tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post6595812474450604648..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: We Survived the Holidays but are Mad as HellLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54504451756923109942010-01-01T11:54:35.802-05:002010-01-01T11:54:35.802-05:00triona, I meant the government's role was to f...triona, I meant the government's role was to facilitate as opposed to treating the parties concerned like children. Also, any fees I paid (if I paid any, I don't recall) were minimal in my province in Canada.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9401817796753367162009-12-31T17:21:35.457-05:002009-12-31T17:21:35.457-05:00Campbell, I think the government has no business f...Campbell, I think the government has no business facilitating contact between adoptees and birth families. I think birth certificates should be available to adoptees and birth parents in exactly the same way as they are for the non-adopted. There is a powerful word called NO that any adult can use if they are contacted by someone with whom they don't want a relationship, and existing laws to prevent harassment in the unlikely event that may occur. As it stands now, at least in the U.S., in closed records states adoptees have no choice but to contact their birth mothers via government intermediaries, even if all they want is the information of their birth.<br /><br />Facilitating contact turns into yet another money-making scheme based on adoption. if such services are mandated by law, people end up charged outlandish prices with no way to protest if the services they receive are substandard (which they often are).Triona Guidryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00969598333210972017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47074426681444198642009-12-30T22:34:02.600-05:002009-12-30T22:34:02.600-05:00Oh I completely agree that the government absolute...Oh I completely agree that the government absolutely needs to assess the people they're dealing with and not treat them like children. Their role should be to facilitate. If open records are as you describe and that people who don't want contact, biological parents or adoptees, still have that choice available to them then I'm all for it. I believe it is on the horizon here also. My adoption was in Manitoba.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12222767357543596742009-12-29T18:46:31.538-05:002009-12-29T18:46:31.538-05:00Campbell, one of the things about closed records i...Campbell, one of the things about closed records is that it treats even adult adoptees as if they were little children who need to be protected. Instead of adults who have the right to choose whom to have a relationship with. <br /><br />I read on your blog how the government has treated you like a child, and I don't think that this is at all fair to you. You did not need a government "protecting" you from your natural mother when she wanted to share her email address with you.<br /><br />Open records for mothers gives the adoptee the choice whether they want to search or not, and whether they want contact or not. My son likely would never have searched for me, out of fear of his former adoptive parents, but he was overjoyed when I found him thanks to open records in B.C. He had been suicidal before I found him, and credits me with saving his life. Another mother whom I helped find her son thanks to open records at least was able to talk to him 3 times by phone before he died. Unfortunately they were never able to reunite in-person. <br /><br />Reunion was a life-changing experience for myself and my son. We are both thankful that records opened here in B.C. in 1996. It gave us both the opportunity to take back what was taken from us, our mother-son relationship.<br /><br />May I ask which province you were adopted in?Cedarhttp://cedartrees.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43412415968048158402009-12-29T15:21:21.856-05:002009-12-29T15:21:21.856-05:00"Why would any mother not want to know her ch..."Why would any mother not want to know her child? The mind boggles."<br /><br />Yes, that one truly boggles the mind, but I would guess that some mothers have just put that "incident" out of their minds... as we were told to forget it EVEN happened!! <br /><br />I too have searched for my bdaughter and have found her but unfortunately, she is one of those adoptees that does NOT want any contact what-so-ever!! )o:<br />But I do get to see her Facebook pictures - and I just found out I'm a grandmother... she did say she 'might' want contact after she has a child (she is 40), and now just had one... praying she WILL contact me in the near future!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19152227256206904892009-12-29T14:38:56.389-05:002009-12-29T14:38:56.389-05:00Ah, I should mention, it is 4 provinces out of 10 ...Ah, I should mention, it is 4 provinces out of 10 which have open records. We have 10 provinces and 3 territories.Cedarhttp://cedartrees.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42108627953152259722009-12-28T13:32:54.476-05:002009-12-28T13:32:54.476-05:00"Why would any mother not want to know her ch..."Why would any mother not want to know her child? The mind boggles."<br /><br />As an adoptee I respectfully point out that some people are of the opinion that that it isn't "her child". I agree that one would think there would be a natural curiosity on both parties to want to see a picture or know some details but not everyone who's given up a child, especially the one's assured privacy way back when, has told many (if any) people in their life they've given up a child for adoption.<br /><br />"I'm having dreams of throwing opening the records for us first/birth mothers too--as in, why the hell not?"<br /><br />I also don't think it would be beneficial to every situation for birth mothers to have the right to contact on a whim with no consideration given to how it will affect the child/adoptee at that time of their life.<br /><br />There are definitely improvements to be made to the systems that govern adoption records and disclosure. In my opinion it should be done more on a case by case basis as opposed to enforcing general laws that cannot be fairly applied to each and every person as they are all such unique situations involving unique individuals and various personality types.Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13600505149020853906noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53263014659887977742009-12-27T09:15:32.789-05:002009-12-27T09:15:32.789-05:00Excellent post.
Canada stats = the population of ...Excellent post.<br /><br />Canada stats = the population of the provinces with open records equals 2/3rds of the total population of all of Canada. Not to say they had the same majority of adoptions but it probably would be similar.<br /><br />But there is still along way to go.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21460692415253497752009-12-26T22:00:51.387-05:002009-12-26T22:00:51.387-05:00Great post!!! :)Great post!!! :)Cedarhttp://cedartrees.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.com