tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post5740450099530386826..comments2024-03-14T17:59:30.786-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adoption is not a 'cure' for abortion Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36913924074376498612017-02-28T17:00:04.860-05:002017-02-28T17:00:04.860-05:00This is an old post, but in reading your comment n...This is an old post, but in reading your comment now, Ginger Hayes, I find your reasoning malarkey. Yes, maybe a young girl doesn't want her parents to know that she had sex, but the huge problem NOW is that she is pregnant! Your reasoning that simply letting them know she had sex is the problem is absurdist in the extreme. With a pregnancy, the sex act became a life changing event. Now the parents either have to raise the grandchild they were not expecting, if the teen is young, or lose a family member for good. Neither choice is appealing. You probably are not aware that approximately a third of those who give up a child NEVER have another, the grief associated with pregnancy and birth overrides any biological urges for those women. <br /> <br />We understand you can be against abortion for your personal reasons--I am not even going to call them moral--but sugar coating it as you have for the girl/woman involved is merely to make yourself feel better as an adoptive parent. If parents are involved, they may indeed stop the adoption. <br /><br />BTW, I got pregnant, gave up my child without my parents knowing it also--and Jane too. This happens more often than you want to believe. It removes the whole situation and problem away from the family, and all the repercussions. The sad part is not doing it in secret from one's family; the act of adoption itself is the sad part. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-71415572812789277542017-02-28T12:59:29.590-05:002017-02-28T12:59:29.590-05:00If you have no interest in thewombs of complete st...If you have no interest in the<a href="http://giftoflifeadoptions.com/" rel="nofollow">wombs of complete strangers</a> , please prove that by leaving a what a woman chooses to do regarding her life out of your business, where it doesn't belong and stop judging people for their choices. It is not your choice to make. Your body and reproductive health is your business, as is everyone else's. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24259087409371986172013-07-21T17:02:36.342-04:002013-07-21T17:02:36.342-04:00The thing that I've yet to see brought up is t...The thing that I've yet to see brought up is the fact that giving a kid up for adoption isn't an option because they don't want to give birth! That's the bottom line for most people who get abortions. Sure, It'd be all fine and dandy to give birth if pregnancy and childbirth wasn't incredibly painful and dangerous and physically scarring! But when one outcome depends on the birth of a child and the woman isn't planning on giving birth to it, then that outcome ceases to be an option. I'm one of those people. If I was pregnant, there's not a single doubt in my mind that I would have an abortion, simply because I DON'T WANT TO GIVE BIRTH TO A CHILD. I'm not a broodmare. It's not my duty to provide a sterile couple with a child. There's millions already out there, they can take their pick of those, but they won't be getting one from me. I'm not going to risk my health, comfort, and life for something that doesn't have a life yet, will not feel anything, and will be none the wiser if aborted or not.youdontneedtoknowmynamehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12191296014955406748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88530386948850049612013-03-14T21:20:42.408-04:002013-03-14T21:20:42.408-04:00COMMENTS CLOSED. COMMENTS CLOSED. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8121162090814460402013-03-14T19:53:31.999-04:002013-03-14T19:53:31.999-04:00@Beth
You said:
"I will gladly "get ou...@Beth<br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"I will gladly "get out of your womb" whatever that means:<br /><br />Beth, you know exactly what it means. Refrain from dictating what one can and should do when it comes to HER reproductive choice.<br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"Stop your grandstanding and yes, I'll say it again, 'grow up' Please."<br /><br />Grandstanding? Ok. First of all, I don't take orders from you and I will be happy to when you do as well. I find it hilarious when people go there, when someone has an opinion other than what theirs is. Grandstanding. You mean standing my "ground"? Moreover, because I have a different viewpoint on abortion I need to "grow up", yet you don't, because you feel you are on the "right side" of the debate? Another clever (or not) way to invalidate someone's voice and it won't work. Sorry.<br /><br />You said: <br /><br />"For the record, I am an adult adoptee, so I believe I do know something about this thing you call adoption. I am the product of it. Funny you conveniently leave that out when sandblasting my voice & experience."<br /><br />For the record, I am a natural mother that has been treated as a broodmare incubator by everyone involved in my adoption "experience. Never once have I brought up YOUR experience, so you are really going out on a limb. When did I ever mention your life? Grandstanding. Sandblasting. What the heck ever with your silly internet speak.<br /><br />I expressed to you to that what another woman chooses to do in regards to her reproductive health is her business and not yours. I am qualified to speak about is as well, as a woman who has been dehumanized by the adoption industry. Don't ya go "sandblasting" my experience, ok. <br /><br />You said: <br /><br />"Focus on the woman next to me? What does that mean? I think perhaps you are the one fixated on other women's wombs. I see women as whole and complete and prefer not to label them by random body and reproductive parts."<br /><br />I am the last person on earth fixated on what another woman chooses to do in regards to her reproductive choice. Nice try trying to turn it around on me. Another laugh I needed today. Yes, I said if you are so concerned with the sanctity of life, you sure aren't concerned with the living, breathing vulnerable pregnant women among us and what may happen to her life, should she be forced or coerced into giving birth to a child she does not want to. <br /><br />You said:<br />"I 'grew up' a long time ago and have no interest in your womb. Really. It seems you have plenty of 'womb interest' for us all."<br /><br />If you have no interest in the wombs of complete strangers, please prove that by leaving a what a woman chooses to do regarding her life out of your business, where it doesn't belong and stop judging people for their choices. It is not your choice to make. Your body and reproductive health is your business, as is everyone else's. <br /><br />And Maryanne, the woman who claims anyone who has a differing opinion is an "extremist", no, it is called a different worldview/ viewpoint. I happen to take issue to people who think they have some sanctimonious right to tell other people what they should or should not do with their lives, especially reproductive health. Thanks. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6684804650865986912013-03-14T15:46:12.125-04:002013-03-14T15:46:12.125-04:00Taliban Anon.:
I will gladly "get out of you...Taliban Anon.:<br /><br />I will gladly "get out of your womb" whatever that means.<br /><br />Stop your grandstanding and yes, I'll say it again, 'grow up'. Please.<br /><br />For the record, I am an adult adoptee, so I believe I do know something about this thing you call adoption. I am the product of it. Funny you conveniently leave that out when sandblasting my voice & experience. <br /><br />Focus on the woman next to me? What does that mean? I think perhaps you are the one fixated on other women's wombs. I see women as whole and complete and prefer not to label them by random body and reproductive parts.<br /><br />@ Maryanne,<br /><br />Thank you for your input & thoughts. I do appreciate your insights. Like you, I feel there are instances where an abortion is warranted and best for all concerned. I do perhaps see more gray areas than you.<br /><br /> Clearly it is not a solution or causal rationale for adoption. If this dialogue has veered into a side topic, it has in part because of mud slinging and name calling.<br /><br />I am done with this thread and for the record Taliban Anon., I 'grew up' a long time ago and have no interest in your womb. Really. It seems you have plenty of 'womb interest' for us all.<br /><br />Beth AA<br />Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78463953026920980932013-03-14T08:59:51.194-04:002013-03-14T08:59:51.194-04:00Abortion, pro or con, is not really our issue. Jus...Abortion, pro or con, is not really our issue. Just as adoption is not a cure for abortion, abortion is not a cure for adoption. They are separate issues. Adoption is not a reproductive rights issue since the reproduction is done at that point. But it is a choice, and it should be fully informed and never pressured on any mother.<br /><br />We went through this in CUB years ago, and found that our membership held varied views on abortion, from strongly pro-life to strongly pro-choice, and everything in between. This had nothing to do with their shared commitment to adoption reform and adoptee rights.<br /><br />What has happened here, an argument between pro and anti abortion forces with both sides being righteous about their beliefs does nothing to advance the cause of open records but only further divides those already split over so many other side issues and ideologies.<br /><br />My observation has been that both sides lie, exaggerate, insult, and dismiss the other as evil or stupid. I would not join any extreme group on either side of the abortion issue. My private view is that it should be legal and early, but taken seriously as ending a potential life. Neither abortion nor adoption should be presented as a pain-free easy solution for all women in a crisis pregnancy. maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24309427783909847832013-03-13T22:52:47.910-04:002013-03-13T22:52:47.910-04:00@Beth:
I have a few parting words for you, Beth, ...@Beth:<br /><br />I have a few parting words for you, Beth, for the umpteenth time, get out and stay out of the wombs of complete strangers, including mine.<br /><br />I find it "sickening" that you think you have some sanctimonious right to tell other women what to do with their own bodies, judge them for their choices and how they feel about their own lives. Sounds like the Taliban to me; the complete disenfranchisement of women and girls. Not so far off, is it? Of course, the U.S. version is not as violent and disgusting as their counterparts... but look at the similarities of all fundamentalist wacko's the world over and you will see the same message: Women have no right to make decisions about their own bodies or lives. Women need to be controlled by the religious morals of those who deem themselves morally "superior". Women are judged. The list goes on and on.<br /><br />When you yourself have been faced with an unplanned pregnancy and have been used as a broodmare for the adoption industry, had your life nearly destroyed by deceit and lies, come back here and talk to me about "dignity"? You have some nerve. <br /><br />If you care so much about precious "life", why not start with the woman sitting next to you, if you can stay focused on her instead of her womb, that is. <br /><br />Grow up? You need to take your own advise, please and one last time, get out of my womb. Get out of all of our wombs. Thanks.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31322043439936442452013-03-13T15:56:10.464-04:002013-03-13T15:56:10.464-04:00Anon/NON American Taliban:
You ask for your voice...Anon/NON American Taliban:<br /><br />You ask for your voice as a relinquishing mother to be heard, yet you offer no such dignity to aborted life.<br /><br />You ask for respect and decency, yet afford none to innocent life.<br /><br />You profer only one perspective (your own) yet refuse to acknowledge another's story or right to life. A basic human right; one your 'Taliban' also has little regard for.<br /><br />You insert name calling and denegrading into your comments, yet hope for civil and meaningful discourse?<br /><br />Or perhaps you don't and that's the point afterall. Stirring the pot while you hide under a cutesy radical name. I find it sickening you have the nerve to compare women of the U.S. to women undergoing the true TERROR of radical Taliban around the world. Vaginal mutilation, death by stoning; being considered property much like cattle or farm land; not being able to show your face? No education? Shall I go on?<br /><br />Grow up.<br /><br />Beth Adult Adoptee <br />Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49494414480140782332013-03-12T19:03:11.134-04:002013-03-12T19:03:11.134-04:00@Beth:
You said:
"Welfare was not my first ...@Beth:<br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"Welfare was not my first line of attack"<br /><br />Yes it was. You failed to mention the no tax paying churches and corporate welfare you are paying for. How convenient. Just sayin... <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"But your line that babies in utero are "parasitic clumps of cells" is disturbing."<br /><br />Disturbing? How about strangers inserting themselves into the lives and wombs of women they don't know from Adam. Creepy, disturbing and sick. <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"You ask for society to pay for women to raise their own flesh and blood because you see a benefit to that...yet you can't see the benefits to protecting innocent life?"<br /><br />I never asked society to pay for anything. Programs ARE in place, that I had nothing to do with, that people like you want cut for all these babies you want born. Where are the "benefits" in that for all the fertilized zygotes you want brought to term? Ohhhh, you want them given away to strangers. Gotcha. No thanks. You can be broodmare incubator for the infertiles if you like. Come back here and tell us all how that works for you. <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"As a decent society, we all fail or benefit by how we treat our most innocent. Just sayin....."<br /><br />As a decent society, we all fail or benefit by how we treat EVERYONE, including living breathing women who's lives will forever be altered if she is faced with an unwanted pregnancy/ birth. <br /><br />What about the trauma to HER? Oh, that's right, who cares about her. It's all about what is inside her womb. Once that is born to the world, see ya. We don't want to hear from you then, if you decide to keep and raise YOUR OWN child. If you want to give it up to strangers, then we can talk, but only for a short time because we need you GONE once you sign the papers. Sounds fun, eh? Just sayin... <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"I guess its all in your own personal perspective then, eh?"<br /><br />Guess, so, eh?<br /><br />NON AMERICAN TALIBAN MEMBERAnon/NON American Taliban,noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-48183982453074737632013-03-12T14:59:41.309-04:002013-03-12T14:59:41.309-04:00Anon/American Taliban,
Welfare was not my first l...Anon/American Taliban,<br /><br />Welfare was not my first line of attack and I was responding to another commentor, Viktoria.<br /><br />But your line that babies in utero are "parasitic clumps of cells" is disturbing. When does that change? When you feel "it" move? When you decide its a life worthy of protecting?<br /><br />I actually DO think abortion concerns us all and you are short sighted and deliberately being obtuse if you believe otherwise.<br /><br />You ask for society to pay for women to raise their own flesh and blood because you see a benefit to that...yet you can't see the benefits to protecting innocent life?<br /><br />As a decent society, we all fail or benefit by how we treat our most innocent. Just sayin.....<br /><br />I guess its all in your own personal perspective then, eh?<br /><br />Beth #2 AA<br />Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86329001759267325062013-03-12T13:44:39.056-04:002013-03-12T13:44:39.056-04:00I personally think abortion is the worst form of v...I personally think abortion is the worst form of violence against women When women and girls are coerced into thinking that it's either them or the baby-we've got a problem.Our society is a tough one if you've got any form of disability. I think it is the beginning of a pregnancy(first2-3 months) when morning sickness,surprise and confusion at having to alter some plans,relationship or lack of with baby's father or feeling exhausted and unable to think of caring for another kid, that lead a lot of women to see abortion as a solution. Once the baby starts growing more, kicking, and becoming the mother-baby unit, I think less and less of us really want abortions. There is a vast difference between an abortion at 8 weeks and at 8 months, not that I'm in favor of either. I will forever be horrified and insulted by the woman doctor who offered to perform an abortion on my baby during the late 2nd trimester- because I had been hospitalized for depression and was on welfare at the time(not any more!) Thank God I was still in my rebellious stage and didn't listen to her and also had a religious upbringing. When I heard about that poor girl who had an abortion at 8 months in Maryland and died, I couldn't help but think that could have been me 30 yrs ago if I had listened to that@#$@&%doctor. The media covers up all the deaths from late-term abortions. In some parts of the world, abortion is used as a form of torture to break a woman's spirit. I'll admit closed adoption was torture,too,but at least there's a live baby and not a dead one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-87418102166162826702013-03-12T06:03:32.689-04:002013-03-12T06:03:32.689-04:00@Molly:
"And, to suggest that I am lying abo...@Molly:<br /><br />"And, to suggest that I am lying about abuse is saddening and wrong. I suggest you spend some time at your local children's shelter or Protective Services office. I am willing to bet that the stories hear will break your heart." <br /><br />Oh give me a break. I never said you were lying about anything. I said in many cases there were two sides to every story, especially where people demonize natural parents. You have taken everything I have said and ran with it. Don't you "suggest" I do anything. I am not saying children are not abused, but I also know adopters can and do abuse children as well. It is not just natural families. <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"You know, you claim to see all these adoptive parents blogs that say they have "claim" to another person's child. Or treat the first mother/child horribly. <br /><br />You can read some of the comments on this very blog, Molly. I think you know exactly what I am am talking about. Try adoption.com for starters. Yahoo answers. Try many adoption agency web sites and adoptive parent profiles trying to lure an infant away from it's mother. Search Google regarding mothers that want to keep and raise their own flesh and blood, or a mother who rightfully changes her mind. Read some of the vile things said about her. Read some of the comments about Colin Kilpatrick's natural mother, or go to one of the many stories on Yahoo news, The New York Times and/ or Huffington Post written by or about natural mothers and read the despicable comments thereafter. I don't have a list of adoptive parent blogs because I can't stomach most of them, but believe me I have read a many who's blogs are nothing but rainbow puke and sunshine and how "god brought them their baby", or how their "god will bring them a baby". It is all about them. I love the way you turned it around and make it look like all the poor adopters of this world are so vilified by us mean ole natural mothers on the internet, when I have read probably thousands of comments calling natural mothers whores, among many other things. And yes, I and many other women are treated "horribly" by people we entrusted our children to. <br /><br />You said:<br /><br />"You seem to think that first mothers who abuse their children are entitled to some sort of respect. I cannot agree. They aren't "mom", they never will be, no matter how hard you fight. Abuse is abuse." <br /><br />My gosh, your title is so very important to you. I never said mothers who abuse children are entitled to anything, but neither are people who virtually steal someone's child with lies and false promises. I get it. You have children who were abused. Adoptive parents can abuse children too. Look that one up too. <br /><br />Now, the title of this blog is called "Adoption is not a 'cure' for abortion", not who get's the title of mother because they did or did not abuse their children. (speaking of abuse, does mental abuse, brainwashing and mind control count as abuse in your eyes?) I know a woman who did this to the child she adopted and is actually still doing this.<br /><br />Please, feel free to go and set some people straight now, thanks!<br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17653047457961280608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-52045483276957331232013-03-11T20:13:20.455-04:002013-03-11T20:13:20.455-04:00@Shelly:
I don't think all first mothers abus...@Shelly:<br /><br />I don't think all first mothers abuse (or kill) their children. That's just ridiculous. And I have nothing but respect for what Jane and Lorraine are doing. I am also an advocate for open records. I would love for my children to have access to their records when they want them. Currently, they only have what I manages to beg, "borrow", and steal from the social workers. Those only paint a very incomplete picture. <br /><br />And, to suggest that I am lying about abuse is saddening and wrong. I suggest you spend some time at your local children's shelter or Protective Services office. I am willing to bet that the stories you hear will break your heart. <br /><br />You know, you claim to see all these adoptive parents blogs that say they have "claim" to another person's child. Or treat the first mother/child horribly. I have close to 150 adoption blogs in my reader. Not one of them has ever talked about a sense of entitlement to another woman's child. If they have open adoptions, they are gracious and talk kindly about the first mothers. If not, then it's a mixed bag, depending on what happened. But not one of them has ever demeaned or demoralized the first families. Can you point me to some of these blogs? Because I'd like to set them straight. <br /><br />Conversely, I also read about 35 birthmother/first mother blogs. Adoptive parents are regularly verbally beaten up and called names on some of those. We "adopters" are called greedy, entitled, abusive, and worse.<br /><br />Of all of the blogs I read, foster parents tend to be harshest towards first families. But, I can see why, with some of the abuse they see. <br /><br />You seem to think that first mothers who abuse their children are entitled to some sort of respect. I cannot agree. They aren't "mom", they never will be, no matter how hard you fight. Abuse is abuse. <br /><br />It's a different story if that woman is a first mother who didn't. She will always be a mom, and deserves respect.Mollienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21952438385871813762013-03-11T18:39:57.248-04:002013-03-11T18:39:57.248-04:00Obviously Shelly Murphy, what you say in your last...Obviously Shelly Murphy, what you say in your last comment is not what I meant. I certainly am not censoring you, but I am just saying that there are different ways to look who calls who what. Obviously, if I felt you or I didn't deserve a damn thing, this blog would not exist. I agree with everything you say; I also understand why Mollie feels entitled to be called "Mom." <br /><br /> Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-19039617348874730582013-03-11T18:26:52.126-04:002013-03-11T18:26:52.126-04:00Yes, Lorraine and I was trying to make it clear th...Yes, Lorraine and I was trying to make it clear that not all natural parents are abusers or will kill their own children. Thanks for allowing my comment through and censoring me. <br /><br />I get it. I didn't raise my child and do not deserve a damn thing. Thanks.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17653047457961280608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16467439524940307702013-03-11T18:07:15.626-04:002013-03-11T18:07:15.626-04:00My firstmom went to Canada to get an illegal abort...My firstmom went to Canada to get an illegal abortion; she felt me move for the first time on the way there- and obviously turned around. I am grateful for that. <br /><br />I also chose to parent my two statistics- I got pregnant on birth control twice; I was a pill baby myself and my birthsister has a pill baby too. My daughters will be well educated and prepared on using two forms of Birthcontrol-lol! I did have to choose to terminate a pregnancy on depo because the medication caused me to lose the first twin and the second was given a very low chance of surviving-this was between the other two pregnancies. I was emotionally destroyed by the termination, and when I was back on the pill and pregnant yet again- I considered adoption as an alternative but couldn't do it. <br /><br />Abortion is a permanent solution and it is a personal choice. One I no longer personally believe is a good one-but consider myself pro-choice.<br /><br />Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary situation but the emotionally ties are so different. I feel so much empathy for firstmoms and the pain they have suffered. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63168671902148871072013-03-11T18:05:19.183-04:002013-03-11T18:05:19.183-04:00Mollie has made it clear who she is taking care of...Mollie has made it clear who she is taking care of, and I totally respect her for that. I don't think she is here at FMF to demean us in the way that we feel degraded and demeaned by other adoptive parents; she is Mom to the kids she is raising. My daughter called me Lorraine almost all the time, but sometimes referred to me as Mother or Maraine. I got it; Mom was the Mom who raised her, and I let it go.<br /><br />My granddaughter began calling my daughter's husband "Dad," as soon as they got married, when she was eight, more than a decade ago. Her choice; it was not foisted on her. Her own father had disappeared when she was two, and she has no memory of him. And Dad has been a wonderful father to her, and I am so very glad that he came into her life.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-71564556066080621742013-03-11T18:05:07.155-04:002013-03-11T18:05:07.155-04:00@Molly
I never said all natural families are &quo...@Molly<br /><br />I never said all natural families are "saints", but neither are adoptive families. Moreover, you are on a site called First Mother Forum and NOT ONE of these women who post here, including myself are abusers who would have hurt or even killed their children. <br /><br />Furthermore, of all the people who come here and claim natural parents are so abusive, I'd like to hear everyone's side, besides just yours. I know many adoptive parents demonize natural parents to make themselves out to be such "saints". There are plenty of adoptive "monsters" who have killed or hurt the children in their care too. Look it up.<br /><br />Lastly, natural mothers/ families (who have not abused and killed their children, OK) are not "entitled" to be called anything. They simply ARE. Not one thing you can do or say will change that. You want to see entitlement? Go to adoptive parent blogs where they think they are owed someone else's child, then when they get that child treat her despicably. Yes, saintly adopters can be just as abusive as those horrible natural families, even emotionally. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17653047457961280608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-81760842379168022802013-03-11T17:56:47.001-04:002013-03-11T17:56:47.001-04:00As I have written, I tried to have an abortion but...As I have written, I tried to have an abortion but they were not easy to come by in 1966 and I failed in my attempt. At that point, I felt as if my life would be ruined (it was) if I actually had a baby. It was only after that, after I realized that come hell or high water, that I was going to have a baby did the baby become "real." And I did not want to lose her to some strangers. (And you all know, I did.) Then I fiercely wanted to keep her. Then my life changed dramatically. I think most of the women who read here share that view. <br /><br />FMF is not a site where we debate the morality of abortion.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69155135639760276852013-03-11T17:25:43.837-04:002013-03-11T17:25:43.837-04:00@Shelly:
So the woman who beat my 7 year old son ...@Shelly: <br />So the woman who beat my 7 year old son until he was blind, she has the right to call herself "mom", but I can't? And his relatives who saw what was happening and didn't stop it, they have the "right" to claim him as "theirs", but not me? Or those same relatives who once they discovered that he was blind and would probably never hear correctly, and abandoned him in the hospital. You think that they have the monopoly on "family"? <br /><br />And you think that by him calling me "mom" instead of the monster who bore him, that I am dehumanizing her? Tell that to his little brother who died in her care. Tell that to his older sister who she whored out for drugs and alcohol, until that girl committed suicide (at 12). No, I'm sorry, she dehumanized herself...long before I was ever in the picture. Thankfully, she's now exactly where she belongs: in a maximum security prison, for life with no parole. <br /><br />Before you call all biological parents saints who are only entitled to "mom", you might was to make a visit to my house. My children will tell you exactly what their "saintly" biological parents did for them. Mollienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45824363645682901342013-03-11T16:30:38.451-04:002013-03-11T16:30:38.451-04:00@Beth:
I give the term American Taliban to people...@Beth:<br /><br />I give the term American Taliban to people who hold the standard Tea Party/ Republican view that "I'm not paying for you to get to raise your own flesh and blood " so give it up to strangers,or you will be a loser and the child will live a horrible existence mindset; a mold of which seems to fit you. <br /><br />You didn't say all women to may be faced with an unplanned pregnancy would end up on welfare, but that was your first line of attack, that you weren't "paying for it." Like I said, I hope you offer the same line of attack for all the organizations and tax breaks you are "paying for" with your tax dollars. <br /><br />I didn't see anywhere in your second comment where you addressed what business what a woman chooses to do with her body happens to be your business; and how she feels about the connection to the child she may or may not have brought to this earth. Again, not your business and it never will be. <br /><br />Not all women who are carrying around a cluster of parasitic cells in the first several weeks of pregnancy hold the belief that it is a full term baby and feel the same connection to a full term baby she may have given birth to; a completely different thing. It is not your "duty" to decide how she feels about that. Thanks. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-56173386038188626392013-03-11T16:27:24.349-04:002013-03-11T16:27:24.349-04:00@Mollie,
I agree with you. It is triggering for me...@Mollie,<br />I agree with you. It is triggering for me when I read comments by people who were not given up for adoption or orphaned talk about how all a child needs is a roof over their head and hopefully 3 squares. Children who are not taken care of by their natural parents need a family. A secure, stable family and yes, people who fulfill the role of parents. Guardianship sounds like ideology to me but in the real world would not give the child a secure sense of family. It sounds like it would be a frightening and anxiety producing way to live. I think a child could be raised say by an aunt and uncle (and would call them such not "mom" and "dad") but the point is the child needs to feel that s/he has a permanent home and family.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49127365610399174022013-03-11T14:46:04.735-04:002013-03-11T14:46:04.735-04:00I am the second Beth and also very real. I have co...I am the second Beth and also very real. I have commented here before and used my name. I didn't realize another Beth had commented or I may have added a last initial.<br /><br />I want to clarify something. A person can have an opinion and set of beliefs regarding abortion even if they have not given birth or had an abortion. It can be a belief rooted in religion or otherwise, just as many people have "feelings/opinions" about gay marriage, divorce, single parenting,education, politics etc. all without being in those sub groups themselves.<br /><br />Secondly, I never characterized all women who relinquish as future "welfare queens"; give me a break! Nice attempt to turn the conversation away from its discourse and turn it into name calling. I'm Taliban? Yes, that's helpful to the thread and civil.<br /><br />Over and again on this site MANY ( but certainly not all) First Mothers point to a lack of financial support as a prime causal reason for relinquishing and seem to feel 'entitled' to monetary support for them and their child. I suppose that's another whole issue and certainly there are social supports in place for First Mothers today needing economic support. <br /><br />My main query was how can women who tout that mystical thread of carrying a child for 9 months (and this is said over again on this forum!) in union with a genetic important, etc.(also said again and again on this board), so casually dismiss abortion as anything other than taking a life?<br /><br />Of course if the mother's life is at risk or a pregnancy due to incest and other rare and tragic cases, it is different. <br /><br />I WAS and AM saying that those who believe its taking a life are probably NOT doing so to "create" more babies for infertile couples to adopt. People can have beliefs and big ones that DON'T relate to the adoption machine.<br /><br />Beth #2<br />AA sorry to use it at the end; didn't realize it gave me "cred" on this board to use it upfront! Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57189624702066506772013-03-11T14:38:35.983-04:002013-03-11T14:38:35.983-04:00@Mollie:
"Love is not genetic, neither is ca...@Mollie:<br /><br />"Love is not genetic, neither is care."<br /><br />Love is not "genetic"; yet the same people who decry the bonds of our own people, our own blood and ancestors would never denounce their OWN blood. <br /><br />Only when you are in possession of someone else's child do you see it fit to declare that "love and care is not genetic".<br /><br />Can you love someone who is not your biological relative? Absolutely. Do you deserve a title that is not rightfully yours, because you are caring for a child that you are not responsible for being on this earth; (subsequently dehumanizing the actual mother and father)? No, I don't think you do. Thanks. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17653047457961280608noreply@blogger.com