tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post7079309413172291625..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Writing a letter to the child you gave up for adoptionLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6169755261105912172022-03-02T07:06:37.770-05:002022-03-02T07:06:37.770-05:00Just wanted to say thank you for helping me finall...Just wanted to say thank you for helping me finally be able to tell my oldest son who was adopted at 5 in 2015 the time we have been apart that I not once didn't think of him. I wish I could convey that I do not want interfer in his life nor be a burden and just want him to know mo matter the distance and time way y love for him has never changed<br /> I can't make up for all the times I wish I could have been a support or during difficult times to offer guidance, but to let him know I'll always be waiting and he always welcome in ly home and life. And that it's ok if he doesn't want that to. Lostmomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05321052185664380998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9939036675303746462022-01-20T20:50:16.079-05:002022-01-20T20:50:16.079-05:00Thank you for writing. We hope this encourages oth...Thank you for writing. We hope this encourages others to be truthful, and know that it is never too late to open up about a secret child. I wish you all the luck in the world with reaching out. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9795637301686064572022-01-20T13:14:10.958-05:002022-01-20T13:14:10.958-05:00I came across your letter today and advice and to ...I came across your letter today and advice and to be honest with you it sent chills up my spine. My name is Mindy and my husband and I married 4 years ago. At the beginning of our relationship, my husband and his family did not disclose to me their son had a child from a previous 8 month marriage. Throughout our wonderful marriage, this subject has always came up. Between the both of us, his parents and his friends all having their opinions but in the end wondering how his daughter was with her mother and adoptive father. A few weeks ago, beings I left my job of 10 years which was an 80 hour a week job, I realized a power above us gave me this new job in the location where his daughter lives for a reason. I started doing some research and for the first time really appreciated the social media world. I found his ex wife/the mother of his child and found out a lot of information that my husband did not tell me. I reached out to her in hopes for her side of the story. My husband and I spoke to an attorney and low and behold he did give his daughter up for adoption. The story thank god is pretty consistent between the both of them. They were young and he could not provide the child support the court ordered and the mother wanted to move out of state with another man who gracefully adopted his daughter. Throughout the past few weeks I have found myself in a very difficult situation with my husband and his family. Do we do nothing still? What is his daughter going to think when she starts searching for the truth? Why aren't we doing something about this? What is she going to think of me when she starts finding out the truth. So many people have their opinions but finally last night after weeks of fighting with my husband over this issue he has chose to bottle up the last 12 years, he said to me he wants to write a letter. With the tears in his eyes, I felt so proud of him and am thanking God that he put us in life together and that he is going to do something to change the situation. Last night, my husband said to me "I don't know what to say or what not to say Mindy" I said I don't know either... then today, just now, I find this advice and guidance someone else shared with their own daughter. I want to thank you again for sharing your story and what a blessing you have been to myself and my husband knowing there are others out there in the same situation. We are planning on drafting his letter this weekend and cannot be happier we have a path to take. Thank you again. MINDYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68137436587848392752018-06-12T23:12:19.246-04:002018-06-12T23:12:19.246-04:00This is one of the hardest things I'll ever ha...This is one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do, but this letter is given into the future aspect and Im writing her when this happened in January so shes only 6 months old, granted I am 33. So I'm really lost now if someone could help me. I have no support at the moment. How would you write this and do you know if we are able to send in another letter in their folder or can it just be one? ThanksAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16300291959097465980noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17592855887897432182015-08-13T22:17:27.340-04:002015-08-13T22:17:27.340-04:00I am trying to decide what to write to my son/adop...I am trying to decide what to write to my son/adoptive family. He turned 20 this year and I would love to send him a note, letting him know that I have never forgotten him. His birth father and I each wrote him a letter before he was born explaining why he was given up for adoption. Assuming his adoptive parents gave them to him, he has some pictures of me pregnant with him, of me and his birth father, as well as pictures of me with him and his adoptive family when I gave him to them. They have sent pictures over the years when I requested them, but it has been a little over 10 years since I last requested/sent anything. Not because I don't care but because live moves on and you have to move with it. I really just want to let him know that I have never forgotten him, that I did get to spend time with him before he went to his new parents, and that I am available for contact, etc. I also want to make sure he is happy and doing well. At age 9 he seemed to be doing great and his family always sent good pictures. Suggestions anyone?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44266408330967506402014-04-25T21:02:45.281-04:002014-04-25T21:02:45.281-04:00i am glad i came across your page i am writting my...i am glad i came across your page i am writting my son a letter he was adopted when he was five and he will be13 this year i did not know how to go about writting a letter to him and i had no help exept from the lords guidance.they said to me they are going to put this letter in his folder i dont know anything and they said he will beable to read it when he gets his folder i dont know when that will be but i would like to say thank you and i am glad to hear everything work out when u wrote your letter to your daughter.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86445279258083856852012-07-16T16:23:12.511-04:002012-07-16T16:23:12.511-04:00Lorraine ,thanks for writing this letter to your c...Lorraine ,thanks for writing this letter to your child ,it was very emtionally for me but helped me write a letter to my son who was adopted at 4 days old he found me 0n 1/31/2010 and that was just overwheming to see his handsome face.I just finished my letter to him ,even thou it took me 2yrs to write it.thank you and God bless youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51706038162250173282012-02-28T09:45:05.203-05:002012-02-28T09:45:05.203-05:00Thanks, Lindsey, and good luck. You don't know...Thanks, Lindsey, and good luck. You don't know what you are facing, or what she has come to believe about you, so write from your heart and the love will shine through.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-32880069279040608622012-02-27T17:59:01.542-05:002012-02-27T17:59:01.542-05:00thank you so much for posting this beautiful lette...thank you so much for posting this beautiful letter. i am so young and it has been such a struggle to convey my feelings properly. this post has helped incredibly as i prepare to write a letter to my own little girl.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15758935776027145022011-10-28T20:27:03.519-04:002011-10-28T20:27:03.519-04:00I found this very helpful as i am in the middle of...I found this very helpful as i am in the middle of writting letters to my baby son who is nearly 3years old and my 3 daughetrs aged 5, 8, and 10 who were snatched away from me by social services in waltham forest in march 2010... its very difficult to know what to write but this has been a great help and thank u ..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8299993936942512492011-09-03T22:54:10.630-04:002011-09-03T22:54:10.630-04:00monker1123:
I am so sorry to hear about what happ...monker1123:<br /><br />I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Maybe in time she will change. Take care of yourself. We can't control other people, we can only control ourselves. <br /><br />♥Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21987575361355136952011-09-03T21:02:58.853-04:002011-09-03T21:02:58.853-04:00I guess as an adoptee...make sure that really want...I guess as an adoptee...make sure that really want a relationship and if you aren't sure don't write the letter. The most devastating thing is when a birth parent walks away after they have been in your life for a year...it almost feels like rejection all over again.monker1123https://www.blogger.com/profile/07788873025920930435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68636066352981805382011-05-09T17:59:16.098-04:002011-05-09T17:59:16.098-04:00I just wanted to thank you, Lorraine, for this gui...I just wanted to thank you, Lorraine, for this guidance. My birthdaughter is now 18, and I feel that it is my time to do this. I don't know what, if anything, will come of it (or when), but I have been waiting for the moment for so long. I will take your suggestions to heart. Again, thank you. <br /><br />~JulieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27314512714813605102011-05-05T20:40:45.968-04:002011-05-05T20:40:45.968-04:00May 5, 2011
Three years after I lost my precious ...May 5, 2011<br /><br />Three years after I lost my precious baby boy to a concealed/closed adoption--at the hands of a Mormon church lawyer (David McConkie helping Colleen Burnham of Children's Aid Society of Utah)--I wrote my son a l - o -n - g letter. Over a period of days this evolved into a short family history narrative. <br /><br />Since then I've realized many more things about this forlorn experience of my only child from my only pregnancy being pried away from me and him and me being cruelly broken up as a family. We WERE a family, of two, who loved each other deeply. <br /><br />Write from your maternal instincts. That's the one thing that neither the lawyers or social workers, judges or anybody else can destroy--when they rip our children away from us and hide them away from us in concealed/closed adoption, in my opinion--and that's our maternal instincts. We still think like a mother. Such is because we ARE a mother, even if they made us a childless mother.<br /><br />Tell your child the truth, regardless of the anguish you yourself endure. That's part of being a mom, to me, is enduring sorrow so your child does not. Not giving them the facts only prolongs their suffering of probing and searching until they get what they want, the truth, about the unfavorable circumstances surrounding their usually-illegitimate birth.<br /><br />How many times I've poured over law books crying, at the factual information I was studying, because the law was showing me what I already knew deep in my soul but couldn't bring myself to admit numbers many times. As your child's mother you're the only one who knows these kinds of things. <br /><br />Take what you've learned and couple it with the facts, then present it to your child. Give her the gift of wholeness. That's what our adopted-out kids want--so we never should deny them that--so as our adopted-out kids' natural moms we have responsibility to help them become whole and maybe heal if that's possible.<br /><br />Present your daughter with yourself as her natural mother giving her the truth. Then be courageous enough to let her decide. You may have to take up the rest of the whole situation before the Lord.<br /><br />God Speed To You Both,<br />Kathy Caudle<br />Natural Mothersoomahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09947334871185883867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-91960300463315915412011-05-03T10:45:44.672-04:002011-05-03T10:45:44.672-04:00Von: You are right; I'm going back to add thos...Von: You are right; I'm going back to add those details in the letter for all the people who will read this in the future.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4438624979479241782011-05-03T03:56:19.874-04:002011-05-03T03:56:19.874-04:00I was so blessed to be reunited through ISRR (Soun...I was so blessed to be reunited through ISRR (Soundex). When they called me to say they had matched me with my son, I said, "what should I do? Write him a letter?" And the woman said, it would be better if you talked on the phone. She set that up for later that night, when we were both home from work. I was so nervous! She also gave me ideas of what to say and I learned later that she did for my son. Of course we wrote letters to each other after (this was before email). We met 10 days later.<br /><br />Lorraine, thank you for providing this sample for mothers who must write to their son/daughter before talking on the phone or meeting in person. It will help so many.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14614511252780738252011-05-03T00:09:30.613-04:002011-05-03T00:09:30.613-04:00Hi Lorraine, as an adoptee who had 'the letter...Hi Lorraine, as an adoptee who had 'the letter' and many more afterwards and then reunion, just a few points, since you asked.<br />My own Mother signed her letter simply "Mother' which I found very moving and I would not like to have thought of her thinking she was my 'other mother'.She wasn't she was my only true Mother.<br />My Mother was never out of my thoughts so therefore not out of my life for all the 50 years it took for reunion.She didn't need to ask to come back into it.Different perhaps for others.<br />Birth details, weight, length, time of birth and place and some idea of how it was are very helpful and welcome if possible.Photos of course and details of father too.<br />My Mother was not a complicated woman and her letter reflected that, it was honest and from her heart, the most important thing.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54455022302025249542011-05-02T21:41:04.889-04:002011-05-02T21:41:04.889-04:00This is a beautiful, moving letter and thank you f...This is a beautiful, moving letter and thank you for making it available.Meredithnoreply@blogger.com