tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post7363290618829664244..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: International Adoption Advocates Fight Back against decline in adoptionsLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61272423523889865082011-05-02T14:29:38.274-04:002011-05-02T14:29:38.274-04:00Maybe I'm just strange or maybe being a first/...Maybe I'm just strange or maybe being a first/birth mother has done this to me(or a combo) ,but does anyone else think it's a strange coincidence that Jane's blog talking about mommy and baby seals with a picture of baby seals was done right before some US Navy Seals found Osama Bin Laden?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68793648441558165732011-04-30T18:01:30.058-04:002011-04-30T18:01:30.058-04:00Someone I know recently adopted a baby from a Viet...Someone I know recently adopted a baby from a Vietnamese orphanage. They flew over to collect the baby and their one comment that has stayed with me is that the baby screamed and screamed all the way to the airport. Maybe he had a tummy-ache or.....maybe he knew he was being torn away from all that he was familiar withAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38662281759276026032011-04-30T00:54:42.727-04:002011-04-30T00:54:42.727-04:00Thanks for posting this informative article. As yo...Thanks for posting this informative article. As you clearly demonstrated, the proponents of international adoption often times have much difficulty in getting their facts correct. <br /><br />The YouTube video you linked in the article contains excerpts from a tv interview where I debated Dr. Rita Simon (wearing the blue top). Dr. Simon is a professor at American University so would seem to be a credible source of information. However, during the debate she made one false claim after another after another. One of the most astonishing was all women who surrender children for adoption are products of rape. <br /><br />I'm sure many of your Forum followers would think differently.aphpubhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17072966851010573162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-51870692010427251682011-04-29T12:34:04.494-04:002011-04-29T12:34:04.494-04:00The dogged, blind excuses in the AP narratives you...The dogged, blind excuses in the AP narratives you quote are appalling, and yet I cannot even bring myself to be surprised anymore by their willfullness. Their "concern" is about their adopted children attaching to them--and their OWN fear of rejection--not about "protecting" the adoptee from pain. Loss is loss, and in IA huge loss of family and language and culture. The selfishness of these particular APs is horrendous. <br /><br />The one story was even more awful in that the bio daughter was "allowed" to see the adoptee's family. No fear of competition there, and the second-tier nature of the adoptee was so plain, depsite protestations of love. <br />Secrets and lies are insidious and pervasive in adoption, as well as "for the adoptee's own good," almost never decided by the adoptee.ms. marginaliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03854609171313401651noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69342005725287516982011-04-29T08:56:36.512-04:002011-04-29T08:56:36.512-04:00This is so thoroughly depressing. How can anyone s...This is so thoroughly depressing. How can anyone see the decline in international adoptions as anything other than EXCELLENT NEWS??? And furthermore, the pictures of emaciated African school-age kids used as propaganda to persuade people to "save the orphans" do NOT depict the kinds of children that people are willing to adopt anyway.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-91810092200386927022011-04-29T08:26:25.210-04:002011-04-29T08:26:25.210-04:00Look at cults, they keep people confined until the...Look at cults, they keep people confined until they can't think for themselves anymore. If the cult lets the person out the brainwashing may be interrupted or not work at all. No communication with the outside world.<br /><br />The adopters aren't worried about the child going back when the adoptee is older, though. Sure, then they don't have to deal with it. The adoptee can even pay for their own trip back.<br /><br />Confine the adopters and send the kids back where they belong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17943754780354683822011-04-29T08:04:19.801-04:002011-04-29T08:04:19.801-04:00One of the best things I've read recently abou...One of the best things I've read recently about adoption was by David Kruchkow at PEAR:<br /><br />"I believe that most children would rather be raised in the families and cultures to which they were born than be placed for adoption. Those are their hopes and dreams. I believe that all citizens of the world should be working toward providing support to help preserve families and eliminate any need for adoptions."<br /><br />The good news is that international adoptions have decreased by 50% in 6 years (2004 to 2010). However, I believe that no matter how many international adoptees write books or blogs that IA won't end or be looked at as less than wonderful and saving the children of the world.Adoption is not about children. It is about APs and PAPs and money.<br /><br />The idea of William and Kate adopting sounds rather far-fetched. The whole idea of royalty is based on lineage. I guess technically they could adopt with only their biological children being able to acccede to the throne.<br /><br />Lorraine wrote " How can people who adopt be so totally clueless about what it means to take a child from another culture, about what it means to be not raised by your family of birth? I dunno."<br /><br />This attitude doesn't surprise me at all. My APs never considered my first family or my connection to them at all. Because according to them, my A-family is my REAL family so the people who created me and whose genes I carry meant nothing at all.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-87308284978049468042011-04-28T20:05:56.994-04:002011-04-28T20:05:56.994-04:00"Adopting a child from another country would ..."Adopting a child from another country would demonstrate that 21st century royals are willing to connect with the ordinary world to become more relevant." If ever I hear of the commodification of adoption this is it!! Let's hope their home study is not approved.<br />What a great post.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37365285284949934852011-04-28T17:28:46.004-04:002011-04-28T17:28:46.004-04:00Gaye:
You got it right. I freaked with horror whe...Gaye:<br /><br />You got it right. I freaked with horror when I read a) the first post; and b) one of the comments above. How can people who adopt be so totally clueless about what it means to take a child from another culture, about what it means to be not raised by your family of birth? I dunno. And people do not want to become educated either, it seems. <br /><br />Sadly.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-83279271594199330592011-04-28T16:58:11.161-04:002011-04-28T16:58:11.161-04:00Let me see if I understand this. They take a chil...Let me see if I understand this. They take a child from the only environment he/she has ever known, give all "the best things in life" and totally freak out that the child will reject them should they take him/her along on a visit back home or even (gasp) show him/her photos of his/her family.<br /><br />And this is seen as good parenting?Gaye Tannenbaumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17792214233203816331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15869265985196916312011-04-28T15:36:50.309-04:002011-04-28T15:36:50.309-04:00And a response found there:
"I agree with T...And a response found there: <br /><br />"I agree with Teresa, it is too soon. We tell our adopted daughter from ET that when she is older she can go back to visit. Our oldest bio daughter has made two mission trips to the very place our adopted children are from. <br /><br />"I was so excited the first trip she made because she visited the birth families and took video and photos. The last night before coming home she could not find that particular camera and she kept it with her passport because she didn't want to lose it, it just came up missing. We were so upset but see now that it was the best thing for us, at that point <b>it would have made it more difficult for our adopted daughter to move on and attach to us.</b> We are just praying that God will show us the right time for her to go back and visit someday if it's possible. It sounds like your daughter is still having major adjustment issues. <br /><br />"It has been over two years for us and still have a lot of bonding and attaching to do. It just takes time. Also read a blog recently of a family who took their adopted daughter back to China with them to pick up another child and she seemed to do okay while there, but now she is having night terrors every night since they have been home."<br /><br />Lorraine again: I am personally at a loss. Can you imagine what it would mean to the girl to have a photo of her real mother? Her first mother? Her birth mother? The attitudes that are displayed by MOST people who adopt overseas are mind-boggling.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-84139165241031105302011-04-28T15:31:26.106-04:002011-04-28T15:31:26.106-04:00Found at another blog:
"Our 7 year-old...Found at another blog: <br /> <br /><br /> "Our 7 year-old Ethiopian daughter, K., has been with us for a year. We are in process of adopting a 3 year old boy and hope to travel for court in July.<br /><br /> "We are trying to decide whether to take our daughter with us. I met her birth mother when I was there last year and liked her very much, although, of course, it was a very emotional meeting.<br /><br /> "My husband is concerned about our daughter’s attachment to us being impacted if we take her to visit. K seems attached to our family and happy. She used to throw tantrums a least once per day about not getting her way – clothes, food, etc.<br /><br /> "In the last month the tantrums have been rare. She sometimes pouts, but is not crying and throwing herself on the ground.<br /><br /> "I would like to take her to visit and we probably will not be going to Ethiopia again for several years.<br /><br /> "Has anyone taken their children back to Ethiopia to visit birth relatives after only a year or so? How did you prepare them?<br /><br /> "I know she will feel some sadness but I don’t want her to be devastated and feel torn."<br /><br />Lorraine here: DOES THIS WOMAN THINK SHE IS DOING GOOD IN THE WORLD?Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27101830656964382452011-04-28T10:38:02.836-04:002011-04-28T10:38:02.836-04:00Gee with all these adoptive parents speaking out a...Gee with all these adoptive parents speaking out about adoption will other potential adoptive prospects listen? <br />I can answer that NO it isn't shot the adoptee it's about the<br />adopter tryingt to fix them. I am thoroughly disgusted that it has taken this long to even expose the pain involved<br />with adoption. Sadly, adopting will fill their hole while ripping a hole that will forever be with mother/child an <br />aggressive act seen as an act of human love.Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00835368613260334539noreply@blogger.com