tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8727940249012525857..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: The Wacky Website of a Woman in Hiding (from her daughter)Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-58610416807080686602022-02-02T19:05:16.296-05:002022-02-02T19:05:16.296-05:00Thank you for saying so. I am shocked and dismayed...Thank you for saying so. I am shocked and dismayed at the ignorance, ideological blindness, callousness, and disregard for human rights (e.g. women's rights) that these comments reveal. If a woman or girl didn't have a great reason for abortion before, reading this will give her one.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-69695913786345173402019-08-29T16:23:13.503-04:002019-08-29T16:23:13.503-04:00I have not read Foley's book but I have read t...I have not read Foley's book but I have read the reviews at amazon and the opinions here. Of course, you have a right to your opinion! Most posters state their opinion that she was not raped. Unfortunately, we still have not come out of the era when most rape victims were judged as liars. Most people are saying she has mental health issues and this proves she was not raped. Their conclusion is that anyone with mental health problems is fabricating the account of rape. Actually, this is a defense most often used by a rapist in court. <br /><br />The statement: 'Penn's "non-identifying information report" from CSS contains nothing about any "rape" allegation' is at the top of this page. We should know by now that Catholic Social Services deliberately omitted information and even provided falsehoods. I wanted the social worker to put the name of the inseminator/rapist in my son's record. She refused to do so. Instead, she wrote "unknown" as I found out later. In fact, all babies at Catholic Charities were fathered by "unknown." I do not know Foley and I do not know her daughter. This post is strictly to point out the blatant misogyny of women toward other women. <br /><br /><br />I am in favor of an adoptee knowing her history. For me, losing my son was life's greatest loss. I had to hire a professional searcher to find my son -- so great was my determination to find him. I spent a good portion of my life dealing with the loss and trauma. He said: "I'm glad you searched for me because I would never have searched for you." I was determined to make our reunion work out for the good. Tolerance, waiting and patience paid off. We are always in touch and I recently returned from a 5-day stay at his house. I know that some first mothers do not have successful reunions -- not because they did anything wrong! I am saddened for them and I wish they could have been as lucky as I was. <br /><br /><br />I know first mothers and adoptees are very angry with Foley because she wants to keep records closed. Posters say Foley is vitriolic. I once heard a famous woman say: when they go low, we go high. Matching vitriol with vitriol does no good in the cause for open records.<br />Pauline Trumpi Evanshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05899456402686660532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-38558733552180225292019-03-15T17:09:58.559-04:002019-03-15T17:09:58.559-04:00I know this is very late to post here, but I need ...I know this is very late to post here, but I need to respond. My mother died when I was three months old. My father gave me up a month later, not because he wanted to, but because he didn't have supports to keep me. My mother is my mother. She is not my birthmother. You said, "*Birthmother* is a construct that serves the purposes of adoption." No, that is not how it works. You've got it all wrong. A mother is a mother forever. The only parent who needs a descriptive word in front of the word "mother" is Adoptive mother. Adoptive father. Adoptive parent. Foster Parent...Adoption did not say my mother is a birthmother. She died knowing she was my mother. Adoption took that away from her...and from me. Adoption said that she was no longer my mother when another woman's name was typed in as my mother by birth. It is all a lie. I have been fighting for 45 years to have New York State reinstate my mother AS my mother by releasing my revoked and sealed birth certificate to me. My adoptive mother's name belongs on an adoption certificate not a birth certificate.Doris Michol Sippelhttp://www.forbiddenfamily.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-72886299112059511022013-03-20T14:00:32.677-04:002013-03-20T14:00:32.677-04:00Hey Foxxy: it's cool, welcome. and thanks for ...Hey Foxxy: it's cool, welcome. and thanks for sharing this link! Everybody posts comments here. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45652435201462177292013-03-20T12:21:21.669-04:002013-03-20T12:21:21.669-04:00Okay before I have my say, let me just be up front...Okay before I have my say, let me just be up front. I'm an adoptive mother. Dear lord, I hate to say this but.... I am a teensy tiny bit like this idiot - whereas I identify as being an adoptee (older step parent adoption) but simply because of my own life experiences and how they seem to mirror those of many real adoptees. Okay, now on to the matter at hand....<br /><br />Thank you for posting this!!!! Believe it or not, this idiot came to my attention through a Guatemalan Adoption group posting on FB (as in check out this moron). I was infuriated this woman had the audacity to deny her child the most basic of courtesies and then turn around and write a book about it. Yes, it smacks of that Anita Tedaldi insanity a few years back. <br /><br />I have shared this post with my fellow adopters - I hope the author doesn't mind. Foxxy Onehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10965197890458229684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-34242780095062485832013-03-10T19:55:46.353-04:002013-03-10T19:55:46.353-04:00This blog is so awful. I can't believe how jud...This blog is so awful. I can't believe how judgemental you are being about Kathleen Foley. She has a right to privacy. How dare you doubt her claim that she was raped, you misogynists. Ms Penn has parents - the ones who adopted her. I hope states pass laws protecting the privacy of people who put children up for adoption. Better yet, loosen up the restrictions on abortion. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49459226546361197982012-03-24T18:22:41.329-04:002012-03-24T18:22:41.329-04:00COMMENTS CLOSEDCOMMENTS CLOSEDJane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6287925565957072912012-03-24T16:53:02.364-04:002012-03-24T16:53:02.364-04:00Anon,
You're totally missing the point. The a...Anon,<br />You're totally missing the point. The adoption was never for or about Foley. Adoption is solely for the benefit of the child, not the birth parent or the adoptive parent. For many children, the benefit includes having contact with their birth parents both while growing up and when they become adults. Of course a child is better off being adopted than being raised by a parent who doesn't want him. Even those unfortunate children, however, may benefit from contact with their biological parents.<br /><br />Birth parents like Foley who refuse contact with their children are either selfish or ignorant. For more on the value of openness, read the recent E. B. Donaldson Report, "Openness in Adoption." <br /><br />Unfortunately, mothers are often misinformed when they surrender their children and view openness as some thing for themselves which they can take or leave.<br /><br />With regard to choice, read our 3/12/12 post. Choice is often an illusion when it comes to adoption.<br /><br />"I've answered three questions and that is enough; Be off or I'll kick you downstairs." -- Lewis Carroll,Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35366620112175450662012-03-23T00:06:07.141-04:002012-03-23T00:06:07.141-04:00Hmmm, but is Foley saying that all must adopt her ...Hmmm, but is Foley saying that all must adopt her viewpoint? That is what I most struggle with as I read this. So many people seemed to find her "disgusting" etc. etc. because she chooses not to take a mother role post adoption. While I think it is an extreme feeling, some people in her circumstances could feel that way. I have to think that is very very difficult for her adopted daughter to come to terms with, but as many said, you are not starting with a blank slate with a child. And Foley seems a sensitive child particularly shattered by what she experienced and doing the best she can/what she needs to do to be able to get through it. I have never had to make a decision about giving a child up for adoption - I am slightly younger than her and thus post Roe v Wade. So I made a different tough decision post rape. So some might call me a murderer and all kinds of things because that is a different choice than they believe they would have made or did make under such circumstances. But why does what is right for one person have to define what must be right for another? That's what I don't get in the context of this discussion as well as others. If people believe it is important to give their child up for adoption for any reason, that is their valid choice. If they want to continue to have contact with that child, they can choose an open adoption. At least in the state I live in, an enforceable contract can be entered into regarding access to the child. I think having ONLY the choice of either closed or open adoption is wrong. I think people should have choices and other people should allow them that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67183500816648774222012-03-22T23:57:04.661-04:002012-03-22T23:57:04.661-04:00I wonder why everyone has to take sides. What is ...I wonder why everyone has to take sides. What is right and true for the owner of this site is not necessarily what everyone needs. Why must someone be evil if they have different perspective, needs, experience. There is no absolute right and wrong. Ms Foley experienced a horror of parental neglect, abuse and sexual abuse. Her decision /need to respond to that in a way in which she finally finds a voice - albeit a different voice from those posting here - doesn't make her a monster. It makes her different from you. If we all continue to look at those different from us and just paint in black and white there can be no real progress. The world is more complicated than that. Compassion for us ALL would be a good start at creating something different. What is here won't create any bridges or progress. As women, I think we can do better than this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-84504909171660924632012-03-22T22:50:50.590-04:002012-03-22T22:50:50.590-04:00Anon,
We don't say someone is evil if they d...Anon, <br /><br />We don't say someone is evil if they disagree with us on open records, just that they're wacky. <br /><br />Some issues have no middle ground and require decent people to take a stand. If abolitionists and sufragettes had compromised, we'd still have slavery in some parts of the country and women would not be allowed to vote in all states. <br /><br />If we accept that Foley has a valid point, we might as well give up the fight. Compromising with the likes of Foley would be like compromising with the Flat Earth Society by agreeing that the earth is a cube.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05669797756463841249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-14939519752231393452012-03-22T21:50:59.991-04:002012-03-22T21:50:59.991-04:00I wonder why everyone has to take sides. What is ...I wonder why everyone has to take sides. What is right and true for the owner of this site is not necessarily what everyone needs. Why must someone be evil if they have different perspective, needs, experience. There is no absolute right and wrong. Ms Foley experienced a horror of parental neglect, abuse and sexual abuse. Her decision /need to respond to that in a way in which she finally finds a voice - albeit a different voice from those posting here - doesn't make her a monster. It makes her different from you. If we all continue to look at those different from us and just paint in black and white there can be no real progress. The world is more complicated than that. Compassion for us ALL would be a good start at creating something different. What is here won't create any bridges or progress. As women, I think we can do better than this.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37324168172518124962011-07-11T16:12:13.155-04:002011-07-11T16:12:13.155-04:00I saw an article about Catholic Charities adoptees...I saw an article about Catholic Charities adoptees. And hope someone can help me please. I have been looking for my baby brother for over 30 years now. And I have hit dead ends everytime. Catholic Charities will not give me any information about him since my mother is still alive and in a nursing home. Which is terrible. She has been looking til she couldnt any longer. So, I promised her I will not give up til I find him. I don't know what else to do. I have talked to people and nothing, also, people wanting thousands of dollars for finding a person is crazy when you dont have it. If I did I would spend it to find him. He was born at Margret Hague Maternity Hospital in New Jersey. Born October 9th, 1959 name at birth Kevin Brown. The adoption from what I could get was that he was adopted on Feb 5th, 1960 or 1961 to family that the father worked in the shipyard and mother as a telephone operator. This is all I could get and it hit dead end after that. Can anyone help me. I know this is a long shot but I don't know what else to do. I even asked this guy "Troy Dunn" to help and he said "sorry". Please any information that could help me would be wonderful. Thank you and hope everyone has the chance to find their loved ones. <br />email me at Reba1970@aol.com, this is my friends addy so please serious enquires would be greatly appriciated. <br />DebraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-53242440663138904382009-11-22T13:48:42.300-05:002009-11-22T13:48:42.300-05:00Hey Anonymous (who most certainly has it for me~ H...Hey Anonymous (who most certainly has it for me~ HA!) When you were quoting what I said, you so conveniently left out the most important thing, so I will copy and paste THE WHOLE COMMENT. <br /><br />"Why does my son's adoptive mother get the title of mother and I of BIRTHmother? Because I was vulnerable young woman who believed the brainwashing the baby brokers and the social wrecker fed me. Because I believed the OPEN ADOPTION LIE and the false promises of continued contact, which ceased when my son was 7."<br /><br />You so conveniently leave out, in your idiotic rants, anything to do with me being lied to and manipulated out of my child with the promise of an OPEN ADOPTION. Why is that, anonymous? Did the cat get your tounge on that little tidbit that has EVERYTHING to do with why I made that statement in the first place?<br /><br />"Because, being a mom is about doing the time, doing the effort. Ultimately, 90% of being a mom is just showing up every single day!"<br /><br />Yes, we know, you are so noble and wonderful for getting to DO THE TIME. YOU GOT TO DO THE TIME BECAUSE A MOTHER LOST that opportunity.. because of lies, vulnerability and deception. Your arrogance and entitlment make me sick to my stomach. Why don't you stop hiding behind your anonymity and tell us who you really are? I, for one would love to know. <br /><br />YOU ARE THE ONE who is desperatly clinging to something, by coming here and denouncing our motherhood. You will never see me on an adoptive mothers blog(s) doing such a thing. Never. I don't feel the need to have somethign I know validated by the likes of you, that I am my son's mother. Mother of the Year Pin? My son's adoptive mother can have it, since she is apparently so much more deserving and entitled to MY CHILD. Isn't that right, anonymous. <br /><br />As far as your question that is really none of your damn business, the only difference that I see in the child I am raising and the one I LOST, is a profound sadness at all that I unecessarily missed with my firstborn, that I shouldn't have. <br /><br />I feel so very sorry for the children that you have adopted, anonymous. It is people like you that make me regret my decision even more that I already have all of these years. You see us as nothing more than incubators for you. You are, in reality, nothing but threatened and jealous of the 'genetic bond' that you know you, nor anyone else can ever break.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05853661383614920724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-49815004226590991422009-11-22T10:03:04.259-05:002009-11-22T10:03:04.259-05:00Well, you know, I already got in trouble here with...Well, you know, I already got in trouble here with one list for shooting my mouth off, so I will not repeat the poem should somebody from that group be skulking around here (as there is a connection), but suffice to say, the lines "conceived from a blessing and sent straight from above" are in there. <br /><br />??????<br /><br /><br />But Snow, you are right. It is Sim's poem and she chooses to have it in her room. I seriously doubt she's read it through lately. It's more like the whole package of keepsakes. I have always referred to her folks as "your parents in China" . . .but again, it's her adoption story, not mine, and she is the orchestrator of these relationships. I'm just the information digger, although my imagination does fire up too at the chance to know these people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37571226900206247472009-11-22T09:06:38.045-05:002009-11-22T09:06:38.045-05:00Anon (Nov 21) said "I wonder if any of you bi...Anon (Nov 21) said "I wonder if any of you birth mothers has any children you've now raised."<br />I do, Anon. I have raised an adopted son and a biological son. And I am reunited with my relinquished son, who was adopted in 1962.<br /><br />"And hasn't that experience illustrated its profound value and forever-bonding relationship? Or do you see absolutely no difference in your significance as mother to a child you've not raised to one you have"<br />I have three sons, and two of them each have two mothers. Whatever difference in my significance to them as a mother is for them to say, not me.<br /><br />Little SnowdropAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-22775322631834262572009-11-22T08:25:41.712-05:002009-11-22T08:25:41.712-05:00Osolo, I can hardly imagine anything "equally...Osolo, I can hardly imagine anything "equally awful". The mind boggles. But there are more things in heaven and earth, and I'm sure some of them are adoption plaques.<br /><br />Actually, re the "legacy" poem, I do think an adopted person can have 'two mothers', but I also think it's up to them to make that decision, not to have it made for them.<br />I guess it comes down to the way it's framed. <br />Or in this case, plaqued.<br /><br />However, I can understand why your daughter likes your plaque.<br /><br />Little Immaculate SnowdropAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16933811384812078732009-11-22T08:13:20.992-05:002009-11-22T08:13:20.992-05:00Anonymous said: "Because, being a mom is abou...Anonymous said: "Because, being a mom is about doing the time, doing the effort. Ultimately, 90% of being a mom is just showing up every single day!"<br /><br />By that logic my adoptive mother should be Mother of the Year--the woman who wanted me only for the social status a child could provide, and who, yes, bought me clothes and food and schooling but remained emotionally unavailable to me my entire life. There is no guarantee of "forever-bonding" as you so nauseatingly put it.<br /><br />I have TWO mothers: my mother of origin and my adoptive mother. If an adoptive mother can't deal with the fact that another woman is the genetic mother of her child, she has no business adopting. As a mother myself I can tell you there is more to that genetic lineage that you so casually dismiss.<br /><br />To the Anonymous that penned "Lousy Legacy"--ROTFLMAO!Triona Guidryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00969598333210972017noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-16352097060430304182009-11-21T21:04:14.931-05:002009-11-21T21:04:14.931-05:00Vanessa said: "Why does my son's adoptiv...Vanessa said: "Why does my son's adoptive mother get the title of mother and I of BIRTHmother?"<br /><br />Because, being a mom is about doing the time, doing the effort. Ultimately, 90% of being a mom is just showing up every single day!<br /><br />That's why Vanessa!<br /><br />But if all you have is a genetic linkage, I can see how you'll desperately cling to that thread and weave it into a big fat "Mother of the Year" button you can pin on your shirt.<br /><br />I wonder if any of you birth mothers has any children you've now raised. And hasn't that experience illustrated its profound value and forever-bonding relationship? Or do you see absolutely no difference in your significance as mother to a child you've not raised to one you have?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-7351494453796649392009-11-21T19:48:41.169-05:002009-11-21T19:48:41.169-05:00Little Snow (pure as the driven) and Maryanne, I&#...Little Snow (pure as the driven) and Maryanne, I'm ashamed to say we own one of those plaque poems--not that one but something equally awful. It was given to us at the time of our adoption and Sim actually likes it. I can understand why. It is accompanied by the obligatory picture of the babies on a sofa in the hotel lobby. Of course, it is link with the past but I await the day when she reads the poem and puts her finger down her throat.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-59990040209132584622009-11-21T19:44:11.627-05:002009-11-21T19:44:11.627-05:00Wife of the Pres, the average Chinese family can&#...Wife of the Pres, the average Chinese family can't afford even a cleft palate repair, never mind complex surgery. Children are abandoned because parents can't afford to get them medical care and insurance is dodgy at best. It's often hard to feed a child with a cleft palate at home, so just keeping your baby might not be an option. How's that for an unjust situation? Does that make adoption just or the "right" solution? It may be a solution one case at a time right now, but it is not a long-term one. How would you feel if you were given those two alternatives? Pay for surgery (which you cannot, by any stretch of the imagination) or abandon. How are those choices? And it would be interesting to see how many cleft palate surgeries are paid for after the child has been streamed into the system, not before, to make him or her adoptable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15782372371971977122009-11-21T18:28:36.369-05:002009-11-21T18:28:36.369-05:00That's beautiful, Anonymous.
Really, really b...That's beautiful, Anonymous. <br />Really, really beautiful.<br />I am moved to tears of laughter.<br /><br />Little SnowdropAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27224737724291134132009-11-21T11:07:12.865-05:002009-11-21T11:07:12.865-05:00Lousy Legacy
Once there were two women
Who could ...Lousy Legacy<br /><br />Once there were two women<br />Who could not stand each other<br />They fought and scratched like alley cats<br />Over who was really "mother"<br /><br />One said "I gave you brown eyes"(sorry that they're crossed)<br />The other said "I wiped your butt, picked up the junk you lost"<br /><br /> "I labored hours when you were born, and oy, the pain, it hurt!<br />The other said, "I washed your socks that reeked of sweat and dirt"<br /><br />"You're MINE" both shrieked, You owe me! I am the One True Mother."<br />"You damned ungrateful adoptee, come here and let me smother...."<br /><br />Do you come from your A.mom's heart, or from your B.Mom's guts?<br />Neither, darling, neither<br />'Cause both of them are nuts!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66663784228010699922009-11-20T11:43:20.925-05:002009-11-20T11:43:20.925-05:00'Legacy of an adopted child', always remin...'Legacy of an adopted child', always reminds me of Madeline Basset to whom Bertie Wooster periodically found himself threateningly engaged. She liked to say that "the stars are God's daisy chain" (as well as " "every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born").<br /><br />You'd think even Anonymous would be embarrassed to take credit for it.<br />It's god-awful sentimental mush of the worst order, and Maryanne is quite right about it being the kind of poems that get put on plaques.<br /><br />I suggest some serious plaque burning. <br />I volunteer to be Savonarola :- )<br /><br />Little SnowdropAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-85466996924171218292009-11-19T16:05:02.723-05:002009-11-19T16:05:02.723-05:00Lorraine Dusky says: Adoption, particularly overse...Lorraine Dusky says: Adoption, particularly overseas adoption, is rife with corruption because there is a buck to be made by supplying the world with freshly-minted healthy babies.<br /><br />So, Lorraine or others, what about the children who are not healthy? What should we do? Leave them to die in an orphanage? Or should they be adopted?<br /><br />Yes, I am an AP and yes, I have a daughter who was adopted internationally. She was born with complex heart disease and cleft lip and palate, none of which was repaired in her birth country.Wife of the Pres.https://www.blogger.com/profile/18325629674978160122noreply@blogger.com