did she have to do that?); I watch Law & Order: SVU and what starts out as a rape story ends up with the mother who gave up a child 17 years ago, and the child has fetal alcohol syndrome; that reminds me that Mariska Hagitay and her husband adopted a baby girl in April; Cheryl Crow managed to adopt a second child when I wasn't paying attention; reality show "stars" Bill and Guiliana Ransic are having trouble conceiving and are going to look at surrogacy and into adopting, if they don't have a baby, er, naturally, whatever that means today--and they are getting airtime while they ponder why someone as skinny as Guiliana, 36, can't get pregnant.
|Guiliana Ransic, Size 0|
Then there's a ad for Chevy on the tube that I rather like. It starts out with a male voice singing You Are My Sunshine, which right off the bat reminds me of my father, who used to sing that to me when I was a little girl. The video is pictures of babies of all eras and races being picked up in Chevys from the hospital and being brought home. It's short, it's sweet and it ends with these comforting words: All long as there are babies, they'll be Chevys to bring them home.
Well, I can't see or hear if without being reminded that I left the hospital where I left my baby it was in her father's Chevy--her biological father of course I mean. The Chevy was two-tone blue, if my memory serves, a two-door, so the kids--his other kids--couldn't fall out. In my mind's eye, I can see the image of us driving off on a half sunny, half drizzly Holy Saturday in 1966, me fighting back tears, Patrick the baby daddy, saying: "Don't, please don't." (He hated emotional scenes.) And damn if I don't tear up half the time I see the Chevy commercial--hey, that only happened 45 years ago.
There are so many things like that to remind me of of my daughter being given up for adoption, and everything that followed, grief, hives and a rash the doctor chalked up to stress...a lifetime of loss. Adopted people sometimes say they wonder if their mothers--their natural mothers--ever think about them. I think: if they only knew.
Then I wondered: do adopted people have the same kind of markers that constantly remind them they are adopted, someone else's biological child, that there is a whole other family out there they are related to? What makes you think about the loss of adoption?--lorraine
PS: I'm bringing back the term "natural mother." I see that is it on a list of "Positive Adoption Language" under the column heading "Negative Terms." I thought: negative to whom? But like most of you know we still have to use birth mother/first mother in the blog and in its name the same way the National Association of Colored People has kept its name, even though nobody calls African Americans "colored people." We have to let search engines find us! More about this coming up.