tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post6562037443750125372..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Generations After Me Are A Part of MeLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64159788353306897942008-12-13T02:17:00.000-05:002008-12-13T02:17:00.000-05:00I'll drink to that Mairaine, I didn't see any nast...I'll drink to that Mairaine, <BR/><BR/>I didn't see any nastiness either just a differing point of view, when the name calling started.joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658928829424953809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-50719432243235992022008-12-12T18:10:00.000-05:002008-12-12T18:10:00.000-05:00Hey Joy,Check out my comment to Lost and Found on ...Hey Joy,<BR/><BR/>Check out my comment to Lost and Found on the feminist thread. She was pretty nasty herself there. And yes, some of us birthmothers can be plenty nasty too:-)<BR/><BR/>But I think her real feelings about us came out in her comments about gin-drinking crack heads! Now, who is it that is nasty, judesgmental, and uninformed? <BR/><BR/>Personally proud to be part of the "Crew"!maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-77100325022565735772008-12-12T14:11:00.000-05:002008-12-12T14:11:00.000-05:00Yes, well there you have it, pls. remember it is u...Yes, well there you have it, pls. remember it is us adoptees who are the "nasty" ones.joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658928829424953809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1909978659807983432008-12-11T15:22:00.000-05:002008-12-11T15:22:00.000-05:00Dear lost and found: I hope you will stay with us....Dear lost and found: <BR/>I hope you will stay with us...do remember that many of those who post are adoptees, not birth parents.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54683512282620556332008-12-11T13:22:00.000-05:002008-12-11T13:22:00.000-05:00LorraineYour point is well taken and the response ...Lorraine<BR/>Your point is well taken and the response welcome. I realize I am here on your turf but some of your readers need an awakening of their own. Yes I represent the adoptive parent but I also represent one who cares about the links to her birth family even though there is zero info of them. I didn't steal someone else's kid, nor borrow or adopt because I was too old to procreate on my own. I didn't see a need to populate the world further when babies and children are thrown away all over the world every single day. I can't personally change the political climate of these countries but people can choose to keep having kids they can't care for or stop having them when there is no way for them to raise them. Sad very sad. I don't agree with your position but you've been respectful toward an outsider. Too bad your crew is so nasty, uninformed and judgementalLost and Foundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15355735805187740437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63978625165908799572008-12-11T12:03:00.000-05:002008-12-11T12:03:00.000-05:00Hi Lost and Found...You read into my post more tha...Hi Lost and Found...You read into my post more than was there...of course I knew that my daughter was the daughter of her adoptive family also, and that she was the product of both of us. But adoptive parents all too often do everything possible to deny the birth/genetic/biological link to the mother (and father) who created the child. My point was that my daughter, her daughters--even the one I do not know--is a part of me and my gene pool, in quite a direct way. <BR/><BR/>What I hope we are doing with this blog is education all members of the triad about what it is like from our side of the window. We do not have babies and move on. Yes it is true, some mothers do that--approximately five percent do not want their children to return for a reunion--but most of us do not have the babies and make a new life without them. They stay constant in our lives. --lorraine duskyLorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88973429560348725112008-12-10T20:11:00.000-05:002008-12-10T20:11:00.000-05:00I came back to see any follow-up because I think d...I came back to see any follow-up because I think dialogue is important. While I hope maternal/fetal bonds exist I know that is not always the case. Yes I hope that my daughter had some form of bonding, love and nurture from her birthmother other than merely nutrition to sustain her life. My daughter was adopted from China which if you don't know still has a one-child policy. It is illegal to use gender identification, have more than one child and also illegal to give up that child so Chinese adoptees are all abandoned. They cannot be declared orphans otherwise. I don't like the the term orphan which suggests no parents because many Chinese adoptees do in fact have birth parents even if we don't know who they are. I have already left notes and photos in the area where she was found so her birth family may know she is safe, happy and thriving. What I took from the writer's post was that genes count for everything and I don't believe that. It takes a lot to be a parent and mere blood does not a mother make.Lost and Foundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15355735805187740437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27806064880168126052008-12-09T13:00:00.000-05:002008-12-09T13:00:00.000-05:00Before we get too far off track, LostandFound, if ...Before we get too far off track, LostandFound, if you're still with us, apparently you're not in an open adoption? I'd like to know why you think your daughter won't be able to know her family of origin; did you adopt outside the US? Are there no records of any kind?<BR/><BR/>Most FMF readers are veterans of the closed adoption system, and we're living proof that secrets and lies only beget more secrets and lies and heartache, hence Lorraine's comments in the post “Go to a meeting of adoptees in search. Read their postings on the Internet. Talk to a late-discovery-adoptee and hear their pain.” <BR/><BR/>I second Kristy’s suggestion that you read The Primal Wound if you haven’t already;immerse yourself in triad member memoirs. And for your daughter’s sake and your own peace of mind, continue to keep an open mind and heart.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05958887097090820238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69018792938845502622008-12-09T12:35:00.000-05:002008-12-09T12:35:00.000-05:00Lost and Found wrote, "as the adoptive mother of a...Lost and Found wrote, "as the adoptive mother of a toddler I am sad my daughter will not be able to access her birthparents in the future..."<BR/><BR/>I find this hard to believe. Too many of us mothers have experienced the wish on the part of a-parents that we disappear or die. Don't wany any pesky "blood" around to shake up the "forever family."maybehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07067284504038707207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27077967184415234072008-12-09T11:51:00.000-05:002008-12-09T11:51:00.000-05:00Lost & Found, you wrote:"What disturbs me...Lost & Found, you wrote:<BR/><BR/>"What disturbs me is the notion that blood and genes alone create a family and that is simply not the case."<BR/><BR/>I don't think anyone was saying that, however I think the time that the child grows inside the mother and the bond that is created and then severed by whatever means is discounted as well. I hope as an adoptive parent you will keep an open mind, read books like "Primal Wound" and realize that however wonderfully complete your family may be with your child, there there is a mother with whom she bonded first and even though it may have been merely during pregnancy that bond will always be there.KristySearchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-24692704134425765932008-12-08T20:13:00.000-05:002008-12-08T20:13:00.000-05:00I came across your blog today and find your curren...I came across your blog today and find your current post somewhat disturbing. While I understand and respect that children should have a right to know their genetic makeup and medical/social histories, not all birth parents want to be located and not all adoptees are interested. I do however believe each should have a voice in deciding such future contact and support more access to records for the sake of adoptees. Having many adopted friends they are quite split in their desires to locate their birth families. Some searched, others did not and some didn't care either way. What disturbs me is the notion that blood and genes alone create a family and that is simply not the case. Genes are important to one's future without a doubt but without love, daily care and guidance one cannot survive in this world. We sadly live in a society where the term mother and father must be proven and in most cases should be a privilege and not a right. The notion that only blood can tend to blood is unrealistic and adults who choose of their own free will to relinquish a child, donate their sperm or eggs does in fact remain their right and will never be regulated by the government. As the adoptive mother of a toddler I am sad my daughter will not be able to access her birthparents in the future but just because it is not the norm doesn't mean I won't try for her sake. I respect and honor her birthparents for giving her life and for leaving her in a safe place so she could be found and given a chance to succeed in life.<BR/><BR/>Proud mama to EmmeLost and Foundhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15355735805187740437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-21108517718309691062008-12-08T15:46:00.000-05:002008-12-08T15:46:00.000-05:00Lorraine, I just want to say I think you were guts...Lorraine, I just want to say I think you were gutsy to hang tough with Aston. <BR/>It must have taken a lot out of you but does sound as if you made headway and, however much, any is better than none.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-32344095225690820642008-12-08T15:26:00.000-05:002008-12-08T15:26:00.000-05:00Exactly, Linda. It's ridiculous. "Making contact"...Exactly, Linda. It's ridiculous. "Making contact" just doesn't cut it.<BR/>I don't get what's bad, misleading or threatening about the word "reunion" that it needs to be replaced with an alternative. It's a perfectly fine word that describes the situation exactly.<BR/><BR/>Reunion is what it is, parent and offspring coming together again. <BR/>After all, in a very real physical sense, they *have* known each other before. <BR/>But it doesn't mean they are going to morph into an amorphous single entity like something out of Star Trek. People are so damned literal. <BR/><BR/>I wonder if this isn't something to do with the open records=reunion confusion paranoia. <BR/>Open records don't=reunion anyway. <BR/>Reunion is an entirely separate matter to be negotiated (or not) by the parties involved. <BR/>Nobody's business but their own.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30041547825035162372008-12-08T14:57:00.000-05:002008-12-08T14:57:00.000-05:00Oh and I just use the term "originated" to make a ...Oh and I just use the term "originated" to make a point. I certainly have never considered any of my children's birth's "originations" *grin*<BR/><BR/>Have a wonderful day!<BR/>KristyKristySearchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-10430350971360252022008-12-08T14:54:00.000-05:002008-12-08T14:54:00.000-05:00I suppose that "reunion" to the adoptivefamilies.c...I suppose that "reunion" to the adoptivefamilies.com set forces realization that the child originated with someone else. The words Reunion or Reunited brings up something many would like to forget... that the child is and was originated by another. Ummmm I think "Forever Family" is politically incorrect as I am offended by the term. Do we think adoptivefamilies.com will add it to their list? Probably not.KristySearchinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04154155815657401289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8834010580353719702008-12-08T14:04:00.000-05:002008-12-08T14:04:00.000-05:00I was curious about the politically correct term f...I was curious about the politically correct term for "reunion" so I located the site on Google. According to the Positive Adoptive Language PDF from adoptivefamilies.com, "reunion" is negative language, while "making contact with" is positive language. So I guess that means we all attend a "high school making contact with," not a reunion. Today's Oprah show should be billed as "The Cast of The Mary Tyler Moore Show Make Contact!"<BR/><BR/>Like so many things, political correctness can be extreme. My daughter and I didn't make contact with one another nine years ago, we were reunited, i.e., we were brought together again.Lindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05958887097090820238noreply@blogger.com