tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post6180619631974556859..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Adoption in America is everywhereLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-36523298029516278012015-09-09T11:19:37.669-04:002015-09-09T11:19:37.669-04:00testing "registered users"testing "registered users"Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-57992530320950263052015-09-02T21:21:06.898-04:002015-09-02T21:21:06.898-04:00Yes, sadly, there are some parents who cannot rais...Yes, sadly, there are some parents who cannot raise their child.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89038517015863228022015-09-02T19:12:19.135-04:002015-09-02T19:12:19.135-04:00I was moved by the Website of that organization, a...I was moved by the Website of that organization, and their statistics. I believe that when possible children should be raised by the parents who gave birth to them. But there are times, including my personal situation with the child I am raising, when it is not. There is always an exception.Lelunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-91399737899864371662015-09-02T18:26:53.281-04:002015-09-02T18:26:53.281-04:00Anon,
There's no correlation between the numb...Anon,<br /><br />There's no correlation between the number of voluntary infant adoptions and the number of children in foster care. Because of the harsh provisions of the Adoption and Safe Families Act, of 1997, the number if children in foster care has increased, as have the number of children adopted from foster care. The reason foster care has increased is the lack of family preservation programs, not lack of adoptions. Check out the website of the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform nccpr.org.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47459338654424085672015-08-31T11:20:28.815-04:002015-08-31T11:20:28.815-04:00One of the reasons we are able to talk more easily...One of the reasons we are able to talk more easily about adoption is precisely because it has become more commonplace. Like single motherhood and single parenting in general, adoption has ceased to be a taboo subject. Social familiarity is primarily responsible for changing public perceptions about a practice and what aspects of it, if any, are ethically acceptable. <br />It enables discussions such as this one to take place.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40849833862886787542015-08-30T22:05:31.676-04:002015-08-30T22:05:31.676-04:00Yes, there are more children in care, but an entir...Yes, there are more children in care, but an entirely different population than the children who were adopted in the so-called BSE. When you look at all children, not just white ones, less adoption does not necessarily mean more children of all races in safe biological families or less children in state care. Being adopted is not the ultimate evil that can befall children who are already in dire circumstances due to poverty, racism, substance abuse and other systemic ills. Our country does an awful job of caring for children; the abuses in adoption are only a small part of that.<br /><br />I refer back to Rickie Solinger; most babies adopted in the 50s, 60s and 70s were the children of white middle-class mothers who were steered towards adoption, while mothers of color were steered towards welfare and raising their children. The major cause of adoptions then was shame on the part of the pregnant girl's family. There were two different tracks for unmarried mothers dependent mostly on race. It is very rare to meet an African American birthmother at gatherings of older mothers, and Latino mothers are also fairly rare. Nor did many of us white mothers come from dire poverty, but from working class, middle class, and even upper class homes.<br /><br />The primo product in adoption, the healthy white newborn, has stayed the same, but the supply has gone way down and the price goes up. Those babies no longer go into state or agency care as they used to. Minority children now in state care often come from families too crushed and shattered by many pressures to take care of them, and the state does a very poor job of providing for their care. Those children not being adopted, as most are not, is not really saving them from much.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86013538287482963802015-08-30T18:39:03.367-04:002015-08-30T18:39:03.367-04:00There are less adoptions than during the so-called...There are less adoptions than during the so-called BSE. But there are more children in care.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-48349137983988919552015-08-30T17:47:43.774-04:002015-08-30T17:47:43.774-04:00I don't believe there are more adoptions now t...I don't believe there are more adoptions now than there were during the BSE. If anything, I think there are probably less. Women are not being shamed out of their own children and both society and individual families are much more accepting of children born out of wedlock than they were back in the day. I do agree with Lorraine, however, that "too many children are not growing up with their original mothers and families." For even though many adoptees say they are fine with being adopted, I still think adoption should always be a last resort and only for children who truly need homes outside of their blood families.Robinhttp://www.allinthefamilyadoption.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72254698248659166202015-08-30T11:46:21.733-04:002015-08-30T11:46:21.733-04:00Thanks--it was great. Tony and I will be going to ...Thanks--it was great. Tony and I will be going to Britt's graduation in December, something that I did not think would be possible. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31730150918692887812015-08-30T11:30:14.230-04:002015-08-30T11:30:14.230-04:00I do not think adoption has become more commonplac...I do not think adoption has become more commonplace, but that talking about it has, and that is a good thing. I'm not a numbers person, but it seems like there was a lot of adoption when many of us surrendered years ago, but it was a shameful and unmentionable thing, both from the perspective of the birth parents and the adoptive parents. How many adoptees of that era were not told they were adopted, or if they were told, warned not to tell anyone else and not to talk about it? How many mothers could tell strangers in an airport that they had given up a child for adoption, not as a horrid secret but as an aspect of their lives? Nobody I have told in recent years that I gave up a child and am reunited have reacted with shock or condemnation, and like Lorraine's experience, many had their own adoption story to tell me. I do not think that there is more adoption now, just that it is easier to be honest and talk about it from all sides. That has to make it easier for all of us, and enlighten those not connected to adoption about the varied experiences we have had with it.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25206125242418096092015-08-30T09:23:56.194-04:002015-08-30T09:23:56.194-04:00I am very glad the secrecy has fallen away too, an...I am very glad the secrecy has fallen away too, and grateful that my daughter does not have to feel like she is an object of pity or curiosity because she is adopted. It's not something she chooses to talk about a great deal but that is her call. Still, I don't see the emergence of many different adoption narratives as a bad thing, especially if one considers that not all of them are going to be happy. Adoption is a fact of modern life that will never cede entirely even if the institution is cleaned up, so best to ensure that everyone connected to it can talk about it honestly and can be respected. Jessnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21896824431832349002015-08-29T20:46:14.596-04:002015-08-29T20:46:14.596-04:00I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been t...I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been to keep such big things secret -- on all sides. I'm glad some of the shame and secrecy is falling away.<br /><br />It's great that you had such a grand time with Britt and your alternate universe daughter. And that you connected with fellow travelers.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66300198728812122462015-08-29T15:37:38.722-04:002015-08-29T15:37:38.722-04:00I know what you mean about finding it easy now to ...I know what you mean about finding it easy now to talk about our adoption experience. How ironic it all seems. I still cringe a bit when I tell people my story (or when my husband does; he loves to share it), but that's because I still feel guilty for not keeping my first son. Do you think the adoption narrative is beginning to change, or do unicorns and rainbows still reign? Pamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08653853519675824740noreply@blogger.com