Attachment disorder in adoption--and parents who don't recognize it

Jane

John Brooks has a message for those who have adopted or are thinking of adopting an older child or a child from another country. It is NOT like adopting a pet. A child--any child--but especially those who have been traumatized need love and acceptance, not harshness and punishment.

The Girl Behind the Door is John Brooks's memoir about the 18 month old girl he and his wife, Erika, adopted from a Polish orphanage in 1991, and who killed herself at age 17. Like many couples whose fertility treatments fail, the Brookses turned to adoption. They rejected domestic adoption because of the risk that the mother-to-be would change their mind. The foreign adoption scene looked bleak, long waits, countries closing their doors. Then they learned that a few children were available in Polish orphanages. Since Erika's parents had immigrated from Poland and she spoke Polish, it seemed a perfect fit.

When all else fails, call us 'bitter and angry' first mothers

Jane

First Mother Forum has been getting flack from adoptive mothers and first mothers over what they claim to be our position on adoption and our characterizations of them. We're flattered we've caught their attention. Attacks are the harbinger of change.

We're also distressed because what our critics write is simply not true. We haven't denigrated all adoptive mothers or called them names as they accuse us of doing. Contrary to what they write, we are not against all adoption; in truth we have praised adoption as a loving act for a child who needs a family. (See What We Think About Adoption, link below)

Biology is irrelevant, judge rules in gay custody battle

Schollar and Altman in better times

If there is any doubt that in the mind of some, being the biological mother doesn't count for much--particularly if you are a lesbian parent--consider this: A Family Court judge has awarded full custody of a young child to her adoptive mother, instead of her biological mom, in what is believed to be the first such New York state case involving a same-sex couple.

From the New York Post: "Manhattan Judge Gloria Sosa-Lintner said, 'Although . . . [Brook] Altman is the biological parent, this does not give her an automatic priority over the adoptive parent. This is analogous to a father getting custody of his own child, where only the best interests of the child are paramount.'” Custody was awarded to Altman's former partner, Allison Scollar, who had formally adopted the girl.