Australia and South Africa previously had gun-filled cultures such as ours, but national tragedies finally pushed them to seriously restrict the ease by which anyone can purchase guns and bullets designed for war. And you know what?
The number of senseless deaths that have occurred in the places listed above has dramatically and swiftly declined. Other writers have spoken of this in every newspaper and television station in America, and I need not go on here.
As I heard President Obama read off the list of names--Noah, Josephine, Charlotte, Olivia--I began wondering if any of the children were adopted. I could not help but think that somewhere there are mothers who relinquished six, seven years ago wondering if one of those who died was their child. Before I found my daughter, at fifteen, every bad story about someone her age could be about her. I realized the odds made it unlikely, but still could not stay the wondering in the three a.m. of my mind.
My inner peace came when I found my daughter, but millions of other [birth] mothers will not find such relief. Yet all their grief--the therapy visits, the midnight weeping, the physical effect of lingering sorrow--is unnecessary. All could end with a federal decree that all original birth certificates were no longer sealed, much the way the Emancipation Proclamation was the beginning of the end of slavery. I am pilloried for comparing slavery to modern-day adoption, but consider this: No other institution so seals the fate of an individual who had no say in that decision.
A mother relinquishes a child because she feels helpless against the swelling tide urging her to do so; if the child is adopted, his identity in most states is trampled, much as a giant might walk on twigs, crushing them into bits. Let us come together, mothers and adopted individuals, let us put aside petty grievances, our bickering over the correct language, the inchoate anger between mothers and the adopted, and together work for our reform that will set us all free at last.--lorraine
PS: I felt compelled to add [birth] before mother at least once for the damned SEO ranking. I apologize. But we are changing the language. We are. And one day, right will overcome the wrong perpetuated by the sealing of the birth records.
Why Is Adoption Like Slavery?
The Adoption Contract vis a vis Slavery, Continued
NJ Bill Voted out of committee to full Assembly. At bleeping last.
I found Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self to be invaluable in understanding my daughter. I gave it to a young neighbor who was adopted, and at the time, motherless, as her adoptive mother had died when she was seven, and before she returned the book, she lent it to her best friend, also adopted. They were in high school, and they had found each other. They both said this book was "amazing" at how right it got their feelings.
For first mothers: The Adoption Reader: Birth Mothers, Adoptive Mothers, and Adopted Daughters Tell Their Stories "This is one of the few books written about adoption that has brought tears to my eyes with the emotional intensity shared by the writers in their stories from all perspectives of adoption. I would recommend this book to anyone touched by adoption, or who is considering entering into the world of adoption, whether through adoptive parenting, placement, counseling, or reunion."--Amazon. Admission: I (Lorraine) have the first essay in this book; it is only one of 30 written by birth mothers, adoptive mothers and adopted daughters.