tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post9215781452811644142..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adoptionland: Brutal essays by adult adoptees expose the truth of intercountry adoptionLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81452281573902509222014-11-21T00:08:44.496-05:002014-11-21T00:08:44.496-05:00Thank you Lorraine for writing this awakening revi...Thank you Lorraine for writing this awakening review on Adoptionland, from Orphan to Activist. My goal is to raise awareness, protect and enlighten vulnerable mothers, fathers and families from around the world today. These days adoption agencies carelessly throw around the word 'orphan' to advertise and market children and pull at the heart strings of unaware potential adopters which is creating this huge demand for children. Using the word 'orphan' in their advertising materials and campaigns creates life long corruption and heartfelt pain in original families. Families in foreign countries are unaware of this man-made 'children's market'. Adoption is truly not 'saving' a child, it's destroying a family and a society. In the grand scale of things it's taking away from the country, the country's future. In reality, adoptive parents do not know for sure if the child they receive is a real orphan or a stolen child. Paperwork is falsified and the truth will never be revealed because documents are locked up. Placing pictures of 'available' children should also be illegal. This is an inhumane way of showcasing children that are not even theirs to showcase in the first place. Do the children even get compensated or sign a release form to have their photo online? What about their rights to privacy? What about their rights to dignity? Mothers and children should not be separated. Children are an extension of ourselves. When the fetus is in the mother they are one. Once the child's umbilical cord is cut we sometimes forget that fact, but it remains that we are still one with our children by way of DNA, spiritually and emotionally. That is why it's important we don't let these agencies manipulate mothers, lie to fathers and cut off children from their God given families. This pain must stop. In the beginning agencies said that the Korean children were 'saved from prejudice', but in fact, we were just thrown into another society of prejudice to navigate through, cut from what was rightfully ours, our Korean ethnicity and language. I think it's ridiculous the propaganda these agencies throw around to justify these adoption traumas. Agencies create fears to create a demand. This is very manipulative but they are very good with what they do. This book is the first book to acknowledge the voices of the victims and if heard...well, perhaps a way we can start to heal and forgive. Adopted people feel left behind from every direction and it would be nice to get acknowledgment or an 'apology day' for the industry's 'gotcha day'.<br />Join us in our FB group Adoption Truth and Transparency Worldwide Network for more discussions.Adoption Truthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11991168710756328072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88417912972721139742014-11-20T16:43:59.900-05:002014-11-20T16:43:59.900-05:00I've heard of cases where the adoption agency ...I've heard of cases where the adoption agency changes the birth date without letting the adoptive parents know although they may suspect it. The changes may be as much as three or four years. I commend parents who insist upon the true date or try to make the child's legal date as close as possible to the true date. Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17269336142876287612014-11-20T16:26:44.525-05:002014-11-20T16:26:44.525-05:00When we adopted our daughter in Russia, we were as...When we adopted our daughter in Russia, we were asked if we wanted to change her birthdate. It was recommended we change it to make her birthdate 6 months later than it actually is. It did seem to be something that was routinely done. Her birthdate was known since she was born in a hospital. We did not change her birthdate. She is currently a year behind in school (in 4th grade but old enough for 5th). That's OK with me, many children in our area are held back. Michellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42564158696163089762014-11-19T09:08:35.665-05:002014-11-19T09:08:35.665-05:00Mrs. TQB: Ever time I read one of your posts like ...Mrs. TQB: Ever time I read one of your posts like this I want to reach out and give you a big hug. I've heard of what you describe happening before--a biological child simply treated like not one of the family. Thank god your grandmother loved you in those early years. I found out that my mother went into deep depression shortly after I was born and my grandmother came to live with us and took over quite a bit. Of course I have no memory of that, and never was treated as you describe. <br /><br />Hugs again to you. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15343595327891588312014-11-19T02:10:41.489-05:002014-11-19T02:10:41.489-05:00Great to see this publication getting the exposure...Great to see this publication getting the exposure and feedback that it deserves<br />There can never be too many books about adoption in my honest opinion and especially from the ultimate experts the adoptees themselves<br />Thanks [Birth Mother] First Mother<br />Lucy SheenAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02124916857431523351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8971209228476790932014-11-19T00:36:23.936-05:002014-11-19T00:36:23.936-05:00Thank you for the review Lorraine
And in particul...Thank you for the review Lorraine<br /><br />And in particular for the mention of the Irish Mother & Baby homes chapter which I wrote. If anyone wants more information about the history of adoption in Ireland after reading the book, then it's worth going to the open group page on Facebook; Adoption Rights Now 24 hour News channel and checking out the files section where the full Report can be found and downloaded for free. The chapter in 'Adoptionland' is a much shorter edit of a larger work. <br /><br />Thanks again to everyone involved in the production of the book and to First Mother Forum for your support.<br /><br />Best wishes<br /><br />Paul...Paul Redmondnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88922050008147068882014-11-18T22:56:54.859-05:002014-11-18T22:56:54.859-05:00Thanks for the links, Kym.Thanks for the links, Kym.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21481609458086398692014-11-18T20:22:29.856-05:002014-11-18T20:22:29.856-05:00So many lies in adoption. I tell some adoptees th...So many lies in adoption. I tell some adoptees that unless you can confirm with certainty that what you were told about yourself is true, then you shouldn't assume that's your true (his)story. <br /><br />Also, with foreign adoptions (language barrier, cultural differences/standards), it's easier to lie and harder for people to get to the truth.<br /><br />This was written by an adoptee blogger who I think writes really well and on important topics. This post got my attention, showing the disregard for humanity by these adoption agencies for financial greed. http://redthreadbroken.wordpress.com/2014/11/01/twin-sisters-response/<br /><br />And as a Korean adoptee, I thought this was pretty accurate, policy-wise. If anyone else has any thoughts, I'd be interested in hearing them.<br />http://dissertationreviews.org/archives/9959kymnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76529476634714595072014-11-18T20:08:46.669-05:002014-11-18T20:08:46.669-05:00I've never been a fan of George's acting s...I've never been a fan of George's acting skills, and now I've another reason to be less enamored by him. He/they will join the loooong list of celebrities who won't be invited to my house for dinner. Bragelina aren't on my guest list either.<br /><br />I liked LGA's reaction to these news. http://landofgazillionadoptees.com/2014/11/18/screw-off-george-and-amal-clooney/kymnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47431683136786508972014-11-18T19:36:46.880-05:002014-11-18T19:36:46.880-05:00Something I learned recently is that it is exceedi...Something I learned recently is that it is exceedingly common for foreign agencies to falsify a child's date of birth. This is because PAPS prefer younger children and US State Department rules require children be under the age of 16. I had heard of the DOB falsification (this happened to Astrid Dabbeni, director of Oregon's Adoption Mosaic), but I didn't realize it was routine.<br /><br />Once the child comes to the US, the adoptive parents have the child examined by a dentist or physician to get an idea of his likely age. Then the adoptive parents start a re-adoption process in their state and ask the judge to change the child's age legally. After the adoption is completed, they obtain a birth certificate from the state showing a DOB that is closer to his probably true DOB. <br /><br />Not only does a child adopted from abroad lose his parents, extended family, country, culture, but doesn't even get to know his true age.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83432998954183708712014-11-18T15:04:26.348-05:002014-11-18T15:04:26.348-05:00In the harsh economic climate that many mothers an...In the harsh economic climate that many mothers and babies have encountered, all over the world, throughout history, a mother's primal bond with a newborn can be disrupted with lifelong effects, even if that child is not given up for adoption.<br /><br />Though a dreadful adoption in my extended family first brought me to FMF, my own birth could not have occurred under worse circumstances or timing for the family that was, as they so often put it, "stuck with [me]." My father was in graduate school, my mother worked full-time at a pink-collar job that she always refused to discuss in order to supplement the family's GI Bill benefits, and whatever free time she might have had, I've been told, was dedicated to desperately playing geisha to my father. As the second child of the "wrong gender," my baby bottle and I were thrust into the arms of my grandmother for the first eighteen months to two years of my life. Fortunately for both of us, my gran adored me. Taught me everything I knew about unconditional love.<br /><br />My mother never saw me as anything but an indentured servant who was required to "earn [my] keep." Our rupture-from-birth simply never healed, or got better. Financially things eventually improved for my parents, once the advanced degree was completed and my father was earning a fat salary back in his widely-considered-a-paradise of a hometown, by the time the last child was born--followed immediately by my father's vasectomy. But long before the Reagan years, I learned that the concept of a "trickle-down economy," or that a rising tide lifts all boats, was only selectively true. At least this was the case in my family of origin (FOO, or even FOOey!), which disowned me when I finally, finally stopped skimming any cream off my life and offering it up first to my FOO. Even though I physically resembled my bparents, superficially, I was never considered "one of [them]." I was the freak they were stuck with, the one pushing a broom and returning the deposit bottles and babysitting for the whole frigging neighborhood. Their culture was not mine. I knew the language and the nuances, though the little (and big) treats and extras that Life in Paradise bestowed on most of my fellow residents stopped before Santa passed over me. I didn't laugh when Charlie Brown got a rock in his trick-or-treat bag: that was just everyday living. (G-d bless you, Charles M. Schulz, for making childhood depression an everyday commonplace, just when I needed someone like that!)<br /><br />My husband and I just started seeing a new, young internist, to whom we were bequeathed when our previous one retired. And how little I know about my bfamily's medical history! They didn't TELL me diddly-squat, and the people who did know and would say are mostly gone now. "You know, I've encountered this [lack of information] frequently with, uh... [long embarrassed pause] adoptees. But you're my first patient whose living parents, uh...," stammered Dr. New.<br /><br />"... considered this none of my goddamn business," said I. Not for the first time with a doctor, but the eighth or ninth or tenth. I do know that my mother died of emphysema, but she stopped speaking to me ten years, almost to the day, before she died.<br /><br />I am looking forward to reading this collection of essays with GREAT anticipation.MrsTarquinBiscuitbarrelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00479830264284065679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52645680347557201612014-11-17T15:59:30.203-05:002014-11-17T15:59:30.203-05:00And now it appears that even world famous newlywed...And now it appears that even world famous newlyweds, George and Amal Clooney, may be considering international adoption. <br /><br />http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2836977/Are-Clooneys-set-parents-George-Amal-said-considering-adopting-orphan-war-torn-country.htmlRobinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47426744789642787742014-11-17T14:20:41.856-05:002014-11-17T14:20:41.856-05:00I'm reading it now. I can't thank the con...I'm reading it now. I can't thank the contributors enough for putting it together and expressing their voices (our voices, my voice too) so eloquently and honestly. My heart goes out to all of them (and for me and for so many others caught up in the adoption wave).<br /><br />It is refreshing to read my story in other people like me. For many intercountry adoptees, we've grown up isolated and scattered across the globe, with no genetic mirrors and few people who understand us (except in the cyber world). Thus, it's nice to realize that other people do understand us.<br /><br />Peace for everyone struggling and RIP for those who didn't survive.<br /><br />-Another transracial, intercountry, dislocated displacee.kymnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16479065866932320892014-11-17T08:08:52.587-05:002014-11-17T08:08:52.587-05:00...that is the quote.
I think, no matter what, n......that is the quote. <br /><br />I think, no matter what, no matter how, many adoptees--if not all--feel abandoned by their mothers. It's primal. It's pre-verbal and thus cannot be easily "worked through" with therapy. The writer was expressing that. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28468368893441732512014-11-17T05:36:15.365-05:002014-11-17T05:36:15.365-05:00quote......." responsibility to look after he...quote......." responsibility to look after her son and to not be manipulated " .......how does that work ?.....a bit harsh :(Jan Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01275804204213681445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-77216721828855529062014-11-16T12:49:06.933-05:002014-11-16T12:49:06.933-05:00I can't wait to read these essays. A lot of my...I can't wait to read these essays. A lot of my own thought and emotions are in the few passages in Lorraine's post. Thanks for this!Julia Emilynoreply@blogger.com