tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post1968653943942292923..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Who can call herself a mother? Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger213125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24018679161213406832015-09-16T12:22:45.647-04:002015-09-16T12:22:45.647-04:00i'm Rosi, i call my natural mother "mom o...i'm Rosi, i call my natural mother "mom or mother" when i talk about her with people, but in her face i call her Svetlana, because i feel confortable.<br />Do u feel a Mother to ur son/daughter? it's important to FEEL herself as mothers, not only call hersef Mom.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3733221237337587342015-09-04T16:44:50.601-04:002015-09-04T16:44:50.601-04:00they talk like u only opened legs -_-they talk like u only opened legs -_-Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12695395674555785913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55563773363107444762015-09-04T16:40:00.105-04:002015-09-04T16:40:00.105-04:00yes mother!yes mother!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12695395674555785913noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52846577693286418242015-05-22T22:40:14.220-04:002015-05-22T22:40:14.220-04:00PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT HERE. COMMENTS CLOSED.<b>PLEASE DO NOT COMMENT HERE. COMMENTS CLOSED. </b>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10654190960182203642015-05-22T22:39:07.074-04:002015-05-22T22:39:07.074-04:00You can look it up on this blog with the search fu...You can look it up on this blog with the search function in upper left corner...or Google "Fire Horse." There's lots of information. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15270756279378017362015-05-22T19:39:41.416-04:002015-05-22T19:39:41.416-04:00Jane,
I am 66 mom too. Can you give a little in...Jane, <br /><br />I am 66 mom too. Can you give a little info on that Chinese Fire Horse. <br /><br />I lost my son in 66. A year later almost to my son's birthday I lost my boyfriend in Nam. I ran off with a male friend from school and married him.So I left my family and home. I had to get out of there to survive.<br /><br />GaleMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04701407465248392373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-60181906052576044152015-05-22T11:05:49.865-04:002015-05-22T11:05:49.865-04:00Anonymous: Feelings completely change once a chil...Anonymous: Feelings completely change once a child is born. I could be accused of the same thing. A baby when you are alone and have no one to help you and feel that you have to give her up is the worst feeling in the world. And then a child is born and you want to love and protect that child. I'm sorry for whatever you are suffering. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86387833019451029412015-05-21T19:08:57.193-04:002015-05-21T19:08:57.193-04:00my bio mom neglected me in the womb and starved he...my bio mom neglected me in the womb and starved herself during her entire pregnancy....she is not my mom....some of you are delusional to the fact that many bio moms have acted anything but motherlyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47526323177940212392015-05-15T16:59:22.466-04:002015-05-15T16:59:22.466-04:00Thanks, Lorraine. Yes, I did remember that our fir...Thanks, Lorraine. Yes, I did remember that our firstborn taken daughters both passed away the same year. We certainly have a lot (of pain and loss) in common. Hugs to you!!KarenWBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07437668705948377247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42024957393597568462015-05-15T16:49:03.436-04:002015-05-15T16:49:03.436-04:00Karen, I forgot to add that I also lost my daughte...Karen, I forgot to add that I also lost my daughter in 2007. December. <br />I am so sorry that you are being kept from your grandson. That is cruel and unnecessary punishment. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-20878716086921782262015-05-15T14:38:09.748-04:002015-05-15T14:38:09.748-04:00Thanks Lorraine!! I needed that! Yesterday, May ...Thanks Lorraine!! I needed that! Yesterday, May 14th was her 46th birthday...Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79802891071688383412015-05-15T08:33:01.500-04:002015-05-15T08:33:01.500-04:00Interesting comment, Yan. Whoever is insecure abou...Interesting comment, Yan. Whoever is insecure about your relationship is the one who is affected--not the other. I could be hurt by my daughter, I could feel that she was giving her mother cards on flowers on that stupid one day a year, but it never made me insecure about my relationship because...from the beginning of her life to the end, not matter whether she acknowledged it or not, she was going to be my daughter, and I her mother. And NOTHING COULD CHANGE THAT. <br /><br />We were linked by blood, by history, by ancestors. Impossible to sever all these. No matter what. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-13133203814520109972015-05-15T07:44:19.978-04:002015-05-15T07:44:19.978-04:00Wow, Julia Emily, YES.
So far as I'm concerne...Wow, Julia Emily, YES.<br /><br />So far as I'm concerned, I'm the only one who would get to disavow any of my 4 parents. Insecurity on any of their sides hurts MY relationship with them, not the other parents. Being stuck in the middle SUCKS.Yanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09321410903693533823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-39313540056027140652015-05-11T17:32:40.097-04:002015-05-11T17:32:40.097-04:00COMMENTS CLOSED<b>COMMENTS CLOSED</b>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58804315194076267232015-05-11T12:49:55.798-04:002015-05-11T12:49:55.798-04:00Yes, he would be 15 now, Steve. Thanks, but I'...Yes, he would be 15 now, Steve. Thanks, but I've already tried to find him on FB. One day hopefully!KarenWBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07437668705948377247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53582100847280840122015-05-11T12:45:51.275-04:002015-05-11T12:45:51.275-04:00Thanks Cherry, thanks maryanne :)Thanks Cherry, thanks maryanne :)Kaisanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67947349512803891432015-05-10T22:02:34.973-04:002015-05-10T22:02:34.973-04:00Karen, it sounds like your grandson is about 15 no...Karen, it sounds like your grandson is about 15 now. Maybe you can find him on facebook.Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35553309693165963832015-05-10T19:09:13.691-04:002015-05-10T19:09:13.691-04:00Very well stated Kaisa. I was an art major. While ...Very well stated Kaisa. I was an art major. While I love the image of godesses and mothers and babies, I do not feel at all god-like because I gave birth, nor that I am superior to women who have not given birth. Biology is not the sum total of who we are as women or men. I do not feel that I created my children, making them my possesion, but that they are all a gift to me from Life or God or the Flying Spaghetti Monster or whatever. Mother's Day is a good day because I have been given the gift of 4 wonderful sons, not because of anything I did.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2383329122337144072015-05-10T16:06:14.706-04:002015-05-10T16:06:14.706-04:00Oh, you are a 1966 mother. There is something abou...Oh, you are a 1966 mother. There is something about that year that turned many of us into activists. We'd better get those laws changed so we can leave this world knowing we accomplished something to make life better, to right the wrongs that were done to us, to help others not endure the same. <br /><br />That year I lost my baby, my love, my home, my job. And I was alone. My family did not know. Sometimes I marvel that I managed to survive at all. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57188481807539941042015-05-10T16:03:04.514-04:002015-05-10T16:03:04.514-04:00Lee, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter want...Lee, I am so sorry to hear that your daughter wants nothing to do with you. She may change her mind, but I know that doesn't help much. So understand, this is just a mental hug packed with empathy on this day. Take care of yourself. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38527633896060343342015-05-10T16:01:17.023-04:002015-05-10T16:01:17.023-04:00Thanks, HDW. At my daughter's wake in her home...Thanks, HDW. At my daughter's wake in her hometown in Wisconsin, a group of people she knew from Toastmaster's approached me and a woman said: Are you Jane's biological mother? It wasn't said meanly or anything and I realized that I preferred that to birth, and that she did need to say something because we were on the turf of the adoptive family, and that mother was right there too. (not within earshot). When I nodded yes, the woman said: <br /><br />"She was so proud of you, she talked about you all the time." And the people she was with nodded too, smiling. <br /><br />Well, I felt proud to be my daughter's biological mother. And in that setting, at that moment, I must preferred it to "birth." It conveyed so much more. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-5060580230610938142015-05-10T15:55:39.340-04:002015-05-10T15:55:39.340-04:00That makes Mirah, Karen and me who lost our daught...That makes Mirah, Karen and me who lost our daughters too soon. Are we all 1966 mothers? Or within the Chinese year? The year of the Fire Horse. <br /><br />Karen Vedder and Joyce Bahr are also 1966 mothers. <br /><br />Worst year ever of my life. <br /><br />But whoa! I am not getting that down today. Tony and I worked in the garden, and just making a small patch look better was a good thing. Jennifer sent flowers, we're meeting friends for drinks in a few hours. Life is life. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36883192746917268142015-05-10T15:01:14.185-04:002015-05-10T15:01:14.185-04:00Yes, Lee, I found my daughter in 1996... thirty ye...Yes, Lee, I found my daughter in 1996... thirty years after her birth. I, too, was imprisoned in a maternity "home" facility as an "inmate." It was in D.C. Sent to the hospital by cab and told by the "housemother" to go in and "tell them you're from the home." At the age of 17... no one there with me at all. No instruction about pregnancy, labor or delivery. Oh yeah, that's because they wanted us properly punished and terrorized. This was nothing but flat out ABUSE. Of us and of our babies. They gave our babies to strangers and then never made sure they were being raised with love and safety. Never really investigated well either. We had no "choice." We made no "decision." In order to do that, you have to be given at least two options from which to choose. We were given one = adoption. All carefully planned and orchestrated in order to serve that market of demand by white adopters for white babies from unprotected white, single mothers. Disgusting. And all knew this was happening. It was all over the news: radio, TV, magazines, newspapers. No one can claim otherwise. This was to be punitive. To put us in our place. To make sure we didn't "reoffend." To make sure they (the adoption workers) could serve the demand by mostly infertile potential adopters so that they could fit into society because during the Baby Scoop Era, being infertile, not having children was ALSO a stigma in society. So yes, to your original question. I found my daughter. Our reunion was problematic due to the insecurities and ownership attitude of her female arent. Isn't that, too, disgusting? That at the age of 30 my daughter didn't feel the freedom to know and associate with whomever she chose without recrimination? No words for people like that and sadly, that's what I hear about very, very frequently from exiled mothers when they reunite with their now ADULT "children." Horrible. My daughter was diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) and died five years after her diagnosis. Her death was in 2007. She left behind a 7 year old son... MY grandson... who isn't allowed to know his grandmother... ME. I hate infant adoptions. I HATE mother/child separation and what it does to all of us... the lifelong injuries and damages. They take our babies and then our grandbabies and then our great-grandbabies into infinity. For what? The CRIME of motherhood. Since when is THAT a crime? Well, it was when we were pg... and it still is in the eyes of many because at-risk mothers are still being robbed of their newborns, especially because they are labeled "birth" things even before they give birth. Lee, email me or friend me on Facebook. karenwb2@verizon.net Karen Beebe Wilson Buterbaugh. I have nothing to hide. I now have a VOICE and I damn well use it.KarenWBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07437668705948377247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54865646521001600352015-05-10T12:38:00.022-04:002015-05-10T12:38:00.022-04:00It gets tedious and tiring as well to be told that...It gets tedious and tiring as well to be told that one's own perception of their own story and family is wrong and not acceptable. You have continuously done this to several people who commented here, adoptees and adoptive parents. It gets tedious and tiring to be called a tool of the adoption industry and oppressor of mothers because of the choice of words to describe oneself. It is possible to explain and disagree without doing that. As to research, you pick and choose what backs up your preconceived bias and ignore anything that does not support what you already believe to be true. Even back in the 70s and before there were some social workers and some adoptive parents writing and speaking out for open records for adoptees and reform of adoption practice. Carol Gustavson, founder of Adoptive Parents for Open records comes to mind, Jane Nast., adoptive mother and NJ activist, H. David Kirk, adoptive father and sociologist, Margaret McDonald Lawrence, social worker, and others. All adoptive parents and all social workers are not child-stealing evil villains as you would characterize them.<br /><br />I know you have been hurt terribly, losing your daughter to death as well as adoption, but that does not give you free reign to attack others for feeling differently about their own experience and choice of words. None of us are the ultimate authority on another person's life and feelings. We all have a right to our opinions and they can differ greatly. But we do not have to demean others for not agreeing on every point.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70524592331122276162015-05-10T12:26:32.397-04:002015-05-10T12:26:32.397-04:00". . . a petunia by any other name would smel...". . . a petunia by any other name would smell as sweet."<br /><br />No, it wouldn't. How could it? That doesn't sound quite right. Alter one word, and the magic's disappeared. Just one word changed, and poof! Billy Shakespeare's good work come a cropper. (Now, there was a man who understood word choice.)<br /><br />Billie LeSueur might argue the merits of a name change. Yes. She might sit you down, hand you a cold bottle of Pepsi and explain things in that inimitable way of hers. Fixating her glare on you with those huge blue eyes, batting those half-foot-long lashes, thrusting those huge shoulders, she'd explain word choice to you, all right. And you'd "get it." Toot sweet.<br /><br />"No more WIRE hangers!" or "No more PLASTIC hangers!" Is there a difference? Joan Crawford would clarify word selection in a way Shakespeare couldn't. Because, well, she's Joan Crawford. Lucille Billie LeSueur became Joan Crawford. But Crawford, movie icon, who died on this date in 1977, is still with us. <br /><br />"Mommie Dearest." That was some movie.Muggery Popenoreply@blogger.com