tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4213317253779573418..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Part 4: Explaining reality to my granddaughter. Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76925221161425522262013-08-14T12:22:51.653-04:002013-08-14T12:22:51.653-04:00Kitta, I just read this part of the story again an...Kitta, I just read this part of the story again and it hit me like a brick:<br /><br />"I was also denied public assistance due to the fact that I was not a resident of my son's birth state, and the state where I was a resident counted my family's income against me, so could not get assistance there." <br /><br />Welfare today is a vastly different situation than it was in the 60s, something that most people do not realize. You were screwed, no matter which way you turned. Everything in society was pointing us toward giving up our children to adoption. I was so shamed that I really did not feel that I had an option. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63353527092040249152013-08-13T19:15:46.477-04:002013-08-13T19:15:46.477-04:00Thank you, Kitta, We should all tell our stories. ...Thank you, Kitta, We should all tell our stories. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34274885738343157712013-08-13T14:52:52.350-04:002013-08-13T14:52:52.350-04:00I became pregnant in 1967, and was forced to surre...I became pregnant in 1967, and was forced to surrender my son in 1968. My very religious family sent me across the country to live with relatives. My parents told me never to speak of my pregnancy, but I had already told many friends.<br /><br />My father, an attorney who had worked for Catholic Charities in the past handling the legal aspects of adoptions, had placed me under guardianship with my relatives in a distant state. He had told those relatives they could adopt my child...but they must not tell anyone who the child really was..<br /><br />I had, of course, NOT agreed to any such adoption arangement but was underage and had nowhere else to live.<br /><br />I told my relatives "no"...you cannot have my baby.<br /><br />I fought to keep my son. I sought help from local "family welfare" agencies...there were 3, and one of which offered temporary foster care.(the others did not offer anything) I placed my son in the temporary agency care and continued to try to get help from my family to keep him(his father was long gone and there was no legal way to get help from him then).<br /><br />The temporary care was a scam. The agency began calling me at my relatives' apartment and was threatening me to sign a surrender or they would terminate my parental rights in court anyway. It was no empty threat. It was then and is the law today in that state.<br /><br /> And I know mothers who did get terminated in court... when they refused to sign the surrender.They fought the battle and lost. One came to our CUB meeting and told of her court fight after she had placed her daughter in agency temporary care in the late 1960s.<br /><br />She lost. They terminated her on the basis that she "had left her daughter too long in temporary care" even though she had not relinquished her.<br /><br />I was also denied public assistance due to the fact that I was not a resident of my son's birth state, and the state where I was a resident counted my family's income against me, so could not get assistance there.<br /><br />When we are asked "what happened?" I think we should tell our story.<br /><br />My granddaughter knows the above details and much more, about the treatment of women in this country.<br /><br />She has always known me, as I found my son in the 1980s, when his wife was pregnant with her.kittanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58070780611337273502013-08-13T14:40:17.329-04:002013-08-13T14:40:17.329-04:00Did anybody else ever have the same experience, or...Did anybody else ever have the same experience, or having to explain "why" you relinquished your baby to a youngster? <br /><br />It is breath-taking. I know that Carol Schaefer had a similar experience.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83239478844759382432013-08-13T11:26:42.591-04:002013-08-13T11:26:42.591-04:00Oh what a tangled web we weave...
We were deceive...Oh what a tangled web we weave...<br /><br />We were deceived into this in the first place. Then lived with that deception, along with our families for way too many years. I think it is the lies that are so hard to overcome. It's hard to have a relationship and try to express the truth when it is so tangled up in deceit.Janetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-46617442140784086412013-08-12T14:31:01.144-04:002013-08-12T14:31:01.144-04:00Makes sense to me. Regardless of the circumstance...Makes sense to me. Regardless of the circumstances, the adoptee very rarely is a participant in the placement choice. I could see how for some adoptees, a simple, unadorned "Sorry" might be much needed before an understanding and/or acceptance of the circumstances is possible.<br /><br />And the very interesting read continues.....thanks for sharing, LorraineJay Iyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01592280612055255470noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88760518001040218252013-08-12T14:05:44.460-04:002013-08-12T14:05:44.460-04:00Well Lorraine there's definitely still a trigg...Well Lorraine there's definitely still a trigger warning since as I stated, about half of the women still go through with their "adoption plans"... so maybe read episode guides online so you know which parts to skip over if you're going to watch. The ones with the happy endings are worth it in my opinion. I've literally found myself cheering and throwing my first in the air alone in my living room couch at some of the episodes. I'm thankful for what they teach people... it's okay to say no to the big adoption agency! You don't owe them anything!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89062173594660097482013-08-12T12:44:32.368-04:002013-08-12T12:44:32.368-04:00Anon, I will record the episodes. Sometimes it is ...Anon, I will record the episodes. Sometimes it is all more than I can take.<br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85534158409122890842013-08-12T12:39:39.703-04:002013-08-12T12:39:39.703-04:00I love hearing the insights and inquiry from your ...I love hearing the insights and inquiry from your grand daughter about her mom's adoption. The innocence and forwardness of children is quite awesome and I think shows a lot of truth when it comes to adoption.<br /><br />On a recent episode of "I'm Having Their Baby", it showed a mom telling her two kids they were planning on adoption for their yet-to-be born brother. The two year old had a look of pure confusion on his face and said "but he's OURS!". The eight year old straight up said "I don't wanna hear anymore talk about this". It was wonderful. Happy ending too, she didn't go through with it in the end. Also since I'm on the topic, I wanted to share that this season of "I'm Having Their Baby" is completely awesome. Season 1 featured only 2 moms keeping their babies. Season 2 has a mom keeping their baby pretty much every episode (they show two moms per episode) so it's quite literally been a 50/50 rate. It's amazing watching them say no to all the things the adoption industry wants them to believe. So many awesome moments where they stand up to the coercion. I definitely recommend watching this season for the success/no-placement stories.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com