tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8189167144097523175..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Telling a Stranger What It's Like to be a Birth MotherLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29300833104706824352010-08-05T00:21:59.112-04:002010-08-05T00:21:59.112-04:00Thank you so much for posting this. I am an adopt...Thank you so much for posting this. I am an adoptive mother and I appreciate mothers like you who can share their stories and educate us about a part of the story that most often untold. You are brave and courageous. Please keep up your work and message to society and the adoption community.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66540858258693787352010-08-02T19:59:36.432-04:002010-08-02T19:59:36.432-04:00I posted a few days ago on another post (you proba...I posted a few days ago on another post (you probably get a bunch of Anonymous commenters). But all I can say is wow you have hit the nail on the head. I was forced to give up my child after a huge trauma - well actually one trauma after another, and the pain of not knowing what happened and now knowing what happened is unreal. I had 4 beautiful babies in the late 80's. Young mother whose husband had just walked out plus I was trying to rescue a younger sibling of mine. Way too much for a 21 yr old mother of 3 to handle (I was pregnant also). <br /><br />I made mistakes and I think I more than paid for those mistakes. These children should not have had to pay the price as well. One child ended up being murdered while in state care, and two more died at home in a tragedy that nearly took my life as well as another child. The state swooped in and took that child. <br /><br />You are so right about the pain of the unknown. I kept looking for that child's face in every child I saw. I knew where three of my babies were, I did not where this one was. I was able to somewhat close the three but not the one. It hurt beyond anything ever. Then when we were reunited the stories I was told (which I can believe after what they said and did to me).<br /><br />Thank you so much for putting my pain and the pain of so many out there. I wanted my child, I was forced into something instead of helped. I wish I could get someone to listen. But all they see is that the state took my child so I am an awful evil vile woman. I am not and never was. I was a scared and inexperienced young mother trying to do too much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6829877943657744012010-07-30T17:52:56.779-04:002010-07-30T17:52:56.779-04:00You saw The KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT...I haven't yet...You saw The KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT...I haven't yet...but hope to this weekend. And I'm glad you will have a chance to see Mother and Child. <br /><br />And, yes, to telling strangers...Mark Diebelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17197749527182706761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9021615064402857452010-07-30T12:47:53.049-04:002010-07-30T12:47:53.049-04:00@Carolc: Yeah, Suz once stated something like that...@Carolc: Yeah, Suz once stated something like that - it's like you're standing in the middle of a dark field. A train is coming and there is no way to get out of the way in time, so you fling the baby out in the field and hope s/he lands somewhere safely.Mei Linghttp://sisterheping.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11699992654316547462010-07-30T05:00:22.310-04:002010-07-30T05:00:22.310-04:00I remember waking up in convulsions, having flashb...I remember waking up in convulsions, having flashbacks, bargaining with God. It's not important to me that people "get" my pain. But it is important to me that people be honest with young women contemplating giving their babies away. So, good for you, Lorraine. I'm sure your words will find their way to receptive hearts and minds.Katenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-3855057959791046032010-07-30T00:42:20.242-04:002010-07-30T00:42:20.242-04:00Author Elizabeth Stone once said that having a chi...Author Elizabeth Stone once said that having a child is to forever have your heart walk about outside of your body.<br /><br />I say, that being a First Mother is to have your heart walk about outside of your body, never knowing where your heart is, if it thinks about you, or if you'll ever see it again.<br /><br />Sounds like one of the most painful things anyone could ever endure :-(The Declassified Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16726376584015902627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9705526833790207202010-07-29T21:18:51.092-04:002010-07-29T21:18:51.092-04:00One by one and keep going as long as we can.I'...One by one and keep going as long as we can.I'm forever grateful that I experienced reunion when I did and that my mother was able to talk to me about how she had suffered so that I understood.Reunion for her helped enormously but it never undid the damage but then we didn't expect it to.Vonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17421069895155350144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-90113913044762735792010-07-29T19:45:45.132-04:002010-07-29T19:45:45.132-04:00It's as if otherwise well-meaning people can&#...It's as if otherwise well-meaning people can't get past the idea that we were being brave and willingly doing the "right thing" for our babies. <br />when they tell me they can't even imagine what it feels like to have surrendered a child; I always tell the story I heard from someone years ago - "Imagine you took your child to the park and when you briefly weren't paying attention, your child disappeared. You are panicked - you don't know what to do first to find your child - your heart is racing and your heart is in your throat until you find her. Imagine living like that wondering what happened to your child for 20, 30, 40 or more years?" <br /><br />Sometimes this drives it home... But then again, they often come back with "well, you're ok now, though, right? Now that you've found your son"? <br /><br />What am I going to say "No. I am forever fucked?" <br /><br />I am very interested to hear what you think of "Mother and Child"; especially with a similar theme to your story?Carolchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12983135296851385826noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28109689858431409752010-07-29T18:52:53.444-04:002010-07-29T18:52:53.444-04:00One voice, one story at a time, Lorraine. Thank yo...One voice, one story at a time, Lorraine. Thank you!Real Daughterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16361127479878590761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49059816089072254082010-07-29T18:20:50.727-04:002010-07-29T18:20:50.727-04:00I have been stalking your blog for a while now and...I have been stalking your blog for a while now and today I have to comment. <br />Today marks 22 years since I became a birth mother. I am 37 years old and finally this past year I have found a friend who I can talk to openly about my feelings. Finally after 22 years I have a voice that has said I am hurt, I am angry and it sucked. There was no beautiful ending and everyday I see my daughter on facebook falling apart because her adoptive parents ended up being the worst choice possible. I have spent countless hours thinking about the what if's until I get a stomach ache. There is nothing I can do about it, I hate it, I regret it and it does FUCK you up! Thank you for being the voice for others who have not found theirs yet. Even though you may never know they are reading, you are representing each of them and I know they are grateful.<br />I am and I finally feel like I am not alone.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18164086331644750332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72982988160596292492010-07-29T18:14:34.271-04:002010-07-29T18:14:34.271-04:00My father was adopted. It had a huge impact on his...My father was adopted. It had a huge impact on his life. He never got over it and went to his grave still carrying intense feelings of rejection. I had my first child at 17. Being a young mother was harder than I could ever have anticipated. My son passed away at the age of 20 and I am so thankful that I was there at the beginning and there at the end. It wasn't always easy, but it was certainly worth it. Educate, educate, educate...<br />Thank you for sharing & informing.Nicola Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15646981662772854646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-79947906597372270592010-07-29T17:39:15.028-04:002010-07-29T17:39:15.028-04:00YAHOO! Lorraine, I have to admit, sometimes you a...YAHOO! Lorraine, I have to admit, sometimes you are definitely my hero. I will be linking this. <br /><br />I take every opportunity to tell people what the reality of adoption is for me and what my daughter explained to me was her reality. I truly believe that the industry can not stand in face of public opinion that changes as the realities become more known!<br /><br />WAHOO!Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.com