tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8002316845710320582..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: The Light Between Oceans: Bloated melodrama defies your sympathy Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59256359989990324602017-02-03T21:29:17.767-05:002017-02-03T21:29:17.767-05:00I read the book about a month ago and was honestly...I read the book about a month ago and was honestly afraid to see the movie. I was so afraid Isabel would somehow get her hands on Hannah's daughter again, but I saw it today. I have to say that the movie does a very good job overall of being true to the book. Because I was curious about how people would react. I looked over at goodreads and amazon to see the reviews and I found most people would agree that Isabel is entirely selfish. My favorite review was from a woman at "good reads" who renamed Tom and Isabelle "Doormat and Batshit". I loved seeing little Grace riding the horse with her Grandfather at the end and even more seeing her braid the little daisy chains with Hannah. Anyone paying attention will see that "Lucy-Grace's" real parents were both wonderful people (and they had suffered too). The ending (in 1950) was the only part where I saw the movie really straying from the book. Two important issues: First, in the book; adult Grace introduces herself to Tom as "Grace" not "Lucy-Grace" (she's umm moved on since she was four). Also in the book, Grace expresses how, growing up, she didn't fully understand her mother's anger toward himself and Isabel. Until her son was born. Then she understood absolutely. Also, at one point in the book Hannah says (and I'm paraphrasing) "Why am I always the one expected to be understanding? Why is everything about Isabel?" A good question that deserved a place in the movie!" Clare Palmatier (Boston, MA U.S.A)Clare Palmatiernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92100224251923141642016-09-13T17:51:04.030-04:002016-09-13T17:51:04.030-04:00Here is the story of a son who was returned to his...Here is the story of a son who was returned to his real parents, again a screaming adoptive mother is involved: <br /><a href="http://www.thelocal.es/20160913/spain-couple-forced-to-return-adopted-son-to-birth-mother" rel="nofollow">Spanish pair forced to return 'adopted son' to birth mother</a><br /><br />The couple have turned over their son but they are vowing to continue their fight in the European Union court in Strasburg. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-26103836512741804082016-09-13T07:43:05.272-04:002016-09-13T07:43:05.272-04:00Mashka:
Did you read where I said ALL adoptive pa...Mashka:<br /><br />Did you read where I said ALL adoptive parents were not good people? No, you did not, but most often than not get painted as altruistic saints and natural mothers get painted as less than human who don't deserve their own flesh and blood. Is this ALL the time, NO but a good deal of the time. All you have to do is read forums, comment sections and the like, all over the internet to come to this conclusion. That, and live as a natural mother. Not matter how far you have come in your life, how good of a person you are or what you do, some other family is more deserving of your child than you are. I call B.S. <br /><br />Thanks. Stephanienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75606950565041876042016-09-12T19:54:11.031-04:002016-09-12T19:54:11.031-04:00I sympathize Alicia. If I had the power to do so I...I sympathize Alicia. If I had the power to do so I would make it all better. I plan to steer clear of this movie too, for that reason. I have no empathy or respect for those who think this is ok. It was wrong. No moral dilemma what-so-ever! You notify authorities. End of story. <br /><br />For me it also feeds into the 'lets take this baby from their mother, we'll make her (the mother) *as if* dead. I/we want one so much it doesn't matter if or how much the real mother wants and loves the child' scenario.<br /><br />Sweet and touching movie my great aunt fanny. It's abominable. But hey, abominable makes THE MONEY. Don' it.<br /><br />Shtuff like this makes me angry. <br /><br />Oh, and for anonymous Sept. 10 @ 8:39 p.m. There are a mountain of movies and tv shows that have the natural family as plain ole dirt, if not trash, and the others as "perfect" people. Sorry if one time out of ? someone made the mother actually look like a human being.Cindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38857173901890428542016-09-12T17:39:56.768-04:002016-09-12T17:39:56.768-04:00I'm an adoptee and I know I won't see this...I'm an adoptee and I know I won't see this movie, based on the premise and the previews I've seen on TV. I can't see why anyone would want to see it. But I am an adoptee and the thoughts that someone would keep a child away from his/her mother who is actively looking for that child to be sickening. I literally have a physical reaction to this. Its so sad and right now, I just can't take it. As I get older, being an "adoptee" and not being able to go back and change it and live my real life makes me saddened to the point of mental instability. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17865514948397009134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28842305646915168292016-09-12T08:36:16.215-04:002016-09-12T08:36:16.215-04:00Agreeing with Mashka, both first mothers and adopt...Agreeing with Mashka, both first mothers and adoptive mothers run the gamut from saint to monster, with most being just ordinary people trying to deal with the situations they find themselves in, muddling through. Characterizing either whole group as good or bad serves no purpose. <br /><br />This was a ridiculous movie plot, but in real life I doubt that children returned to biological parents after several years always fair well with no issues, any more than those surrendered and adopted when they are old enough to know the parents surrendering them. There are very complex emotional issues in either case; some work out well, some do not. Movies have heroes and villains, real life has mostly flawed people doing the best they can which sometimes is not good enough for the child in the middle. Life is not a movie nor a "reality" TV show.maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-87780662129673891832016-09-11T17:12:18.798-04:002016-09-11T17:12:18.798-04:00Anonymous and Stephanie...first mothers and adopti...Anonymous and Stephanie...first mothers and adoptive parents Clare people first and foremost. And like people worldwode, some are exemplary, some are monsters, most are trying to muddle through life like the rest of us. My (adoptive) mom is awesome. I was lucky in that regard, because I too have heard/read the horror stories of others not as lucky. She is genuinely a good person, she would be awesome if she was my mom or not. My birth mother....she's not a monster. She's ill and refuses treatment causing chaos to all around her and even those that don't want to be around her. From what I have learned (shoved down my throat) she was like this always, before I was born and left at the hospital. Given her choices I couldn't label her as a "good" person, just misguided. Are all birth mothers like mine? Thankfully not! They, like the rest of us, run the spectrum. Try not to paint everyone with the same brush, it's misleading and hurtful.Mashkanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82071079120955819642016-09-11T15:30:46.762-04:002016-09-11T15:30:46.762-04:00they are not identical twins. if you count Netflix...they are not identical twins. if you count Netflix as reruns then yes, it is in reruns (haha) i don't know if it airs as a rerun anywhere on any channel. All 8 seasons are available on Netflix. <br /><br />Dexter is the younger of the two brothers, and the one who was adopted by the cop and as an adult has a cop as a sister (he also works for the cops in forensics.) the gothic or horror gore is really kind of cartoonish so although in theory it's gory, it really isnt. i've seen a lot of CSI that was more gory. Still, a lot of times during the kill scenes i look away as i just don't need thost exact visuals in my subconscious before going to bed - but they are relativity quick and the majority of the show is about his life outside of the kill scenes, keeping up appearances with the wife and kids and his sister and the other cops, and of course the ongoing story arc of Who am I? Who were my parents? and at some point he meets the brother that he forgot he had, and finds out that his brother is also a serial killer.<br /><br />the actors are talented, even with the crazy "plot". and the internal dialog/monologue is a big part of the show, and the dialog between Dexter and sis, Dexter and bro, and Dexter and the ghost of figment in his mind of his father who is deceased. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16571106249207987994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67089133828836811382016-09-11T09:00:22.479-04:002016-09-11T09:00:22.479-04:00Oh anonymous we all know, adopters are all such wo...Oh anonymous we all know, adopters are all such wonderful, honest and upstanding people. (No, they all aren't). Stephanienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-82277767022759531862016-09-11T08:31:26.881-04:002016-09-11T08:31:26.881-04:00I don't understand your meaning. It sounds as ...I don't understand your meaning. It sounds as if you are saying that the mothers who lose their children usually are not? Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38640401536548959852016-09-11T08:29:38.024-04:002016-09-11T08:29:38.024-04:00Yikes.! I've tried Dexter and know others who ...Yikes.! I've tried Dexter and know others who like it, but it wasn't my cuppa. But this insane plot you've just described would have kept me intrigued, I admit. Identical twins do end up being amazingly similar in looks and deed, and the actor who must be playing both parts is excellent. Dexter must be in reruns by now? <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11271391547880062232016-09-10T20:39:28.135-04:002016-09-10T20:39:28.135-04:00"As I wrote the real mother in this story is ..."As I wrote the real mother in this story is the good person."<br />Like you said, it is a story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72430626412371857912016-09-10T19:47:15.309-04:002016-09-10T19:47:15.309-04:00thanks for the review. not my cup of tea but it is...thanks for the review. not my cup of tea but it is good to know about it so i can avoid it and not accidentally end up going out to it.<br /><br />right now i'm opting for dark humor - Dexter - and enjoying the completely unbelievable yet darkly hilarious juxtapositions of biological brothers who have both grown to become serial killers - one who was adopted by a cop and has a foster sister who becomes a cop - and the other who never was adopted due to his older age and "special needs" - who ends up dating the foster sister cop of the younger brother. one big happy family reunion, really. hahahahaha it's a good switch for me from the more serious adoption topics and i recommend it to other adoptees if they need a break and are into dark humor. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16571106249207987994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-68652236696779879892016-09-09T17:02:59.615-04:002016-09-09T17:02:59.615-04:00Four.
Yes to your second question, at least the ...Four. <br /><br />Yes to your second question, at least the father did. He is the one who left enough clues that they were found out. His conscience bothered him. The mother would never have said anything. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-92024414470921356862016-09-09T17:01:07.281-04:002016-09-09T17:01:07.281-04:00As I wrote the real mother in this story is the go...As I wrote the real mother in this story is the good person, thus making the immoral act of the taking parents all the more heinous--even if they were loving, beautiful and good caretakers. They robbed a mother and separated a child from her natural mother, with whom she of course had already bonded, even though she was an infant. She was four by the time she was returned. <br /><br />I went to see the movie because I write about these issues and want to be informed about what is in the public perception. The really false note to me is the grown child at the end saying that she wants to come back and visit, for it that assumes that she wants a continuing relationship with one of the people who stole her. I can see her wanting to meet him once, but not the rest. That I felt was a sop to the audience desire to have everything work out neatly. <br /><br />Anna Schmidt said in a later interview that she had no memory of the DeBoers. By four there might be glimpses of a few things--perhaps one woman holding you while the police had to untangle you from the child. At that point, I was ready to put chains on the Isobel. <br /><br />Justice Scalia wrote in the dissenting opinion in the Veronica Brown case: <br /> It has been the constant practice of the common law to respect the entitlement of those who bring a child into the world to raise that child. We do not inquire whether leaving a child with his parents is 'in the best interest of the child.' It sometimes is not; he would be better of raised by someone else. But parents have their rights, no less than children do. This father wants to raise his daughter, and the statute amply protects his right to so do. There is no reason in law or policy to dilute that protection." <br /><br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25682237021190279752016-09-09T16:38:28.166-04:002016-09-09T16:38:28.166-04:00Except in this plot the selfish person is the pers...Except in this plot the selfish person is the person who stole the child in the first place. The natural mother in The Light Between Oceans is the morally upright person. So there is redemption in this tale. The problem is that the plot is so contrived that few will have the patience to see that. Pamela M. Salelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12398730332287863739noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65896975268629033022016-09-09T15:17:46.931-04:002016-09-09T15:17:46.931-04:00How old was the child when the natural mother turn...How old was the child when the natural mother turned up? Was she four years old, or did the prospective adoptive parents know of her existence for a while and fight her tooth and nail from taking her child?Robinhttp://www.allinthefamilyadoption.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11076249838625714042016-09-09T14:47:04.030-04:002016-09-09T14:47:04.030-04:00Thanks for writing this, Lorraine. I'll save m...Thanks for writing this, Lorraine. I'll save my money. <br /><br />The child being ripped from loving adoptive parents by a selfish natural parent plot line keeps being repeated -- Silas Marner, To Each His Own (a tear jerker with Olivia De Havilland), Losing Isaiah, The Deep End of the Ocean (written by an adoptive parent). In these fictional cases, the natural parent's "better nature" takes hold and he/she gives up the child.<br /><br />These plots can make good drama but have no basis in reality. Children are not automatically better off with substitute parent. Reported cases of children returned to their real parents tell of them doing fine.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14242607033206686632016-09-09T11:21:29.433-04:002016-09-09T11:21:29.433-04:00I have the ads for this movie on TV and cannot ima...I have the ads for this movie on TV and cannot imagine why any first mother would want to see it. I sure don't! Why make yourself more miserable?maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-71169941658065235322016-09-09T08:50:41.620-04:002016-09-09T08:50:41.620-04:00And I'd love to hear what others thought about...And I'd love to hear what others thought about it--Natural mothers, adoptees, adoptive parents, etc. One of my mother friends said she cried buckets. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-50197517078648279072016-09-09T08:49:57.998-04:002016-09-09T08:49:57.998-04:00Exactly my thought, but I like to keep up with sto...Exactly my thought, but I like to keep up with stories in the media about the topic of my life. Others may like it more--come back with your opinion! <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72246589240633048432016-09-08T23:37:15.243-04:002016-09-08T23:37:15.243-04:00Sounds sappy as hell, but I may watch it just to w...Sounds sappy as hell, but I may watch it just to watch Fassbender (yummy).Dorkzilla78https://www.blogger.com/profile/12192590110842086581noreply@blogger.com