tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post2822669843843241675..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: As with same-sex marriage, difference of opinion on adoption is way beyond 'disagreement' Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-13450003229479133662013-12-05T18:34:46.580-05:002013-12-05T18:34:46.580-05:00COMMENTS CLOSED<b>COMMENTS CLOSED</b>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52193771436383970032013-12-05T10:29:56.770-05:002013-12-05T10:29:56.770-05:00Tiffany,
I agree with a lot about what you have s...Tiffany,<br /><br />I agree with a lot about what you have said about Open Adoption and wish that both sets of parents were able to work through the challenges of open adoption w/out closing them. <br /><br />The one thing I wasn't sure if you were trying to get at that it was also in the Adoptive Parents best interests to do everything in their power to make an Open Adoption work. I don't think it's in their best long term interest to have their child grow up into an adult and then find out the truth of why their biological parent was cut out if their lives causing the adoptee pain and potentially killing their long term relationship with their child. <br /><br />Now doing that doesn't mean the adoptee won't have any pain from their adoption but at the very least the Adoptive Parent will have done everything in their power in the best interests of parenting their child.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58246057113254593632013-12-04T20:31:39.393-05:002013-12-04T20:31:39.393-05:00Facing reality means different things to different...Facing reality means different things to different people.<br /><br />My reality as an adoptee is that I have THREE families to contend with: my adoptive family, my mother's family, and my father's family. It's very complicated. My aparents do not get to dictate or control how I feel about what happened. <br /><br />Yes, my mother signed TPR. But it was a tragedy for her, and for me DESPITE all the wonderful things in my life that have occurred since she signed. She never knew I was safe. She didn't know anything. She was anxious. Yes, I had every advantage, and parents who love me. But I also suffered from depression and anxiety that are probably tied to being separated from my families. On top of that, I still have other parts of my identity even now that my aparents cannot control, and to which, frankly, they don't belong. It would be lovely if there were just one big, happy family, but it generally doesn't work out that way. <br /><br />I have to negotiate how the identity I lost fits into who I am now (it's hard work to figure that out). It's a struggle also for my families, the majority of whom had no idea I even existed (until recently), to begin know what to do with me. <br /><br />No one is suggesting that any part of this is easy.<br /><br />For adoptive parents to say that we all need to "face reality" is like saying, "Acknowledge the ice cube!" when there's a fucking iceberg to be dealt with. It shows a skewed sense of what's important.<br /><br />Yes, adoptive parents get an infant or child, but we (those children, who grow up) have a lifetime to deal with what it means to be put into other families. We have the job of making sense of core relationships that were torn asunder (if we want to do that--some adoptees don't). Our families also have to deal with the our loss (and sometimes they don't deal well). <br /><br />To say to our parents, "Oh, that's your choice, you did it, you signed TPR," is really not understanding the big picture for your child or his or her families. <br /><br />This isn't a situation that can be resolved neatly by urging what *you* see as rational thinking. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76614729585839726982013-12-04T16:54:48.350-05:002013-12-04T16:54:48.350-05:00"WOW. Control freak much? You do realize you ..."WOW. Control freak much? You do realize you are talking about someone ELSE'S child, right? You realize YOU are the one inserting yourself into the lives other another family? That is not your child and you sprout off all these rules and regulations like you own someone else's child. Truly sick and disturbing. Unbelievable..."<br /><br />Anon-BP:December 3, 2013 at 2:16 PM:<br /><br />Your mentality is the very same thing I was talking about with Tiffany. This maybe reason why OAs are scaled back or close-your sense of entitlement and lack of acknowledgement that the APs are the parents and NOT the nannys or babysitters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56863009148205540522013-12-04T16:04:08.883-05:002013-12-04T16:04:08.883-05:00I personally am feeling very intrusive now as this...I personally am feeling very intrusive now as this blog isn't meant for APs to air their disagreements with one another, so this is my last post on the topic.<br /><br />There are too many Anon APs to keep tabs on. I have no idea who posted what or said what as everyone is posting as Anon. There were disparaging remarks made about first moms by some Anon. I don't know which one of the several it appears are posting said it.<br /><br />All the examples given are ones also dealt with by divorced couples on a daily basis. With mediation and counseling, I have a hard time believing the "many" claim made by some Anon. Perhaps some result in crossing so many boundaries that it just cannot be worked out, but "many?" I highly doubt it, and few of the concerns mentioned warrant such extreme measures as complete closure. The only ones that are serious concerns that would cause me pause are the drug/alcohol use before visits and slapping/spanking- as I already said, there are sometimes serious issues and I would put those in that bucket. As for the rest? I have a hard time believing they can't be worked out like so many other families (step families, divorced families, families with multiple parents) manage to do for the sake of their children. I also have a hard time believing these kinds of things happen "many" times. Some, yes. I understand it happens sometimes for good reasons. Many, no. I cannot believe that the many open adoptions are not workable.<br /><br />I'm not judging by sharing my thoughts and opinions. How long I have been in open adoption also doesn't change the reality of what it is- an agreement between adults made at the most difficult time in at least one of those parties' lives. Even the agency we used for the legal aspects of our adoption are huge advocates for open adoption, not just as a carrot to hold out to the pregnant woman, but as a lifelong process. They have ongoing education sessions for APs of older children, counselors, mediators, all available to help families maintain the open adoption they promised. (I don't often have praises to bestow on adoption agencies, but I will put that out there.) In all likelihood, if the first mom had known that her adoption would close, would she have given the child to the APs? It is a grave decision to go back on an agreement of such seriousness. I'm not sure why that is causing such consternation here? Advocating that open adoptions remain open is nothing new or strange, and I'm not alone in believing that only very serious issues should cause the closure of an open adoption. <br /><br />I see a lot of selfishness displayed here- <br />"they gave up the child" "they aren't the parents" "they have no rights." What about the child? Open adoption was never, ever about the adoptive parents. It is primarily for the benefit of the adoptee and secondarily for the benefit of the first parents. We wanted an open adoption for our daughter, not for us. Is it sometimes very challenging? Yes. But it is not about me. Someday, I want my daughter to be able to completely and wholly determine her relationship with her other parents herself. I am laying the groundwork for her to do that by knowing them from the beginning. To try to act and believe that blood ties are not important to the majority of people is simply not reality. Ancestry dot come would not be in existence if so many people didn't care about such things. Simply reading adoptee blogs and knowing adoptees in real life informs me that it will likely be important for my daughter someday. So, I do it for her, first, and for her other parents, second, and we will work through our issues as they come up together for the sake of our child.<br /><br />Finally, I am no expert. That's one reason why you find me here and on adult adoptee blogs... learning, reading, and respecting the voices of those who have lived through it. My opinions are informed by others far more experienced than myself.Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22063040563593729632013-12-04T15:41:38.315-05:002013-12-04T15:41:38.315-05:00@Anonymous
Actually, no that is not their child. M...@Anonymous<br />Actually, no that is not their child. Man made laws don't trump natures laws. Sorry, but you are the one who needs a reality check. Buying a child does not make it yours. That is the REALITY I came to know. <br /><br />Of course, if you really felt like this was your child and yours only, you would not be here spewing your reality against our reality. Our children are still ours, regardless of who thinks they own them. THANKS! anonymous BPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38819686642704094172013-12-04T15:29:54.383-05:002013-12-04T15:29:54.383-05:00Anon 11:32am wrote:"But that is the truth of ...Anon 11:32am wrote:"But that is the truth of adoption. The child is now the adoptive parent's child. To think other wise is not facing reality."<br /><br />Well, as the CHILD, I can tell you that you are absolutely wrong. That is the brainwashing of the adoption industry and it's not true. My adoptive parents are my social parents, but my biological are, always have been, and always will be, my parents. You can never change a person's DNA. It's not possible. I will always be my natural parents' offspring. I can never get my medical history or my ancestry from my adoptive parents.<br /><br />That is why so many adoptees from the closed era are searching for their original parents. We could not buy the lie that are adoptive parents are our only, real, true parents and that our biology is meaningless. The minute an adoptee tells someone s/he is adopted, the first thing s/he hears is "oh, so those aren't your REAL parents?" It seems most people instinctively think of biology as conferring parenthood, no matter how hard the adoption industry tries to encourage people to think otherwise.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1645899913870256012013-12-04T11:32:22.804-05:002013-12-04T11:32:22.804-05:00But that is the truth of adoption. The child is no...But that is the truth of adoption. The child is now the adoptive parent's child. To think other wise is not facing reality. And she did not insert herself into the life of another family. The birth family started it by giving away parental rights. That is just the reality. Facing reality though hard is a better less painful way to live. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55407089579953836182013-12-04T10:36:54.732-05:002013-12-04T10:36:54.732-05:00@Anonymous December 3, 2013 at 2:16 PM:
WOW. Cont...@Anonymous December 3, 2013 at 2:16 PM:<br /><br />WOW. Control freak much? You do realize you are talking about someone ELSE'S child, right? You realize YOU are the one inserting yourself into the lives other another family? That is not your child and you sprout off all these rules and regulations like you own someone else's child. Truly sick and disturbing. Unbelievable...anonymous BPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76209020057567009412013-12-04T03:59:50.043-05:002013-12-04T03:59:50.043-05:00"We could go around and around, but you will ..."We could go around and around, but you will likely never see how damaging and immoral your viewpoint is in spite of much evidence to the contrary (not my own- just do your own research)."<br /><br /><br />Tiffany:<br /><br />Here you go again "judging and playing the OA police"<br /><br />"I simply cannot stand to see APs rage against first moms on a blog meant to support first moms. <br />"I would like first moms to know we do not ALL believe those hateful things and act in such an underhanded manner."<br /><br />No one said it is "ok" to close when they had no intention of keeping the OA open( read one of my original post and you will SEE what I wrote). What I did say was MAYBE the OA was scaled back or closed AFTER communication was tried and it failed. Would you allow to be spoken to rudely or your parental decisions underhanded repeatedly? If you would then good for you if like being a doormat.<br /><br />"Like I said in my first post, I would never let anyone talk about my daughter's other mom in that way to my face. To insult her is not only generally demeaning and unbelievably rude and unacceptable to me, but it also insults my daughter, too, and diminishes her intrinsic worth and value."<br /><br />Really, who said anything bad? The bmother experienced an unexpected pregnancy and she chose adoption. If she thought OA meant still being "mommy" and having a say in how the child is raised, who's fault is that?<br /><br />Like someone said and I agree, OA is different for everyone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38761923403228520622013-12-03T14:29:12.494-05:002013-12-03T14:29:12.494-05:00Anon at November 30, 2013 at 10:42 PM
"
&quo...Anon at November 30, 2013 at 10:42 PM<br /><br />"<br />"everybody claims to be an expert on OA and wants to dictate and guilt trip others when they don't agree with them. They should know not all aparents are the bad guys who are insure if they don't see the bparents as the "other parents" or have the achild call them "mommy and daddy, and fully include them in the nuclear family."<br /><br />I never, ever claimed to be an expert.<br /><br />I never stated what titles HAD to be used.<br /><br />I didn't dictate and any guilt felt from my words is your own reaction.<br /><br />Let's keep this to your precise comments. You have continually stated that "many" open adoptions close wholly and completely through the fault of the birth parents attempts to co-parent and disrespect of boundaries. You have yet to give even one example, just lots of blame against birth parents.<br /><br />Open adoption IS involving the birth parents in the nuclear family. That's pretty much the general definition. To what extent that involvement is should have been determined prior to adoption with very frank and honest discussions between all parties. Yes, it is totally and completely the responsibility of the adoptive parents to fulfill their promises of openness 100% if not simply because that is the right and ethical thing to do, then for the sake of their child. This includes not closing the adoption because of anything less than incredibly severe issues that absolutely cannot be resolved (mediation and counseling options should be fully exhausted).<br /><br />We could go around and around, but you will likely never see how damaging and immoral your viewpoint is in spite of much evidence to the contrary (not my own- just do your own research). I simply cannot stand to see APs rage against first moms on a blog meant to support first moms. I would like first moms to know we do not ALL believe those hateful things and act in such an underhanded manner. Like I said in my first post, I would never let anyone talk about my daughter's other mom in that way to my face. To insult her is not only generally demeaning and unbelievably rude and unacceptable to me, but it also insults my daughter, too, and diminishes her intrinsic worth and value.Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-77588513761652704672013-12-03T14:16:46.310-05:002013-12-03T14:16:46.310-05:00@Tiffany,
You want examples of coparenting?
1....@Tiffany,<br /><br />You want examples of coparenting? <br /><br />1. Disciplining child without approval of adoptive parent (e.g., spanking or hitting hand when the adoptive parents do not spank)<br /><br />2. Excessively affectionate without regard to the child's comfort level (e.g., refusing to release a child from a hug, even when she is crying and trying to get back to Mommy).<br /><br />3. Giving permission or restricting the child's behavior (e.g., telling the child that she can play on playground equipment that adoptive parents think is inappropriate for her age or telling the child that she cannot play until she finishes eating)<br /><br />4. Inserting herself into parenting decisions, including decisions about discipline (e.g., corporal punishment), feeding (e.g., nursing, bottle, organic, vegan, kosher, etc), bonding (e.g., cry it out, attachment parenting, etc), education (e.g., religious-affiliated school, whether to retain the child, etc).<br /><br />5. Visiting the home without calling or making plans.<br /><br />6. Demanding that the child sleep at her home.<br /><br />7. Pushing visits on a child who doesn't want them, assuming that the child is older.<br /><br />Keep in mind that both anon and I are talking about repeated offenses, even after open communication.<br /><br />In addition to coparenting, there are other behaviors that may cause the adoptive parents to believe that contact is not in the best interest of the children:<br /><br />1. Criticizing the adoptive parent, whether in a blog, to the child, or to others.<br /><br />2. Showing up for visits while under the influence of alcohol or drugs.<br /><br />3. Failing to show up without any reason and disappointing the child.<br /><br />4. Using excessive profanity or discussing matters involving inappropriate violent or sexual topics.<br /><br />Tiffany, may I ask how old your child is? Before you judge others, please keep in mind that open adoption is a process. Issues present themselves over the years. Managing an open adoption with an elementary aged child is very different from a pre-teen or teen. <br /> <br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8940224563328705042013-12-03T10:34:19.721-05:002013-12-03T10:34:19.721-05:00
@December 2, 2013 at 3:22 PM
Your comment made me...<br />@December 2, 2013 at 3:22 PM<br />Your comment made me cry, right here at my desk. <br /><br />So true... Stacynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40047641756139843512013-12-02T15:22:38.377-05:002013-12-02T15:22:38.377-05:00Lorraine, I am not one of those adoptees who says ...Lorraine, I am not one of those adoptees who says that mothers have no right to mourn. I think most of us are fucked up on the original family side of the fence. Most of us, absolutely. We miss each other, broken pieces and all. Sometimes we hurt each other with our jagged bits, but we love each other. The tragedy is that we lost parts of ourselves and relationships we can never get back, never have again. Some of us are willing to try harder than others to fix things, some of us are too fucked up to manage. But under it all, I do believe there is love.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8920712448849297002013-12-02T05:37:47.912-05:002013-12-02T05:37:47.912-05:00'If you feel so strongly about this then why d...'If you feel so strongly about this then why do today's bmoms sign those papers?'<br /><br />If you have adopted a child, I believe it is beholden upon you to find out why. (Otherwise, what on earth will you be telling the person you have adopted?)<br /><br /><br />'It seems to "me" that many of them see OA as an "out" for parenting- they think they can have their "cake and ice cream too" ...'<br /><br />Ah, I see, you've already decided what their reasons are. Without actually knowing (as you admit above).<br /><br /><br />My view is that anyone who thinks a woman can choose to give up her child has absolutely no understanding of motherhood.Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38898342362251743252013-12-01T16:58:43.794-05:002013-12-01T16:58:43.794-05:00@RK
You said:
"Amen to that! From reading thi...@RK<br />You said:<br />"Amen to that! From reading this chain and this blog, that is something I think both first/birth and adoptive parents should keep in mind!!!! I don't see that sentiment reflected in a great many of the posts here and it really bothers me. It is all me, me, me and it should be the child, the child, the child.<br /><br />Adoptive parents and first/birth parents should realize we are partners! Whether like it or not, we are joined by the child. One set of parents has created the child and then relinquished to other parents. That set of parents raises the child.<br /><br />It does no good to do all the tedious name calling on this site! Birth paretns -- your children LOVE their adoptive parents. Your calling them names and slamming them and spewing hatred toward them will not help YOU, the APS, or more importantly YOUR CHILD who is being raised by these paretns and who deserves to think of them as mom and dad."<br /><br />Partners?!???! So they don't want us butting in and expecting co- parenting, (whatever the hell that is supposed to mean), but we are all "partners"? How is that? When they want to throw us some crumbs? They sure don't want us around for anything else, regardless of how much their asses are kissed. <br /><br />Excuse me, but many of us HAD decent (or so we thought) relationships with our children's adopters. They are the one's who cut natural parents of the picture, dehumanize and degrade us and send us packing for any perceived infraction. <br /><br />Don't you dare sit there and tell me to respect people who lied, conned and manipulated me out of my child. They deserve no respect from me and will never in my life get it. They had it at one time when they are being fake nice to me. Never again. <br /><br />My son can call them/ love them or refer to them however he likes. I will never call that my son's "parents". They don't deserve it. If not for ME they would have never had that opportunity. They will be nothing else from me, including ass kissing at every turn. Give me a break. <br /><br />As far as your "me, me me" comment, NO, we are not just talking about OUR losses. We are also talking all that we have missed out with OUR children, them included. Unfortunately, the adoptive parents have to insert themselves into that equation to and make it all about them, them, them. Stacynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92003487670471489852013-12-01T16:51:36.412-05:002013-12-01T16:51:36.412-05:00RK: There are very few places where first mothers ...RK: There are very few places where first mothers can open up and talk about their feelings that are not closed list serves. I have noticed that first mothers do not go to adoptee sites and tell them how they should behave. The name of this blog is FIRST MOTHER FORUM. Not First Mother Doormat Forum. <br /><br />The amount of emotional damage that occurred to us--not diminishing in the least the powerful implications of being adopted--because of relinquishing a child needs to be recognized. Many of us who have reunited have found that reunion can be bumpy, difficult and strewn with hurt and more. Adoptive parents come here sometimes and tell us that we are bitter and raw, and then wish us "peace." Then some adoptees come here and tell us that we have no right to even admit that giving up our children fucked us up.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41074954547665863552013-11-30T22:42:56.224-05:002013-11-30T22:42:56.224-05:00Please tell your husband that my husband said:
&...Please tell your husband that my husband said: <br /><br />" everybody claims to be an expert on OA and wants to dictate and guilt trip others when they don't agree with them. They should know not all aparents are the bad guys who are insure if they don't see the bparents as the "other parents" or have the achild call them "mommy and daddy, and fully include them in the nuclear family."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73142856809735572332013-11-30T21:00:43.762-05:002013-11-30T21:00:43.762-05:00"You would think someone claiming to love the..."You would think someone claiming to love their child would understand the real parental love means putting your own emotions and needs last, and your child's first<br /><br />Amen to that! From reading this chain and this blog, that is something I think both first/birth and adoptive parents should keep in mind!!!! I don't see that sentiment reflected in a great many of the posts here and it really bothers me. It is all me, me, me and it should be the child, the child, the child.<br /><br />Adoptive parents and first/birth parents should realize we are partners! Whether like it or not, we are joined by the child. One set of parents has created the child and then relinquished to other parents. That set of parents raises the child.<br /><br />It does no good to do all the tedious name calling on this site! Birth paretns -- your children LOVE their adoptive parents. Your calling them names and slamming them and spewing hatred toward them will not help YOU, the APS, or more importantly YOUR CHILD who is being raised by these paretns and who deserves to think of them as mom and dad.<br /><br />AP- slamming Birth Moms won't help at all as these are the people who created your precioius child and the beloved features/characteristics and talents of your sweet baby are the BM/FM.<br /><br />So why don't we all recognize the partnership that exists instead of the nasty bickering?<br /><br />IT WON"T HELP YOUR CHILDREN!! <br /><br />RKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40851628098107729722013-11-30T16:58:44.760-05:002013-11-30T16:58:44.760-05:00Anonymous November 28, 2013 at 6:31 AM
"Sinc...Anonymous November 28, 2013 at 6:31 AM<br /><br />"Since you're an expert can you please shown me proof of your claim?"<br /><br />What claim? That APs are insecure. Jeesh, I think you have provided ample proof of that. And why do I have to show you proof? You have yet to give even one example of all the "coparenting" issues happening with "many" first parents where the APs have no choice but to close the adoption. The burden of proof here is certainly not on me.<br /><br />"And for the record, the AP's ARE NOT the legal guardians of the child, they are the parents. Your mentality that AP's are guardians and not parents is probably why some OA's close, because AP aren't seen as the parent when they are. I think some BP's think OA means co-parenting or something similar to joint custody when it is not."<br /><br />Semantics and hair splitting. I mistyped. You know perfectly well what I meant- APs are the legal parents. Open Adoptions close because APs close them. Period. If birth parents thought their open adoption was going to be something it turned out not to be, then that is unethical on the part of the agency and the adoptive parents. else ever told them. It is trickery and deceit to promise something if you have any intention at all of not fulfilling those promises 100%. <br /><br />"I have read many online discussions about boundaries being crossed repeatedly, despite open communication. I can see why some Ap's scale back or close an OA (temporary)after exhausting ALL attempts to keep it open."<br /><br />Like what? What boundaries? What attempts were made?<br /><br />I think you and I have polar opposite views of parenting. I have one biological child and one adopted child. I do not place restrictions on either of their feelings. I do not demand love and loyalty from them. I do not expect that they will love me above all else. I do not limit other adults in their lives who are caring and loving. My adopted daughter DESERVES to know her parents. I have a deep obligation to her which I fulfill to the very best of my abilities willingly because I love her. Love is freeing. What you, and many APs, want by closing adoption is to limit and control. <br /><br />I love my two daughters with all my heart. Two, not just one. I choose to trust that my daughter's heart will be big enough to love two mommies and two daddies. Two, not just one.<br /> <br />I'll end with what my husband said when I read all your comments to him.<br /><br />"Bullcrap. That's just pure selfishness and insecurity. This is a child, and she's talking like some 6 year old fighting with a friend over a toy. "It's MINE and you can't share it!" Pathetic. You would think someone claiming to love their child would understand the real parental love means putting your own emotions and needs last, and your child's first. I feel so sad for people like that. One day, she will wake up to her child having a lot of anger and resentment towards her. And she will have only herself to blame. And she will deserve it all."Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56076678031762895502013-11-30T10:03:17.429-05:002013-11-30T10:03:17.429-05:00@Anonymous-November 28, 2013 at 11:34 PM
You said...@Anonymous-November 28, 2013 at 11:34 PM<br /><br />You said:<br />"Please, you signed the paper relinquishing YOUR responsibility to parent. The Ap's don't have to "share", as you put it." <br /><br />And how do so many adopters and baby brokers get those "signatures" you speak of? By lying, conning and manipulating young vulnerable women. Once they get their "signature", they sure change their tune. Of course, you already know that, right? A lot of these "signatures" are given during great duress, stress, raging hormones and even under the influence of very strong pain killers, as I myself can attest. Your attempt at it all being so cut and dry doesn't fly here. We all know better on blog called FIRST MOTHER FORUM. <br /><br />You said:<br />"You chose not to parent-and you probably thought OA would let you have "your cake and ice cream too." I don't agree on AP's promising things with no intention to follow through, but I have read many stories when the AP's would bend over backwards to accommodate the BP for the sake of having an OA and the BP would continually cross boundaries." <br /><br />It is not about having "cake and eating it too", you insensitive, cold-hearted excuse for a human being. These are people's FLESH AND BLOOD CHILDREN they carried for 9 months and brought into this world. When one faced with an unplanned pregnancy believes for a time they may be doing the right thing and go into something believing that they will still have a connection to THEIR CHILD, we are not talking about boundaries. We are talking about deliberate and utter fraud and made to feel like we are doing something wrong by asking for WHAT WAS PROMISED. You can take your invisible boundaries (I mean your possessive, hoarding jealousy) and shove it. <br /><br />You said:<br />"As a parent, one has the right to decide who has access to their child and family,regardless of bloodline. Millions of parents do it all the time if it is not in the child's or families best interest."<br /><br />And as a parent, one also has the right to realize that she made a huge mistake by entrusting her child to people who are liars. People like that should have never had 'access' to someone else's child to begin with. Like I said, it is not about protecting a child from his own damn mother and family. It is about protecting you and your fragile ego; your disdain for that child's family. It is about protecting your possessive need to stake claim to something that is not really yours and you know it. Children don't need protecting from their mother's in most cases, but they do need protecting from the likes of you being in 'possession' of them. <br /><br />Like I said, you do us all a favor by showing your true, greedy colors. I hope many young women happen upon your comments and realize what open adoption is really about... anonymous BPnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33681781145423749242013-11-30T07:06:15.655-05:002013-11-30T07:06:15.655-05:00" The Ap's don't have to "share&...<br /><br />" The Ap's don't have to "share"...'<br /><br />The child has another mother who is not you, whatever you may think about that.The child also has a right to an exclusive relationship with his or her original mother, no matter what you think about that.<br /><br />She belongs to him/her."<br /><br />Cherry:<br /><br />If you feel so strongly about this then why do today's bmoms sign those papers? It seems to "me" that many of them see OA as an "out" for parenting- they think they can have their "cake and ice cream too" and become angry then the AP's refuse to co-parent ( as they should, because adoption is not foster care or joint custody)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37906649127542005042013-11-29T16:24:15.657-05:002013-11-29T16:24:15.657-05:00It's really odd seeing an AP still doing the &...It's really odd seeing an AP still doing the 'as if born to' routine.<br /><br /> Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76722114623325912372013-11-29T15:57:52.924-05:002013-11-29T15:57:52.924-05:00' The Ap's don't have to "share&q...' The Ap's don't have to "share"...'<br /><br />The child has another mother who is not you, whatever you may think about that.<br /><br />The child also has a right to an exclusive relationship with his or her original mother, no matter what you think about that.<br /><br />She belongs to him/her.<br /> Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41256145591325789472013-11-28T23:34:52.600-05:002013-11-28T23:34:52.600-05:00Anon BP: 7:42 11/28
Please, you signed the paper ...Anon BP: 7:42 11/28<br /><br />Please, you signed the paper relinquishing YOUR responsibility to parent. The Ap's don't have to "share", as you put it. <br /><br />You chose not to parent-and you probably thought OA would let you have "your cake and ice cream too." I don't agree on AP's promising things with no intention to follow through, but I have read many stories when the AP's would bend over backwards to accommodate the BP for the sake of having an OA and the BP would continually cross boundaries. <br /><br />As a parent, one has the right to decide who has access to their child and family,regardless of bloodline. Millions of parents do it all the time if it is not in the child's or families best interest.<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com