When a first mother hears people talk about adoption

Jane

"I don't know if I want children or not," said a woman in her late thirties, an ardent feminist. "If I decide I do, and it's too late to have them naturally, I'll just adopt." I cringe and say "It's not that simple; adoption can cause a lot of heartbreak for mothers who lose their children." She gives me a blank stare, and the conversation turns to other topics.

I tell my bridge partner I can't play next week because I'll be in Salem (Oregon's capitol). "What am I going to Salem for?" she asks. I hesitate, "I'm working on legislation to require that mothers considering adoption have time after delivering their child to make the decision." She looks concerned: "What about the adoptive parents? It wouldn't be fair to them if the mother changes her mind."