tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post5085768080551236313..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: The longterm impact of giving up a childLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-20759304553545648552024-01-21T21:15:24.244-05:002024-01-21T21:15:24.244-05:00Interesting about your psychiatrist. I saw many a...Interesting about your psychiatrist. I saw many and not one ever felt that giving up my child for adoption was worthy of delving into with me.<br />Annnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-7383241116779432452013-07-12T02:29:39.555-04:002013-07-12T02:29:39.555-04:00I found this site while I was searching for answer...I found this site while I was searching for answers and would like to say thank you to all the birth mothers for sharing their stories and feelings. I gave up my son for adoption 12 years ago. It was an open adoption. I selected the parents myself through a private attorneys office that specialized in adoption. I am just now realizing the effects that my decision has had on me. I found out that I was pregnant when I was 16. I was so scared that I hid the pregnancy from my family and friends until it was no longer possible to do so. When my parents finally found out, they demanded that I have an abortion. By that time I was almost 7 months pregnant. When they found out how far along I was they were furious. They made it very clear that if I decided to keep my baby I would be on my own. At that point I had not even finished high school and had no idea how I would be able to take care of the both of us. Adoption seemed to be my only option. I was never offered any counseling nor have I sought it out. Up until this point I had been able to carry on with my life. I pushed all my anger, sadness, confusion, loss and guilt deep down inside. I always thought I was lucky that way and that somehow I was making things easier on myself in the long run. Now it is apparent how wrong I was. All of those feelings have finally surfaced and have hit me like a mack truck. I'm not sure how to manage all of these feelings; to say that they are overwhelming is an understatement. I don't think that any of these feelings ever go away for birth mothers. I think you carry on with life the best way you can, but that pain never ends.Lauranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24287124589584028712012-07-31T00:31:47.354-04:002012-07-31T00:31:47.354-04:00Oh there it was! I was watching "Children of ...Oh there it was! I was watching "Children of Men," a few years ago, and there were those "old [year 2000 or so] photos" that really looked like OUR, late-1960s, photos, hip and radical, and in the film the music "Ruby Tuesday"! I *knew* there was the song that was playing on the very day after I left him, my baby, in the hospital, a song in the moment before "Something's Happening Here" and "Strawberry Fields Forever," and (much later) "Somebody to Love." Well, and there it was. I don't forget the songs--or "Faking It," a few months later ("I'd just be faking it/not really making it"--yeah, wonder why that one made me cry). But the papers---no. I signed the papers; I remember the social worker driving me from the friend (and fellow antiwar demonstrator) I was staying with; I remember the two social workers in the agency when I signed the papers, and I remember holding my baby in the little room on the courtyard of the agency before I signed; I remember that one social worker had tears in her eyes, and one had asked something like "Are your sure? Be sure--" and that I thought they were being overemotional and that this was something I *must* do, for the baby's sake. And that I believed this even though I had come, through the Movement, to believe we all could love and were whole, and there was, after all, no reason--except that a baby must have two parents and a home etc.--that I couldn't raise my child. And I know I sat there and must have signed the papers. But I've never seen those papers and do not remember--I just do not remember signing or whether I got a copy--though everything, the songs, the things my friend said that evening, and where a bunch of us, friends who'd been together through a major dangerous demonstration and remain friends to this day, went out for dinner in the evening, and that I pulled a knife from someone's kitchen drawer and jabbed it at my stomach but not so strongly as to do myself physical harm. <br /> But the papers? No, I don't remember them, or whether I received a copy or not. <br /> I went on to do many things for peace and justice, and I did not lose the joy and hope of knowing that I and others can love and that a peaceful loving world may yet be possible. But three or four years after my son's birth, I was alone in France and fell into a black despair, and it took months to come out.<br /> I had a second child--again, alone; he bore and still bears the twin burdens of growing up in poverty and of my fear and sorrow from having yielded his half-brother. Since my first son found me, we've had a mostly good relationship--21 years now--though not so close as I at first hoped. I don't feel guilt at having let him grow up adopted, and there was not shame, but I feel sorrow for the losses we've all borne from it.Paulahttp://www.autthorpaulafriedman.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75124149502863850292012-07-20T15:37:17.927-04:002012-07-20T15:37:17.927-04:00I cannot speak for all adoptees, but I find it ins...I cannot speak for all adoptees, but I find it insulting to hear Anon state that "our children adapt just fine." This is a blanket statement, so it is inevitably wrong. We don't all adapt well to our new families.<br /><br />This is also insulting: "I've personally known MANY adoptive individuals who've been extremely open about how lucky they feel to have the parents/family they do. They realize that in the homes of their birth parents, they may have fared poorly for a plethora of reasons (emotional, physical and financial limitations)." Sounds like a bunch of adoption rhetoric to me. Someone has been drinking the Kool-Aid. "May have" means that the facts are still out. Maybe these adoptees should seek out their parents to ascertain the full truth before buying into some of the myths.<br /><br />I do not feel lucky or grateful to have been adopted. Why are these terms always attached to adoptees? APs and adoptees form a symbiotic relationship. We give them a family, and they give us a home. They aren't grateful to me. I'm not grateful to them.<br /><br />Adoptive parents as people are no better, no worse than everyone else. People have to stop assuming that a-parents are saints and that b-parents are sinners. <br /><br />Many adoptees do not talk about their pain because those who are closest to them (their a-families) might be hurt by the discussion.<br /><br />Adoption is at times necessary, but it is not without long-term consequences for many b-parents and adoptees.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36440879020490962252012-07-19T02:27:26.618-04:002012-07-19T02:27:26.618-04:00I am so sorry. I am an adoptive mother, and I full...I am so sorry. I am an adoptive mother, and I fully understand that I am intruding, but since I am doing so to better meet the needs of my daughter's "first" mother (LOVE that term), hopefully you won't be offended by my eavesdropping. I hope.<br />The things you share are what nightmares are made of. I am so, so sorry. Is it at all possible though that through reforms and just plain good sense that the experience for a birthmother, though always a lifelong loss, always a life-altering event, can be less horrific? I just want to cite a couple of examples. In our agency we used adoptive parents have to sign a contract about sharing pictures throughout the child's life. In one situation an adoptive family had broken their contract (dispicable) and the birth mother actually sued them and WON ((awesome). If agencies practice this, isn't that better than a closed adoption? Which I don't think should ever take place. They should not be legal. Nor semi-closed. My thoughts were that if we were being entrusted with so much, how could we NOT trust our daughter's birth family with our full names and addresses.<br /><br />Also, and a want to be especially careful here so as not to offend, but I also want to make sure I understand. Is it the feelings of this community that NO woman, even an adult who of her own free will who seeks out an agency and chooses adoptive parents, should ever choose adoption? <br />In the case of our birth mother, she already had two small children and no way to support them. In the years that followed the adoption life got much worse for her and she told me repeatedly that she was so glad that she knew the daughter she entrusted to us was happy and safe. It was the decision she was most proud of she said and in those times of trial it gave her peace. Her child's happiness gave her peace. Of course, if you deny someone access to that child--I can only imagine that is a hell like no other. May such people be dealt with severely.<br />But my question is this: Those who have suffered so terribly, were your adoptions closed? There are no words for my feelings for my daughter's birth mother. The English language doesn't have a word for my relationship to her, but her happiness is second in importance to me only to the happiness of my daughter. She knows where we are and is welcome at anytime. She has my numbers and can text me or call. We are friends on facebook because I didn't want her to be limited to only the pictures I print off and send.<br />Short of doing away with all adoption, would educating more people on the plight of the birth mothers and things that can make the ordeal easier on her be the answer? Would that help?<br />I just have to say, we are not rich people. The means by which we had the money to adopt could only be described as a miracle--one that has not repeated itself. I join you in condemning anyone who makes money from this situation. We had simply not given birth and were ready for a baby. Our motive for adopting was to honor someone who had chosen to give her baby life even though it wasn't "easiest" for her.<br />I just want to commend you for speaking out so courageously about your grief. I recently suffered a miscarriage (waaay after the adoption) and it segregated me. Though I would never compare my loss to yours, I definitely understand feeling compelled to speak out about a grief that others want you to sweep under the rug. You inspire me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22737015048690406692012-07-18T17:02:50.557-04:002012-07-18T17:02:50.557-04:00Did I ever say I was speaking for "adoptive c...Did I ever say I was speaking for "adoptive children?" I don't think so.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11784608159242459452012-07-18T15:47:04.809-04:002012-07-18T15:47:04.809-04:00Anon 3:50 wrote:"I suppose it hurts us more t...Anon 3:50 wrote:"I suppose it hurts us more to believe that we are forever damaged and empty by the loss but our children adapt just fine.<br /><br />Regardless, that is generally the truth."<br /><br />Anon sounds like a troll who came here just to stir up trouble. Either that or she is so grossly misinformed it is frightening. Obviously, she has not read the multitude of adult adoptee blogs or the Primal Wound. She is unaware of the statistics on the high percentage of adoptees who who are in mental health treatment and in special schools for kids with behavioral/emotional problems, etc. She also seems to be oblivious to the large number of searching and reuniting adoptees who feel that something is profoundly missing in their lives by not knowing their biological families.<br /><br />"Ironically, she never wanted to rekindle the relationship with her parents years later over their callous act."<br /><br />Why on earth would she want to reunite with the parents who gave her away for such a selfish reason?<br /><br />Anon 3:50 you are not adopted and have no business speaking on behalf of adopted persons as you have.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56737013762200758552012-07-18T14:59:13.073-04:002012-07-18T14:59:13.073-04:00[Lorraine, surrendering your child may be your &qu...[Lorraine, surrendering your child may be your "lifelong cross" to bear but adoptive children do not necessarily bear the same cross.]<br /><br />Thanks for speaking for adoptive children.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58072689517776105702012-07-18T14:46:40.031-04:002012-07-18T14:46:40.031-04:00She says her mother was adopted....wonder why she ...She says her mother was adopted....wonder why she is reading fmf...Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88159104183671779842012-07-18T13:25:29.421-04:002012-07-18T13:25:29.421-04:00Maybe and Lorriane,
Don't think it was adopte...Maybe and Lorriane,<br /><br />Don't think it was adoptee that wrote that. I see it as someone who really does't have a clue.dpennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37387400324118618072012-07-18T10:33:12.578-04:002012-07-18T10:33:12.578-04:00Thanks, Maybe. I found her comment incredibly call...Thanks, Maybe. I found her comment incredibly callous but so it is. Blogs where one can post anonymously bring out the meanest feelings of people, and they feel free to let you know how they feel about you.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61271767768081484492012-07-18T10:19:42.392-04:002012-07-18T10:19:42.392-04:00@Anon July 17 3:50
The post is about MOTHERS, not...@Anon July 17 3:50<br /><br />The post is about MOTHERS, not adoptees.maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11942911713559363692012-07-17T15:50:10.464-04:002012-07-17T15:50:10.464-04:00Lorraine, surrendering your child may be your &quo...Lorraine, surrendering your child may be your "lifelong cross" to bear but adoptive children do not necessarily bear the same cross.<br /><br />I've personally known MANY adoptive individuals who've been extremely open about how lucky they feel to have the parents/family they do. They realize that in the homes of their birth parents, they may have fared poorly for a plethora of reasons (emotional, physical and financial limitations). <br /><br />Thus far, the ONLY individual I've known who really suffered poorly by it is my own mother who was given to an orphanage because she suffered Polio and was considered damaged goods by her birth parents.<br /><br />She suffered such emotional pain from that her entire life. Ironically, she never wanted to rekindle the relationship with her parents years later over their callous act.<br /><br />I'm sorry you feel such a cross to bear and as a mother myself, I couldn't even imagine the agony of giving up my child - even if it was for their own good.<br /><br />However, I won't kid myself either. Were I to give my child up for adoption (she's 1.5 years old), she would ultimately do beautifully (given they're good people) at this young age and twenty years from now, she'd have a beautiful, full life and it is I who would remain devastated by it.<br /><br />I suppose it hurts us more to believe that we are forever damaged and empty by the loss but our children adapt just fine.<br /><br />Regardless, that is generally the truth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88401036865536868892012-07-15T17:22:54.485-04:002012-07-15T17:22:54.485-04:00Unlike many surrendering mothers, I never thought ...Unlike many surrendering mothers, I never thought I would find my son someday at the time when I surrendered. When I was pregnant I listened over and over again to the Doors first album with that long weird song "The End". That is how I felt, "this is the end, I'll never look into your eyes again." <br /><br />I had no concept of the future at all, the future was shattered by the loss of my lover and my child, and if I expected anything, it was to be dead soon. It never occurred to me that any adoptee would want to find his mother. <br /><br />As it happened I did find my son when he was very young because I took the first opportunity offered to me to do that, fearing I would not get the chance again. But it was nothing I expected or planned, at the time I surrendered I felt utterly defeated and worthless. I promised nothing to anyone, and nobody promised anything to me.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64564791171398799572012-07-15T12:55:22.094-04:002012-07-15T12:55:22.094-04:00Hi,
Lovely poem, Maryanne!
I found my surrender p...Hi,<br />Lovely poem, Maryanne!<br /><br />I found my surrender papers when I started looking for my daughter. The lady had ripped off the Case #, I do remember her doing that!! So you couldn't trace it. Jeezzz! <br /><br />But I found my daughter thru adoption dot com from a lady in San Diego! Only cost me $75 to find out my daughter's name!!!<br /><br />And yes, no where on my papers does it say - I can not search...<br /><br />I, too, told my daugher when I signed those papers - that I would find her some day!Leenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35465639387021286632012-07-15T12:28:10.409-04:002012-07-15T12:28:10.409-04:00Maryanne,
I KNOW the surrender papers would nit h...Maryanne,<br /><br />I KNOW the surrender papers would nit help in a search.<br />They are LEGAL papers which should have been given to me. Legal papers are given for any other legal court proceeding. Of course, I never got my day in cort before a judge. Just sleazy social worker along with another male social worker in back room signing.<br /><br />When I searched and found I went to Alma then met an adopttee who knew someone who had acess to California data base. Cost $150 in 92 adoptee called it blood money. <br /><br />I do believe the reason we weren't given papers is the thought of the day was we weren't worthy to parent, nor were we thought of in a humane way. Also, we would forget. <br /><br />I never forgot never and my dream was before I died I would find my son. I did we have a relationship that is loving and close. He and I lived together many years. That in itself gave us time that most don't get when reuniting. He also had a daughter who came to visit every other weekend. We did it all a lifetime of memories.<br /><br />GaleMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04701407465248392373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44152660221723858822012-07-15T00:15:38.333-04:002012-07-15T00:15:38.333-04:00Thanks for the kind words about my poem. It is an ...Thanks for the kind words about my poem. It is an old one but holds up well.<br /><br />@Mother, the surrender paper would not be useful in tracing your child; all the information on it you already know if you dealt with an agency. I do not know why these were not routinely given to the mother who signed them, but they were not. It seems like most surrendering mothers were given no papers; those of who had them or our parents had them are the exception.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36484732825381317672012-07-14T19:50:27.926-04:002012-07-14T19:50:27.926-04:00@Maryanne, this is a beautiful and deeply moving p...@Maryanne, this is a beautiful and deeply moving poem. I read it several times and it brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for taking the time to share this.<br />@Robin, the word vile comes to my mind when I look back at what happened. While alone during delivery (all natural – no drugs of any kind) the nurses were joking around and I overheard one say, “she looks like she should be babysitting and not sitting here having a baby.” Following delivery, my child was immediately taken away and I was told that I could not see her. That was incredibly cruel in my mind. I threw a fit and eventually got my way. As I held my daughter, I told her that I would be back and return I did. Like Lorraine, it took me 15 years and that was pre-internet, pre-cell phone etc. So, when I talk about my adoption experience, I always use the word “surrender” because that’s what I did.Gailnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76451890795324481622012-07-14T18:30:59.867-04:002012-07-14T18:30:59.867-04:00Sad poem, Maryanne, but how it would have been for...Sad poem, Maryanne, but how it would have been for all of us, I think. Thank you for posting it here at FMF.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88843997819607481342012-07-14T18:17:09.518-04:002012-07-14T18:17:09.518-04:00Never got any LEGAL papers in 66 through Los Angel...Never got any LEGAL papers in 66 through Los Angeles County Adoptions. I believe they didn't want us to have any info to try to trace my baby. <br />They were hoping that I would forget but I never did and after nearly 20 years of reunion we are together. The pain is still there but reuniting helped both of us!<br /><br />Adoption is heartbreak to mothers and babies. I have 8 granddaughters who will NEVER have to separate from their babies. I will also fight for my four grandsons to have their rights to claim their child. They all know how I feel and can now comprehend adoption is painful.<br /><br />GaleMotherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04701407465248392373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2924786451043254702012-07-14T17:14:24.042-04:002012-07-14T17:14:24.042-04:00Just hearing you ladies talk about your relinquish...Just hearing you ladies talk about your relinquishment papers is making me a bit sick to my stomach. What vile, disgusting papers they are.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28541748374114564662012-07-14T15:33:30.180-04:002012-07-14T15:33:30.180-04:00Anon, If you do find them soon, please send them t...Anon, If you do find them soon, please send them to Elizabeth Samuels, address in sidebar, as well as an explanation how she will use them.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75379793192758803332012-07-14T12:57:23.807-04:002012-07-14T12:57:23.807-04:00I was not given a copy of my surrender papers, and...I was not given a copy of my surrender papers, and for over 20 years I had no paper proving that I had ever had a baby or given a baby up for adoption. It is crazy that neither the adoption agency or the courts gave us a copy of our papers!!! <br /><br />After reunion, I finally requested a copy of my file from the adoption agency and received a copy of those papers. Reading those papers was one of the worst experiences of my life. I happened to look in a mirror right after reading them, and I looked haggard and very old. I had the same look on my face that my Mother had when she had just learned that her brother was killed in an accident. <br /><br />It was horrible to read the TPR papers (which did not contain any promise of confidentiality, by the way). It was also horrible to read the adoption file. The counselor/social worker, who worked for a FAMILY SERVICES AGENCY (not "just" an adoption agency, although no one told her that!), had written in my file, "I counseled her after her own thoughts." Well good job!!!! You counseled a scared, confused, ashamed teenaged girl who was in people pleasing mode, after her own thoughts!!! Woohoo!!!! Let's not tell the young expactant mother about parenting options. No, lets just tell her how she can stop being ashamed, scared and confused by ERASING the baby from her life and the life of her family. Baby in your life = scared, confused, ashamed. Baby out of your life = life is good and you no longer have to hang your head in shame. In fact, you will be doing the mature thing and you will be a BLESSED ANGEL to some needy, empty armed, infertile people as well!!!! Wow, who needs to share information on parenting when we can sell her on being someone's BLESSED ANGEL? <br /><br />I wish I could face this woman today. We would have a conversation she would NEVER forget. I wish one of the requirements of being an adoption social worker is that you have to face the Mother 20 years later. She won't be a scared, naive little girl in a crisis anymore. I'll bet there are a lot of social workers who wouldn't be willing to do that. Maybe it would give them pause, and stop them from playing Santa Claus with someone else' child. <br /><br />If I ever find where I hid those papers, I am going to burn them. Lorraine, count yourself lucky that you never saw them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22479229466587804852012-07-14T09:12:00.159-04:002012-07-14T09:12:00.159-04:00Poem inspired by finding my surrender papers, 1975...Poem inspired by finding my surrender papers, 1975<br /><br />Papers<br />For My Grandmother Annie<br />By Mary Anne Manning Cohen<br /><br /><br />I found my past today<br />stored in drawers<br />births, deaths, marriages<br />beginning, end, and life between<br /><br />"Mary Golba entered into eternal life<br />on January 5, 1975"<br />Peter, seventh child of John Manning<br />and Annie Devlin (the best of the lot, <br />she said) was born, like all the others<br />at home.<br /><br />Wills and deeds and policies, official papers<br />with seals, and Mass cards with different names,<br />gilded angels and saints and the same prayer<br />on the other side... "Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,<br />and may perpetual light shine..." May perpetual<br />unending unbending enveloping light<br />illuminate your long road, reveal my shame, make merciful<br />the guardians<br />of papers<br /><br />"Whereas I, Mary Anne Manning, am unable to properly<br />support, educate, care for said child..."<br />whereas I am unable to say No <br />"I hearby sign, consent, surrender ..." (Don’t shoot-I have<br />thrown out my weapons, have cut off my hands...)<br /><br />Whereas<br />I hearby sign, consent, surrender, "desire that this document<br />be accepted by all persons as expressing my<br />irrevocable intention..." irreversible sentence--eternal rest grant<br />unto them that seal their own doom, a child crying, seven years<br /> I am burning.....<br /><br />May perpetual light shine on them<br />who did not change your name<br />your name I gave<br />your own--I did not know<br /><br />Anne Devlin Manning<br />beloved mother of John , Harry, Hugh, Francis, Mary, Anne, Peter<br />Wife of John<br />Died January 8 1943 secure<br />in the hope of heaven, believing<br />the child she named Michael, who died,<br />as the children of the poor have always died,<br />expendable.<br />Was waiting.<br /><br />Mary Anne born January 7<br /> after the War<br /> named for her grandmothers<br />named her son Michael<br />and gave him away<br />Does Annie know ?<br /><br />Papers<br />I signed without reading, or read<br />without memory, without hope--No reprieve...<br />I wore a dark dress my hair pinned back <br />death in my eyes--Court of the damned--across from me<br /> an old woman, Puerto Rican, worn, beautiful--I see every line<br />in her face, every move, I have died, I surrender...<br /><br />Seven years--I had forgotten<br />The Papers.<br /><br />Peter, son of Anne and John, husband of Eleanor<br />father of Mary Anne and Peter<br />brother of long-dead unspoken Michael<br />grandfather of Michael soon to be lost<br />between the ghosts of shame and sorrow<br /><br />Who never raised his voice who never <br />showed his soul<br />stands in silence, stands in tears<br />as I sign, consent, surrender<br />the only time I saw him cry...<br /><br />Eternal rest, eternal silence, Why<br />did no one speak their mind ?<br /><br />Michael--child of silence, child of grief<br />and love--Annie’s certain heaven<br />does not wait for me<br />They said they kept your name, and the faith<br />I left, the faith of Annie, who prayed<br />for her lost son, her Michael...<br /><br />Eternity is a long road, and I don’t know<br />how many times, with how many faces<br />you’ve tried to reach your home<br /><br />Just reach enough for one more try,<br />seven years, four times seven<br />until you reach my door<br />Your past, your pain, your deliverance<br />lie with mine<br /><br />locked in Papers<br />stored in drawersmaryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83012502686683964662012-07-13T20:10:00.170-04:002012-07-13T20:10:00.170-04:00Re my own involvement with shrinks: the one I saw ...Re my own involvement with shrinks: the one I saw right after I relinquished my daughter was a psychiatrist in residence at the Albany Medical Center, and he moved into the apartment above me the same day I moved in. We met, became friendly, and one night I spilled the beans. He never told me that it was other issues or gave me any psychological mumbo jumbo and then talked me through some very bad times in those first few months. <br /><br />Many years later--yes, about when she was twelve and thirteen, I did hit bottom again, and this time sought out a psychiatrist. I told her about giving up my daughter, but she seemed to brush it aside and wanted to talk about my father...I quit after about four visits and knew I made the right decision. I knew she would never understand. And later, I was able to see that my worst moods were really dictated by a bad case of PMS, which I did bring under control with progesterone. I still had the ache in my heart, and after I met my husband, I had the courage to go ahead and complete the search.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.com