tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post4785849580216070797..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adoptee denied medical history Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49439217317611149202017-09-18T08:36:29.091-04:002017-09-18T08:36:29.091-04:00You are a disgrace! Just listen to you bad mouth t...You are a disgrace! Just listen to you bad mouth the REAL and NATURAL mother. My real and natural mother abused drugs also, however, I would rather die than go through a situation that leaves me a slave to the adopted parents desires. My slave owners tossed my identity in the garbage. They routinely abused me. And they are still abusing me (by proxy) to this day. The adoptive mother encouraged the ap's sexual abuse and she enjoyed the one-up mans ship (where she made herself look good in comparison to my real mother) that adoption gave her. I came from a mother who had problems, so, therefore,I should have been grateful for being given to sexually, physically, mentally & mentally abusive people who are themselves mentally ill. It figures. Because only a repulsive person would want to destroy the bond between a mother and her child. It wins favour for the adoptive parents in that they 'look' good in comparison and they use the child's misery as a way pissing all over the child's memory of the mother. Just like this last bitch who gladly bad mouths a mother, in order to excuse her barbaric behaviour of buying and owning other people's children. That's slavery for you, and slavery 'defined' is the legal fiction that people are property. Let's start calling AP's slave owners, because that's what they are. I choose for you to be on my land (the child had no say), and as such, I will destroy your identity. Destroy your birth certificate. And bad mouth the person you came from, because SHAME is the name of the game in adoption. I will 'own' you. Oh, and by the way, you have no choice in this matter, because I will exploit you when you are a child. The suicide rate of adopted persons is 4 times higher than that of non adopted persons and it's not difficult to see why. Just listen to these bitches (the reason that they are killing themselves in droves) defending their actions. You women deserve to die. And don't ever waste you breath (your lying breath) trying to justify your child abuses to someone like me. A human rights activist. An anti-adoption advocate. And an adopted person who has taken back her real identity back. My real mother died from a suicide attempt 3 years, so you can all celebrate now. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53474209673515294882017-06-15T20:47:27.311-04:002017-06-15T20:47:27.311-04:00Texas almost passed a bill to open birth records f...Texas almost passed a bill to open birth records for adoptees in that state. It had bilateral support (both houses, both parties). It cleared the Texas House 138-1 and had strong support in the Senate... "but for" ONE Senator named Donna Campbell, an adoptive mother who filibustered the bill to death, and killed it. The bill died on the Intent Calendar just days before the end of session. The Lege only meets every 2 years, and this is at least the third consecutive time such a bill has been put forth, and the third consecutive time that this ONE SENATOR killed it. Ironically, this Senator is also a medical doctor. One would think that she would support legislation that makes it easier for people to get medical history, but apparently she has a case of "baby rabies" and her four adopted children and her own privacy trump the rights of adopted Texans. "SOMEONE" needs to lose the next election... and all of her adopted patients.Cecilia Rosenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19272284802958491852016-04-09T15:13:44.577-04:002016-04-09T15:13:44.577-04:00Not sure if my first reply went through or not so ...Not sure if my first reply went through or not so trying again. Obviously it was not about protecting privacy in either of your situations Jane and Lorraine. They just don't care or want to be bothered. And Lorraine I can relate to what they told you-I was told everyone was healthy and no medical problems when there were major medical issues even at the time of my adoption and they were in my records but they lied to me about it. I did get records later so that is how I know.adoptee123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41162393776501371552016-04-08T21:41:16.582-04:002016-04-08T21:41:16.582-04:00Well, I was trying to get in touch with my daughte...Well, I was trying to get in touch with my daughter and her family to let them know about the birth control pills I inadvertently took when I was pregnant, and her doctor was trying to reach me because she had epilepsy. Nothing happened. I got a letter saying she was "fine and happy" with her new family. The doctor's letter was never answered. <br /><br />WELCOME TO THE SOCIAL ENGINEERING POLICIES OF THE 1930s. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-42161567760927843672016-04-08T21:20:23.364-04:002016-04-08T21:20:23.364-04:00Years ago, before my reunion, I sometimes sort of ...Years ago, before my reunion, I sometimes sort of hoped my daughter would need a transplant. That, I thought, would force the adoption agency to tell her my name so she could find me. Of course, I really didn't want her to be sick, but if she was .... <br /><br />After our reunion, she told me that she thought that if she needed a transplant, the agency would give her my information. Neither pf us considered the possibility that that the agency would have put my "privacy" above her life.<br /><br />From what I know now, yes that's what the agency would have done. She might have been able to get a judge to order the agency to give her the information but that's doubtful.<br /><br />These people are so out of touch! Worse, they are inhumane.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4308102641003045702016-04-08T10:29:39.338-04:002016-04-08T10:29:39.338-04:00I still asking the agency what would happen if an ...I still asking the agency what would happen if an adoptee needed a kidney transplant or bone marrow donation-and was told "well that would be too bad but protecting the privacy of the birth mother is important." Talk about feeling devalued. Basically saying an adoptee's life is less important than a birth mother facing embarrassment. Not that there would be any guarantee anyone in the birth family would be willing to donate anything but still denying even the chance based on the assumption that our very existence is just a real nuisance to those responsible for our birth. This really let me see how adoptees are not valued or respected. Even now even though I know the identities of everyone my birth certificate is still locked up somehow protecting my dead birth mother. I have to say though I do very much appreciate the efforts of everyone supporting access to our records and I agree with Tiffany that for better or worse that the adoptive parents speaking out gives more weight to the petitions. And I don't think arguing and making assumptions about anyone's situation helps the cause at all. Adoption is still a choice or a necessity depending on the situation for many. Keeping records of an adoptee sealed and hidden from them as an adult was never necessary and never promised to the birth parents in the first place.adoptee123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76891106554840839342016-03-25T08:38:19.792-04:002016-03-25T08:38:19.792-04:00I would encourage any woman who is considering pre...I would encourage any woman who is considering pregnancy to think about what's best for the child. Just as I would encourage any woman to not drink or smoke during a pregnancy. In my opinion, being created through surrogacy, except in some limited situations between family members, is not in the best interest of the child. Robinhttp://www.allinthefamilyadoption.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16493229743950770522016-03-25T07:16:08.163-04:002016-03-25T07:16:08.163-04:00Maybe there would be more understanding and less h...Maybe there would be more understanding and less hostility between triad members if we all stuck to our own individual stories and situations rather than making broad-brush condemnations of one group or another. Tiffany is tactfully explaining her own family situation here, which is different from someone condemning all adoptive parents and saying they are not needed in the fight for adoption reform in an insulting and demeaning fashion.<br /><br />I feel I have every right to say anything I want about my son's adoptive mother, who was a horror, mentally ill, cruel, stupid, ugly, I could go on.... and about my own adoption situation which never should have happened. But I do not have the right to extend that to every adoption or every adoptive parent. In the same vein, I think every one of us has the right to tell the truth, however ugly, about our own adoption situation and people in it, but not to make a generalized judgement of others.<br /><br />We all are annoyed when those pushing adoption as the perfect solution to unwed pregnancy try to paint this rosy, Disney, unrealistic picture of all adoptions; "all adoptions are for the best, all adoptees are happy, all adoptive parents are saintly rescuers, all birthmothers had a real choice...." We need to stop and think and not fall into the same trap from the opposite viewpoint condemning all adoptive families or adoptive parents as somehow evil or inferior.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-26493437517573631592016-03-24T20:00:11.928-04:002016-03-24T20:00:11.928-04:00Hi Chris,
I totally get your anger, and I honestl...Hi Chris,<br /><br />I totally get your anger, and I honestly think it's well justified. You are right about several things.<br /><br />I will correct you on a few. I did not know my daughter's BC would be changed. We are in an open adoption, and I falsely believed that that was something from the past. We did not change her name, so I thought nothing was necessary to be altered. When we found out it did not matter, I investigated how we could go about not changing the BC, but as you know, the laws do not allow for this option. I have supported changing this law from that very point onward. But my daughter needed a home and a family and that came through adoption. The specifics of the why's and such are not for me to share here as they are her story and her parents' story, but her adoption was a necessity for their personal reasons. <br /><br />Guardianship is something I hear put forth often, and I think it has it's place, especially when family can step forward instead of a stranger adoption. But every woman has a right to determine how she wants her situation to proceed, and my daughter's mother and father chose adoption. <br /><br />I think you hit the nail on the head with a number of things, which is why I support adoption reform and unsealed records. We didn't go through an agency matching adoption situation. I had always wanted to adopt, but then was disillusioned by the process. I wanted to be a mother to a child who needed me, not advertise and try to convince a woman I was a better mother than her. We stepped away from it because of our discomfort. We then ended up adopting my daughter because she needed a family and we connected with her parents for that reason. <br /><br />We did use an agency to complete the adoption, and much of what you said I witnessed. Honestly, I'm not offended in the least by what you wrote because I'm nodding along with you that even though it's not my personal situation, it doesn't mean that it isn't applicable in general to adoption. There is so much room for adoptive parents to have complete hold over the adoptee- I am the keeper of my daughter's OBC, of her open adoption, of her history. You are right. The difference is that I acknowledge the wrongness of that, and I believe those things all belong to her and will make sure they do. But it's not a controlled situation- she is bound by my good will and intentions. That is why I speak out about it. It's not right. That does not make me a hypocrite- it makes me a partner in this.<br /><br />Just as a side note. I really don't think this has anything to do with what you said, but I don't struggle with infertility. We do have a natural daughter. Adoption of my youngest was absolutely a choice. She wasn't a means to an end, like I think you are implying. She was our first choice because she needed a second mama and dad. The world is sadly an imperfect and flawed place, and not all children are able to be in their home of birth. <br />Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40943800270714920152016-03-24T16:53:46.213-04:002016-03-24T16:53:46.213-04:00Is this sort of attitude and comment helping furth...Is this sort of attitude and comment helping further understanding or bringing support to adoptees or first mothers from sympathetic adoptive parents, or just driving them away? Chris, this may be how you vent your spleen but not how you win political victories for adoptee rights. Lorraine already said it, we need EVERYONE'S help and support to get open records and adoption reform, and that includes sympathetic adoptive parents like Tiffany.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61689310183193534932016-03-24T16:48:45.636-04:002016-03-24T16:48:45.636-04:00Chris, you would do well to learn a persons whole ...Chris, you would do well to learn a persons whole story before you judge them.<br />Better yet, keep your judgement to yourself.<br />To get records open we will need any & everyone that is willing to speak out.Merylnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37319156260494749082016-03-24T14:41:18.041-04:002016-03-24T14:41:18.041-04:00Tiffany, your daughter lost HER rights when you ad...Tiffany, your daughter lost HER rights when you adopted her. You knew that up front and chose anyway to participant in an abusive, oppressive, fraudulent process called adoption. You apparently were in agreement with the falsified documents, but NOW, you're interested in reform?<br /><br />You knew before you shopped for and paid for your daughter that she would lose freedom over her natural rights and that HER records would be sealed forever, but you continued to participate in the process because that's what YOU wanted.<br /><br />To continue with your analogy, you're no different from the white slave owners who thought there was nothing wrong with that institution. Now, though, you are having a guilty conscience or a change of heart over the injustices ? You chose to be a part of another equally-flawed, controlling system. Your mentioning that analogy acknowledges a power differential with the APs, the buyers, having all the power, and the adoptees having the least.<br /><br />Surely you could have chosen instead permanent legal guardianship of your daughter, but apparently, you wanted full exclusive ownership rights to your daughter, just as slave owners wanted over their commodities. You could have still been called Mommy, but the PLG wouldn't have stripped your daughter of her natural truth, origin, and identity.<br /><br />Seems a little, no, it seems a lot hypocritical that now you want to back peddle and "help" out after your needs have been satisfied. You have been a paying client, but NOW you want to see change in the system?!<br /><br />I'm sure money changed hands, your daughter was re-named, and an amended birth certificate was filed, but you can rest assured she will forever be under YOUR authority because the Amended Birth Certificate says so and you have an adoption decree. Ironic, adoption and all it represented seemed wonderful before you received your goods, but NOW, you think change is needed. Got it.<br /><br />Until your daughter has her unsealed records, she will remain unequal and in servitude (just like slavery). It is obvious that adoption was in YOUR best interest and was probably an injustice to the adoptee (go figure).<br /><br />Until childless couples stop buying other womens' children to satisfy their own needs, adoption will continue to cause great pain for adoptees and first mothers. As long as adoptive parents remain much of the problem, it will be hard and hypocritical of them to be part of the solution.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-70045977245418044672016-03-23T18:08:35.840-04:002016-03-23T18:08:35.840-04:00Children by default have decisions made about them...Children by default have decisions made about them by adults. My guess is that this will continue in all areas of life. <br /><br />I did not make a comparison. I said I also supported paid sex work.<br /><br />One last thing: In the future, babies carried by surrogates will be genetically related to their actual bio-parents because stem cell technology will allow both infertile and gay couples to reproduce with each other and the child's heritage will be intact. This will be done by taking any cell in the body, dialing it back to the stem cell state and then turning it into an egg or sperm, whichever is needed. Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28252428167828502052016-03-23T17:16:12.421-04:002016-03-23T17:16:12.421-04:00Legal, paid sex work only affects the consenting a...Legal, paid sex work only affects the consenting adults who are involved. Surrogacy is not just a matter of how the woman wants to use her body, it creates a third party (the baby) who had no say in the matter and whose life is the most profoundly affected. Comparing paid sex work to surrogacy is comparing apples to oranges. My main concern is always the innocent child.Robinhttp://www.allinthefamilyadoption.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35572791436502183392016-03-23T16:37:13.165-04:002016-03-23T16:37:13.165-04:00And I will add that while adoptees are the one mos...And I will add that while adoptees are the one most negatively affected by the old sealed records laws, the legislators in general say that changing the law now most negatively affects birth mothers, and so that is who they keep harping on about when it comes to changing the law. No one argues that adoptees don't deserve or shouldn't have their original birth certificates--that's a no-brainer, even to them--but like it or not what you hear is: What about the birth mother???? Sit in on a hearing, listen to the lawyers and judges oppose the unsealing of the records, and that is the only class of people that they talk about. <br /><br />And that is why telling mothers to not be involved is counter productive because the legislators today act as if...the laws were designed to "protect" us. It's bull, but there it is. And it's why the ad with 500 signatures and Jane Edwards' photograph, among others, in OR helped push the vote over the top when influential columnists were writing against passage of the bill. Way to go, Jane! <br /><br />BTW, the clean bill that passed in New Hampshire was pushed through the legislature by an influential adoptive father, Lou D'Allesandro! So really, the movement needs everybody. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69764351921927708342016-03-23T15:03:19.435-04:002016-03-23T15:03:19.435-04:00Chris, I would actually state that it is wrong to ...Chris, I would actually state that it is wrong to say adoptive parents need to get out of this. I think the largest issue is that the loudest and most listened voice in adoption has always been APs. This is not right, but it is reality. What APs need to do is use our voices to support and push forth adoptees. When I write letters to state reps regarding open records, I consistently state that I should not be the gatekeeper for my daughter's information. She is an autonomous individual who is deserving of her own history without my involvement. I use my voice, which carries more weight as an AP (even when it shouldn't!) to say she has a right to be regarded as equal.<br /><br />When blacks were fighting for civil rights, they needed white people to stand with them. Not as the voices of experience or expertise, but instead to lend support and weight as the counterargument to all those making rampant assumptions for white people. Abolition was also the result of white people's involvement in saying, this isn't right.<br /><br />APs should be supportive voices and partners in the effort to change adoption and open records. From my perspective, there isn't anyone in the world who can possibly care more than I about my daughter's rights to her own history. I would be doing her a great disservice, IMO, to silence my voice instead of lending it to her. I don't think I am capable of that, truly, because I feel I would be failing her as a mother.Tiffanynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38196327686107819242016-03-23T07:00:53.851-04:002016-03-23T07:00:53.851-04:00I'm quite aware my views are not in step with ...I'm quite aware my views are not in step with the FMF regulars. I don't presume to judge a woman who knows her own body, analyzes the risks, and decides that being a surrogate is worth it to her (or her family) at a certain price. I believe in legal, paid sex work as well by both men and women. Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72207591082250109462016-03-22T21:51:18.746-04:002016-03-22T21:51:18.746-04:00To reply to your wonder:
In many cases, adoption...To reply to your wonder: <br /><br />In many cases, adoption appears to cure infertility. <br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16668142839536104452016-03-22T21:39:37.357-04:002016-03-22T21:39:37.357-04:00PS--We sure get a lot of criticism from adoptive p...PS--We sure get a lot of criticism from adoptive parents, or have--though there are more and more enlightened ones! Progress!Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58739100418402883342016-03-22T21:38:22.205-04:002016-03-22T21:38:22.205-04:00Emma--Yes, it's always or almost always about ...Emma--Yes, it's always or almost always about the women and men who can't have children, not the the effect on the children. Thank you for your perspective from Sweden. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54768514733709612082016-03-22T21:35:02.804-04:002016-03-22T21:35:02.804-04:00I have trouble with surrogacy being for pay, becau...I have trouble with surrogacy being for pay, because then you have created an industry that objectives and demeans women's bodies. What other profession does that? Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55605114727621579902016-03-22T21:33:26.669-04:002016-03-22T21:33:26.669-04:00I wish I could remember the name of one that was ....I wish I could remember the name of one that was ... more or less a small art film that I saw at an art house. It was about the relationship of the women who were spending six or eight week together in a house in AZ to get their divorce. It was striking to me because Patrick (daughter Jane's father) and I were discussing the sucky things that he would have to do to get a divorce. Like, pictures of him being unfaithful. It was a nightmare in NY well past when most other states came to their senses. <br />--vixen is a good word...Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15306362388149022612016-03-22T17:59:53.044-04:002016-03-22T17:59:53.044-04:00Another example of the denial of natural justice a...Another example of the denial of natural justice and human rights. Another example of purposely violating a person's human rights to their truth, medical history, and origins. To think adoptees aren't valued anymore than this in 2016 is pure insanity. The judge sends the message that the adoptee is unimportant and unworthy of their basic information. This is cruelty and heartlessness at its finest.<br /><br />The decision confirms that adoptions are not in the best interests of adoptees but are made to protect adoptive parents. Sealed records allude to possible fraud, wrongdoing, and/or coverup of something illegal, immoral, or unethical. Seems as if judges would favor disclosure over secrecy for those reasons alone.<br /><br />Another example that adoptive parents have all the power and resources, including judges with the power. Adoption continues to work against the needs of adoptees it claims to serve. Adoption remains secretive, self-policing, and self-serving. <br /><br />The judge basically told the adoptee that their history and reality don't matter and can be hidden forever, erased, or blotted out. If the judge valued family and the emotional needs involved, he would recognize, honor, and attempt to preserve family. Hopefully, more adoptees will become the "squeaky wheel" and continue to push for and demand change in this broken, fraudulent business. Change is in the air, but the wheels need some grease. Adoptive parents need to get the hell out of the way and let those most negatively affected by the loss speak out.<br /><br />I have always wondered if adoption cured infertility...Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82082137026814389652016-03-22T15:46:46.824-04:002016-03-22T15:46:46.824-04:00Emma, that is the most adorable picture of you (I&...Emma, that is the most adorable picture of you (I'm presuming) with your dad on your blog. <br /><br />Thanks for talking about the Swedish situation. Some of the international adoptees who have been placed with parents there have not had a happy life and never felt like they fit in to Swedish society. I do feel for them. I believe there have been some suicides. It's reckless and thoughtless to send people to places where there culture basically doesn't even exist. <br /><br />I have mixed views of surrogacy but I tend to think that arrangements should be left up to the parties involved. I certainly don't think it should be called sexual assault like they're trying to do in Italy. Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62950561414055601462016-03-22T15:28:04.306-04:002016-03-22T15:28:04.306-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16571106249207987994noreply@blogger.com