tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post7339840283291171880..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: B. J Lifton's Mother's Day cardLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73918616289609747642011-05-10T10:43:35.050-04:002011-05-10T10:43:35.050-04:00What has always bothered me is that there was a te...What has always bothered me is that there was a ten-year gap between the card and any rapprochement between BJ and her first/birth mother, and the sticking point seemed to be the "inappropriate" card. <br /><br />I agree that BJ Lifton's mother not telling the rest of her family about her secret daughter was the real issue, but my daughter so many times cut me out over things I couldn't even fathom. Yet her adoptive mother could actually tell her she did not love her in a pique, and Jane would patch things up in a week. Birth mothers are always on tenterhooks.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27189694420372063602011-05-10T08:47:05.787-04:002011-05-10T08:47:05.787-04:00Now that is definitely a sad testament to the real...Now that is definitely a sad testament to the realities of adoption and reunion.... sigh, there is no way to celebrate any of it.... it is too hard, too crazy and too sad.<br /><br />Ironically - the word verification for this comment is "cryin".....Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76949699688284553752011-05-10T08:43:42.773-04:002011-05-10T08:43:42.773-04:00The card may have been the last straw, but BJ'...The card may have been the last straw, but BJ's real problem with her mother was that her mother kept her a secret and would not tell her brother or other family. Eventually BJ went to the brother herself, and found him stuffy and boring. She also had problems with her mother not relating to her as an adult but as the secret lost baby. The card thing was symptom, not really a cause.<br /><br />She later regretted not reaching out more to her mother. She had searched when it was really unheard of, and there were no guidelines or examples of how reunion relationships could work.<br /><br />The last time I saw BJ she showed me a picture of her mother, in a nightclub in the 50s with some star of that era. She looked very glamourous and much like BJ, and BJ was very proud of that picture and of her mother.<br /><br />Things are sometimes more complex and ambiguous than they seem.maryannenoreply@blogger.com