tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post3784574640759073536..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Reproductive exploitation--one more way to abuse womenLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-13848020286818797822012-11-17T18:57:41.525-05:002012-11-17T18:57:41.525-05:00It's all reproductive exploitation. It's ...It's all reproductive exploitation. It's just a matter of degree as to the severity of the exploitation. It's like different types of homicide--some are murder, some aren't; some are intentional, some aren't; and some carry malice aforethought and some don't. But the victim is just as dead.<br /><br />I don't think anyone on this blog, in posts or comments, has ever stated that they wanted the infertile kept from having THEIR OWN children. Go right ahead. YOUR OWN children, with YOUR OWN eggs or sperm, and YOUR OWN BODY.<br /><br />I am not a baby-vending machine. Nor is anyone else. If you can have your own kids then do it and with my blessing. But you don't get to use anyone else because as soon as you've done that, you haven't had your own kids anyway. Someone else had them. And risked their lives for a child they will not even raise.<br /><br />At least 100,000 foster children languish in United States foster care who can't go home because their parents' rights were terminated. If it's that hard for you to have children then prioritize taking care of children who need homes rather than using someone else's body to do the things yours can't. Do you also intend to steal a marathon runner's feet if you want to be an athlete, or someone else's eyes if you go blind? Living people, now, before someone says I'm against organ donation. Land sakes.<br /><br />No, you wouldn't do that. And this is the same darned thing. They're not your Cabbage Patch Dolls. They are the children of the adults from whose bodies they originated.<br /><br />By the way, this?<br /><br />"I've noticed a tendency on this blog to presume that any woman of a certain age who makes a choice different than that of the blog authors' is uniformed, coerced, foolish, pressured or otherwise negated of any responsibility for their decisions."<br /><br />Did you somehow miss that this blog is run by first mothers? Doesn't it follow that THEY MADE THE SAME CHOICE as anyone else they discuss who relinquished for adoption? If you burn your hand on a hot stove aren't you going to warn everyone else away from touching it? Common sense, I would think. Sorry we're not being good dumb-cow breeders who accept our fates with no complaint, but if that's what you want then you need to look elsewhere.Dana Seilhanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11749354913843954242noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83329995751779201872012-10-18T13:03:09.631-04:002012-10-18T13:03:09.631-04:00Thanks Robin, Mom422. Your read is correct.Thanks Robin, Mom422. Your read is correct.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76484297286951155362012-10-18T12:33:15.635-04:002012-10-18T12:33:15.635-04:00@Robin:
"I didn't read this post as Jane ...@Robin:<br />"I didn't read this post as Jane saying that giving a child up for adoption is as horrific as many of the abuses women are subjected to worldwide"<br /><br />Neither did I. How things are taken out of context and turned into a feeding frenzy of "HOW DARE SHE" never ceases to amaze me.Mom422noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92030122162137004952012-10-15T10:38:19.447-04:002012-10-15T10:38:19.447-04:00I didn't read this post as Jane saying that gi...I didn't read this post as Jane saying that giving a child up for adoption is as horrific as many of the abuses women are subjected to worldwide. But that having one group of women (i.e. the umarrieds) essentially being used as breeders for the infertile is a form of reproductive exploitation.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78449707047238854192012-10-11T17:57:48.138-04:002012-10-11T17:57:48.138-04:00Caleigh:
"This is what I've learned acr...Caleigh: <br /><br />"This is what I've learned across the decades - purely my opinion! I could feel the barrage of scolding coming!"<br /><br />No need to rationalize speaking your mind, Cayleigh. Voicing one's opinion is not the same as speaking for other people's minds and second guessing them.<br />Just like Kate, you are entitled to your own opinions and to have them accepted at face value, especially when they relate to your own experience.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33440992178517836962012-10-11T11:35:20.322-04:002012-10-11T11:35:20.322-04:00I don't mean to sound professorial in my last ...I don't mean to sound professorial in my last 2 comments - like I'm teaching! This is what I've learned across the decades - purely my opinion! I could feel the barrage of scolding coming!caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47111178711662083172012-10-11T10:38:25.277-04:002012-10-11T10:38:25.277-04:00Addendum to my last comment:
Another defense mech...Addendum to my last comment:<br /><br />Another defense mechanism that natural moms use when letting a child go for adoption is rationalization. I'm pretty sure there are others.caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29796350947854247922012-10-11T09:58:04.125-04:002012-10-11T09:58:04.125-04:00I love that term, SATISFIED RELINQUISHERS!
In the...I love that term, SATISFIED RELINQUISHERS!<br /><br />In the PSYCHOLOGY of being human, "satisfying relinquishment" of our children is called SHUTTING DOWN the part that hurts. Repression and suppression are perfectly normal & natural gifts (defense mechanisms) that humans summon up to get us through the tough times - to help us put one foot in front of the other after trauma and tragedy.<br /><br />(We'll see how the satisfied relinquishers feel in a couple of decades! Trust us who have been there - IT AIN'T GONNA' BE PRETTY! We're not saying this to make satisfied relinquishers feel bad, we're trying to change the tide for your daughters.)<br /><br />REMEMBER: ALL PREDATORS 1ST GROOM THEIR VICTIMS! In a society there are the vulnerable and the predators: the givers and the takers.<br /><br />The victim doesn't know she's being groomed! Over the last 2, or even 3, decades, our young girls have been GROOMED by the adoption industry and religious nuts and other idiots to believe that giving away one's own flesh - n - blood is as natural as picking up a stick of butter at the local grocery store.<br /><br />In point of fact, today's generation has been GROOMED to think that it's even commendable to supply kids to the poor little couples who have lots of money and are just patiently awaiting your child in their outstretched arms. By golly, it's your duty to help infertile couples!<br /><br />Extracting children from natural families in previous decades was done via blatant coercion. <br /><br />Today the coercion is much more subtle. The online ads would blow your mind.<br /><br />Please click on my name to see how your young daughters are being GROOMED to think they just might make it to Hollywood if they give their offspring for adoption. The ad makes young women, and girls, think they're gonna' hobnob with celebrities, do lots of shopping, and see Hollywood WHILE doing such a great & GOOD DEED like supplying the deserving waiting couple with a child. Then, even subtle (and not so subtle) GUILT is employed: Everyone deserves to have kids! Come on, be a good person and help your neighbor. You can always have more kids - you're fertile! (But - not always!)<br /><br />REMEMBER: Adoption ONLY happens to the most VULNERABLE - plenty of single moms keep and raise their children, as they should. Don't be cheated!caleigh brookshttp://www.adoptionsfirst.com/BirthMothersSitenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61153587818084237072012-10-10T18:37:57.781-04:002012-10-10T18:37:57.781-04:00Oxytocin produces the feeling of love, after sex, ...Oxytocin produces the feeling of love, after sex, after birth, etc. To some extent, we feel the emotion of "love" because of the rush of the hormones flooding our systems. Just as fear produces a rush of adrenaline, and we "feel" excited and jump into action. <br /><br />It takes a strong motivation to go against that "feeling." The science, which some of you are dismissing as unimportant, doesn't dismiss the real emotions that mothers feel when they have their babies, or firemen feel rushing into a burning building. Science just says this is the physical component to that "feeling."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-873964444319455512012-10-10T18:28:00.360-04:002012-10-10T18:28:00.360-04:00HDW,
A mother who lacks resources and parental sup...HDW,<br />A mother who lacks resources and parental support IS coerced to give up her child. <br /><br />In societies where women are fully empowered, mothers have the support and resources necessary to nurture their children.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-50924864440998983612012-10-10T17:17:07.865-04:002012-10-10T17:17:07.865-04:00"the love we feel for our children after birt..."the love we feel for our children after birth is linked to the hormones our bodies secrete."<br /><br />I think it was more than oxytocin during childbirth for my mother. She loved me throughout the pregnancy and always knew that she didn't want to give me up.<br /><br />@Anon 10:13pm,<br />Great comment.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28419196694847778912012-10-10T17:08:12.383-04:002012-10-10T17:08:12.383-04:00Kate,
I can sure see why under the circumstances y...Kate,<br />I can sure see why under the circumstances you gave up your child. <br /><br />Your circumstances themselves, though, are an example of reproductive exploitation. A young man took advantage of you and you had to deal with the consequences on your own.<br /><br />In Portland, Catholic Charities works with young women who come to it believing they have no option but to give up their child. The agency helps them to understand the consequences of surrendering their child and obtain resources to help them raise their child. If adoption is still the plan, Catholic Charities requires it be fully open. Although many women come for adoption services, only a few place their babies.<br /><br />If other agencies followed this model, there would be far fewer adoptions.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31298654139578412412012-10-10T16:48:54.283-04:002012-10-10T16:48:54.283-04:00I assumed from Kate's first comment that she d...I assumed from Kate's first comment that she did not want to raise a child at that time in her life. On a regular basis a first mother will drop in at FMF or one of the other blogs and write how she wasn't coerced, adoption was a free choice and that it was and still is the best choice for both herself and her child. I tend to take these women at their word. To be frank, these first mothers are not my concern. The person who matters to me is the child. I certainly hope that Kate's son (and the children of the other satisfied relinquishers) is as happy with the decision and outcome as she is. I cannot imagine any child not feeling some sadness that his or her parents didn't want to take responsibility for him and instead chose to give him away.<br /><br />I have been reading these blogs and the comments for some time now. When a natural mother gives her child up for adoption it seems that the majority are devastated and that the effects last a lifetime. Many but not all adoptees have a great deal of pain from having been surrendered and adopted. Why, oh why, is it not self-evident that adoption causes so much pain and should only occur under the most rare of circumstances? It seems that this should be obvious to any thinking/feeling person. The reason why is that the adoption industry has brainwashed people. It is the propaganda of Big Adoption and its billion dollar budget that requires so many of us who have lived the awful effects of adoption to spend our time educating about something that should be inherently obvious.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63398427299961979202012-10-10T16:44:28.545-04:002012-10-10T16:44:28.545-04:00Maryanne,
I completely understood what you meant....Maryanne,<br /><br />I completely understood what you meant. No worries. (No two moms are alike. Some care so much that it kills them. Some don't care at all. I think most are somewhere in the middle of the continuum.)<br /><br />My mother wanted to keep me, but she was not coerced. Sadly, she lacked resources and parental support. But,she was smart enough to realize that marrying my father would have doomed us both.<br /><br />I don't want to impugn my mother's character. For the record, she has never told me that I am a bother. It is just the feeling that I get from her. <br /><br /><br /><br />HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49930304848570613722012-10-10T14:29:19.817-04:002012-10-10T14:29:19.817-04:00MAC points out (as she does repeatedly) that some ...MAC points out (as she does repeatedly) that some mothers did not want to raise a child, were not coerced, yada, yada, yada.<br /><br />Doesn't it seem strange, though, that 15,000 women opt for adoption in the US each year and 125 do so in the UK? Is the difference that American women are more likely not to want to raise their children or that in the US there is coercion and fewer resources for single moms?Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-60803713494903830382012-10-10T13:55:53.349-04:002012-10-10T13:55:53.349-04:00Kate,
You wrote: At 16 I made the terrible mistake...Kate,<br />You wrote: At 16 I made the terrible mistake to have unprotected sex. ... I kept myself and my child healthy throughout a very difficult pregnancy but never intended to parent. I understood even then how completely inadequate I was for the job(on so many levels, not just financially). I arrived at that conclusion long before others knew of my pregnancy. No brainwashing or coercion necessary."<br /><br />It sounds like you WERE indeed brain-washed, only by popular culture rather adoption agency staff or your family. <br /><br /><br />A different Betty -- a mother who didn't figure it out until much laterAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37784808291812385852012-10-10T12:47:47.806-04:002012-10-10T12:47:47.806-04:00Right, the quote about the mother "coming ali...Right, the quote about the mother "coming alive" was Lorraine, not me. I too wish this mother and all who are reluctant to communicate with their surrendered kids would come around and have a change of heart, but in the mean time, they are still very much alive, just living a different kind of life than some of us, mostly burdened by the secret they have kept from those around them for many years.<br /><br />HDW, I did not mean to imply that your mother did not love you. Just that some mothers, like Kate who commented here, really did surrender their children out of love, as a real choice, to save them from what would have been a difficult situation.<br /><br />As to all those hormones, I guess oxytocin is really "Love Potion #9" from the old song! If hormones are all it takes to guarantee love, why has nobody thought of giving adoptive moms hormone shots to make them love their children?:-) If only life were that simple.<br />maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17115842247691917322012-10-10T10:01:37.989-04:002012-10-10T10:01:37.989-04:00Lee:
"I hope your mother is able to come al...Lee: <br /><br />"I hope your mother is able to come alive again and cherish you, as you deserve."<br /><br />Correction note: You were quoting Lorraine, not maryanne. Lorraine is pithy but hits the nail on the head. <br /><br />I'm in the word business and I think people ought to be quoted correctly. Maryanne said a lot of good things but she did not say that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72770011039029033942012-10-10T09:54:31.044-04:002012-10-10T09:54:31.044-04:00Just a little basic biology: Hormones--estrogen, t...Just a little basic biology: Hormones--estrogen, testosterone, oxytocin--have a huge effect on our emotions, without us thinking, Here comes the testosterone or oxytocin. <br /><br />Wikipedia isn't the bee-all and end-all of sources but it is largely correct and is so in this case:<br />"Oxytocin is best known for its roles in sexual reproduction, in particular during and after childbirth. It is released in large amounts...during labor, facilitating birth, and after stimulation of the nipples, facilitating breastfeeding. Recent studies have begun to investigate oxytocin's role in various behaviors, including orgasm, social recognition, pair bonding, anxiety, and maternal behaviors. <br /><br />For this reason, it is sometimes referred to as the "love hormone". The inability to secrete oxytocin and feel empathy is linked to sociopathy, psychopathy, narcissism,[citation needed] and general manipulativeness. However, there is some evidence that oxytocin promotes 'tribal' behaviour, combining trust and empathy with the in-group with suspicion and rejection of outsiders.<br /><br />Not to diminish anyone's feelings, but the love we feel for our children after birth is linked to the hormones our bodies secrete.Viktorianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-74000655257676065942012-10-10T09:03:48.584-04:002012-10-10T09:03:48.584-04:00Top a' the mornin' to ya'
I had a sle...Top a' the mornin' to ya'<br /><br />I had a sleepless night, which I blame on the killing of my family by the adoption industry. Ugh! Pamper, pamper today!<br /><br />Hey HDW!<br /><br /> I think I have a short video that might help you understand your natural mom. Just click on my name and then in the "Search Box" in the left-hand sidebar of my blogcast, key in "Terror is Non-negotiable!" Enjoy!<br /><br />I always knew I would find my child at my child's age of 18. It happened at my child's age of 25. I had to wait until it was safe - until I was doing nothing important in case it didn't go well.caleigh brookshttp://caleighbrookswatchingthewatchers.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85599517307279605212012-10-10T01:21:37.847-04:002012-10-10T01:21:37.847-04:00Anonymous Anonymous said...
@anonymous 6:09am...Anonymous Anonymous said...<br /><br /> @anonymous 6:09am<br /><br /> "Would everyone PLEASE stop trying to generalize all infertility patients as bad people?!"<br /><br /> Oh Jesus, give me a break. No one is saying all "infertility patients" are bad people. If you did not adopt, why are you so defensive?<br /><br />>>My father WAS adopted. My biological grandparents were abusive in the worst way. He was old enough to remember it. However I hear time and time again that infertile women feel they are "entitled to someone else's child." I resent that generalization.<br /><br />And while we are speaking of "generalizations", people NEVER generalize first mothers/ families as being druggies, abusive, unfit walking wombs, now do they? <br /><br />>>Nobody that I know of has generalized all first/birth moms as being that. However there are many unfit parents out there, both adoptive parents and birth parents.CCnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12811594788295784192012-10-09T23:34:04.966-04:002012-10-09T23:34:04.966-04:00Lorraine said:
Again, thanks for your addition to ...Lorraine said:<br /><i>Again, thanks for your addition to the discussion. At sixteen, anyone who has a baby without a great deal of family support is between a rock and a hard place. I was 22 in 1966 and felt the same way--that I had one thing I had to do and that was give her up. </i><br /><br />Yes, Kate, you add to a good discussion! I was 21 in 1969 and I searched when she turned 35!<br /><br />Maryanne said:<br /><i>No huge blast of oxytocin here, just human emotion and imagination which is so much more complex than hormones:-) <b>I never thought I would see my son again,</b> nor thought I deserved to, but searched for him anyhow when given the opportunity, and am so grateful to know him now.</i><br /><br />I too thought I'd never see her again either! But I had a co-worker who was an adoptee and she encouraged me to search; as at the time I had NO idea I could! It took me 3 years to find out her "real" name and $75 well worth spent! and another year for contact by letter (to her amom's address), as she wasn't "in the system" as they say! LOL! Anyway...<br /><br />Maryanne said:<br /><i>HDW, all mothers are different, unique personalities, and many were and are in very different circumstances. <b>There is no way to predict how the person you find will react, and it is a rare thing when there is equal need and enthusiasm on both sides.</b> I am sorry your mother is not showing more interest, but I hope at least is answering your questions even if she seems bothered.</i><br /><br />True, Maryanne - very rare that things go smoothly in a reunion... unfortunately! ERRRGGGHHH!!! My daughter has wanted NO contact - so that has been since 2007. <br /><br />Maryanne said...<br /><i>Some mothers really did not want to raise a child, <b>were not coerced, made their own choice and their own path to live with that choice.</b> Most of the women who comment here are one extreme, <b>mothers who searched or deeply wished to be found</b>. That is not every mother. <b>Nor is every adoptee eager for reunion</b>. We don't get to pick what kind of person we find, just have to accept and make the best of what it is.</i><br /><br />I was never coerced in giving up my baby, free will and all, like Kate, I made a decision! Yes, I do have regrets! I would not be human if I did not... and I continued on with my life when she didn't want contact! I wait... <br /><br />BUT!!!! Lorraine! She sent me an "invite" to "connect" on the LinkedIn website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! Yes, I have a BIG smile on my face! :0> Had to share! Nothing else has happened since that email (9/27) - and OF COURSE I accepted! So, I guess she is taking "baby steps" and I'm hoping the next one might a letter or email... <br /><br />HDW, I'm so sorry to hear that your mother thinks you are "bother". I will NEVER understand some women that just do not want to have anything to do with THEIR children. It's very upsetting! <br /><br />Maryanne said...<br /><i>I hope your mother is able to come alive again and cherish you, as you deserve.</i><br /><br />I'll say a little prayer for you HDW and hope she does come "alive"!Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53230175743237785422012-10-09T22:32:19.805-04:002012-10-09T22:32:19.805-04:00Lorraine and Maryanne,
My mother didn't have ...Lorraine and Maryanne,<br /><br />My mother didn't have any options. I know she loved her baby.<br /><br />I know she is emotionally closed off because she cannot really let me into her life. If she did, she would have to tell everyone the secret.<br /><br />I just wish she could share some of her pain with me. (I know I am in an odd relationship when I am the more emotional one.)HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2997137011921666492012-10-09T22:13:58.433-04:002012-10-09T22:13:58.433-04:00"ow personally several women who have elected..."ow personally several women who have elected to carry a child for another couple (one was familial, 2 others strangers). None of them were coerced, all of them had previously carried children they raised; all knew the tremendous risks involved and all were paid in excess of over $25,000 with all medical and related expenses additionally paid; maybe that's a pittance for some, but to me? That's quite a sum. Would I do it? No. Am I the litmus for everyone? Again, no."<br />"<br />The whole "reproductive Industry" has become so callous. Making babies here and there...non bio folks raising them and really the child is the only one that has to deal with the outcomes of all of this. Its NOT OK...to randomaly make babies for those that can't. give babies away because college is more important then your own child or family member, pretend that the child will be on their kneews in gratiude because YOU got what youy wanted...I don't know of any child that is concieved and born saying please place me with non related peole...its not right, its sick and the only time its right is when the parents can't truly parent due to mental issues, drug issues, neglect issues. In other words when the child has no home and the new parents are willing to understand the child...not the other way around when the parents need a child,or when its inconveniet for the first mother...and the adult is suppose to be understanding of the mothers pain of infertility(but, but, needed a baby, i needed to carry a baby...or i needed to go to college, i needed to get on with my life...) or be undertanding of the whys of being giving away....the baby, child adult...HURTS no matter how much they are loved or love the rasising parents. there exists a huge disconnect that NO ONE understands. unless they have lived it. I don't care how much a person is "paid"...I don't care how needy either parent is...person most impacted suffers in some way that nomal concieved peole don't. that point is downplayed because babies don't have a voice and by the time they do there is an investment of money and emotion from the parents that any compaasionate pperson can not even voice theirt own feelings for fear of "hurting" someone.<br /><br />The only sitution that is somewhat ok is the family carry for another family member...at least the child belongs in that family...but i need to ask what happens if gowd forbid the carry mother dies in childbirth..it happens! the risks are huge..and who would bear the brunt of the guilt..the child...from the children that lost their mother...its all so risky. <br />Infertility needs to be accpted, dealt with before innocent children are brought into the equation. Its not ok to just create "babies", give babies away, carry babies(the thought its for money makes me sick, as well as egg/sperm donation...comeon...your giving children away!) and then expect the adults conceived this way, raised this way to be 100% ok with it...be greatful for life, be grateful for food and shelter..blah blah.<br /><br />Adults deal with your own issues before bringing children into your craziness....yes, some bio's are crazy but often a biochild will get their own bio family(negating true abuse)...but will huge diffuclty getting the non bio craziness...even if they do have pools and ponies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22590536037994492742012-10-09T20:14:19.372-04:002012-10-09T20:14:19.372-04:00No huge blast of oxytocin here, just human emotion...No huge blast of oxytocin here, just human emotion and imagination which is so much more complex than hormones:-) I never thought I would see my son again, nor thought I deserved to, but searched for him anyhow when given the opportunity, and am so grateful to know him now.<br /><br />HDW, all mothers are different, unique personalities, and many were and are in very different circumstances. There is no way to predict how the person you find will react, and it is a rare thing when there is equal need and enthusiasm on both sides. I am sorry your mother is not showing more interest, but I hope at least is answering your questions even if she seems bothered.<br /><br />Some mothers really did not want to raise a child, were not coerced, made their own choice and their own path to live with that choice. Most of the women who comment here are one extreme, mothers who searched or deeply wished to be found. That is not every mother. Nor is every adoptee eager for reunion. We don't get to pick what kind of person we find, just have to accept and make the best of what it is.maryannenoreply@blogger.com