tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8423195732407340737..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Good news: Foreign Adoptions DeclineLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38116021503294435022008-11-26T08:21:00.000-05:002008-11-26T08:21:00.000-05:00Great post, Lorraine!Roger, there can be problems ...Great post, Lorraine!<BR/><BR/>Roger, there can be problems and huge conflicts of interest with "foster to adopt" especially with infants. I don't know your particular circumstances so can't presume you did not hope and work towards those babies being raised by birth relatives, IF that were a safe and viable alternative. But too many times that is not the case, and foster care just becomes a backdoor route to get a baby, regardless of what the mother and other relatives want or can really provide.<BR/><BR/>On the other hand, if the child is to be adopted it is better they stay with people they know than be moved again to total strangers who want to adopt, as was done in the past, to my son and others. Foster care was offered to me by my state agency because I could not bear to surrender my child at birth. The legal ramifications were NOT explained to me at all, nor all I would have to "prove" to get my child out of foster care. I was not unfit in any way, and the placement in foster care was voluntary. In retrospect it was the worst thing I could have done.<BR/><BR/>In the following months I was offered no resources to keep my child, just badgering that he was getting "too old" and "unadoptable". I finally gave up and surrendered. I was worn down by the system, not built up, and my son went from a neglectful foster home to a sub-standard adoptive home because he was "used goods."<BR/><BR/>So....while I know many kids in foster care truly need homes and many good persons like yourself do adopt with ethical intent, the foster care system as a whole is dysfunctional in many ways, and people need to just as wary of abuse there as in foreign adoptions.maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30851755603055553882008-11-25T19:27:00.000-05:002008-11-25T19:27:00.000-05:00Yes, I agree. If you really want to help kids over...Yes, I agree. If you really want to help kids overseas, there are better ways. Removing a whole generation of children from any given society is clearly not healthy anyway. It's better to find a way to help the locals care for their own kids... sponsor a school, maybe. If you really want to adopt, the best way (speaking as a foster/adoptive/biological parent) is to become a foster parent with your local version of Department of Family and Childrens Services. That way it's just about free, and you can get babies ... six of our eight kids came as babies.<BR/><BR/>Cheers<BR/><BR/>Roger<BR/>http://TheAdoptionThing.orgtcslhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16820150960002669874noreply@blogger.com