tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post935353113768843002..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Meeting my "Adopted" granddaughterLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11877876690446935092010-07-19T12:14:19.314-04:002010-07-19T12:14:19.314-04:00My poem for Annette Baran
Annette
A small bright...My poem for Annette Baran<br /><br />Annette<br /><br />A small bright bird<br />Filled with life<br />she graced the space she filled<br />Always moving, never still<br />except to listen to a friend<br />which she did with full heart<br />Her kind eyes saw you<br />her silence let you fill the cup<br />Her words were milk and honey<br />on any hurt or fear<br /><br />I knew her as grey but never old<br />Her spirit ever young, eager<br />for the next adventure, the next laugh<br />the next delicious shopping trip<br /><br />Annette knew what to buy, and where to find it<br />What to read, I loved every book<br />she led me to, her wisdom<br />carried on, oblique, in other's words.<br />She showed me the lipstick that won't wear off<br />said, "it will change your life"<br />Her sense of style impeccable, unique<br />A joy to see<br />A joy to follow<br /><br />My Yiddishe Mama, witty, wise<br />down to earth, a true friend<br />Annette stood before a crowd<br />at an adoption conference once,<br />and said "I am sorry<br />for what my profession has done,<br />for what I have done"<br />That's all, no excuses, no justifications,<br />No Big Buts......<br /><br />Just courage, integrity, intelligence and class<br />She laughed at fools, the pompous, the self-righteous<br />She cried with those who truly grieved<br /><br />Now we grieve her, her valor, her light gone from this world<br />But she shines on<br />In blessed memory<br />In her work we take up<br />In the quest for truth and justice<br />Still undone<br /><br />She shines on.......<br /><br /><br />Mary Anne Cohen<br />July 2010<br />Rest in Peace, Dear Annette<br />The good race is run.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34148594617510325802010-07-16T02:29:45.882-04:002010-07-16T02:29:45.882-04:00d28bob, you are right. adoptees are 14-times more ...d28bob, you are right. adoptees are 14-times more likely to surrender a baby to adoption that non-adoptees (Moore and Davidson, 2002). I think it is pressure from the adoptive mother that does it. Emotional coercion. e.g.: grandmother’s preference for adoption increases likelihood of surrender tenfold for teen mothers -- (Dworkin, Harding & Schreiber, 1993). imho, some adopters feel deeply threatened when their little adoptees prove to be fertile.Cedarhttp://cedartrees.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79734511918429352272010-07-15T14:53:51.539-04:002010-07-15T14:53:51.539-04:00Lorraine, I'm still optimistic about your reun...Lorraine, I'm still optimistic about your reunion. I suspect it's impossible to go into reunion without expectations, but that means reality will always fall short. We really must simply accept what is, and do our best to make our half the relationship as good as we can make it.<br /><br />I, too, was in an orphanage- ten months in my case- before being adopted. So yes, my adopted family was greatly superior to institutional life. <br /><br />My adopted sister also became a birth mother. In fact, many of the natural mothers I've met shared the same fate- far too many for it to be a statistical anomaly. I don't know what research has been done, but I suspect between a third and half of adopted girls continue the tradition. Which is frightening in its own way- another significant percentage have, like your granddaughter, decided to not parent. Which is also frightening in its own way...d28bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05866860173755756630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78877179259677509002010-07-15T14:51:18.515-04:002010-07-15T14:51:18.515-04:00"Time to go to the beach and have the little ..."Time to go to the beach and have the little amount of rum in my tonic that my stomach allows these days, time to mix that with my tears." <br />Oh my sweetie Lorraine... you know that these feelings happen in every family - birth and adoptive. Lisa is right - this was your "first date" (the first of many, I suspect).CullyRaynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5339565348134490462010-07-14T22:46:56.626-04:002010-07-14T22:46:56.626-04:00Oh Lorraine, it sounds like you and Lisa had quite...Oh Lorraine, it sounds like you and Lisa had quite a week! I can only imagine how much comfort it brought you to be able to spend time with her. She sounds like quite a talented amazing young lady!<br /><br />As an adopted person myself whose birth mother also passed away in her early 40's...I can understand first hand the kind of emotions your granddaughter is going through. It is definitely a process trying to work though everything, the good and the bad...so I'm sure with patience and understanding on both of your parts, you'll be able to develop a wonderful long-lasting relationship.lisa in wvnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63656634016144156742010-07-13T12:21:44.699-04:002010-07-13T12:21:44.699-04:00Wow, so many questions here, many in regards to Ja...Wow, so many questions here, many in regards to Jane's adoptive family. Do they have any interest in meeting Lisa, or vice versa? Does your other granddaughter know about her and do you think they will ever meet? <br /><br />The time in foster care is truly disturbing. My baby was also put into temporary foster care, unbeknownst to me at the time; I thought he was going directly home with the APs. It pains me deeply to think that he could have been left there for an extended period, or even for life, if he was deemed "unadoptable" for some reason. <br /><br />Thank god Lisa did finally get placed. She is a lovely woman and it's so wonderful that she shares your talent for writing and the arts.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72486008672271135082010-07-13T11:02:54.013-04:002010-07-13T11:02:54.013-04:00Thank you for sharing your story Lorraine, and Lis...Thank you for sharing your story Lorraine, and Lisa for (I assume) allowing it.Campbellhttp://campbellscoup.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30961431465581450612010-07-13T09:36:56.169-04:002010-07-13T09:36:56.169-04:00Thank you Lorraine, for sharing this reunion with ...Thank you Lorraine, for sharing this reunion with us. <br /><br />I've always believed that it's so much harder for those we search for, than those of us who do the searching to begin to feel comfortable in a new relationship. You obviously have dealt with reunion issues for many years; including your experience with her mother.<br /><br />It's challenging to have to reconcile both the similarities and the differences between us and our found family member. That "intimate stranger" description seems to be fitting for our lost family members while we adjust to getting to know them.<br /><br />I was another mother who was promised my son would go immediately to his new home, and instead was sent to foster care for 6 months. That just plain old stinks...especially when we were lied to. Although this fact didn't seem to bother my son after reunion, as much as it did me.<br /><br />I wish you both a loving, respectful and meaningful relationship...all in good time!Carolchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12983135296851385826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55642574530027514832010-07-13T00:39:37.077-04:002010-07-13T00:39:37.077-04:00Big hugs to you, Lorraine. I'm amazed that you...Big hugs to you, Lorraine. I'm amazed that you are so soon able to write about this emotional experience. Try not to worry about "what next." As you said, you are now in each other's lives. That is true, no matter what bumps occur. <br /><br />An aside: I feel what you do about "failure," because your relinquished daughter then relinquished hers. As if you started something... and was heartened to hear that your granddaughter is not so inclined (to adopt, that is). <br /><br />Shortly after reuniting with my son, I learned that he and his first wife relinquished their two sons (two and newborn) when they separated five years before. It tore me apart.<br /><br />I have not searched for them. As long as my son is alive, I feel like it is his to do first. One is "of age now" and the other close.<br /><br />I don't think I ever will. Too much heartache already. <br /><br />You are a courageous woman.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45522670301818433812010-07-12T23:43:00.733-04:002010-07-12T23:43:00.733-04:00Im so glad you were able to spend time with each o...Im so glad you were able to spend time with each other. I can only imagine how you must have felt when you found out she was in an orphanage/care/foster situation for that long. <br /> <br />I know my first Mother could not believe I was shuffled around for almost 6 months after she had me. Catholic Scarities told her I was picked up from the hospital by my ap's.Real Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361127479878590761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43917171654067919562010-07-12T20:12:12.380-04:002010-07-12T20:12:12.380-04:00Right to hate adoption, it does cruel things to fa...Right to hate adoption, it does cruel things to families.Just a couple of points..did you read Evelyn Burns Robinson's books on reunion?Might find it helpful.<br />Sounds as if you tried for a way too long space of time, so much to process, so much past and so many questions.No wonder she needed space.<br />You know adopters always bring in way too many people to meet the new adoptee, you can do it with adults too.It satisfies others curiosity but does nothing for the adoptee.If you're going to develop a respectful relationship there's going to be plenty of time hey? Good luck.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-74425350653263993402010-07-12T19:49:09.643-04:002010-07-12T19:49:09.643-04:00I am so thrilled for both of you! How terrific th...I am so thrilled for both of you! How terrific that you're in each other's lives.ElainePhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00081341759492161794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15199277139758407122010-07-12T19:00:56.280-04:002010-07-12T19:00:56.280-04:00Lorraine, I read your granddaughter's blog - s...Lorraine, I read your granddaughter's blog - she is interesting. Her writing, joys in life and just joy at living are contagious and beautiful. I hope, with all my heart that her artistic love is a beautiful life for her. <br /><br />You are blessed. She is a beautiful person.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.com