tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3193866021646981462..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Does one adoption spawn another? Too often for comfort.Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45389981392036302702012-08-09T16:05:17.643-04:002012-08-09T16:05:17.643-04:00Katie, that might be true, I mean a daughter is ha...Katie, that might be true, I mean a daughter is half her mother, so genetically influences on behaviour can be expected to be similar...<br />On the other hand, her own mother is a very handy role model, certainly if her mom is infertile. Looking at the number of adopted girls in the Netherlands, I would expect that the number of them, which will be confronted with a surprise pregnancy in a decade will exceed two by a considerable factor. So it can be said with absolute certainty that not all unmarried adopted gravidae, will see adoption as their choice, of course. Evidence seems rather anecdotal, but unfortunately very common.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57257725485026000542012-08-09T09:37:41.329-04:002012-08-09T09:37:41.329-04:00I had heard a long time ago that daughters repeat ...I had heard a long time ago that daughters repeat the birth experiences of their mother's. I have seen this in practice in life (mother has unplanned pregnancy as a teen, so does daughter, for example). But cannot find any info on it on the web.Katienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44206649844769645552012-08-07T12:43:48.568-04:002012-08-07T12:43:48.568-04:00Both were adopted from (Latin) America, and one st...Both were adopted from (Latin) America, and one stated her A-family, supported her freedom of choice, what to do with her pregnancy, abortion, fostering, parenting, all available and the girl selected adoption. <br /><br />Nevertheless, I guess that a very important difference is formed by the position of fosterparents, both legally and socially. Improving that, so the loving parents of a child that is not legally theirs, don't need adoption anymore, would probably help a lot.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-50837656035846766392012-08-07T08:41:49.310-04:002012-08-07T08:41:49.310-04:00Theodore: Interesting difference with that Dutch s...Theodore: Interesting difference with that Dutch stat compared to one here. It may have to do with the more relaxed attitude towards sex (more sex information and birth control available to younger people, more forgiving attitude towards abortion) and its consequences (better social services for single mothers). Take away the evangelical/Mormon/fundamentalist anti-abortion belief system, and you would see far fewer adoptions in America.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10034304712273565862012-08-07T00:58:56.234-04:002012-08-07T00:58:56.234-04:00Well, looking at this issue from a distance, only ...Well, looking at this issue from a distance, only 2 out of the 199 mothers covered in that Dutch Domestic adoption report had been adopted themselves... A number of possible explanations suggest themselves:<br /><br />1) Genetics<br />2) Known devil<br />3) Adoption friendly family.<br />4) Adoptive family less willing to save the baby for the family<br />5) Following the bad example<br />Such factors will interact of course, a mother resembling her own mother might be saved if her adopters do fight for their ad- grandchild the way they would fight for their b-grandchild.Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25185131497774433672012-08-02T07:28:11.061-04:002012-08-02T07:28:11.061-04:00There are always some people who are adoptees and ...There are always some people who are adoptees and first mothers, adoptees and adoptive mothers, first mothers and adoptive mothers. Maybe people gravitate towards what they are familiar with? I don't really know and have no theory on this but it is an interesting phenomenon.<br /><br />The adoptees of my generation I knew who had also surrendered a child seemed to have been dealing with the same pressures and family shame the rest of us were; no idea what that is like now.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43242943995184967022012-07-31T09:53:46.287-04:002012-07-31T09:53:46.287-04:00How many angels dance on the head of a pin? Unansw...How many angels dance on the head of a pin? Unanswerable question, no? Same is true of pain yet one can post it rhetorically. Carol Anderson is the one who said to me, adoptees have a time before unknowingness. Roni, aren't there all kinds of "questions" that do not have definite answers? I say, answering your question with a question. If this came up twice recently it is because the last two blogs are very much connected, really one subject....Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-18354594910698804952012-07-31T09:43:03.515-04:002012-07-31T09:43:03.515-04:00This is the comment I was referring to. I used the...This is the comment I was referring to. I used the miscarriage/child death as an example.<br /><br />"A rhetorical question that adoptees and first mothers sometimes bat around is: Whose pain is worse? Is it worse to give away a child, or to be given away? The difference is this: We mothers had a time when we were not birth mothers"<br /><br />The point I was trying to make is who asks this kind of question? Rhetorical or not. You cannot compare pain...to tell an adoptee their pain isnt as bad as a birth mom or vice versa ... it is all an individual perspective and how THEY feel. If a therapist sat at their desk day after day listening to peoples pain and were compairing the level of pain SHE thought they had...ohh well Samantha's pain isnt as bad an Joans pain...how good of a therapist would she be?<br /><br />I dont know if I am getting this across the way I intend to because I feel like my brain is being blocked. I just wanted to know why Lorraine would even have a question like that, rhetorical or not. This is the second time this comparison of pain has come up this week on this blog and now I am wondering if that is the general opinion of the writers here.Ronihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840068585299914747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51304452505686726232012-07-31T03:17:50.684-04:002012-07-31T03:17:50.684-04:00You have a point Roni, who can measure another per...You have a point Roni, who can measure another person's pain? I have had a miscarriage which weirdly didn't leave me with half the pain that having an abortion left me with. <br /><br />Some people report having no anguish at all about having an abortion, while I am vehemently pro-choice I very much wish my circumstances had been different. Some women like myself, grieve the choice. <br /><br />Still, for me, I guess what rubs is that, for women who have infertility as an issue, and the resources to acquire someone else's child, idk, kind of reminds me of Marie Antionette's famous misquotation, "Let them eat cake!" To be in such a situation, is a result of so much privilege. <br /><br />I have been a woman who desperately wanted to have a large family. My life circumstances combined with my Protestant value-system, did not allow for me to bring children into the world I could not care for. <br /><br />Maybe it is because I don't expect the world to bend to my will, because it has always failed to do so, but yeah it is hard for me to compare a never-born child to a born one, although I am well aware that there is pain involved. <br /><br />I have my struggles, there are many other people with much larger ones. I can respect both those things.Joy-Joynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-32597905690211561732012-07-30T21:48:40.641-04:002012-07-30T21:48:40.641-04:00I just have one question about a question you aske...I just have one question about a question you asked that stood out to me...why does it have to be "who's pain is more"? You cqnnot measure another persons pain. Someone who had a miscarriage just might be as devistated as someone who lost a child in death. You dont know what another person feels. Pain and suffering cannot be judged by someone else.Ronihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17840068585299914747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92142966454192798502012-07-30T17:00:33.552-04:002012-07-30T17:00:33.552-04:00"The one hard statistic I could find indicate..."The one hard statistic I could find indicates that adoptees are seven times more likely than the general population to relinquish a child themselves.[2] Seven times."<br /><br />I'm speechless! Which you know for me is a very rare occurrence.Robinnoreply@blogger.com