tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post2914628849014798223..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: As a first mother it's better to speak up than suffer in silenceLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78108424161859680832011-12-22T11:35:24.796-05:002011-12-22T11:35:24.796-05:00Thank you everybody for your greetings and mental ...Thank you everybody for your greetings and mental hugs.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-23079558491725119262011-12-21T21:28:00.895-05:002011-12-21T21:28:00.895-05:00I'm a 40 year old birthmother who is terrified...I'm a 40 year old birthmother who is terrified at coming out of the birthmother closet. My mother/family have NO IDEA that 20 years ago I had a little girl I gave up. I've found that little girl on FB (and ancestry.com) and the thought or idea of having to tell my family all this makes me feel like a young dumb 20 year old again. <br /><br />I'm sorry for your loss Lorraine.vanessanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-7459349180744015802011-12-15T10:12:46.627-05:002011-12-15T10:12:46.627-05:00Lorraine, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Ta...Lorraine, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. Take extra good care of yourself during the holidays.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15764483396049748492011-12-14T13:45:29.332-05:002011-12-14T13:45:29.332-05:00I'm sorry for your loss and am thinking of you...I'm sorry for your loss and am thinking of you at this sad time. I wish things were differentAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21290608884721004642011-12-14T01:48:00.586-05:002011-12-14T01:48:00.586-05:00Lorraine,
Thank you for sharing your sadness. It c...Lorraine,<br />Thank you for sharing your sadness. It can be so hard at times when people don't want to hear our sadness. Thank you for starting this blog so first mothers and adoptees have a place to share. Sometimes, it seems like a life long sentence of grief. So sad, that you had to lose your daughter twice and, permanently, the second time. <br /><br />Eat lots of dark chocolate and cry, if you can. Crying can be such a blessing when the tears come.<br /><br />AngelaAngela Wheelockhttp://www.sittingwithsorrow.typepad.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21778736287958183102011-12-13T22:30:36.291-05:002011-12-13T22:30:36.291-05:00I am so sorry Lorraine. I read your book, and bef...I am so sorry Lorraine. I read your book, and before that the book your dear daughter was in. You have helped me so much to try and understand my mother's feelings in this horror that is adoption. Thank you. ps, today is the 49th anniversary of my placement, 1 month after my birthday. I hated every minute of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27851342591063014692011-12-13T17:09:18.620-05:002011-12-13T17:09:18.620-05:00Lorraine,
I send you a great, big hug. I am so sor...Lorraine,<br />I send you a great, big hug. I am so sorry you lost your daughter. Thank you for sharing your sadness.gloryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09534151592600609454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61144671393796944452011-12-13T16:24:22.514-05:002011-12-13T16:24:22.514-05:00It is easy as an adoptee to struggle with unwanted...It is easy as an adoptee to struggle with unwantedness. IMO there is no more profound rejection than to feel rejected by one's own parents. Given that you searched for Jane and that you wrote a book to tell the world how much you wanted to keep her, she knew that she was always loved and wanted by her mother. And in that way she was truly blessed.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79110322884500990972011-12-13T14:00:54.721-05:002011-12-13T14:00:54.721-05:00So very sorry, Lorraine.So very sorry, Lorraine.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06366141565010190668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82707609788172704262011-12-13T13:21:00.040-05:002011-12-13T13:21:00.040-05:00"IF ADOPTION WERE SO DAMN WONDERFUL...WE WOUL..."IF ADOPTION WERE SO DAMN WONDERFUL...WE WOULDN'T BE IN THE CLOSET"<br /><br />Truer words have never been spoken before. <br /><br />Thinking of you Lorraine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29940108847351167782011-12-13T12:20:07.001-05:002011-12-13T12:20:07.001-05:00Lorraine, I am thinking of you and your daughter a...Lorraine, I am thinking of you and your daughter at his sad time. I am so glad you are out here speaking about your experience and letting other mothers know that it's ok to do so. The more we open up about our adoption experiences the better chance we have of making it better for others in the future, and that's exactly what you are doing. Keep up the good work and know that you have friends who are rooting for you.Triona Guidryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00969598333210972017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2543312563023153282011-12-13T12:19:57.547-05:002011-12-13T12:19:57.547-05:00Hugs, Lorraine, and thank you for voicing what we ...Hugs, Lorraine, and thank you for voicing what we all feel. I truly believe being "out of the closet" is better than staying in and being afraid to share. If more of us speak up, perhaps it will inspire other mothers to come out and receive the support and validation they deserve.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22878953543138999712011-12-13T12:16:30.056-05:002011-12-13T12:16:30.056-05:00Lorraine, I feel deeply for you. I also know how ...Lorraine, I feel deeply for you. I also know how right you are. Keeping us shamed, in the closet and self-abusing over decisions that are made by others is something that keeps the industry alive. I will happily/sadly tell my tale to any that will listen. I choose to never be a secret in my own life.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-454315250970075512011-12-13T12:12:03.885-05:002011-12-13T12:12:03.885-05:00Lorraine. We need you so much. Many of us are sile...Lorraine. We need you so much. Many of us are silenced by our children. For some, to go out there publically is a violation of our child's well being. For me, his needs come first and I will continue to be anonymous. <br />Much love and graditude for all you do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58382258592340214882011-12-13T10:49:42.336-05:002011-12-13T10:49:42.336-05:00My sympathies to you on this anniversary. I cannot...My sympathies to you on this anniversary. I cannot imagine losing my son after finding him. <br />I am glad you and your daughter had the time you had together as mother and daughter. She was able to see a young beautiful mother in her prime. Although, she died she did see that strong woman in you. She was able to see that she could become that woman. Her death was untimely.<br /><br />The year of the fire horse my son was born on 66 too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15437767561251530372011-12-13T10:10:43.178-05:002011-12-13T10:10:43.178-05:00Thank you all. On the days I do not feel like cont...Thank you all. On the days I do not feel like continuing with the blog, your comments help me soldier on.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12618738459149235872011-12-13T10:10:30.446-05:002011-12-13T10:10:30.446-05:00Lorraine,
I am sorry that you must go through anot...Lorraine,<br />I am sorry that you must go through another sad day like this one. How hard it must have been to lose your daughter a second time! My heart goes out to you.<br /><br />Thank you for getting the word out about first mothers. It is so true that people think that because some of us don't talk about it, it means we aren't affected. I'm glad you brought up this subject. I am going to talk about it more from now on.<br /><br />hugs,<br />KathyKathyMomhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16610850564836386878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34145146860890487362011-12-13T08:59:52.681-05:002011-12-13T08:59:52.681-05:00Lorraine,
I am so sorry that you had to lose her ...Lorraine,<br /><br />I am so sorry that you had to lose her twice. I had to resd this evral times becuase of the tears getting in the way.<br /> Because of you and your daughter Jane, your fellow blogger Jane I have no longer been silent. Because of you I am also "out of the closet". It will never stop the pain of adoption loss but it is a very positive step towards gaining back myself. For that I thank you.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4674013733551063622011-12-12T21:12:22.575-05:002011-12-12T21:12:22.575-05:00Lorraine ~ sending you lots of cyber-hugs on this ...Lorraine ~ sending you lots of cyber-hugs on this difficult day. <br /><br />You are SO right about leaving that "birth mother closet". As frightening as it was to come out, it was that much more freeing in the end!Susiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15929169562563801608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42995869946874522412011-12-12T20:05:08.297-05:002011-12-12T20:05:08.297-05:00((((Lorraine))))) I am just so very sorry. Of cour...((((Lorraine))))) I am just so very sorry. Of course you would be sad today.<br /><br />So glad you are reaching out and speaking up. <br /><br />I wish you love and healing...Carolchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12983135296851385826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-90929436646572567562011-12-12T19:55:21.549-05:002011-12-12T19:55:21.549-05:00{{{{{Lorraine}}}}} I'm holding your hand on th...{{{{{Lorraine}}}}} I'm holding your hand on thus sad day. <br />It was probably best I stayed in the closet until reunion. I could gave been one of those women that speaks at high schools about how wonderful adoption is. What a flipping saint I was to be redeemed through adoption. How my daughter was so lucky to get two parents. Belch. <br />Coming out after reunion allowed me to realize I did no one except my parents any favors. And they got cheated, too. After meeting my beautiful daughter I realized how I was hoodwinked. I am out now. Thanks to Facebook no one thats my friend can miss my grief. It's embarrassing and empowering. <br />What you are going with your blog is very important. I'm convinced that young women come here for information. I hope they can understand that they will only be young and broke for awhile but they will be mothers forever.Barbara Thavishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13646036820037271522noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88600341031465268932011-12-12T19:33:45.511-05:002011-12-12T19:33:45.511-05:00Im so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to ...Im so sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain.Real Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361127479878590761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62259708240546877592011-12-12T18:34:52.141-05:002011-12-12T18:34:52.141-05:00Thank you for sharing. I too have my own loss of c...Thank you for sharing. I too have my own loss of child, but for a very different reason... Dec 10Th, my child would have been 35 years old. Time is not always my friend, silence has been, but can also be very agonizing as well. My prayers go with you and others in my situation as well. I only wish the closet door was a bit more lubricated for me. <br />God bless you in your healing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2793556450933080102011-12-12T18:11:51.650-05:002011-12-12T18:11:51.650-05:00Sorry for the second loss of your daughter, the pi...Sorry for the second loss of your daughter, the picture is so beautiful though, sending some hugs your wayjennhttp://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=518082724&ref=tn_tnmnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-7923357617420896672011-12-12T17:46:00.061-05:002011-12-12T17:46:00.061-05:00Oh, Lorraine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It...Oh, Lorraine, I am so very sorry for your loss. It has been loss after loss for you as it has been for so many of us affected by this ugly thing called adoption. When you talk about coming out of the closet, it didn't escape my notice that when I found my paternal relatives none of them had a clue that I even existed. In the more than ten years from my birth until my n-father's death it appears that he never told a soul. I think when someone has an issue and they never tell anyone it is because it is something they feel very bad about.Robinnoreply@blogger.com