tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8796214615013657578..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Whatever happened to Carlina White? Lorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-80689432269461858752018-02-19T14:03:26.324-05:002018-02-19T14:03:26.324-05:00My mother signed a note to her Welfare case worker...My mother signed a note to her Welfare case worker. She was tricked into giving her the baby until she got her life in order when my mother was 15. When she went back the lady didn’t work there and the family disappeared. My mother was the child of migrant workers and didn’t have the support to look for her baby girl. My sister found us in 1988. There are Happy Endings to many stories out there including my family’s story. Mz. Cribohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15560414214378688680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-35444704363180355392017-10-25T22:04:45.553-04:002017-10-25T22:04:45.553-04:00Yo! That is rather tough on women who feel they ha...Yo! That is rather tough on women who feel they had no choice but to give their child up. Many of them search for years, and carry this sorrow around like a cross. I urge you to do some more reading about the times when birth control was not so accessible and the pressure to give up a child if you were not married was enormous. ENORMOUS. <br />Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-8544244014626185512017-10-22T12:08:12.243-04:002017-10-22T12:08:12.243-04:00Cherry, you may be a wonderful person as an adult ...Cherry, you may be a wonderful person as an adult however that sixteen year old was reckless, and that baby boy paid for your recklessness. You come across like his image of you was so unreasonable. I also was adopted and had similar images of my birth mother I think it may be due to not being able to fathom why anyone would be irresponsible enough to get pregnant with a baby they then give away so they can then go on to do whatever they want too without ever knowing what happened to their own flesh and blood.Luka1497https://www.blogger.com/profile/12355997318463599186noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-89625360442334850292017-08-23T06:02:37.486-04:002017-08-23T06:02:37.486-04:00Pia I totally agree with Lori. she wasn't ent...Pia I totally agree with Lori. she wasn't entitled to the money. They started the trust fund on their own. And, who would think after 21 years that their child would ever be found? What would you do??? The same thing.. probably even spend it 'way before that.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-31679617035516501562017-08-23T05:58:40.433-04:002017-08-23T05:58:40.433-04:00I think "APs" want to feel like the chil...I think "APs" want to feel like the child is theirs, so they choose a name they would have given a biological child. I'm not saying it's right, it's just true. And in the case of Carlina White, obviously she wanted to make it harder for her to be found.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43495256096614623072017-08-23T05:56:57.265-04:002017-08-23T05:56:57.265-04:00She actually has had quite a hard time with both h...She actually has had quite a hard time with both her parents and Ann Pettway. No matter what, a child will feel like he/she was abandoned, even in a case like this. Put yourself in her shoes... it had to be tougher than anyone could imagine.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33711159423947009362016-09-09T11:03:47.612-04:002016-09-09T11:03:47.612-04:00i remember watching this movie thinking oh this is...i remember watching this movie thinking oh this is going to be about the skanky real parents not having a right to their child and the nurse being the good adoptress who raised the child right. i think about myself and other moms who did everything in their power to fight the adoption and being forever hailed as the evil real mom. that here is an adoption story similar to so many, and the nurse is charged and in our tortured lives we are claimed the villain in such very similar circumstances. it is ironic. nadesehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16624552930797070394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64290557773798638772015-04-13T15:03:09.956-04:002015-04-13T15:03:09.956-04:00Yes perversion, I to am sorry. Very sad indeed fo...Yes perversion, I to am sorry. Very sad indeed for all.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06100607223784688345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86637203195776577702014-12-29T22:01:29.736-05:002014-12-29T22:01:29.736-05:00Pia, seriously? First the money was for payment f...Pia, seriously? First the money was for payment for the child - but for the parents pain. At what point was it Netty's? No offense, but it seems to me that if a parent is paid to take care of something, that is one thing. This was a settlement for pain and suffering of the PARENTS - my understanding is that the parents set up the trust with hope and gave up ... which is understandable.<br />Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-17253102813812071432014-12-29T21:59:18.315-05:002014-12-29T21:59:18.315-05:00Sadly, Anonymous, this seems to be common - money ...Sadly, Anonymous, this seems to be common - money being an issue.Lorihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815710859859029536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64104466526176267752014-06-15T16:57:21.715-04:002014-06-15T16:57:21.715-04:00They dissolved the $$$ 5 years before her 21 birth...They dissolved the $$$ 5 years before her 21 birthday. HHC/Harlem Hospital fought vigorously against that. <br /><br />Look many people might find Carlina/Netty wrong for being upset over the settlement money but I cannot blame her. They didn't abide by the settlement although both mother and father had received 1/3 of the settlement after the lawyers got their lion's share. Piahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09477954289730363873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-2684682623937511792014-01-02T04:16:19.574-05:002014-01-02T04:16:19.574-05:00Hi Lorraine,
I thought about this post after watc...Hi Lorraine,<br /><br />I thought about this post after watching the movie 'like father, like son'. I don't know if it has been released in the US but I found it excellent and very moving. Wether you would agree with it, I don't know, but I'd be interested to hear your opinion.<br />It's not about adoption or child kidnapping, but about an exchange of babies at hospital shortly after birth, and what happens when the families are told about it 6 years later (sorry, difficult to explain without spoiling it!)<br /><br />BlandineBlandinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04284860435947180760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-77303452623336537432014-01-01T21:05:12.009-05:002014-01-01T21:05:12.009-05:00Again: While I agree there was a lot of Polish pre...Again: While I agree there was a lot of Polish prejudice in the 60s, 70s and even the 80s, the institutionalized bit came from my daughter having epilepsy. But I agree, her APs might not have been so quick to put me in a nut house if I had the same heritage as they did. Not Polish.Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-29837950865044259842014-01-01T16:40:05.728-05:002014-01-01T16:40:05.728-05:00There used to be a lot of prejudice in this countr...There used to be a lot of prejudice in this country towards Polish people. As recently as the 1980s, when I was growing up, I remember hearing Polish jokes, about how dumb Polish people supposedly were. This was typified by Archie Bunker, who would constantly refer to his son-in-law as "a dumb Pollock." <br /><br />I think this stereotype had its origin in two places. The first is that Poland was invaded, partitioned and wiped off the map for years, from the late 1700 until the treaty of Versailles, at the end of World War I. Then they were quickly flattened by Germany and the Soviet Union at the onset of the Second World War. American love a winner, and militarily speaking, Poland was definitely not a winner.<br /><br />The second reason why some people might erroneously make a connection between Polish ancestry and mental illness is because of two high profile people. A woman named Anna Anderson, real name Franziska Schanzkowska, was the most high profile of all the Anastasia imposters--women claiming to be the child of Czar Nicholas II, who supposedly survived the Soviet execution squad. There were many people who believed her claim, and there was even a TV movie about her, that starred Amy Irving, Olivia de Havilland, Omar Sharif and Susan Lucci. In reality, this woman was quite mad and was repeatedly institutionalized as "a danger to herself and others."<br /><br />Also, it was widely, and credibly, speculated that Jack the Ripper was of Polish origin.<br /><br />So I am sure that a lot of people bought into the prejudice of the day and were easily persuaded that there might be a linkage between Polish genes and mental instability. Stevenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-6370208592128891232014-01-01T15:33:32.283-05:002014-01-01T15:33:32.283-05:00There is no link between being Polish and institut...There is no link between being Polish and institutionalized--I was merely saying that all they knew about me was that I was Polish. But that was only half of my daughter's heritage--her father, Patrick, was 100 percent Irish. She would have liked to know this--as would have her parents, as her mother is Scottish and that closeness geographically at least was not so foreign as: <i>Polish.</i>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-62592886089774242382013-12-31T21:51:55.234-05:002013-12-31T21:51:55.234-05:00I, too, cannot make the connection between being P...I, too, cannot make the connection between being Polish and institutionalized.Ellen - reunited first mothernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86987960402015649082013-12-31T17:00:30.593-05:002013-12-31T17:00:30.593-05:00Confused. Why would you being Polish indicate that...Confused. Why would you being Polish indicate that you were in an institution?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-71418517228964943642013-12-31T13:21:40.672-05:002013-12-31T13:21:40.672-05:00Phoenix Rising: What you describe is terrible of ...Phoenix Rising: What you describe is terrible of the parents, because, knowing your story, they knew they name you wanted to give your son. Their naming the biological son that name was pure perversity. I am so sorry it added to his and your grief. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-67204011749132133722013-12-31T13:19:25.199-05:002013-12-31T13:19:25.199-05:00Anonymous: Not sure about the money being the prob...Anonymous: Not sure about the money being the problem--Netty did ask about the trust fund her parents set up for her voluntarily from the settlement they received from Harlem Hospital--which was a half of the total amount--but they dissolved it when she turned 21, pretty much having given up she would ever turn up. They are not wealthy people, they had split up long ago, and they simply used the money. <br /><br />Both in the movie and in stories I've read, Netty says she asked about it, but it was not the only or main reason there was friction. Like anybody who suddenly finds herself with a "new" family, she needed time and had conflicted feelings about her new identity. <br /><br />Sounds familiar, right?Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-15194071765543087392013-12-31T11:34:12.431-05:002013-12-31T11:34:12.431-05:00Speaking of names, my son's adopters so conven...Speaking of names, my son's adopters so conveniently named their biological son they had three years later the same name I gave my son. <br /><br />Don't tell me that was pure coincidence. That was just yet another way for them to control the narrative of our lives and be assured he would never connect to his first given name, because it was not his "brother's." PhoenixRisinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07655924058370540037noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63543467382460942112013-12-31T10:01:19.280-05:002013-12-31T10:01:19.280-05:00I've written it before, but here goes again: B...I've written it before, but here goes again: Because my daughter had epilepsy, and all they knew was that I was Polish (and they did not know she was also half Irish), my daughter's adoptive mother thought I might be institutionalized. Instead, I had been a big deal at my university and was a newspaper reporter who had an affair with the star political reporter on the paper. <i>Quelle difference.</i>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86572874219489948192013-12-31T09:16:42.759-05:002013-12-31T09:16:42.759-05:00It's a sad story and even more sad because I h...It's a sad story and even more sad because I have read that netty stopped speaking to her biological parents for some time because the settlement money they got from hospital when age was little was now gone.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-33397475604619997942013-12-31T06:19:11.443-05:002013-12-31T06:19:11.443-05:00What strikes me most about this story is how Netty...What strikes me most about this story is how Netty's abductor was perfectly happy for Netty to believe she was abandonned by her real mother (who 'deserted her'); that her real mother was probably someone who people tend to avoid or dislike ('a drug addict') and who obviously didn't care about Netty (as she 'didn't come back'). <br /><br />All so that the abductor could have what she wanted and felt entitled to - a baby, and a motherhood role.<br /><br />The thing is, I think this is a full-volume scenario of a dynamic that happens quietly and subtly and frequently in the homes of many adopted people.<br /><br />The messages of why they are where they are involves a trashing of the real mother's character, and a dismissal and negation of her deep emotional attachment to her child. <br /><br />On reunion, my son was astonished that I wasn't some slob living off welfare on some hopeless estate somewhere. Where had he got that idea? He was surprised (and relieved) that I liked poetry and art. Why was he surprised? I gave him up when I was 16 - I wasn't yet anybody, not yet fully formed as a person, yet he already had a picture of me that was feckless, hopeless and unembraceable. He got that idea from somewhere.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Cherrynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-64987393920723755242013-12-30T14:47:34.381-05:002013-12-30T14:47:34.381-05:00Names are important. They are an integral part of ...Names are important. They are an integral part of our identities.<br /> <br />When asked, "Who are you?," our first response is normally to give our names. <br /><br />So, it astounds me when APS have no qualms about changing the names of their children. Especially for children who have gone through foster care, their names are among the few constants they have. <br /><br />When APs change names, what does that signal to the children? Do the children then believe that they are not good enough because their names weren't good enough? What else isn't good enough? What else are these children expected to change about themselves? The children may wonder what else isn't good enough.<br /><br />It all reminds me of a scene from Hitchcock's Vertigo. Jimmy Stewart wanted Kim Novak to change everything about herself, including her hairstyle and color. He said, "It can't matter to you." She wanted him to love her, so she allowed him to change her hair, even though it clearly hurt her. <br /><br />For many of us, names do matter.HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-86296556952040293492013-12-30T11:12:43.084-05:002013-12-30T11:12:43.084-05:00I wonder if the fact that Carlina White was kidnap...I wonder if the fact that Carlina White was kidnapped rather than relinquished helped her develop a strong relationship with her parents because she didn't have to deal with the fact that she was given away. She also didn't have to feel grateful to Ann Pettway, the woman who stole her. In other words, White didn't have the push-pull between her two sets of parents that some adoptees express.Bettynoreply@blogger.com