tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8430399979953772491..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Finding Your Roots: Bastards show up in all family treesLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27211741813039181482014-10-09T09:19:39.523-04:002014-10-09T09:19:39.523-04:00Thanks, Sandra McK, for researching that. It just ...Thanks, Sandra McK, for researching that. It just proves my point. Anderson C lost his father as a young boy, and yet was willing to use all of his influence to ensure that another young child lost her father. The host, Henry Gates, Jr., mentioned that he was sure Anderson's ancestors would be very proud of him. Well, I'm not. I'm sickened by his actions.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82426206797927448492014-10-09T05:05:51.468-04:002014-10-09T05:05:51.468-04:00Wyatt Cooper died from complications of open-heart...Wyatt Cooper died from complications of open-heart surgery, says Uncle Wiki. I'd always thought he killed himself (still a possibility, as I remember reading this from a reliable source), as his son Carter did; he jumped out a window at the age of twenty-three.MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00479830264284065679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-20908368521786237932014-10-08T16:35:00.940-04:002014-10-08T16:35:00.940-04:00according to Wikipedia, Anderson's father died...according to Wikipedia, Anderson's father died when Anderson was about 11.Sandra McKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41469218620151453652014-10-08T13:02:21.243-04:002014-10-08T13:02:21.243-04:00Definitely write to CNN, Robin.
I saw a TV movi...Definitely write to CNN, Robin. <br /><br />I saw a TV movie about the custody fight between Gloria Vanderbilt's mother and her aunt and grandmother, played by the ever so wicked Bette Davis. Gloria was interviewed afterward. She said something to the effect that she had a low opinion of adults fighting over a child, nothing about being taken from her mother or having any sympathy for her mother. So perhaps AC got the idea that fights should be avoided at all costs. Of course that leads to legalized kidnapping which is what happened in Gloria's case and the Veronica Brown's case. <br /><br />I suppose too that AC is glad his mother was raised by the Vanderbilt's rather than her low class mother. AC always has this look of confusion as though he is an innocent from prep school thrown in with the rowdies of the world.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76117472497170894392014-10-08T11:28:55.947-04:002014-10-08T11:28:55.947-04:00I missed part of the show so I'm not sure what...I missed part of the show so I'm not sure what Anderson's issue is with his own father. Perhaps after you watch it you can add a comment with the exact question the host posed to him at the end. But I am certain his answer was "my father".<br /><br />I am just spitting nails today that after learning about his family history back hundreds of years, he still said the most significant person in his family is his natural father. Maybe he should have considered that Veronica's natural father is the most significant person in her life, too; before he did everything in his power to destroy that relationship. <br /><br />On another note, Mr. Cooper has come out publicly as a gay man. Well, that is just fine with me. I hope he and his partner have a wonderful relationship. There is always a need for more loving relationships in this world. But I bet he hates it when there is discrimination against gays who want children. So he needs to look at his own prejudice toward heterosexual men who father children out of wedlock and then want to raise THEIR OWN children.<br /><br />Your suggestion of writing a letter is an excellent one and I will follow up on that. And I do ask that others also write or at least join me in a boycott of Mr. Cooper's work. <br /><br />Thank you, JE, for your support.<br /><br /><br /><br />Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1947639679117174492014-10-08T11:20:24.957-04:002014-10-08T11:20:24.957-04:00We were close Lorraine! I was at ASID headquarters...We were close Lorraine! I was at ASID headquarters at 730 5th Ave. Beautiful part of NY!<br /><br />Julia Emilynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-18660782600801247682014-10-08T10:23:07.374-04:002014-10-08T10:23:07.374-04:00The address of the building where T&C was in t...The address of the building where T&C was in the Seventies was 717 Fifth Avenue. Fifth Floor. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33650181866724602762014-10-08T09:02:08.946-04:002014-10-08T09:02:08.946-04:00Robin, I will gladly boycott Anderson Cooper. I mi...Robin, I will gladly boycott Anderson Cooper. I might write to him , as Lorraine suggested. What you describe here is sickening.<br /><br />Lorraine: I also worked a couple of blocks from the Plaza! Beautiful place to work. Maybe we were in the same building.<br /><br />Anderson Cooper mentioning his father is as bad as Rosie crying over her ancestry, given how they both behave towards adoptees. Very upsetting and discouraging. Julia Emilynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-23907348255049955302014-10-08T08:48:51.006-04:002014-10-08T08:48:51.006-04:00Robin: I taped the show but didn't watch it ye...Robin: I taped the show but didn't watch it yet. Oddly enough--Cooper father? Wyatt Cooper? He didn't know him? I thought Gloria and Wyatt were happily married--at least they were when I took Wyatt Cooper to lunch. I was an editor at Town & Country and he wanted to write for the magazine--so lunch at The Plaza which was a block away from our offices. The man I had lunch with was a distinguished, intelligent, somewhat courtly man. <br /><br />I hope that channel your anger and write to Cooper yourself today. The letter will make his way to him through the CNN channels. You can never know the amount of good you might do for the next child who comes along and ends up in a custody battle. Please do it. Do it for the next Veronica BROWN. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1879004933800963982014-10-08T08:02:00.852-04:002014-10-08T08:02:00.852-04:00I'm so angry right now I'm not sure I can ...I'm so angry right now I'm not sure I can even write a coherent sentence. Did anyone watch "Finding Your Roots" last night? Anderson Cooper was one of the guests. Yes, the very same Anderson Cooper who did everything he could to steal Veronica Rose Brown from her natural father. And what was the most painful topic on Anderson's mother's side of the family? What was the subject his mother could never even bring herself to talk about? The fact that she herself was the subject of a very bitter and public custody battle that had her taken from her OWN mother and placed her with an aunt. And yet, despite his family background, Cooper used his power and publicity to do the very same thing to a little girl he never even knew. He did everything he could to support a bitter custody battle that resulted in the forcible removal of Veronica BROWN from her REAL father's custody.<br /><br />And when Mr. Cooper was asked by the host, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. who he most wanted to connect with among his ancestors, he responded "my father." Yet, he did everything he could to ensure that another precious child was denied the chance to grow up with HER father.<br /><br />When I saw that Anderson Cooper was one of the guests I was going to change the channel. But then I realized that the episode was about people with southern ancestry and since this is part of my background I became interested enough to continue watching.<br /><br />But right now I could just scream.<br /><br />I call for a boycott of Anderson Cooper. I hope you will join me.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62862970013838415562014-10-08T03:14:10.536-04:002014-10-08T03:14:10.536-04:00Tiffany: I didn't know you are a fellow New Yo...Tiffany: I didn't know you are a fellow New Yorker! I wish we could knock some sense into the lawmakers here. <br /><br />I feel that your daughter is lucky. I do not know any adoptive parents, aside from those who post on FMF, who are honest with their adopted children/adult children. Not one. I know a-parents who never told their children they were adopted, I know overbearing a-parents, I know a lot of a-parents exactly like my own. All of them possessive, manipulative, and not willing for a shred of honesty to enter the relationship. They are insecure and selfish. And they all seem very afraid. Most of the a-parents I know personally are from my era, but a few are more recent. I can't make sense of it, but it is a common denominator with all the AP's I know.<br /><br />I could never behave this way. Honesty is the only way to handle something as complex as adoption. A relationship can not be built upon lies, plain and simple.Julia Emilynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52824957652074119752014-10-07T20:02:26.694-04:002014-10-07T20:02:26.694-04:00That was not the assumption of my child's adop...That was not the assumption of my child's adoptive parents who adopted my baby in the U.K at the beginning of the sixties. <br />Of course The Simpsons is an Americam production.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42990404688163681772014-10-07T19:59:44.271-04:002014-10-07T19:59:44.271-04:00I guess Rosie and her brother only support gay rig...I guess Rosie and her brother only support gay rights, not adoptee rights. Some of us are more equal than others and all that...Sunnyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13795973322596893070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-60323652334110768512014-10-07T18:37:42.620-04:002014-10-07T18:37:42.620-04:00Lorraine,
I watched "Rosie" on Who Do Yo...Lorraine,<br />I watched "Rosie" on Who Do You Think You Are and it was all I could do to not scream at her "what about your children" as she was visibly emotional on the journey. I've often wondered if doing that show has changed her views about her children and their lack of right to know.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-18970874901878180222014-10-07T17:13:53.678-04:002014-10-07T17:13:53.678-04:00I wish! I am a New Yorker by birth, so it infuria...I wish! I am a New Yorker by birth, so it infuriates me to see what is happening in my home state. <br /><br />It is important to remember people are a product of their times, and I agree your a-mom is likely living the way she was taught to live. But, at the same time, I struggle with giving parents a pass on being loving and caring and supportive of their children. There are other adoptive parents who are from that era who are supportive of their children feeling a connection and desire for their roots. There are adoptees in their 50s and 60s who search out their birth parents with the blessing and support of their adoptive parents. For me, it's pure selfishness and insecurity to continue to repress your adult child's feelings regarding their own adoption.<br /><br />I say this in part because I still see that attitude among adoptive parents today, and we live in a very different world. It's very frustrating to me to see, and I can't understand it. <br /><br />It feels weird to me when people say my daughter is lucky. I just can't wrap my head around that thinking. I am so beyond blessed to be able to love her. I'm constantly aware that in another world, I wouldn't belong to her. It's humbling to be a mother to a child to whom I didn't give birth... she is one half of my heart, and to be entrusted to love her is one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am well aware that my joy came at a very high cost paid by her mother, and it was a price she never should have had to pay in a perfect world. I guess I don't understand why all adoptive parents don't feel that way.Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14160456515574908042014-10-07T16:59:54.607-04:002014-10-07T16:59:54.607-04:00What the what? I have no words.... I can't ev...What the what? I have no words.... I can't even fathom needing to fake genetic connection to such a level that I would lie in that way to my child. That's just twisted. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14659270980477805492014-10-07T16:49:15.190-04:002014-10-07T16:49:15.190-04:00I too have started a family tree. I put my son on...I too have started a family tree. I put my son on it but did not include his father (who he knows). The tree then appeared with Father Unknown. Didn't like that so added his father and traced his tree back a few generations too. Mine is a reverse international adoption. My son has been raised to believe the European culture he was raised in is superior to North American culture. Maybe some day he will want to know about his roots. Signed Mom2014 Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30074855518974235472014-10-07T16:13:30.948-04:002014-10-07T16:13:30.948-04:00Here in the UK, a recent episode of The Simpsons h...Here in the UK, a recent episode of The Simpsons had Homer's friend Carl return to Iceland where he had been adopted. He was on a mission to clear his ancestral family's name. His ancestral family was unquestionally assumed to be that of his adoptive parents. Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41137109544672060112014-10-07T13:46:15.577-04:002014-10-07T13:46:15.577-04:00I just wanted to say that it is not just adoptive ...I just wanted to say that it is not just adoptive parents rasing children of the same race that raise their adoptive children as if they have no other family. My daughter's parents have told her that her amother had an affair that is why she is so dark. Who does this!!!! Why not tell her the truth! onemadmomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66686052462638821252014-10-07T12:59:17.263-04:002014-10-07T12:59:17.263-04:00I agree Rosie would have to be a numskull to think...I agree Rosie would have to be a numskull to think her ancestry was her children's, but her adoptions have had a totally negative effect on her boorish brother's thinking about what those children might want or need. He could not have been more dismissive and rude to the lobby group I was with--two adoptees and me. They were livid when we left, one in tears, the other full of righteous rage. <br /><br />I have never heard Rosie say one word about the children and their rights as individuals, so in the absence of speaking out--she could actually do a lot of good--and her brother's clear aversion to adoptee rights, I suspect she is an insensitive boor, as she portrays herself to be on television. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16019699232162749762014-10-07T11:19:44.105-04:002014-10-07T11:19:44.105-04:00I also saw this show and really enjoyed it. I foun...I also saw this show and really enjoyed it. I found it a positive thing how matter-of- factly the adoption bits were handled, with the attitude that of course both mothers and adoptees would wonder and want to know what happened to their child or parents.Notice how with Billy Jean King's grandma, they skipped right to finding the natural mother, no dwelling on the adoptive ancestry. Derek Jeter showed such class, as always, in hoping that his white ancestor at least had some sympathy for his mixed race child, and the child's mother. All the segments showed that ancestry does matter, and that adoption or illegitimacy does not wipe it out. Shows like this can only help the cause of adoptee rights by showing how normal it is to want to know the truth.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12127585859951874812014-10-07T08:04:41.748-04:002014-10-07T08:04:41.748-04:00At least during the BSE, adoptive parents were tol...At least during the BSE, adoptive parents were told that the adopted child would share their ancestry and genealogy. So why would the child need to search for his or her own biological roots? The natural parents were considered so inconsequential and were so totally written out of the picture that I think many APs believed this. Even more modern day adoptive parents raising children of the same race probably still think like this. It wouldn't surprise me if an AP like Rosie O'Donnell simply thinks of her adopted children as Irish like her.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52419892561232936822014-10-07T05:23:59.802-04:002014-10-07T05:23:59.802-04:00Hooray, Tiffany!!! Can we elect you to the New Yor...Hooray, Tiffany!!! Can we elect you to the New York State Legislature?? Yours is the kind of attitude toward adoption that is honest and healthy. Secrets and lies just does cut it anymore. As you say, "Take that, closed record laws!!"<br /><br />Your adopted daughter is very lucky. Your understanding and helpful approach towards her adoption is wonderful. I am sure she will grow into a secure, confident adult, and you will always have a good, honest relationship with her.<br /><br />Such a contrast between your handling of your daughter's adoption and my a-mother! Yes, a-mom is a product of her time. I could almost understand, back in the ignorant 1950's and 60's, that she believed secrecy was the right approach, and that she was afraid she would not be allowed to keep me. She has said as much. But, decades have passed. What is she afraid of now? I am obviously here to stay, caring for her and a-dad on a daily basis. No one is going to come and take me away. So, what is there to lose, at this stage of the game, by being honest? The insecurity is astonishing!<br /><br />Rosie O'Donnell? She's another story. I can't stand the sight of her. I would have to use language here that I don't approve of in order to discuss her, so I will stop now before I get carried away.Julia Emilynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-39610195190696789112014-10-06T19:15:44.555-04:002014-10-06T19:15:44.555-04:00So much to absorb in this post...
My genealogy o...So much to absorb in this post... <br /><br />My genealogy on my father's paternal side was painstakingly traced out by my great grandfather and documented in a book. I can't remember a time when I didn't know about that book on our shelf or have a sense of pride in where I came from, famous ancestors, and that I knew my roots on my paternal side all the way to the original ancestor in England before his journey to America. I have a sense of pride and connection to my roots that I think actually makes me value the different history of my daughter who is adopted. <br /><br />I would love to help her research her genealogy someday, and we have started researching traveling to countries in all our of backgrounds as my husband has a different background than I do, and our daughter who is biological has a blend of us, and then there is our daughter who is adopted who has her own unique background. All around, it's completely fascinating to me and very inspiring. <br /><br />Insecurity is what shuts down knowledge and searching, and it's sad that grown adults cannot get over themselves enough to want what is best for their child. History is so important. Our history is important. My daughter's history is important. I'm thankful that in spite of archaic laws, which I will continue to fight against, she will be able to search out her roots if she wants to. Take that, closed record laws! You won't be able to continue to stop adult adoptees in this day and age... it's a losing battle!Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43467409469004775322014-10-06T18:29:24.029-04:002014-10-06T18:29:24.029-04:00And I forgot to add as Baby Carter did that Rosie&...And I forgot to add as Baby Carter did that Rosie's brother in the NY state legislature said to me: I will never vote for this bill [that would unseal the original birth certificates of adoptees]. He's also said to others that he fears that the birth mothers would want money. <br /><br />As far as I know, as baby girl carter says, she has never done anything to help her adopted children learn their roots. Maybe one day one of them will be writing a blog about ... searching, and the desire to know one's true heritage. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.com