|From my alternate universe daughter|
And at FMF we have heard the other side too: that mothers cut and run. Both adoptees and first mothers have written anguished comments about the need to finally walk away. The last post about Denise Roeselle's memoir (Second-Chance Mother) recounting her difficult relationship with her very troubled son has led to a discussion about how much we birth mothers are supposed to take from our children, when they act in ways we find difficult or abusive. Sometimes it seems our children keep testing us and testing us until...we find that the turmoil is more than we can handle, and cut off the relationship.
TESTING, ONE, TWO, THREE....
Anyway, that Christmas when Jane vanished, there were no presents sent, no cards, no Merry Christmas calls. Tomorrow is another day, I told myself. Christmas will be over tomorrow. My husband's large family of nieces and nephews and spouses and children--not an adoption in it close enough to count--was around and made the holiday jolly in spite of my daughter's utter rejection.
Should I have tried calling her that Christmas? I couldn't. She had made it plain she didn't want to hear from me. It took nearly another year before she called up one day and began the conversation with: How are you?
MAKING THE CALL IS A GIFT TO YOURSELF
As for everyone else, if you are the one who walked away from a relationship--whether you are the mother or the adoptee--and feel like opening the door back, even just a little--what better time of the year to do it other than now? And if you can't, okay. Don't beat yourself up over it. If you are the one hoping for that call, and do not get it sometime this week, remember that the holidays will be over next week. --lorraine