tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8625905564630524640..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: So What Do You Think of Surrogate Mothers?Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88302864993261235662015-04-24T02:21:17.848-04:002015-04-24T02:21:17.848-04:00I'm happy that another Intended Mother who bat...I'm happy that another Intended Mother who battles infertility at a YOUNG AGE. Spoke out!! I too am 34 and been infertile since my early 20s. I have a gestational surrogate. And I'm proud of it and her. I do intend to tell my child about the ANGEL that brought them into the world. Surrogacy is a beautiful gift. Yes we reemburse our gestational carrier's for their time and for all the medical shots involved. There's nothing wrong with it. Those of you who think otherwise are intitled to your opinions. But do some research first. Stop being so rude to the surrogates. If it's not your choice than don't do it. But for some of us it's the only choice. I pray that none of you ever suffer from infertility as you're not equipped to handle it. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28240381814952459092010-03-08T13:51:28.512-05:002010-03-08T13:51:28.512-05:00I would like to make a quick comment. I am an inf...I would like to make a quick comment. I am an infertile person. I am not in my 40's or 50's like some of you have suggested. I am 30 years old and have been fighting infertility for several years. My husband and I are now looking into surrogacy right now. <br />I do not understand why some people are so against it...Do you have your own children, are you able to have your own? Do you not know how it feels to not have the ability to have your own child? I do. It haunts me every day that I cannot carry a child of my own. <br />There are not words that I can describe to make you understand how I feel. If I had the money to pay someone a million dollars to have my baby, I would. I would appreciate this wonderful woman giving herself and her families time to give me and my husband a family.<br />This is not something that should be battled about. This is not something just for "old people who waited too long to have children". These are real people with real feelings and infertility issues.<br />Surrogate mothers are a blessing from God.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-39441889989708317572010-02-19T08:11:22.936-05:002010-02-19T08:11:22.936-05:00Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your ol...Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!Egg Donorshttp://surrogacyabroad.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45170103105891051912009-03-04T15:56:00.000-05:002009-03-04T15:56:00.000-05:00I, like Sharon, am a "surrogate mother." We used ...I, like Sharon, am a "surrogate mother." We used the father's sperm and eggs from an egg donor. I gave birth to two beautiful twin babies almost 3 weeks ago, a boy and a girl, to the most wonderful couple, who I and my family have become close friends with. Our "journey" lasted nearly two years, and their attempts at having a family lasted 8 years before I came along.<BR/><BR/>Yes, I am/was a compensated surrogate. For all of you who have a problem with that, I suggest you stop tithing your priest as well, or paying your OB, or any doctor who sees you. They should all be putting themselves out for you for free. Stop paying your taxes, too, because that all voluntary military everyone so loves (and I used to belong to) is compensated more than a surrogate is. And nobody dare mentions the fact that all-voluntary is, well, hardly. <BR/><BR/>But then again I am someone who is pro-prostitution as well. Much like I wouldn't say some people who desperately want children but can't have them should NOT have them, I wouldn't say someone who is unlucky enough to have a regular sex partner should go without either. We all become so self-righteous when it is something we have no experience with; and even when we do, some of us like to play martyr and think everyone else should abstain just because for whatever warped reason, we did.<BR/><BR/>I am currently pumping breast milk for my surrogate twins and am in contact with the parents daily. In two months, my family and I will be moving back home and won't be near our surrogate-family any more, and it will be heartbreaking. The last two years were some of the most emotional yet rewarding years of our lives, and we are now joined forever because of that, in a way most people will never understand.<BR/><BR/>Unlike so many babies in this country today, these two babies were desperately wanted and loved, before they were even conceived. I would think the way they were conceived woudl be preferable to those children who find out their mother was drunk and had a one night stand -- where was the love in that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55629407745842841542008-12-09T18:38:00.000-05:002008-12-09T18:38:00.000-05:00I found it positive that the author of the NYT art...I found it positive that the author of the NYT article emphasized the importance of a genetic connection (her egg and her husband's sperm). I am absolutely opposed to surrogacy where the egg is the surrogate's or purchased from an egg seller (not an egg donor since she is paid.)<BR/><BR/>As an aside, one of Oregon's most notorious murderers was a surrogate mother using her own egg. Diane Downs is in the news this week because she is up for parole. Diane shot her three children in 1983, killing one of them. Prior to the murder, she had been a surrogate. I wonder if the "parents" of the surrogate child knew whose genes their child carries. Diane also had a child conceived after the murder who was placed for adoption. True crime writer Ann Rule wrote a book about the Downs case, "Small Sacrifices," which was made into a TV movie with Farrah Fawcet.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41827351196749755232008-12-08T12:10:00.000-05:002008-12-08T12:10:00.000-05:00". . . lets compare that to people needing a blood...". . . lets compare that to people needing a blood transfusion or a kidney or bone marrow transplant."<BR/><BR/>Blech. Let's not. It's not the same at all. <BR/>Nuf' saidAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-25030632168542945962008-12-08T08:22:00.000-05:002008-12-08T08:22:00.000-05:00Sharon, you say "Why should my family pay to have ...Sharon, you say "Why should my family pay to have another person's baby to be born?" Then you refer to surrogacy as" a gift that will keep on giving." So I assume you would not give this "gift" if you were not paid, which makes it not a gift but a commercial transaction, even if<BR/>the pay isn't great for 9 months work and wear and tear on your body. You did not answer my earlier question as to whether you would recommend this line of work for your daughter.Nor how this differs from prostittution; just another way of selling your body to provide a service to someone else. <BR/><BR/>Also, as Joy has pointed out, the "gift" isn't an organ or an object, but a human being. Nobody has a "right" to children by any means possible. In this case science has far outstripped ethics and the commercial model of infant adoption surrounded by secrets and lies under sealed records has become the template for assisted reproduction as well. To put it more bluntly, if you can pay for it you deserve to have it, and the child becomes a sought-after commodity, a product, not a person with rights of his own.<BR/><BR/>Perhaps surrogacy has been just peachie for you, but what about women in India who are tempted into earning more money by selling their bodies than they could by any other means, in order to feed their families?Does anyone provide surrogacy and other reproductive assistance for those who are infertile and poor? I don't think so. "Sympathy" for infertile people only goes so far, doesn't it? Only as far as those people can pay.maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-28845960294030301372008-12-07T18:47:00.000-05:002008-12-07T18:47:00.000-05:00Dear Sharon,What I think is sad is that you don't ...Dear Sharon,<BR/><BR/>What I think is sad is that you don't even seem to be aware of the fact that these babies that infertile people need, are actual human beings themselves.<BR/><BR/>Those little babies that infertile people need might not want to lose their identities and families just to meet the gaping hole in someone else.<BR/><BR/>Have a great week!joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658928829424953809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88894705853860576112008-12-07T11:57:00.000-05:002008-12-07T11:57:00.000-05:00Hi again!I am very interested in this debate that ...Hi again!<BR/><BR/>I am very interested in this debate that Surrogacy and even adoption is "wrong". The people making these comments, do they have their own children? If so, I can certainly see that you have no idea how a barren woman (Or infertile man) would feel as its a natural instinct to want to pro create and be a parent. Considering that Infertility is a life sentence lets compare that to people needing a blood transfusion or a kidney or bone marrow..should they, too, just "accept their fate"? Should they not use a donor? I think it's very closed minded of all of you who believe that people should not use science to complete their families when their own bodies has somehow failed them. Very Sad. <BR/><BR/>As for me...My expenses were paid for...all my ins policies, living expenses and maternity clothing. Any medical co-pays and travel expenses and, yes, even the child care for when I had to give birth. Why should my family pay to have another person's baby to be born? Remember it is against the law in every state to sell a baby! Compensation is for the expenses above. When you hear of a surrogate "getting 20,000 dollars" it is for more then a year of her life. Is it worth it? YES because its a gift that will keep on giving....not only making parents but grandparents, great grandparents aunts, uncles, and perhaps brothers and sisters etc. Human nature wants to pro create...people become couples most often to share their love with their children....everyone should have that choice if they can. No one should be able to take it away from them.<BR/><BR/>JMO!<BR/>Have a great week!<BR/><BR/>Sharon LaMothe<BR/>http://infertilityanswers.net/<BR/>http://infertilityanswers.typepad.com/surrogacy_101/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-7995596346522667112008-12-07T11:51:00.000-05:002008-12-07T11:51:00.000-05:00This is a can of worms."Military wives find a new ...This is a can of worms.<BR/>"Military wives find a new mission with service as surrogate mothers"<BR/>http://www.signonsandiego.com/news/<BR/>military/20080629-9999-1n29surro.html<BR/><BR/>Apparently Tricare comprehensive medical services for military wives can trim about one-fifth off the surrogacy price tag.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6153372626814382902008-12-07T08:57:00.000-05:002008-12-07T08:57:00.000-05:00Well, you must be making money somehow off of psyc...Well, you must be making money somehow off of psychiatry mairaine or the drugs used and what I say threatens that. Lorraine said to cool it, so please stop the juvinille insults. TyThe Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67101880097684516442008-12-07T07:48:00.000-05:002008-12-07T07:48:00.000-05:00No comment needed, IA. Nobody else could destroy y...No comment needed, IA. Nobody else could destroy your credibility better than your own words. I wish you were on our opponents' side!maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43009485459178510632008-12-06T14:32:00.000-05:002008-12-06T14:32:00.000-05:00Whoops-typoThere has never, ever been any medical ...Whoops-typo<BR/>There has never, ever been any medical test to prove that the *lack of dopamine causes schizophrenia-<BR/>too much dopamine causes schizophrenia rather.The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-76662697874308943932008-12-06T10:51:22.637-05:002008-12-06T10:51:22.637-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14796244175351172632008-12-06T09:55:00.000-05:002008-12-06T09:55:00.000-05:00It's worth a lot, Joy. As Oscar Wilde said, it's o...It's worth a lot, Joy. <BR/>As Oscar Wilde said, it's only shallow people who do not judge by appearances. <BR/>If you can look innocent, that's good enough for me. <BR/><BR/>You may call me Herod.<BR/><BR/> Mairane is absolutely correct about babies having separate circulatory systems from their mothers. It's a fact.<BR/> And I agree with her that surrogacy for money is a form of prostitution. <BR/>As far as the altruistic argument is concerned, some prostitutes use it too, that they are just performing a social service. <BR/>I have big trouble with the truthiness of such a statement. Although I'm sure they find it comforting to believe it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80309975741451136832008-12-06T08:19:00.000-05:002008-12-06T08:19:00.000-05:00Improper, you said "THE WHOLE NINE MONTHS THE SURR...Improper, you said "THE WHOLE NINE MONTHS THE SURROGATE IS CARRYING THIS INFANT, HER BLOOD IS RUNNING THROUGH THIS CHILD. I mean literally. "<BR/><BR/>What your doctor told you, which is true, does not back up this statement, which is what I was responding to. Mother and child have separate circulatory systems, and may have different blood types that would be incompatible if they came in direct contact with each other. Like getting the wrong blood type in a transfusion. You die.<BR/><BR/>That is why RH positive babies of RH negative mothers could have serious problems unless the mother is given a Rogam (sp?) shot after her first delivery, in case some blood got mixed during delivery.<BR/><BR/>Nutrients and other things are filtered and passed through the placenta. That is not the same as "her blood running through the child." I very much doubt that your doctor would back up that statement because it is not true.<BR/><BR/>Nor is any fetus "part of the mother's body". It is a separate being, able to be supported by the mother's body because of placental and hormonal actions that turn off the body's natural immune response to reject a foreign body. This response is a big problem in organ transplants. Any fetus, including those carried by the real mother, not an unrelated surrogate, is half the father's genes, so is not identical to the mother's body or a part of it. Yes, the fetus is affected by the gestational mother's nutrition, substance abuse, illnesses and emotions while being carried by the mother,and nobody is disputing that. <BR/><BR/>None of this ie either wrong, tactless or arrogant. It is just the accurate science, which you seem not to care about if it does not fit your beliefs. Aren't you the person who believes schizophrenia is caused by demonic possession?maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53538323046536169532008-12-06T07:10:00.000-05:002008-12-06T07:10:00.000-05:00Yes, surrogacy, even more than adoption, is all ab...Yes, surrogacy, even more than adoption, is all about what the buyer wants and can pay for, and never mind the feelings of the child so created; he or she is first and foremost "the product". Products don't have feelings or opinions. They exist to please the consumer.<BR/><BR/>We have heard from plenty of artificial insemination products, since that practice has gone on for many years. They are not delighted. And of course we know the problems many adoptees face.<BR/><BR/>In my opinion surrogacy is just another form of prostitution, taking it one step further and selling not the sexual experience but the product. Women with either few other options due to desperate poverty, or pure greed using their reproductive organs to make money.<BR/><BR/>And of course we have the pimps, as ever, those who arrange and profit from egg donation, surrogacy, and embryo sales. The terchnology may be new but the dubious ethics, exploitation and greed undelying the whole mess are very old. The "oldest profession" with a high-tech twist.maryannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820185286946511471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-61791303255355215242008-12-06T05:01:00.000-05:002008-12-06T05:01:00.000-05:00Never understood why surrogates and recipients (an...Never understood why surrogates and recipients (and donors) seem to use any rhetoric that they can to win on-line debates - this in spite of the donateds and adoptees best efforts to talk to them about the degrees of unhappiness that donorship brings. <BR/><BR/>The adults invloved wwant to buy nine months gestation. <BR/><BR/>But since some donateds get very unhappy over that transaction as well as surrogacy itself, it is time to stop donorship.<BR/><BR/>In poor families the adults invloved go without to feed their young, and so I ask here where is that self-scrifice to be found in in donorship?<BR/><BR/>Love does not win the donateds round, as is seen if anyone looks at what the donateds have to say.<BR/><BR/>As the poster called maybe states that infertlity is an illness, let me state that the donorship process does not cure it, which is what donor-conceived themslves say.<BR/><BR/>And since donorship is about them, and is failing, it should be banned..https://www.blogger.com/profile/11277675455636633976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-12447665888157596792008-12-05T23:54:00.000-05:002008-12-05T23:54:00.000-05:00I wish that women/couples who cannot conceive woul...I wish that women/couples who cannot conceive would just accept that as their fate and find something else to devote their lives to. We can't all be sports stars, actors, rock stars, rocket scientists... parents. It is what it is. Accept it, for crying out loud!!! Stop trying to subvert nature and/or take children from their families of origin.<BR/><BR/>IMHO, surrogacy (as well as using donor eggs and sperm) is as wrong as adoption, perhaps more so, because there are situations where adoption is a viable solution (children in foster care or who would otherwise not have families). Using others' bodies and reproductive pieces/parts for personal gain is plain wrong.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-833691593376365362008-12-05T22:02:00.000-05:002008-12-05T22:02:00.000-05:00I can certainly act innocent and violently claim i...I can certainly act innocent and violently claim innocence. That has to be worth something...joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658928829424953809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64187812804366724772008-12-05T20:11:00.000-05:002008-12-05T20:11:00.000-05:00I'm willing to stalk you instead, Joy.But are you ...I'm willing to stalk you instead, Joy.<BR/>But are you innocent enough for me to bother?<BR/>That is the question.<BR/><BR/>You're right about the mitochondrial DNA. I'd forgotten about that. I've read that women and their fetuses exchange cells during pregnancy, leaving mother and child with fragments of the other in their systems. I've also heard that this can trigger autoimmune diseases in the mother.<BR/><BR/>How about this one then? <BR/>http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1091907/Hampstead-intellectual-seeks-egg-donor-mother--Oxbridge-students-considered.htmlAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-11078697371149399802008-12-05T14:29:00.000-05:002008-12-05T14:29:00.000-05:00Kippa will you stalk me instead then, because I re...Kippa will you stalk me instead then, because I really appreciate your sense of humor, and I promise not to throw tomateaux, well not too often anyway.<BR/><BR/>The thing that scares me about surrogacy is we don't really know what the consequences are. <BR/><BR/>We know that mitochondrial (sp?) DNA from the children a mother carries stays in her body for at least 38 years, and that her DNA does mix with the growing babies.<BR/><BR/>So we don't really know what we are doing, and we are willing to find out by using the lives of innocents. That makes me very sad for us.joyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15658928829424953809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8451080498950167432008-12-05T12:29:00.000-05:002008-12-05T12:29:00.000-05:00Actually, what prompted my response about people i...Actually, what prompted my response about people in chateaux was yours to Mairaine. <BR/>I just tossed Heidi in for good measure.<BR/><BR/>Your definition of stalking is just about as off-beam as your understanding of what 'devil's advocate' means. But whatev. <BR/><BR/>I'm off now, to buy groceries, and cut down a few innocent Adoptees while I'm about it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-4011769323170359482008-12-05T11:11:50.171-05:002008-12-05T11:11:50.171-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.The Improper Adopteehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04460201280334904431noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-41213119798701213162008-12-05T10:55:00.000-05:002008-12-05T10:55:00.000-05:00Um, Improper. People in chateaux shouldn't throw t...Um, Improper. People in chateaux shouldn't throw tomateaux. <BR/>But I guess it's different when you do it. <BR/><BR/>Heidi Hess Saxton must have been delighted with the ammunition you gave her. Of course, she's under no obligation to make allowances for your obvious psychological problems.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com