tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post8919185780247616577..comments2024-03-27T20:48:39.389-04:00Comments on [Birth Mother] First Mother Forum: Wendy Davis proves you can do it--keep your baby and succeedLorraine Duskyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78600586237502175702013-07-04T09:46:40.631-04:002013-07-04T09:46:40.631-04:00"My boys are adopted. They could have been ab..."My boys are adopted. They could have been aborted," Lori Lett of Crosby..."<br /><br />Ms. Lett says her adopted sons could have been aborted. I wonder if they could have been kept?!Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-37504621379432763572013-07-03T23:15:47.096-04:002013-07-03T23:15:47.096-04:00Jane,
Re. the Texas abortion law debate.....an ad...Jane,<br /><br />Re. the Texas abortion law debate.....an adoptive parent outside the courthouse had this to say (as posted today on MSNBC.com), "My boys are adopted. They could have been aborted," Lori Lett of Crosby, northeast of Houston, told KPRC. "That's why I wanted to come." <br /><br />It's infuriating the automatic conclusion many adoptive parents seem to draw about first mothers: that we all set out to have abortions then changed our minds at the last minute. This attitude is not only uninformed, it's prejudicial.<br /><br />I think it's safe to say many women from all walks of life may have considered having an abortion at some point. For all this woman knows, her mother considered aborting her. <br /><br />The proof of this prejudice is in the pudding as I'm fairly certain few adoptive parents would say to a married woman with children "so when did you change your mind about aborting your child?" Yet the second a woman signs a TPR, the judgement begins.<br /><br /><br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-1814905809063741332013-07-01T16:33:04.254-04:002013-07-01T16:33:04.254-04:00Jane wrote:"We need to keep getting our messa...Jane wrote:"We need to keep getting our message out."<br /><br />I agree with you, Jane, but it seems like so often our message falls on deaf ears. I guess there is just so much money to be made off of moving children around from one family to another like chess pieces that powerful players like the NCFA keep drowning us out.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-26106679598528719642013-06-30T09:35:50.001-04:002013-06-30T09:35:50.001-04:00"...we now have science available that [lets]..."...we now have science available that [lets] us know when life begins for a developing child..."<br />No. No, we don't.<br />"...father's rights extend to the life of the developing child."<br />Hell no.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73858534605659763682013-06-29T14:38:43.647-04:002013-06-29T14:38:43.647-04:00@Robin - I don't think it's right to lay b...@Robin - I don't think it's right to lay blanket shame on the grandparents since we have no way of knowing the whys behind their perceived lack of support. In my case, my beloved mother was critically ill with a brain tumor and comatose for a period of time. Had my mother not been is such dire straits, I suspect she would have helped me. We were very close, and she was a warm, kind, loving woman. I miss her dearly.<br /><br />On another note, we now have science available that let's us know when life begins for a developing child so we can make informed choices about another's life. And I also believe that father's rights extend to the life of the developing child.Gailnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-73977959571607339422013-06-29T14:12:27.298-04:002013-06-29T14:12:27.298-04:00Robin,
Some of the saddest people I've met hav...Robin,<br />Some of the saddest people I've met have been grandparents who engineered the adoption of their grandchild. They say "We just didn't know. We trusted the priest, adoption counselor, etc." <br /><br />And it goes on. In a 16 and Pregnant episode, adoptive parents pushed their adopted daughter into giving up her child. Ten years ago, my niece pushed her daughter into giving up her baby, encouraged to do so by my surrendered daughter.<br /><br />We need to keep getting our message out.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54194395845401403012013-06-29T10:26:46.070-04:002013-06-29T10:26:46.070-04:00Ginger Hayes said...
"Wendy Davis has fought ...Ginger Hayes said...<br />"Wendy Davis has fought for a woman's right to have the baby inside her dismembered, and most of the posters at BMFM say, "Right on, Wendy!" So, when people in the adoption industry treat pregnant women as sub-human, that's really, really bad, but when women treat unborn babies as sub-human, that's really, really good?"<br /><br />As far as I'm concerned a fetus is a part of a woman's body which means the mother's prerogative supecedes any rights it may have. And that is why Wendy Davis has put herself on the line to defend a woman's right to choose.<br />Should a woman who does not want to be pregnant be forced to carry the pregnancy to term? If she cannot or does not want to raise a child herself, should she then be forced to give it to someone else and get on with her life as if it had never been interrupted?<br /><br />Abortion is and always will be a contentious issue because it's about differing ideas about when human life begins - at conception, when sperm meets egg? Or much later? Different people draw the moral boundary at different developmental stages, according to the belief system they bring with them to the table.<br /><br />Here's a great lady who doesn't want to impose her beliefs onto other women : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1021034/The-tiniest-survivor-How-miracle-baby-born-weeks-legal-abortion-limit-clung-life-odds.html<br />See what she said: "'I would never have an abortion, and I hope my daughter never has one. But I know it is up to individual choice . . . I don't want the miracle of Amillia's birth to be overtaken by the abortion debate in America and the UK.'Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-55307126077729068192013-06-29T08:29:20.842-04:002013-06-29T08:29:20.842-04:00@Jane,
Good point about the differences between th...@Jane,<br />Good point about the differences between the 60's and the 80's. I was thinking that had Ms. Davis been single she may have been more likely to have gone to an adoption agency just to explore her options. And we all know where that leads.<br /><br />I never cease to be amazed at the pro-adoption culture of the 1960's. I say shame on the grandparents for being so eager and willing to toss their own grandchild out of the family. We weren't blank slates, gramps and grandmas.Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-75580072361303125062013-06-28T23:36:30.786-04:002013-06-28T23:36:30.786-04:00Wendy Davis has fought for a woman's right to ...Wendy Davis has fought for a woman's right to have the baby inside her dismembered, and most of the posters at BMFM say, "Right on, Wendy!" So, when people in the adoption industry treat pregnant women as sub-human, that's really, really bad, but when women treat unborn babies as sub-human, that's really, really good?Ginger Hayesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-9451750172297689242013-06-28T20:13:03.360-04:002013-06-28T20:13:03.360-04:00Robin,
Thanks for the link to the Salon website.
...Robin,<br />Thanks for the link to the Salon website.<br /><br />Poor Nike -- if only they knew, they would have paid her $$$ to wear shoes with a swoosh. Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-43669640074698100802013-06-28T20:07:16.985-04:002013-06-28T20:07:16.985-04:00Wendy Davis was married, had a baby, and divorced ...Wendy Davis was married, had a baby, and divorced by age 19. This makes me think she had a shotgun marriage.<br /><br />During the BSE a lot of couples wanted to marry when they found the girl was in the family way. "Wiser" adults counseled against it, telling them that the marriage would not survive and the best course was to give up the baby and marry after they finished college. They could have more children (as though a later child could replace the one they lost.)<br /><br />Some couples eloped but their parents had the marriage annulled and the baby given up. About 20 percent of the first mothers I have met married their child's father after they gave up their baby. <br /><br />I think Wendy Davis has enough grit that she would have kept her daughter even if the guy had finked out. Of course this was in the 80's not the 60's when single (divorced or never marriage) motherhood was more acceptable.<br /><br />Davis was willing to take the risk that the marriage would not work and she would have to raise her daughter on her own. <br /><br />I also commend her because while she did not have an abortion, she wants to protect the right to choose for other women.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-54127965425693897262013-06-28T19:34:06.563-04:002013-06-28T19:34:06.563-04:00The Texas bill also puts a lot of unnecessary rest...The Texas bill also puts a lot of unnecessary restrictions on abortion clinics which would cause many to close or raise their prices. The result would be women waiting to have an abortion so they can scrape together the necessary funds or travel out of state. Alternatively, low income income might end up with a butcher like the abortion doctor in Ohio.<br /><br />Regarding how to address you first mother, I would prefer "to the woman who gave me life."<br /><br />I would not have liked Mrs. Edwards -- too formal plus I haven't used Mrs since Gloria Steinam, et al invented Ms in the 1960's. To me ssing Mrs. smacks of identifying women by their marital status<br /><br />Using Jane would sound as though the adoptee was minimizing our connection.Jane Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09715622112694146946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-40396046590458787152013-06-28T18:06:51.046-04:002013-06-28T18:06:51.046-04:00Twenty weeks is too short a time, even for couples...Twenty weeks is too short a time, even for couples who want to have a child and then discover that it is likely to have major health problems and deformities. And young girls especially need more time. They will at first deny, and some are not yet having regular periods. <br /><br />This is my body. Not the state's. If men got pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. <br /><br />See:<br /><br /><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/21/opinion/my-abortion-at-23-weeks.html?_r=0" rel="nofollow">My Abortion, at 23 Weeks</a>Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-47853166962843960172013-06-28T18:02:32.287-04:002013-06-28T18:02:32.287-04:00I will take up the what-to-call-my-mother question...I will take up the what-to-call-my-mother question in a blog post very soon. <br /><br />Please hold further comments until then. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-44389249192455970032013-06-28T16:24:53.858-04:002013-06-28T16:24:53.858-04:00Wendy Davis was married when she had her first dau...Wendy Davis was married when she had her first daughter which is probably why she became a single mother rather than a first mother. If she had, in fact, been single, she very likely would have been scooped up by the adoption machine.<br /><br />I agree with Anon 1:00pm about the 20 week deadline, unless there is some compelling medical reason for an abortion after that time. But the law they are trying to pass has several other restrictions which would make it nearly impossible for women in Texas to exercise their constitutional right to choice at all.<br /><br />As for the letter, I think a phone call is preferable for an initial contact. A letter can be intercepted or may not be delivered at all. With that said, I don't think I would have addressed my first mother as 'mother' if we had never had any previous contact and I had no idea how she would feel about reunion. I would use her first name and write something about how I came to believe she is my natural mother. It's hard to say though without more information about the specific circumstances.<br /><br />Adoption is such a serious topic, I thought I would include this link to lighten things up.<br /><br />http://www.salon.com/2013/06/27/wendy_davis_fans_write_hilarious_reviews_of_her_sneakers_on_amazon/Robinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-63495946745751284262013-06-28T15:58:01.833-04:002013-06-28T15:58:01.833-04:00Thanks Lorraine!
I think my fellow adoptee wants ...Thanks Lorraine!<br /><br />I think my fellow adoptee wants to ease her mother into the letter and not shock her from the start.<br /><br />And, her mother might be closeted, which is obviously a far cry from most of the women who read this blog. Unfortunately, it is impossible to ask closeted mothers how they want to be addressed in a first letter.<br /><br />This just speaks to the craziness of adoption as it exists. Nothing, including salutations, is easy.<br />HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-30996905031777205502013-06-28T15:48:07.198-04:002013-06-28T15:48:07.198-04:00I do not think using the first name sounds absurd,...I do not think using the first name sounds absurd, and it seems the safest choice, given that the adoptee has no idea yet how her natural mother feels or would want to be addressed. Some women in this situation would be upset to be addressed as "mother" in this context, others would be thrilled. But since the adoptee does not know, first names seems more neutral and non-threatening. Plenty of time to work out what to call each other once a relationship is established.<br /><br />On the abortion issue; 20 weeks is five months. Many babies have survived premature birth at 6 months. Unless there is a really compelling medical reason, why is there a need for abortion this late on a routine basis?maryannenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-78327483398585033272013-06-28T14:50:17.906-04:002013-06-28T14:50:17.906-04:00"Dear Mother:"
That would work for me. ..."Dear Mother:"<br /><br />That would work for me. <br /><br />Why not? Mrs. Anything sounds absurd, and so does using the first name. You are writing to her because she is your mother, right? And that is the only reason for the letter. Unless you are going to ask if she knows a woman who gave birth to a daughter/son on such and such at day and such and such a place....Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-27942719825306033752013-06-28T13:27:41.716-04:002013-06-28T13:27:41.716-04:00This question is completely off-topic. But, I am o...This question is completely off-topic. But, I am on another site, and we're trying to help a fellow adoptee by giving her suggestions for her first letter to her mother. I remember that was one of the more difficult things for me to decide when writing my own letter.<br /><br />One thing we tended to disagree on was how she should address her mother. I thought Mrs. Smith would be too formal. (And, when I sent out my own letter, I used my mother's first name.) But, another adoptee who was born in the early 60s thought that would not be appropriate and thought it best to use Mrs. Smith.<br /><br />What are your thoughts as mothers? How would you like to be addressed? (I realize that many of you would just be thrilled to get a letter and wouldn't care at all about the salutation line.) Thoughts?<br /><br /><br />HDWnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-45261514025625191142013-06-28T13:08:47.043-04:002013-06-28T13:08:47.043-04:00 Twenty grand?
That makes abortion available to... Twenty grand? <br /><br />That makes abortion available to only the very wealthy. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-23980906608546847472013-06-28T13:07:29.186-04:002013-06-28T13:07:29.186-04:00Everyone is free to leave their comments here, but...Everyone is free to leave their comments here, but we, the authors, are resolutely pro-choice. Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-88717269644527581872013-06-28T13:00:46.600-04:002013-06-28T13:00:46.600-04:00I applaud Wendy Davis for keeping her baby and for...I applaud Wendy Davis for keeping her baby and for all her achievements in life. However, just because I am a first mother who suffered for giving up my son, I do not agree with abortion after 20 weeks It is killing,however you want to look at it. We women look ridiculous sometimes(IMHO) all screaming"It's my body I want to kill my baby-hands off my body(The abortionist is the only one who wants to put his hands on your late-term-pregnancy body-so he can make 20 grand. Dump on me all you want. I'm sure you have all the politically correct answers to this One thing Rick Perry said that I agree with"Each person matters" Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-13865320557181870832013-06-28T11:40:35.185-04:002013-06-28T11:40:35.185-04:00Wendy Davis is my new hero. Amazing. I hope she ...Wendy Davis is my new hero. Amazing. I hope she runs for governor. h2o_girlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-65630487472119407742013-06-28T09:46:03.885-04:002013-06-28T09:46:03.885-04:00This is a wonderful post. It would be nice to see...This is a wonderful post. It would be nice to see a whole "picture book" of stories of women who were once "single mothers" and who chose to keep their babies and are now successful. In fact, I work with one. She almost gave her daughter away when she was 17. Now she is a happy mother of 2, and grandmother of 3. When I tell her that she did the right thing, and explain the emotional/psychological bullet she dodged by keeping her child, she doesn't 'get it' ... just as well! The single mother who keeps her baby and succeeds in spite of the odds is a good role model in general. Single women who keep their families together and who do everything to ensure their children stay with their kin and have what they need are successes. No amount of money in the world can 'fix' what becomes broken when kinship is not maintained (Paris Jackson being the latest public 'casualty' of this).Bethnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-574300303008890516.post-66833300677645679982013-06-28T08:36:20.988-04:002013-06-28T08:36:20.988-04:00Perry is not using Wendy Davis as the reason not t...Perry is not using Wendy Davis as the reason not to have an abortion--because if she did it, you can too. <br /><br />People like Perry are the epitome of hypocrisy.<br /><br />Hey you, Rick Perry, get off of my body! Lorraine Duskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18285341379272250245noreply@blogger.com