tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3130976576615144848..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Catelynn & Tyler's open adoption will stay open; for other first mothers, not so muchLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55381157285830369072016-09-03T06:31:41.616-04:002016-09-03T06:31:41.616-04:00No more dangerous than religious nuts adopting som...No more dangerous than religious nuts adopting someone's child, then proceeding to brainwash them so severely they have no critical thinking skills of their own. Drug addicts can and do get help to go on to being productive members of society. Those on the "opium of the masses", not so much... Samnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34396407278033064802012-08-31T16:46:37.460-04:002012-08-31T16:46:37.460-04:00It would be a good idea to pass a law that made op...It would be a good idea to pass a law that made open adoption a binding agreement, where whoever (A. parent/s) signs/agrees to an open adoption must keep their promises. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51504561695929916982012-08-20T20:32:27.668-04:002012-08-20T20:32:27.668-04:00Alyssa,
I Googled "Bethany Adoption scam"...Alyssa,<br />I Googled "Bethany Adoption scam" and an FMF post from 4/28/2010 came up.Liznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65543186266449428162012-08-20T07:52:39.935-04:002012-08-20T07:52:39.935-04:00Alyssa: I don't know about other articles or b...Alyssa: I don't know about other articles or blog, but we have written numerous times about how Bethany handles adoptions and their so-called "semi open" adoptions. To find those articles, use either one of the search functions at First Mother Forum (one at the top left, the other at the very bottom of the blog page) and search for Bethany. <br /><br />No matter what she does, she should insist on knowing their accurate names and addresses--have her insist on looking at their drivers' licenses at the very least--and urge her to have an enforceable contract to maintain contact with the adopters. Far too many "semi-open" adoptions are merely scams to get the baby. Or the adopters do not realize how difficult it will be for them to share the child and accept that they are not the only parents the child has. She needs to find out whether the state where she is giving up her child enforces open-adoption contracts. Most do not. <br /><br />and <br />Good luck. Questions like this are so depressing; if she opts for adoption, she has a life a sorrow ahead of her. Life is not going back to the "normal" life she knew. Ever.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82191428866595226872012-08-20T07:25:18.374-04:002012-08-20T07:25:18.374-04:00I know someone who is pregnant and considering put...I know someone who is pregnant and considering putting her baby up for adoption through Bethany's Christian Service. What are some good artciles, blogs etc to point her to to convince her not to go to Bethany's?Alyssanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47216360981112037122012-06-07T10:56:45.109-04:002012-06-07T10:56:45.109-04:00I was a victim of an open adoption in New York Sta...I was a victim of an open adoption in New York State. I was told that it was enforceable by the lawyer that supposedly "represented" me. They minute the coulple had my child, they put their house up for sale. I took went back to court to annul the adoption based on the fraudulent nature of the adoptive parents and the attorney(s) involved. I was told after about $10,000 in court costs that NYS is a best interest state, and all the judge would have to do is rule that the adoptive parents were better to take care of my child rather than me, and he probably would, since the attorney and the judge had a long-time history of friendship between their families, and that the judge would not rule in such a way as to get the attorney in trouble!! I lost my child completely, and to date, I have never stopped feeling victimized and raped. Here I thought I was entering an agreement that would better OUR lives; instead, my child was stolen from me and I was cast away like the unwanted husk off an ear of corn. I have never felt like a whole person since that time; I would like everyone out there to know, it is one big LIE. At least in NY...contrary to what "my" lawyer told me, it is NOT enforceable....because the mom's rights are GONE once the paper is signed, and so are the theives.diana brownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64099800034038345472012-03-09T13:31:41.462-05:002012-03-09T13:31:41.462-05:00Well, you know, that being relinquished can cause ...Well, you know, that being relinquished can cause addiction problems in adolescence and adulthood without any biological history of addiction. And, it always causes issues for the adoptee, in one form or another. Sometimes growing up with substance abusing parents is enough to convince you to stay away from that!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-32829072552597159732012-02-05T16:20:42.033-05:002012-02-05T16:20:42.033-05:00Anonymous, please tell us who you are, please ass...Anonymous, please tell us who you are, please assume an identity, if you have any trouble with inventing one, I can help you.<br /><br />If the homes of both child-parents are unsafe, they should have been removed from those homes with Carly, Carly should not have been removed from them while leaving her parents in that mess.<br /><br />It is true that many parents robbed by adoption are in need of treatment, on the other hand, the "Kick your addiction and you will get your child back"-treatment works miracles sometimes, while being robbed of children is known to CAUSE all sorts of problems.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85548472820594842022012-02-04T13:06:21.231-05:002012-02-04T13:06:21.231-05:00Unfortunately your article leaves out much of the ...Unfortunately your article leaves out much of the story. If you did watch the show, you'd know that Caitlynn and Tyler's parents have problems with substance abuse and the law, among other things. Growing up in that environment would have been not only dangerous but irresponsible, and breed another person who would have fallen into the same patterns as her parents/grandparents.<br /><br />Your article also attacks birth parents for cutting contact, but what you fail to mention is that many of the people who give their children up are people with substance abuse and legal troubles. Many times these people could be a negative influence on the child or dangerous. Your article was very biased and I agree with almost nothing in it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73597842292823439752011-10-19T14:54:33.264-04:002011-10-19T14:54:33.264-04:00Anon,
Thanks for the link about the BBC documenta...Anon,<br /><br />Thanks for the link about the BBC documentary on the baby stealing in Spain.<br /><br />We have seen it but we're posting here to pass along to our readers.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4718722236474143862011-10-19T14:50:35.082-04:002011-10-19T14:50:35.082-04:00I didn't know how to send an email, but I want...I didn't know how to send an email, but I wanted Lorraine and Jane to be aware of this, if they hadn't already seen it:<br /><br />http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2049647/BBC-documentary-exposes-50-year-scandal-baby-trafficking-Catholic-church-Spain.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-91669925903032276872011-08-05T11:22:51.699-04:002011-08-05T11:22:51.699-04:00Dear Anonymous above:
Mothers are all different a...Dear Anonymous above:<br /><br />Mothers are all different and some may not be able to deal with the contact with the child at this time. From what you say it sounds as if some time (years) have gone by and she is sticking to the idea that it is best for her to sty away. Whether or not you use a counselor (and I am not always a big fan of them as they sometimes just confuse the situation further), the advice to let the natural mother know how much contact would mean to the child is key. Why not send her a sympathetic but clear message through Facebook? Perhaps you could suggest that she talk to another mother who relinquished her child. <br /><br />You should be able to find a mother whose child was the product of a rape through AAC. I do know one if you are unlucky; I can be contacted through Facebook.<br /><br />You are doing the right thing.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19495484979769138312011-08-05T10:14:16.008-04:002011-08-05T10:14:16.008-04:00Thank you for your thoughs and I will contact a co...Thank you for your thoughs and I will contact a counselor. Just so you know, as per the original agreement, I faithfully send letters/ pictures twice a year. Something that was not part of the agreement, I have given her access to my Facebook account so she can see real time pictures. As a previous post suggested, she has all my identifying info...name, address,place of employment. What confuses me is that she never reciprocates the communication (which was part of the original agreement.) I would like to see some visitation, but I don't want to push if she is trying to heal in her own way. Make sense?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-48032159201109684142011-08-05T00:26:28.996-04:002011-08-05T00:26:28.996-04:00Anon,
Thanks for your for your warmth and sensiti...Anon,<br /><br />Thanks for your for your warmth and sensitivity to your child's birth mother. No you're not furthering the abuse. After meeting many birth mothers, I've found that those who gave birth to a child conceived through rape have just as much affection for the child as those who had a child conceived through love. <br /><br />Let me suggest that you talk to a counselor experienced in adoption issues or join a support group. The American Adoption Congress has links to support organizations throughout the country on its website, americanadoptioncongress.org. The counselor should give you some ideas on how to approach the birth mother. The important thing will be to let the birth mother know how much contact with her will mean to her child. <br /><br />Please write again and let us know what happens.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34157903979179513262011-08-04T23:57:55.688-04:002011-08-04T23:57:55.688-04:00My daughter came into this world through an incest...My daughter came into this world through an incestuous rape. I was the baby's foster mother while the bmom made her decision. The ignorant social workers at the time felt that it would be in b mom's best interest to have limited/ no contact. At the time, I was relieved because I was insecure and was glad to at some level ignore the presence of bmom. Now that I have had time to bond and feel confident, I would really like to have an open and warm relationship with bmom. Now, I don't know how to begin and even if it would be appropriate, considering the trauma she experienced. Am I further continuing the abuse?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57745366443679003272011-07-30T12:41:02.834-04:002011-07-30T12:41:02.834-04:00Robin:
Boy, does that ever reek of absurdity! It ...Robin:<br /><br />Boy, does that ever reek of absurdity! It helps you to heal to carry to term and give the child up? She is so full of malarkey I am out of words.<br /><br />She is just another misguided adoption pusher who has all the religion of a convert. Too bad she must be too old to practice what she preaches.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12075892261877741332011-07-30T12:10:03.457-04:002011-07-30T12:10:03.457-04:00Now that we are on the subject of rape. I read Abb...Now that we are on the subject of rape. I read Abby Johnson's book "Unplanned". She's the former Planned Parenthood Director who did a 180 and is now an ardent pro-life advocate. She wrote that it brings DEEP HEALING to a woman who gets pregnant by rape to carry the child to term and give it up for adoption. That sounded far-fetched to me but I have no personal experience or expertise in this area.<br /><br />She also mentions several times in the book how noble it is to give an unplanned child to loving adoptive parents (in her world all PAPs are loving and perfect) who have waited so long for a child. Personally, I never thought anyone deserved a child just because they waited a long time to have/get one.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63292695521199824012011-07-29T13:06:24.457-04:002011-07-29T13:06:24.457-04:00JANE said, "...first mothers grieve over the ...JANE said, "...first mothers grieve over the loss of children conceived through rape as much as first mothers grieve over the loss of children conceived through love."<br /><br />Very interesting! Something we don't think about.<br /><br />THEODORE said about adopted children conceived via rape, "...possibly even more cruel trauma for the mother." Excellent point! A double whammy of grief and abuse!caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62009553587900472972011-07-28T19:45:31.723-04:002011-07-28T19:45:31.723-04:00I asked "could", not "would" o...I asked "could", not "would" or "should". Of course it should not, but Justice is done by human beings. <br /><br />I'm surprised by your surprise, there is no reason to surmise that conception by rape, would make a woman react differently or less to another, possibly even more cruel trauma. Same pregnancy process, same hormones, same bloodties, possibly more worries... Why would you expect a different reaction?Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12181185614855854152011-07-28T18:06:38.912-04:002011-07-28T18:06:38.912-04:00Theodore asked whether punishment for child rape i...Theodore asked whether punishment for child rape in the US would be affected by whether the mother kept the child or placed it for adoption. <br /><br />What happens to the child should have no bearing on the severity of punishment for the offender. <br /><br />As an aside, something that has surprised me is that first mothers grieve over the loss of children conceived through rape as much as first mothers grieve over the loss of children conceived through love.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8823423995114805982011-07-28T03:30:55.303-04:002011-07-28T03:30:55.303-04:00Well, I was checking the Dutch news...
A rather ...Well, I was checking the Dutch news... <br /><br />A rather weird case involved the buying of a Belgian baby and passing that child, "Jayden" of as a biological child. Even though there was nothing in Dutch law prohibiting the buying of the child (remember that that happened in Belgium), the sentence would have been a tear in prison, if the prosecution had not taken more than two years since "interviewing the suspects", so they got of with merely 240 hours of forced labour.<br /><br /><br />There is something else, some time ago a 12 year old girl gave birth, while on a school excursion, the age and maturity of the children was such that the pregnancy must have started while the mother was 11. With the dad from St.Maarten (anglophone) and the mother from Surinam, the news went pretty much global soon...<br />OK, the father of the young mother turns out to be the father of her baby too. The adoption related part of it is that the prosecution seems to suggest that because the victim has NOT lost her baby to adoption or abortion, the rapist should get punished as much as the law allows, 12 years in prison. Putting rapists behind bars for a long time, OK, but suggesting that getting a girl pregnant by rape is a worse crime if the mother is unable, either by law, conviction, honor, sound maternal instincts or a decent character, to give the "evidence" up for adoption, has somewhat weird echoes. It may have been mostly rhetoric, we are dealing with a repeat offender and all that, but still, the idea is interesting, victim shows virtue by NOT "selfishly" giving up her child, so the rapist should get more punishment... <br />I'm just wondering whether that could work in the USA...Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25783437830031357282011-07-27T17:32:59.236-04:002011-07-27T17:32:59.236-04:00THEODORE: What you said is exactly what I mean whe...THEODORE: What you said is exactly what I mean when I use the phrase ADOPTION ABOLITION, of course! Thanks for explaining it better than I did!caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-212193215534039682011-07-26T02:26:54.401-04:002011-07-26T02:26:54.401-04:00Well,I was talking about the Dutch system, you kno...Well,I was talking about the Dutch system, you know, the one in which a mother has still at least a year to block the adoption after placement of the child with the adoptive parents...<br /><br />And anonymous, though adoption as such cannot be abolished, in all likelyhood, there is no reason why the adoption INDUSTRY cannot be abolished, slave trade got abolished too, didn't it?Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-39577415108977870372011-07-25T19:59:17.772-04:002011-07-25T19:59:17.772-04:00Abolition of adoption is not a realistic goal. The...Abolition of adoption is not a realistic goal. There will always be a need for some adoptions. Elimination of those adoptions that are not necessary, and support for openness and honesty for those that are is a better goal to strive for.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-26670683996489803172011-07-25T16:14:45.481-04:002011-07-25T16:14:45.481-04:00LORRAINE said: "Oh, wouldn't it be best i...LORRAINE said: "Oh, wouldn't it be best if adoption was saved for those very rare cases where there are no family members who can take the child? But just think --that would shut down a whole billion-dollar industry. Think of that."<br /><br />Yeeeaaahhhh!!! That's definitely the goal I AM working toward! Abolition!caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.com