tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post343773173490401750..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Finding babies through Facebook. And your manicurist. And....Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55553605587524694832012-03-15T21:33:53.970-04:002012-03-15T21:33:53.970-04:00Jane,
I posted as Anonymous right above your last...Jane,<br /><br />I posted as Anonymous right above your last comment.<br /><br />I agree that the U.S. should have much better resources for mothers who are considering adoption for their babies. I think that before a mother is able to give her baby up she should be required to have some counseling that would let her know about resources that are available if she wants to keep her baby, and that it's not something she will just get over and move on with her life, that chances are good that it will have a negative affect on the rest of her life. Then, after that, if she still wants to go ahead with the adoption she can. Some women, very few, are just not cut out for motherhood and the children would be better off with someone else; however, most children should be with their biological mothers.<br /><br />Also, I live in Utah and the adoption laws that are so biased against fathers infuriate me. I think the fathers deserve to be a part of their children's lives just as the mothers do, and if a mother is considering adoption, the father should have the opportunity to raise his own child if he wants to without jumping through some asinine hoops.<br /><br />My heart goes out to all mothers who relinquished their children, especially if they were coerced and made to believe they weren't good enough to raise their children. It really breaks my heart to read their stories and I wish all of them could have successful and happy reunions with their children. I know that's not a reality, but it would make things a little better for them.<br /><br />I understand how a young, single woman could be made to think that giving her child up would be better for it, but I have such a hard time understanding a situation like Lisa and her husband's where they are married and have other children and then have another one and give it up. Even if it were because of financial reasons, I would think they would do anything to keep their child. It may be a struggle, but you do what you do for your kids.<br /><br />DawnAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42574185462839970772012-03-15T19:57:19.087-04:002012-03-15T19:57:19.087-04:00Anon,
We're not critical of Seth and Melissa...Anon, <br /><br />We're not critical of Seth and Melissa; we're critical of the system which allows children to be treated as commodities and allows (even encourages) people who want children to think of obtaining children as a game. <br /><br />We've never said adoptive parents are evil and we don't think they are evil. Truthfully, some of my best friends are adoptive parents.<br /><br />Don't be harsh on Lisa and her husband. It might have been better for Lisa not to have gotten pregnant but she did and apparently didn't want an abortion. I don't know their motive for giving up their son but I suspect lack of resources played a big part. I doubt that he was unwanted because Lisa wanted an open adoption. <br /><br />An increasing number of adopted children come from married birth parents. Adam Pertman, author of "Adoption Nation" and his wife adopted a child born to a married couple who had other children. <br /><br />According to Pertman the adoption industry advertises for infants in poor areas in Southern states. Poor Southern families may not have access to birth control and oppose abortion, yet cannot afford "yet another mouth to feed." This is the subject of an excellent movie, "Baby Dance." Many people interested in adopting prefer infants born to couples with children because it gives the prospective adoptive parents the opportunity to learn what caliber children these parents are likely to have. <br /><br />Yes, it will be hard on this child when he learns that his parents kept his older siblings but gave him away. It's sad that the US doesn't provide resources that the UK and other countries provide to help parents with a new baby.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59683910810326874972012-03-15T18:54:25.743-04:002012-03-15T18:54:25.743-04:00I think it is very strange for people to advertise...I think it is very strange for people to advertise on Facebook that they want to adopt. Social media is a great thing if used properly, but too many people just don't use common sense.<br /><br />Why do you only criticize Seth and Melissa's role in this adoption but not Lisa and her husband's decision to have a baby, after they already have as many children as they want, and then place it for adoption? I understand that you think adoptive parents are evil, but if it wasn't for Lisa and her husband getting pregnant with a baby they don't want, this adoption wouldn't have happened. These people obviously aren't teenagers who found themselves young and unable to care for a baby that they, or their parents, thought they wouldn't be able to take care of. They are married and have other children, but now had an extra baby that was unwanted by them. In this situation, I think the birth parents are most to blame for this particular adoption scenario, and I can't imagine what the child is going to feel like when he grows up and finds out that his parents just had too many kids so they chose to give him away. How horrible.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10046427962935013802012-03-15T13:00:33.490-04:002012-03-15T13:00:33.490-04:00As an infertile woman trying to adopt, reading thi...As an infertile woman trying to adopt, reading this post and the comments above truly breaks my heart, moreso than my two miscarriages. Not everyone who gets pregnant - whether they keep their baby or not - is cut out to be a good parent; and I am sorry to see the adults here still suffering as a result. <br />I would suggest that just because someone cannot have a baby on their own, it doesn't mean they will make a bad parent. If a woman cannot or will not parent her child, then someone needs to pick up the pieces, or else that child will have to endure the terrors of the foster system. <br />Not every adoption agency/adoptive parent has good intentions, just like not every woman who places her child in someone else's arms makes that decision freely. But to characterize Adoption as a whole as wrong and harmful, is to devalue everyone whom the process has helped.<br />Finally, no matter what life throws at you, Happiness is a choice. Wallowing in the past and putting so much energy into negative thought is self-destructive. You will all be in my prayers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25947881206001335102012-03-05T22:51:40.352-05:002012-03-05T22:51:40.352-05:00We are now in a society where human beings are com...We are now in a society where human beings are commodities. I should know, I was one. My A parents wanted a baby, even though they couldn't afford the two they adopted. My A dad had barely an 8th grade education and my A mom had a hole in her heart that would only be filled by adopting a baby. It just was the thing to do at that time--you must have a family to fit in with society.<br /><br />Interestingly, after reunion, my B mom reflected on her choice to relinquish me as, "I always thought I was doing something nice for someone else". Really? For whom? For me? I think not. While I was in an orphanage for 3 months, my B mom was attending design school and living in the loveliest part of my large city. Seemingly, without a care in the world.<br /><br />My B mom worked hard at a "do over" in her later years. She too, wanted that million dollar family we all admire. Almost 30 years after my birth, at the age of 48, she gave birth to a son, conceived via donor egg and her then husband's sperm. I'm not related to him and neither is she.<br /><br />She has no intention of telling her son about his biology. I don't think she cares about his biology. Why would it matter? She says, "I carried him". She carried me too, but has marginalized me repeatedly and is sadly unable to connect with anyone, in any meaningful way, particularly me. My therapist says the only reason she doesn't hate her son the way she hates me (who is one year older than my daughter) is that he is not a part of her. <br /><br />In this day and age people are a commodity, buy one, sell one, have one for your sister, neighbor, give one away and get one later--no big deal, right?<br /><br />One of my dearest friends is a very high end OB/Gyn. He is the one people call when they forgot to have a baby and they are panicked! I cannot begin to describe the circumstances of the births he delivers--one sister carrying for another sister, the new baby created via egg and sperm donors for the single mom who wants to have her wish fulfilled to be a mom. Maybe the more things change, the more they stay the same. Everyone has an agenda.<br /><br />I am still trying to work out my own feelings about adoption. After meeting my selfish, rich kid B parents, I realize I was better off with my A parents and my emotional and financial struggles served me well.<br /><br />Still, I am definitely NOT pro-adoption, in fact, I think I am more pro-abortion than ever before. Being adopted just hurts too darn much. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24434989561117915442012-03-04T16:05:40.442-05:002012-03-04T16:05:40.442-05:00As an adult adoptee, this is just one more example...As an adult adoptee, this is just one more example of the great insult of adoption (see "primal wound"). One thing that only adoptees can understand is how worthless this type of thing makes us feel; as if we are nothing more than a can of soup on the grocery shelf, needed to cure a cold. We aren't a cure or a repair for anything, just a temporary, cute fix. <br /><br />Imagine that child asking where he came from? "Why, we advertised for you on a social media site, dear. It was all the rage and pretty soon, we helped your 'birth mother' to see that we should raise you, and here we are! Joy!"<br /><br />Of course, maybe I'm just an "angry adoptee." (But then, why am I crying?)Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06366141565010190668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76365677474488432902012-03-04T08:29:12.270-05:002012-03-04T08:29:12.270-05:00Finally after reading this post did I start to com...Finally after reading this post did I start to comprehend just how inhuman the adoption market can be. I thought how my first son must have felt when he was young. The agency gave me a photo that was the only one in his adoption file. He was in a high chair and it was a close up of just his face with tomatoe sauce around his mouth. There was no real smile but his big beautiful sad eyes said it all to me. He already knew something was way, way wrong in his living situation. And having finally getting to meet him for the first time 6 yrs. ago, I know I was not reading too much into that photo. He has indeed been the one who was used and treated like chattel. Not a good adoptive family situation. Then I wondered how much more did he begin to comprehend as he was growing up. How he is still asking himself why was I adopted? I can not tell him enough how much I wish I had not signed those papers. We are acquaintances now since we both live to far apart and can not afford to see each other much. Now so many reunions are occuring because of Facebook that I wish the prospective adoptive family would take the time to consider how this will impact the adoptee later in life.kdawbernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55254238159738449022012-03-03T08:00:10.465-05:002012-03-03T08:00:10.465-05:00As an adult adoptee I have to say this post is VER...As an adult adoptee I have to say this post is VERY triggering for me. Like Denise I started to read and then had to skim the rest (although I did finally get up the courage to go back and re-read).<br /><br />I remember feeling sickened by the movie Juno that she would look for PAPs in the Pennysaver. The friggin' Pennysaver!? The Pennysaver is a place to find a used bookcase not replacement parents for one's own flesh and blood. When I think of how helpless and vulnerable surrendered children are it really made me wonder if the expectant parents who use the new technology to find APs care about the baby at all.<br /><br />Just because a couple write an ad or have a Facebook page that make them sound like Ward and June Cleaver doesn't mean they really are.<br /><br />And to couples like Lisa and her husband... if you know that your family if complete then please, pleae, please have a vasectomy or tubal ligation. I would never be able to understand or accept being given away because my married parents already had enough kids. I think being surrendered for that reason is very damaging to the adoptee, damaging to the adoptee's siblings and damaging to the first parents as well.<br /><br />Robin<br /><br />I'm having problems with posting comments again.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78190095200392960012012-03-02T12:13:44.187-05:002012-03-02T12:13:44.187-05:00Electronic media has made it more likely that the ...Electronic media has made it more likely that the human equation is left out of basic human behaviors. In other words, if you don't have to actually face those that you harm, it is far easier to do it with ease and absolutely no regrets....<br /><br />The internet is one of the largest forms of electronic media - you would never find a couple advertising on tv to "purchase" a child.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8597130347772256632012-03-02T11:12:55.583-05:002012-03-02T11:12:55.583-05:00These same people would be outraged if they read a...These same people would be outraged if they read a mothers facebook page selling her baby but it's ok for them to advertise to buy one. Pathetic.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65205825897520403252012-03-02T10:57:35.397-05:002012-03-02T10:57:35.397-05:00I recall a news story about a couple that actually...I recall a news story about a couple that actually put large signs on their car to advertise for a baby to adopt. Super gross.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83853096778498990922012-03-02T08:32:40.109-05:002012-03-02T08:32:40.109-05:00I just looked at Seth's Facebook
page. Look...I just looked at Seth's Facebook <br /> page. Looks like they adopted Noah a few years ago and are now advertising for #2.Lunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45225395450981862782012-03-02T05:26:54.252-05:002012-03-02T05:26:54.252-05:00You should try Yahoo!Answers if you want to see a ...You should try Yahoo!Answers if you want to see a couple of nice examples of this. (pregnancy and parenting, adoption-section)Theodorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14634057445114838262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86739074637687083982012-03-01T23:35:02.852-05:002012-03-01T23:35:02.852-05:00Jane (and Lo), This has never happened before. Usu...Jane (and Lo), This has never happened before. Usually I read every word of your posts. But after reading the first couple of paragraphs, I couldn't take it. Scanned to the bottom and am posting this comment.<br /><br />Things were bad enough in the BSE. Now PAP's are stooping to new lows. Advertising? Posting on FB? Babies are being traded like puppies and kittens?<br /><br />Makes me want to throw up...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com