tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3715432611613163872..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adopted teens murdered by step-fatherLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78494125658877376832016-03-08T13:59:22.332-05:002016-03-08T13:59:22.332-05:00I think I would have killed myself if I had found ...I think I would have killed myself if I had found out my baby had been killed by his adoptive parents. Sorry, I disagree strongly on this one. I remember when there was a debate going on after my son was taken about whether to allow open records. We still don't have open records almost 40 years later in my state, but the same people who were against open records wanted to inform the mother if her child had died. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt as to their motives for this, but I remember feeling as if someone had punched me in the gut and thinking"How cruel" Sometimes a dreamworld is a very nice place to live preferable to living in reality-to hide away from the painAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85137521552352920512016-03-07T21:21:52.353-05:002016-03-07T21:21:52.353-05:00Thought somebody might be interested in this artic...Thought somebody might be interested in this article. Illinois launched a Birth Certificate Accuracy Initiative last year, and the state considers it to be very successful. Yet, in Illinois adoptive parents can still legally falsify birth location on their child's amended birth certificate. <br /><br />http://www.thestate.com/news/article64217392.htmlCandynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24846817427623853182016-03-07T18:14:38.613-05:002016-03-07T18:14:38.613-05:00When my mother handed me off to others to raise, s...When my mother handed me off to others to raise, she had no way of knowing that my adoptive mother would die of breast cancer less than a decade later. She also had no way of knowing that my adoptive father would decide that he didn't want to ..... oh, excuse me, he "wasn't able to" ..... parent me on his own, and therefore tore apart my "forever family" by dissolving my adoption and dumping me on relatives.<br /><br />Another thing my mother didn't know was how much my second adoptive mother, an angry, borderline alcoholic, hated me. How much she truly, deeply, despised me, and how she abused me -- emotionally and physically -- leaving me feeling unworthy, unwanted and unloved.<br /><br />There is no guarantee of a "better life," just a different one. Adoption is a crapshoot at best.kayehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14867231123908961933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80708553334256274812016-03-07T17:16:37.515-05:002016-03-07T17:16:37.515-05:00Step father and fathers do murder their children, ...Step father and fathers do murder their children, adopted or not. But in most cases, chances for a better outcome for your child are improved if you raise your child yourself. You can be sure he is loved, fed, and so on. You can try to protect him from abuse. You have no assurances of any of this if you give your child to someone else.<br /><br />Maryanne writes: "What could prevent some tragedies and the placing of children with unfit and dangerous adoptive parents is much more stringent requirements to adopt, across the board, and continued checks on children once they are in a home, especially older or hard to place children, and absolutely stop giving hard to place kids to ANYONE who will take them, and stop selling any child to the highest bidder, no questions asked as is often the case with private and some international adoption. My personal choice would be to not allow anyone with extreme religious or political views to adopt." <br /><br />I don't see anyone stepping up to make this happen. Adoption agencies claim they don't have the funds to monitor families forever. Plus, it would hurt their business if they had to report families to the authorities for abusing a child the agency placed in the home. If they screened PAPS more stringently, they would not be able to place as many kids and they would lose money.<br /><br />State authorities aren't able to adequately screen foster parents let alone stringently, and they are not able to adequately check children they place in foster homes. <br /><br />Of note: LaVoy Fincum, a man with extreme political and religious views was the occupier of the Malheur National Wildlife Range in Oregon who was killed by the State Police. He had four foster children on his Arizona ranch at the time. Over the years, more than 50 boys had been placed at his ranch by Catholic Charities under a contract with the State of Arizona, mostly boys with mental health or drug problems. http://www.opb.org/news/series/burns-oregon-standoff-bundy-militia-news-updates/militant-says-foster-children-were-pulled-from-his-home-lavoy-finicum-burns-oregon/<br /><br />If the government can't keep kids away from nut cases, I don't expect the private sector to do it. <br /><br />Again, I caution expectant mothers, the most truth worthy person you can place your child with is yourself.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72412275051212009282016-03-07T15:54:06.293-05:002016-03-07T15:54:06.293-05:00Horrible story, and it always hits mothers who hav...Horrible story, and it always hits mothers who have given up a child extra hard when the victims of domestic violence, abuse and murder are adopted children. How could any mom who had given up a child and does not know where her child is not think, "could that be my baby?" The bitter irony of "the better life" supposed to be there for adopted children cannot be missed.<br /><br />Given the facts of this case, mothers keeping their child could not really guarantee that there would not be a similar outcome. Any woman could marry a guy who turned violent, and turned against her and her children, biological or adopted. It sadly happens every day, and often the perpetrator is a stepfather, lover, or aquaintance of the mother. Neither keeping the child nor surrendering the child really guarantees anything except that they will be raised in different circumstances, better or worse in the long run either way, nobody can say. Certainly any mother able and willing to raise her child safely should raise that child,and we need to get rid of the myth that adoption always means a better or safer life. Sadly there are no guarantees to any parent that their kids will always be safe no matter what they do.<br /><br />What could prevent some tragedies and the placing of children with unfit and dangerous adoptive parents is much more stringent requirements to adopt, across the board, and continued checks on children once they are in a home, especially older or hard to place children, and absolutely stop giving hard to place kids to ANYONE who will take them, and stop selling any child to the highest bidder, no questions asked as is often the case with private and some international adoption. My personal choice would be to not allow anyone with extreme religious or political views to adopt. So many of the worst abuse cases involve religious fanatics who think they were told by God to adopt more kids than they could handle, or who believe in cruelty as "discipline". Adopting children is not a right, and only those proven fit should even be considered to raise someone else's child.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79755352252604493742016-03-06T21:06:30.359-05:002016-03-06T21:06:30.359-05:00Anon, Marley is also on Facebook. Anon, Marley is also on Facebook. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30173687455842724492016-03-06T21:05:18.589-05:002016-03-06T21:05:18.589-05:00I lived in constant fear, thinking that something ...I lived in constant fear, thinking that something was wrong with my daughter and she needed me. She did. She had epilepsy, and attendant issues that manifested as poor social skills, for one. At the same time her doctor was trying to contact me, I was writing to the agency. The response from them? That she was fine and happy with her family. <br /><br />They ignored the letter from her doctor; but on the other hand, they were following the letter of the law. Welcome to adoption in America. <br /><br />With a searcher, I found her. He had already found her from the clues I wrote in Birthmark about her birth place and date. All I had to do was hand over $1,200 in 1981 in cash. In today's dollars, $3,700. <br /><br />A small price. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16415483822714375142016-03-06T19:57:20.354-05:002016-03-06T19:57:20.354-05:00Ugh! Flashback when I was a mom suffering from pos...Ugh! Flashback when I was a mom suffering from post-partum depression and answered the billboard that advertised "Pregnant- need help?"<br /><br />I was given a slick adoption lawyer and slicker prospective adoption couple who did everything in their power to convince me I would lose my other children and life as I knew if if I didn't give my daughter up for adoption.<br /><br />Little did I know that the prospective adoptive mom was cheating on her husband and would file for divorce (with alimony and child support) soon after the adoption was finalized.<br /><br />Little did I know that the open adoption would slam shut when my daughter was a toddler. And later when she sought us out on her own we would be branded as evil for even talking to her.<br /><br />So all these years later my children have graduated college and are very close to us as a family. My relinquished daughter is a chronic runaway who has been told that contact with us in ungrateful.<br /><br />Tell me again how adoption is for the children?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8078426853692368772016-03-06T19:52:20.529-05:002016-03-06T19:52:20.529-05:00Anon, You might try to contact Marley Greiner thro...Anon, You might try to contact Marley Greiner through the Bastard Nation website. Marley was keeping track of reports of Russian adoptees who were killed or severely abused by their adopters. Over 20 Russian adoptees have been killed in the US including a teenage girl in Washington who died of starvation and exposure after the adoptive parents forced her to live outside in a shack. The Russian government cut off intercountry adoptions in part because of the abuse.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83871076749510484482016-03-06T17:06:07.237-05:002016-03-06T17:06:07.237-05:00Adoption definitely wasn't the best arrangemen...Adoption definitely wasn't the best arrangement or in the best interests for these children of international adoption. May the boys Rest in Peace.<br /><br />Adoption is a broken, ugly system and is far from the romanticized fairy tale scenario that is publicly marketed to prospective adopters and vulnerable pregnant women. Unfortunately, these tragedies happen within all types of families, but families with adoption seem to have additional issues affecting all involved. <br /><br />Last week an adopted 17-year-old shot and killed his adoptive parents in their sleep in Odessa, Texas. The local paper made a point to mention that the teenage male shooter had been adopted. Not sure what point was trying to be made by the paper mentioning that...<br /><br />Gladysnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49364106785064413972016-03-06T15:56:52.785-05:002016-03-06T15:56:52.785-05:00As a mother whose daughter was raised, after the f...As a mother whose daughter was raised, after the first 5 years, less than 300 miles from me, I can tell you - the lottery is right! My daughter was, according to her story, abused, neglected and unloved from the beginning. She was, in her words, owned and made to fit the "perfect" family mold. Her adoptive mother tells me different. They left the country with my daughter before the adoption was final, did not return for 5 years...the point where her adoptive mother said she had started being "bad." They had wanted to return her, according to the adoptive mother, but DES (CPS) said I was no where to be found..... although they had kept tabs on me for the entire time and knew, at that time, that I was living an hour away by car from my daughter. <br /><br />Did anyone call me when the supposed adoption was failing? No...and it is unlikely that anyone would have.<br /><br />CPS, adoption agencies and attorneys should be liable for failure to notify the natural parents in time of crisis. In this day and age, it is unlikely that a person can't be found unless they are actually dead. This I know to be true, since it took a detective to find out what happened to my daughter's father - who died in 1985.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8623779368091198202016-03-06T15:09:14.573-05:002016-03-06T15:09:14.573-05:00They have every right to know, because THEY are th...They have every right to know, because THEY are the children's parents. Candace Newmaker's family found out what happened to her and I think social services has a lot to do with keeping abuse from AP"s hush hush because many kids taken from their families end up disabled or dead. Removing children from their homes is legitimate BIG business now, because as we all know psychopaths rule adoption.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73189128726943717602016-03-06T15:08:21.286-05:002016-03-06T15:08:21.286-05:00Better to go through the grief of learning your ch...Better to go through the grief of learning your child died than the daily torture of worrying about him and hoping and wishing for the day you can see him again. A day that would never come.Nenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09599687869773007480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83883113286198615112016-03-06T10:12:22.470-05:002016-03-06T10:12:22.470-05:00Lorraine, a Russian adoptee living in Ohio was lit...Lorraine, a Russian adoptee living in Ohio was literally beaten so badly by her a/father that she will be never walk. This story happened 10-15 years ago. I will never forget it, but I can't find it. Whatever happened to her ? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43070415082092416782016-03-06T09:20:30.545-05:002016-03-06T09:20:30.545-05:00So sad, heartbreaking. No matter if they want to k...So sad, heartbreaking. No matter if they want to know or not, I feel the boys' parents (or closest living relative(s)) have every right to be informed, as do the parents or closest living relative(s) of the sister from China.kaisa gnoreply@blogger.com