"I too was pleased to see what the New Abby has written. Although I have to say that the original Abby was quite open to search and reunion. As I wrote on this topic on my blog, it was because of a letter she published from a first mother who found her son through Soundex, that I learned about that registry. I saved the letter until my son was 18, then
registered. He registered 8 years later and we were matched and immediately put in contact. I then wrote to thank Abby and tell her about my reunion. She published my letter and a very positive response.
So while yesterday I stuck Dear Abby in the same grab bag as her sister, Ann Landers and Dr. Laura Schlessinger as being against search and reunion for birth mothers and adoptees, I was wrong.* Mea culpa. To pick up from yesterday (with edits):
Along comes a hopeful sign in the voice of the New Abby, daughter of the first Abby, who actually writes under her real name: Jeanne Phillips, as her byline indicates. In yesterday's column she wrote:
"Why do I hope “Thankful Son” will one day be reunited with his birth mother? For two reasons: Many times, such a reunion brings both parent and child a sense of completion. It also provides an opportunity for the child to get a complete family medical history."Hooray! We are making progress!!! This was in response to the many letters she says she got from first mothers and adoptees who wrote after she published a letter signed Thankful Son, written by an adoptee, a man, some birth mother's son, thanking her for letting him be adopted.
Well. Of course we can understand the impulse because if you are adopted you have got to consider that your mother might have aborted you--there's not way around that--and a sweet letter to your first mother thanking her for not doing that and getting you settled with good parents seems like a nice, loving gesture, and we will take it at face value, but yeah, we know, there is this nagging feeling that "being thanked" for giving up our child for adoption is bittersweet at best. In the back our minds is that nagging thought: You mean, Are you thanking me for NOT BEING ABLE TO RAISE YOU MYSELF...because you had so many more advantages with the middle-class couple who adopted you?
But his letter didn't actually get into that. He said he had been looking for his mother on line for years, that he was a successful professional, he called her is "biological mother" (no au courant PC language, which I love, actually, for its bluntness and truth) and when he addressed her he wrote: "Mama," which can bring tears to the weepy like myself.