together, when and if she wanted to". You’re very funny! You think it’s “ok” a mother ducks her responsibility and lives her life while the kid is raised by someone else, and she still gets to call the shots. That’s a great image/ definition of what makes a “real mother/parent”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58855609899877907402011-08-26T03:54:17.442-04:002011-08-26T03:54:17.442-04:00Which Anonymous said that?
You see, my link simpl...Which Anonymous said that?<br /><br />You see, my link simply suggests that the separation of mother and child, is in itself harmful to the child. If the effects of this are not mitigated, as was, alas, the case with that poor woman in the discussed example of a woman called "birth mother", who had not lost her child to adoption,...<br />You know, kept in orphanage, tossed around in the foster system, abusive adoptive home, it's quite reasonable to suppose that this can destroy the abilty to parent unassisted. Stefke Taxpayer is in this case just paying for the damage, his parents and grandparents refused to pay for.<br /><br />Being separated from a mother makes different babies, different children, different teenagers, different adults... that the link shows that there is no lack of evidence pointing to that simple fact made me decide to post my link. Concerning that cuddly doll, in spite of being a loving human being, even the best adoptive parents will never amount to being anything much better, they will stay a mere surrogate.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15755793826643121062011-08-25T17:18:48.770-04:002011-08-25T17:18:48.770-04:00If people want to have these discussions, that is ...If people want to have these discussions, that is fine with me. I will continue to post comments.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-90839042925543143592011-08-25T15:59:53.029-04:002011-08-25T15:59:53.029-04:00How does anything in the last group of comments ev...How does anything in the last group of comments even remotely relate to the original subject? Time to close this thread and move on, perhaps?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34344727524703288492011-08-25T15:41:39.573-04:002011-08-25T15:41:39.573-04:00http://www.world-science.org/blog/baby-monkey-gang...http://www.world-science.org/blog/baby-monkey-gangs-reveal-genetic-effects-of-loneliness/<br /><br />Cole and his colleagues had some baby monkeys grow up in “gangs” of other youngsters. Without a mother to offer a safe home base, the monkeys spent a lot of time clinging to each other. They didn’t explore their environments as much as normal babies (raised by moms), and they got in more fights, suggesting that they were experiencing some sort of social stress.<br /><br />When Cole’s team looked at these monkeys’ genetic signature, they found that it resembled that of human loneliness. There was evidence of increased inflammation and decreased immunity to viruses. When the researchers gave the monkey kids a fake mom—a mere cloth-covered wire basket—their genetic functions started to ease back toward normal.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6975552878338016522011-08-25T07:15:56.433-04:002011-08-25T07:15:56.433-04:00Separation of mother and child is harmful to baby ...Separation of mother and child is harmful to baby rhesus monkeys:<br /><br />http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-14562120Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30695752468911389642011-08-25T07:12:54.033-04:002011-08-25T07:12:54.033-04:00Anonymous,
Placing your child with a foster fami...Anonymous, <br /><br />Placing your child with a foster family, because you, as you are, are not capable of taking adequately care of him, as he is, while participating in his upbringing, while retaining the RIGHT to take over again, the moment you see fit,<br /><br />you consider as less responsible parenting, than<br /><br />signing some surrender papers, so your child may be returned by the adopters, but not to you, may become a child in a single parent household, may be genitally mutilated, may grow up to become a Mormon, may be abused by the adopters, may not claim that you are his mother, can never flee to you, may be forced in becoming a birth mother too, can be forced to hear insults to his mother, no man should have to take from a couple of pretenders, all that without you having any retained right to end the placement, while quite possibly giving (him) the impression that you are abandoning and rejecting him?<br /><br />You are comparing assisted parenting, which is what most mothers do to some degree, with not parenting at all. A foster placement like this, is rather similar to a real open adoption, with the power balance completely reversed, yes, the mother may need to convince the social workers or so that she is good enough, but she will not have to prove she is better than the foster family, to take the child away and welcome it home forever.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17482128040639404222011-08-25T06:11:08.548-04:002011-08-25T06:11:08.548-04:00Actually, adoption pushing trolls are PATHETIC.Actually, adoption pushing trolls are PATHETIC.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4640590470103693812011-08-25T02:33:17.053-04:002011-08-25T02:33:17.053-04:00You are NOT jealous?
Not jealous at a boy, who wi...You are NOT jealous?<br /><br />Not jealous at a boy, who will never have to wonder why did she abandon me, who is she, would she love me, how did she get pregnant, is she lonely with christmas?<br />Just because his mother loved him too much to surrender him for adoption, even though she could not raise him by herself?<br /><br />If you are not jealous, why are you, as an adoptee, so negative about this? You call it pathetic, that a family takes care of a child, without making lies about blood ties the legal truth, at the expense of recognition of the blood ties to his real family.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70291731184404435402011-08-25T00:03:07.781-04:002011-08-25T00:03:07.781-04:00Theodore:
It has nothing to do with jealousy-it&#...Theodore:<br /><br />It has nothing to do with jealousy-it's the whole concept is pathetic. Here you are agreeing with this irresponsible form of "parenting" and thinking its "ok" without seeing if it is damaging the child. Not only that, it seems it's "ok" as long as the "mother" still retains her parental rights regardless if her lack of parenting is hurting the child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com