tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8873924264709277821..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Egg Donor or Egg Seller? Fulfilling Another Woman's Dreams or Filling Your PocketsLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57146436831062355972014-06-30T21:07:36.977-04:002014-06-30T21:07:36.977-04:00Terry Tang:
http://www.metafilter.com/140304/egg-...Terry Tang:<br /><br />http://www.metafilter.com/140304/egg-donation-a-journalists-personal-story#5608854<br /><br /><a href="http://www.therivetermagazine.com/qa-with-justine-griffin-on-the-cost-of-life/" rel="nofollow">Q&A with Justine Griffin on “The Cost of Life”</a><br />I think this is worth a read. It is not so simple a matter to donate your eggs: <br />from the Q & A of a journalist who decided to sell her eggs: <br /><br />"...We thought it was going to be a lighthearted feature, a nice Sunday series for a couple of weeks, and it just changed very drastically as I started going through the procedure. There were many times that I wanted to back out, but felt bullied by the people in the industry, the doctors and the agency that I signed up with. They made me sign a legal document that basically said if I backed out at any point in the procedure, I would have to pay for all the medicine and testing that this couple had paid for for me.<br /><br />KR: You’d have to pay them back?<br /><br />JG: Yeah, I’d have to pay them back for everything. Before I’d even started the hormone injections, I had to do genetic testing to make sure I wasn’t a carrier for any genetic diseases. I had to go through a psychological evaluation to make sure I was sane, and different personality tests. I had to go through certain physicals and do different ultrasounds to make sure my reproductive organs were healthy enough to do this. So it was very expensive, and they threatened that because I got nervous just before I was going to start the hormone injections...." <br /><br />Then they wanted to use drugs from overseas because it was less expensive that the drugs from US and she had no say in that.....Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68276599294078977652014-06-30T20:02:35.292-04:002014-06-30T20:02:35.292-04:00The reason why first mothers speak out against egg...The reason why first mothers speak out against egg "donation" is simple: Both egg donation and many infant adoptions involve the exploitation of vulnerable young women. Egg donors suffer even more physically because their bodies are abused to produce the eggs, risking their lives and their health. <br /><br />Sugar-coat it as they may, the truth is that the adoption and fertility industries regard egg donors and first mothers as breeders, something less than human. This cheapens all women. <br /><br />Both donors and first mothers suffer mental pain which does not stop with the donation but goes on for the rest of their lives, once their consciousness catches up with what they did. These women, whether they carried the child or "donated" an egg will spend their lives, wondering about their child. Since anonymity is the rule in egg donation, only a few donors will be able to find their child and have a relationship with him or her. See my post on a recent reunion between egg donor and child. http://www.firstmotherforum.com/2014/03/even-in-modern-families-need-to-know.html Still the reunion will not create a natural relationship and it carries all the pain that permeate adoption reunions.<br /><br />Both egg donation and adoption involve creating a child who may have no opportunity to know his full DNA. This knowledge is important not only for his medical history but for his sense of self. <br /><br />The difference between egg donation and IVF is that the IVF woman gains a child while the egg donor gains only a mess of pottage. <br /><br />Your child may tell you she has no issues. We've heard this from adoptees who tell us how they told their adoptive parents they have no interest in searching and have no issues. Then one day they realize they have a ton of adoption-related issues to deal with. . <br /><br />As for slamming mothers who give up their babies for not practicing birth control -- keep in mind that birth control methods are imperfect -- many of these women including me and Lorraine had the means to nurture our children and would have but for societal sanctions. Today most US women give up their babies because of lack of resources or because they are conned by the adoption industry. Countries in Western Europe which support families and which do not allow profit in adoption have virtually no infant adoptions and few foster care adoptions.<br /><br />My question to you and to many of the women who gain children at the expense of other women is why didn't you have a baby before your eggs rotted?Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83799006237541626902014-06-30T17:44:52.334-04:002014-06-30T17:44:52.334-04:00I am not sure why adoptees and birthmothers want t...I am not sure why adoptees and birthmothers want to speak out about donor egg. Unless you are 1) a donor yourself 2) a donor conceived child or 3) a parent of a donor conceived child, then this is NOT your arena. Its truly not. There are many differences between adoption and donor egg/donor sperm. The first difference, which should be obvious, is that a donor conceived child usually grows up in a home where he is related to at least one family member (usually the dad, if he was conceived by donor egg). And he may also have genetic half siblings in that same household. He also has a biological connection to his mother, who carried him in her body for nine months and then nursed him, and is raising him. This is different from an adopted child who grows up in a home where he is probably not related to anyone in the household, and his adoptive mother did not carry him in a pregnancy. Also, many people have donors who are known to them, in some cases, their donor may even be a relative. I had a child with a donor who is known, and she knows she was donor conceived, and has absolutely no problem with it at all. <br />People who seek help from donors are not trying to create "designer babies" anymore than a person who seeks out a partner who has desirable traits, and they decide they want to have children with that person. <br />Also, regarding your comment that women "risk their lives" to donate eggs - you obviously have never been through in vitro fertilization. If you had, you would know that the egg donation process is the EXACT same procedure that any woman undergoes when she does IVF with her own eggs! So if it were truly "life threatening", we'd be seeing lots of deaths of women who do in vitro fertilization. IVF has been around since the late 1970s, so do a google search and find out just how many women have died from it? Again, a woman taking injections to make lots of eggs for her own egg IVF, is the SAME procedure an egg donor goes through. So your comments about all this are truly ignorant and ill informed. You don't even have the medical knowledge to discuss any of this, nor do you have any personal experience with egg/sperm or embryo donation. <br />As for a comment above about "have you considered giving a home to a child in foster care", have YOU done this yourself? Infertile people have no more obligation than anyone else to take in foster kids. Infertile women (and men) don't have to live with guilt and shame for not taking in a foster kid, they are entitled to keep trying for a baby using their own egg, donor egg or whatever. Why don't people stop having kids and then throwing them out, and expecting others to take them in? Why not just practice birth control if one can't control their sexual urges and don't have money to support a child? Condoms are cheap and effective, and if more people used them, we'd have fewer children without homes. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00297203818540456152noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82749977704768982902011-02-20T10:26:58.880-05:002011-02-20T10:26:58.880-05:00Your story and plight does not change my mind. Egg...Your story and plight does not change my mind. Egg donation leads to children who will be confused about who they really are,what their true biological heredity is, who they come from. I do not doubt that you will love your children, but you have not considered fully the implications of what you seek to do from the viewpoint of the individual you seek to create. The fact that you are 32 (instead of 40) and trying to have an "unnatural" pregnancy does not change the outcome or the ethical implications. <br /><br />But I know you will go ahead and do what you want to fulfill your own desires. Have you considered giving a home to a child in foster care?Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17052984260324643532011-02-20T09:38:50.819-05:002011-02-20T09:38:50.819-05:00This article assumes that all women that seek egg ...This article assumes that all women that seek egg donation are in their 40's and seeking to "cheat" biology and achieve an "un-natural" pregnancy. I am a 32 year old woman who has been trying to get pregnant since I was 30 (when I had my son) and am not able to get pregnant because I have premature ovarian failure. And, yes, I want a smart egg donor...because I am smart. I want someone that looks like me. I'm not looking for a gorgeous, perfect donor, but I would like to have someone that has a similar personality and IQ. I would like the opportunity to have a child that is genetically linked to my son and husband. I think that people need to see that egg donation is a potential solution for women like me who are suffering a great loss and not just about older mothers seeking "a second chance."RunningMamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16269598643448280554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36430846930111628022010-06-08T12:25:31.992-04:002010-06-08T12:25:31.992-04:00Did you, anonymous, ever think about the psycholog...Did you, anonymous, ever think about the psychological well-being of any child, Travolatas included, who is the product of an egg from this anonymous donor or sperm from that anonymous donor? <br /><br />Me thinks not. That is the issue here, not whom the child so created "belongs" to. Sounds as if you are a mother of such a child, but do not want to admit it, even anonymously. <br /><br />COMMENTS CLOSED.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65443534783965571702010-06-07T22:09:52.673-04:002010-06-07T22:09:52.673-04:00Jane, why should it surprise you that they don'...Jane, why should it surprise you that they don't let dumb women donate eggs? Yes, they prefer women who have high SAT scores, high IQ scores, etc. This is NOT eugenics. If you have a child naturally, you also chose your child's genetics. You did that when you chose your partner to have children with. People who do in vitro using donors, also choose partners with desirable traits (physical features, high IQs, etc.)<br /><br />And if the egg donation business surpasses the adoption industry, that may be a good thing. Adoption is an industry that exploits prospective parents, children and birth parents. International adoption contributes to child trafficking and kidnapping in many countries. Adoption is not this great thing that people think it is.<br /><br />And finally, Jane, what the Travoltas do is their own business. You don't know if they conceived this child naturally, used an egg donor, or used frozen embryos from a previous IVF cycle. The resulting child will be theirs no matter what.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85664309132682714822010-06-01T13:44:01.523-04:002010-06-01T13:44:01.523-04:00Several readers have asked why I have it "in&...Several readers have asked why I have it "in" for John Travolta. Actually I like him as an actor; I particularly enjoyed him in "Primary Colors". <br /><br />I have it "in" for anyone who risks another woman's life in order to have a baby. I put John Travolta and Kelly Preston in that category.<br /><br />I'm not ageist. I didn't make the rules; Mother Nature did. And for good reason. <br /><br />The latest news is that Kelly Preston is carrying twins. This makes it more like that her conception did not occur naturally. I don't know whose eggs (or whose sperm for that matter) created these embryos but at 47, it's unlikely they were Preston's unless she had had her eggs frozen. This is according to a CNN doctor/commentator. <br /><br />Readers have pointed out that women in their 40's do conceive. Early 40's, no question. My mother was 41 when she had my brother (yes, that brother -- the pot-smoking, war protesting hippie I've written about before.) And Rielle Hunter was 43 when she gave birth to John Edwards' daughter, likely not a result of fertility treatments, at least none that Edwards knew about.<br /><br />Speaking of John Edwards, it's interesting to note that none of our readers objected to my mean statements about him and his wife Elizabeth. They also lost a son and had replacement children via donated eggs. Is it because of John's affair de coeur that the Edwards' have no defenders here? Or is John Travolta's publicist trolling blogs, pouncing on any suggestion that the in utero Travolta's are anything but natural, using our natural sympathy for John and Kelly over the loss of their son to deflect questions about the embyros' DNA?Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89836129986983046872010-06-01T11:11:14.379-04:002010-06-01T11:11:14.379-04:00Oh please, Jane is entitled to speculate that the ...Oh please, Jane is entitled to speculate that the egg is not their own. <br /><br />His wife is what? In her late 40s? Yes, it happens naturally, but isn't it amazing how many wealthy older women are able to have babies past when most women are unable to conceive? Must be something in the money....Janet, a first mothernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10168313016283387212010-06-01T10:32:48.671-04:002010-06-01T10:32:48.671-04:00I think it is sad, that still in this day and age ...I think it is sad, that still in this day and age no one EVER thinks about the future of the baby and how he or she will feel being brought into the world in such a strange and unatural way. It is sad too, that money still trumps anyone considering that the baby will also want to know who created them and who they are a part of. This isn't advanced science. It is age old self-centeredness on the part of the adults involved.The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-87797631153167195652010-05-31T13:59:24.117-04:002010-05-31T13:59:24.117-04:00The statements about the Travoltas and their so ca...The statements about the Travoltas and their so called "replacement baby" are just mean-spirited.<br />These people lost their son tragically.<br />And that give you the right to belittle them and judge them when you have no proof they conceived their child in any way but the old-fashioned one?<br />Jane's statements are ageist, bigoted and pure speculation.<br />What did the Travoltas ever do to you Jane?<br />The gossip aspect of this post defeats any sense in the facts about egg donation.<br />Bad form.Cindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81398820671047449072010-05-26T11:46:14.689-04:002010-05-26T11:46:14.689-04:00Kim Kim, you are right. That comment had nothing t...Kim Kim, you are right. That comment had nothing to do with the issue at hand. <br /><br />I'm removing it.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-74824951804616236372010-05-25T14:58:13.362-04:002010-05-25T14:58:13.362-04:00My son who is not gay or bi but was in the steam r...<em>My son who is not gay or bi but was in the steam room of a gym....</em><br /><br />Ok this has nothing to do with adoption.... nothing to do with reunion.... nothing to do with being a first mother. Or was it the son she is in reunion with? The one who isn't gay or bi? We were talking about adults though weren't we? Not an under age boy?<br /><br />Let me know when it's ok to come back......KimKimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80935911086807442002010-05-25T08:59:45.590-04:002010-05-25T08:59:45.590-04:00As much as I feel bad for Travolta and his wife fo...As much as I feel bad for Travolta and his wife for their loss. <br /><br />I feel even more sorry for the baby that will "replace" their lost son. He will forever be in an impossible position. <br /><br />These Hollywood types can do anything they want and it is ok with those who adore them. They are a problem but most people with money think they can buy anything and everything will be ok. Doesn't work that way in life. <br /><br />Surrogacy is just another form of exploitation and most "smart" young women only see money not a viable egg that may be her only viable egg ever. <br /><br />Sadly, that's what our society has become buying and selling anything one can to make a buck. Only thinking of the moment, not the future.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35641794619055806182010-05-25T06:51:05.791-04:002010-05-25T06:51:05.791-04:00This column should be required reading for any you...This column should be required reading for any young woman considering egg donation. Good work, Jane.<br /><br />I was not aware that Gilda Radner took hormone treatments before developing ovarian cancer. Was she trying to conceive? That is doubly tragic. <br /><br />Humorous aside on the "Ivy League" eggs......I got me some of that Ivy League sperm, via my husband who had a full scholarship to Columbia, but none of my kids are math geniuses like their dad....because the poor things took after me in that department:-)<br /><br />There is a lot more to genetics than one parent and her college, and you may well pay big bucks for a kid who takes after dumb uncle Stashy rather than Ivy League mama.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24103180727622361482010-05-25T05:45:34.373-04:002010-05-25T05:45:34.373-04:00Why is it safe to assume that John Travolta and hi...Why is it safe to assume that John Travolta and his wife are using a surrogate? And why say that this will be a replacement baby?<br />I'm wondering what the Travolta family have done to make you be so disrepectful towards them?<br />If we have other children are we having replacement children for the ones that were lost to adoption?<br />The woman who lives down the road from us got pregnant in her very late 40's.<br />No it's not safe to assume anything and it's not cool to be so nasty about people just because they are famous.<br /><br />I used to really love reading the first mother forum. Comments like these about the Travoltas really turn me off. I'm disappointed.KimKimnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82544935861173579922010-05-25T02:26:11.259-04:002010-05-25T02:26:11.259-04:00I know it is rare, but we can't automatically ...I know it is rare, but we can't automatically assume that Kelly Preston hasn't done it "the natural way." My grandmother was born in January, 1883. Her 11 children were born when she was 22, 24, 25, 26, 29, 32, 33, 35, 38, 41, ... and 46! Some women have it in them to actually produce viable eggs for a long time. I think it must be genetic -- I was born when my mom was 44. <br /><br />I guess we'll see if Kelly and John's next kid looks anything like Kelly ...Cedarhttp://cedartrees.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10429098405952309262010-05-24T21:37:41.326-04:002010-05-24T21:37:41.326-04:00and the problems for the results of surrogacy?and the problems for the results of surrogacy?Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.com